My Escape
by BlackRoseOnFire
Summary: A look into the lives of Degrassi students after the shooting. My own version of events that took place following Sean's move back to Wasaga Beach. Contains slash and femslash. COMPLETE
1. Be My Escape

**Chapter One: Be My Escape**

_I'm begging you to be my escape_

**Jay**

"I still can't believe it," Ellie said, staring out the window of my car.

"Well, you better. He's gone," I told her.

"Shut up Jay. I just lost my boyfriend. What did you lose?" she asked me.

"Stop talking about the kid like he died Ellie. I lost my partner in crime here."

"Right, that's so painful for you. I forgot."

I saw her roll her eyes. Instead of acknowledging it, I looked in the rearview mirror at Emma.

"What did you lose Em?" I asked, in a fake-caring voice.

She didn't answer me. She simply turned and looked out the window, following Ellie's lead.

"I know what we need," I said. "A nice big party!"

"I'm up for it," Ellie said, unenthusiastic.

"Whatever," Emma added.

"Let's go then." I started the car, backed out of Ellie's driveway, and headed to the ravine.

* * *

There's always a party at the ravine, no matter what. And tonight was one of the best ones yet. A bunch of people were there, and along with them, a bunch of beer and drugs.

"You want a drink?" I asked both of the girls as I picked up a beer. Ellie nodded, but Emma just wandered off without answering me. She was curious. I watched her walk around, taking it all in. Ellie popped me on the shoulder, snapping me back to reality.

"My drink?" she asked, holding her hand out. I grabbed three more beers; two for her and another one for me. She followed me over to a few beat up lawn chairs by the fire.

"You okay?" I asked her, sipping my beer. She was staring into the fire, spacing out. "It's not the end of the world you know."

"How would you know?" she snapped. "You still have Alex."

"Actually, I don't," I told her. "She broke up with me. She blames me for the shooting even though she helped plan the whole paint thing."

"You did that?" Ellie asked, surprised.

"Who else would it have been?" I asked. "Me, Alex, and Spinner. Anyway, Alex said that I talked her into it and she never thought it would go that far. She wanted me to turn myself in to Hatzilakos. No damn way," I said confidently.

"You're such an asshole!" she yelled. No one paid any attention to her, including me. I just kept sipping my beer.

"You gonna drink that?" I asked. "Cause if you're not…"

"Yes, I am!" she said. "Leave me alone Jay."

"I'm staying right by this fire. If you want to leave, then be my guest."

I watched her get up, knocking her chair over in the process. She took her bottles of beer, walked by the cooler, and picked up two more before disappearing into the dark.

After I finished my beers, I didn't even have a buzz. I grabbed a few more and headed off to find someone good to do something with. This place gets really boring without action.

I didn't see Ellie anywhere, so I decided to check in the van. Lots of fun can be had there. I pulled the door open. There was a girl in there, lying down.

"Hello?" I called in. I climbed inside and closed the door behind me.

"Jay?" the girl asked, sitting up.

"Emma? What are you doing in here?" I asked.

"Nothing really. Just thought I'd take a look inside. It's…nice," she said, giggling profusely.

"Are you high?" I asked her.

"Maybe." More giggling. "Just a pinch!" she said loudly. She erupted into a fit of laughter as if she'd said the funniest thing in the world.

"Right," I said, looking around. This is awkward.

"What do you people do in here anyway?" she asked.

"You want to try?"

"You have to tell me what it is first!" she said, laughing again.

I leaned in and whispered in her ear. Her eyes widened and she giggled until I thought I was going to smack her.

"Sure!" she said. I put a bracelet around her wrist, for 'good luck' I told her, and she went for it.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Emma and I emerged from the van. She ran off somewhere, laughing the entire way.

That was definitely interesting. Not too bad…just…interesting.

I finally found Ellie. She was back by the fire, and completely wasted. Not that I wasn't on my way there. I grabbed one more beer, and sat back down next to her.

"Hey Jay!" she said. "Let's dance!" she grabbed me by my hand and pulled me up. Some weird song was playing on the radio that I brought and left here.

Ellie started grinding all over me. I'd never seen this side of her. I guess people deal with pain differently.

I danced with her and a few other people joined in. Once the song was over, Ellie pushed me into my chair and sat on my lap. Then she got all cuddly.

This is one weird night. Here I am, drinking my fifth beer, after just having some action from Emma, and Ellie is sitting in my lap, her head resting on my shoulder, and playing with my hair.

"What's with you girls tonight?" I asked out loud.

"What do you mean?" she asked, kissing me.

"Well, first Emma and now you," I said, only half explaining.

"I'm just so…drunk!" she yelled. "And horny!"

"Okay then." She kissed me again.

"What did you and Emma do?" she asked, twisting my hair once again.

I whispered in her ear and her eyes widened. Second time tonight that's happened.

"I bet I can do better!" she said, standing up and dragging me along towards the van.

"Slow down," I said, running along with her.

I never thought I'd say something like that to a girl.

The rest of the night was pretty much a blur.

**A/N: So everything is going to be completely different after the shooting. Some people take different actions, others take somewhat similar ones. The beginning of this chapter obviously takes place right after Jay, Emma, and Ellie have driven back from leaving Sean in Wasaga. Yes, Ellie was completely different, and so was Emma, but they were both under the influence and that does crazy stuff to you! Review…let me know what you think. The title of this chapter and lyrics at the beginning is all from "Be My Escape" by Relient K and they own it.  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of its characters. **


	2. If You're Bored

**Chapter Two: If You're Bored**

_Honesty doesn't sit so well on you_

**Ellie**

I woke up and didn't know where I was. What happened last night?

My head was pounding so hard that I couldn't even think straight.

Sean left…I went to the ravine…

I looked around me. I'm in the van!

Next to Jay.

Oh. My. G…

"Good morning," a half-asleep Jay muttered, interrupting my thoughts.

I realized I was naked and I grabbed the thin sheet and wrapped it around me tighter. All that did was expose Jay's…unmentionables.

Then I remembered.

I had sex with Jay last night.

Not that both of us being naked wasn't a major clue.

And I had a black bracelet tied around my wrist.

"I can't believe that I had sex with you," I mumbled.

"It was great though," he said, grinning. I smacked him on the shoulder. "You were doing that last night too, but not on my shoulder."

"You are such an ass," I said. I groped around for my clothes and finally found them.

"Hey, you were the one who came onto me. I remember that clearly," he stated, finding his boxers and pulling them on.

I rolled my eyes and turned my back to him while getting dressed.

"Nice ass," he said when I was finished.

I glared at him and threw open the van door. The light was blinding and it hurt my head.

"Aspirin?" he asked, handing me a bottle. I gladly took it and dry swallowed two of them. "Need a ride to school?"

"Fine, whatever," I grumbled. "But you have to bring me home to change first."

I silently followed him to his car, where, to our surprise, Emma was sprawled out in the backseat, fast asleep.

"Hey Nelson," Jay said, nudging her. She sat up and opened her eyes, grimacing as the pain of sleeping in an odd position suddenly came to her.

"What, no hangover?" I asked, completely jealous.

"She doesn't have one because all she did was smoke pot," Jay said, getting in the car. My eyes widened. Emma Nelson, pot? How did that even happen?

"I don't want to talk about it," she grumbled, rubbing her eyes.

"Do you need me to take you home too?" Jay asked, looking at Emma through the rearview mirror.

"Of course not. My mom will be there," she said. "Shit. I have seven voicemails." She dialed her phone and listened to all of them as we made our way to my house. Then she called her mom back. "Hey Mom. Yes, I'm fine." I listened in on her end of the conversation. "I'm so sorry. My phone battery died. I stayed at my friend Ellie's house. Yes, she's a new friend. You want to talk one of her parents?" she asked, suddenly worried.

I held my hand out for the phone.

"Hello, is this Mrs. Nelson? Yes, hi, I'm Ellie's mom. I'm terribly sorry. Of course, I understand. We just had so much fun last night. I was trying to keep the girls' minds off of Sean leaving. Oh yes, didn't you hear? He's staying with his parents," I explained in my best imitation of my mother's voice. She bought it. "Nice talking to you too. Yes we will have to meet sometime. Okay, I'll make sure she gets to school on time." I hung the phone up and looked at the clock.

Yeah okay. We have fifteen minutes to get to school.

"Step on it Jay," I said, handing Emma her phone back.

"Thanks. You're a great liar," she said. I think it was a compliment.

"You are too. I never thought you had it in you," I said, smirking.

"I'm sick of being the perfect little kid okay? I had a gun pointed at my face not too long ago! It kind of changed my perspective," she snapped.

"Sorry, don't get all pissy with me though. Do you really think that sucking Jay off and smoking pot are really that important though?" I asked. I really hit a nerve. Jay pulled in the driveway as soon as I said it.

"Do you really think having sex with him is that important?" she asked me.

"We didn't have sex," I lied. "Why would you even think that?"

"Yeah, right. I saw you two go into the van last night and never come out. Besides, your shirt is on backwards," she pointed out.

"Whatever, let's go. We'll be right out," I told Jay.

Emma followed me into the house where we were instantly confronted by my mother. I saw an empty bottle of vodka on the coffee table. Hopefully Emma wouldn't see it.

"Where the hell have you been?" my mom yelled, not caring that she was embarrassing herself and me.

"I stayed over at Emma's. Look, we're gonna be late for school. I have to change," I said, glaring at her.

"Fine. We'll talk about this later."

I stormed off to my room with Emma close behind. I quickly threw together an outfit and started to change. Emma turned her back to me.

"Just pick anything out," I told her. I finished getting dressed and she was just getting the clothes out. She picked a pair of my dark jeans and a black tank top that said 'Rebel' in red across the front. "That suits you," I smirked.

"Where should I change?" she asked.

"In the car or we'll be late." Apparently she thought I was kidding, because she laughed. "I'm serious." I left my room, giving her no choice but to follow me.

"Why is she in the same clothes?" Jay asked as we got back in the car.

"She's making me change in here," Emma told him.

"Sweet," he said, grinning.

"Just shut up Jay. You have to drive," I said, shoving him.

"Fine, fine. Don't get your panties in a bunch."

* * *

"I still can't believe you made me change in the car," Emma complained as we walked into the school, nine minutes late.

"Those guys sure did like that show," Jay said, laughing.

"Don't you have a class to skip or something?" she asked him, glaring.

"Nah. I figured I could follow you around until I get bored."

"Get lost Jay," I said. He was really getting annoying.

"Yes ma'am. I have auto shop anyway. Can't miss that." He walked off, and we were both thankful to be rid of him.

"Thanks for talking to my mom…" Emma said as we walked to the office for late passes.

"Yeah, um, don't worry about it."

We walked the rest of the way in an awkward silence, got our passes, and went our separate ways.

* * *

"Why were you late to homeroom this morning El?" Marco asked me as he sat down at my lunch table.

"Slept in," I said. My head still hurt and I didn't feel like talking much.

"Then why did we see you come here in Jay's car?" he asked. "You and um…Emma."

"It's not really anyone's business. He gave me a ride, that's all," I snapped.

"Okay, fine," Marco said, making a face. "I was just wondering. Look Ellie, I know you miss Sean and everything, but, don't do anything stupid okay? Especially not with…him." I followed Marco's gaze and realized that Jay had walked into the cafeteria.

Jay never comes in the cafeteria.

I watched in surprise as he came right over to us and sat down next to me.

"Hey Ellie," he said.

"I gotta go get…um…ketchup," Marco said before running off.

"Look…just because we…hung out last night doesn't mean you can come sit with me at lunch," I said, glaring at him while looking around to see if anyone noticed.

"You and I both know we did a little more than hang out. And let's face it; it was great sex. I only came over here to ask you if you wanted to do it again sometime," he said, smiling.

"You are such a jerk," I said, standing up and attempting to walk away.

But of course, he followed me.

"Thanks. The offer still stands," he whispered in my ear before walking off.

Is it really bad to say that I was actually considering it?

**A/N: I'll try to make these chapters longer in the future. I just have nothing more to add to this one. Review! The title and lyrics are from "If You're Bored" by Bayside and they own it.**

I was a little disappointed that I only got five reviews...but thanks to the five of you who actually took the time!

Kate: I'm glad you liked it...there's much more drama to come! 


	3. Tortures of the Damned

**Chapter Three: Tortures Of The Damned**

_I hate myself more than I've ever let on_

**Emma**

So maybe it wasn't the best idea to party at the ravine. But Sean really hurt me. I'm not still in love with him, but come on; he didn't have to just leave like that. He must have really hurt Ellie too, or she wouldn't have slept with his best friend the same night. Not that I blame her. I probably would have done something similar. Oh wait…I did.

"Snap out of it Em!" Manny whispered loudly. She waved her hand in front of my face. We were in media immersions, working on our latest project. My mom must have called my dad and told him about last night, or he would have said something to me.

"Sorry," I said, looking back at my computer. I couldn't do any work at all. This is too much.

Without asking for a pass, I just stood up and walked out of the classroom. I could tell everyone stared at me, but I didn't care. I went straight into the washroom and locked the door. Checking to make sure no one was in there, I slowly sank to the floor in tears.

This isn't my first break down either. It happens at least once a day. People don't realize that even though nothing happened to me the day of the shooting, it's still traumatizing. I can still hear Rick's accusatory tone.

"_You flirted with me Emma."_

I tried to wipe my face off. Maybe he was right. Maybe he should have shot me.

What am I thinking? I wouldn't be better off dead. But neither is Rick. I don't think any of it was his fault. He was bullied so much. And I was one of the people who helped.

I can still hear the gun going off. For a split second, I thought Sean was dead. All the air left my lungs and I thought I was going to collapse. Instead, I just stood there like an idiot. I didn't do anything.

Maybe if I had, Rick would still be alive. And Sean wouldn't be gone.

This is how I feel every day since it happened.

Every day.

* * *

"Emma? Emma!" I heard someone calling my name. I woke up and looked around. "What's wrong with you?" my dad asked. I could hear Jack screaming from somewhere. 

"I'm sorry," I said.

"First, you skip the rest of school, and now, you've left your brother alone! Emma, he hurt himself. How could you be so careless?"

My mom walked in the room with Jack in her arms. He was still screaming, and had a huge bump on his head that was already red and purple.

I cried myself to sleep on the couch. I remember now.

And I have a headache. Great.

"JACK! SHUT UP!" I screamed, holding my head.

That only caused him to cry harder.

"EMMA!" my mother yelled at me.

I stood up and stomped to my room, slamming the door behind me. I get stuck in this nasty old basement while that screaming brat gets my room.

I looked through my closet for something to wear. I changed out of Ellie's clothes, and put on the tightest, most revealing outfit I could find. I shoved some stuff in a bag and left through the window.

I wasn't sure where I was going to go, and I was thinking about that, when a car pulled up next to me, music blaring. I didn't have to look to know who it was.

"Need a ride?" he asked.

"No." I kept walking, but he turned the music down and slowly drove next to me until I gave in. "Fine."

"Where to Nelson?" he asked.

"Anywhere but here."

"We could always go back to the van…" he trailed off, looking over at me to see my reaction.

"I don't care."

"Want a black bracelet?" Jay asked me after he finished putting another blue one on my wrist. My third one. For today. And they weren't all from Jay either.

"No thanks. I'll stick to these," I said. I knew what black bracelets were for. Only because Ellie had one on this morning. "Even this is getting a little boring. Isn't there any other fun to be had here?"

"If you're talking about getting high, go right ahead. There's a stash behind that seat," he told me, pointing.

"Gladly."

"Hey Ellie!" I yelled, and burst out laughing. "I didn't know you were coming again!" It was my third night in a row at the ravine. I kept coming and I couldn't stop myself. I always snuck back into my room without getting caught. My parents hadn't said a word to me since I left after yelling at Jack the other day.

I had twelve bracelets. I didn't wear them to school; only when I came around here.

"You can stop yelling. I'm right in front of your face," she said sourly.

"Here are your clothes," I said, handing them to her from my bag. "Thanks."

"No problem. You really should chill out with that," she said. "It makes you stupid."

"No it doesn't." That was followed by giggles.

"Hey Emma!" someone called. But from where? Hmmm…I looked around and didn't see anyone.

"I think he's calling you," Ellie said, pointing.

"I thought that was a tree!" I squinted my eyes. It was, in fact, a guy. And I knew him. "See you later Ellie!" I yelled, walking towards him.

"Hi Emma," he said.

"Hey! I didn't expect to see you here. I thought…" but he interrupted me.

"Can I talk to you privately?" he asked.

"Sure!" I laughed and dragged him off to the van. "Okay, what's this really about?" I asked, trying to get as serious as I could. "Does it involve another bracelet?"

"You really turned into a slut over night, didn't you?" he asked.

I was no longer having fun.

"You don't know what it's like to be me," I said, already pissed.

"No, I don't…because I don't go around sucking guys' dicks all night. You're so disgusting. You think these are really something to be proud of?" he said, pointing to the bracelets.

"I'd rather have some fun than sit home and think about how much of a loser I am," I told him.

"Is this fun for you Emma?" he asked, pressing his lips against mine. The kiss was too hard and forceful.

"Stop it," I cried.

"Or how about this." He reached up under my skirt and pulled my underwear down.

"Don't," I said, tears spilling down my face.

"Don't you want to know what it feels like to be a full blown whore? You're already on your way…" he trailed off as he pulled his pants and underwear down in one swift movement.

I lunged for the door, but he caught me and pinned me down.

"Please," I said, trying one last time to get through to him.

It didn't work.

"Who's gonna save you now?"

I felt a sharp pain as he slammed himself into me. I cried out but no one could hear me.

He kept doing it again and again.

When he was finished, I felt something slam into the side of my head.

Everything went black.

I have no idea how much time had passed when I woke up. But I wasn't in the van. I was in my own bed.

And I don't know how I got there.

I reached up and felt dried blood on my head. I think I was hit by an empty beer bottle.

I tried to get up, but I hurt all over. I could barely move and I didn't even want to think about having to go to the bathroom.

Still in the same clothes, I slowly pulled them off. There was blood on my underwear and skirt. Should I go to the police?

No way! Then my parents would find out. I don't need more people hating me. I can hate myself just fine.

I didn't have any strength to get up and find something to wear, so I just lay there naked under the blankets.

But what if he came back?

I cried myself back to sleep.

**A/N: I'm not sure if Rick said that exact thing to Emma, but I think he said something along the lines of it at one point. The title and lyrics are from "Tortures of the Damned" by Bayside and they own it. Who do you think raped Emma? It won't come out for awhile. **

**Qtpye: Thanks so much! I wish I could get a book published...I actually have started about three of them...but I never finish.**

**Anon: Honestly, if you don't like the story, don't read it. I'm not going to stop writing it because one person, especially you, doesn't like it. You can have your own opinion, but stop wasting my time and yours by sending pointless reviews. There's no reason to even bash a fic after two chapters. **


	4. Three Day Weekend

**Chapter Four: Three Day Weekend**

_I don't remember the way this was but the pictures prove I knew you once_

**Emma**

I woke up the next morning and I could barely move. It was worse than the night before when I tried to put pajamas on. Everything below my waist felt like it was on fire, and my head felt about the same. I heard my mom coming down the stairs and I rolled over on my side to hide the dried trickle of blood.

"Emma honey you're going to be late for school," she said as she approached the bed.

"Mom, I'm sick. Can I stay home?" I asked. She felt my forehead; an instant mom reflex.

"You don't feel very sick," she said, eyeing me suspiciously.

"I have really bad cramps. Excruciating," I grimaced as I moved my legs; the pain was real but the excuse wasn't.

"Okay fine. Since it's Friday, I think it'll be okay. I'll call the school and ask them to send your work home with Manny."

"Thanks mom," I said. As soon as she left, I breathed a sigh of relief. That was close.

When I was sure she wasn't going to come back downstairs, I burst into tears. Why does this always have to happen to me?

I can remember the shock as the pain hit me last night. I never thought he'd do something like that. No one would suspect him either. If I told, no one would believe me.

I keep thinking about the shooting. I would have never been raped if I didn't bully Rick. It seems like everything that ever happens to me from now on will follow its way back to Rick. Everything will be my fault.

**Ellie**

"Have you seen Emma?" I asked Manny, of all people.

"No. Her mom called the school and said she was sick. Why?" she asked suspiciously.

"No reason. I just needed to ask her something. Thanks," I gave her a fake smile and walked off, turned the corner, and bumped into Jay. Great.

"Hey Ellie," he said, smiling.

"What do you want?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"You." He bent down and kissed me, but I pulled away.

"What the hell Jay?" I yelled. I realized that people were staring. He shrugged and smirked.

"Have you seen Emma?" he asked me.

"She's not at school today," I told him.

"I'm worried about her." Wow, Jay Hogart is worried about someone.

"We got her home okay last night. I just want to know what happened. That random kid said that he found her in the van and she must have just hit her head. But she went in there with some other guy before that. I couldn't see his face though; he was too far away," I explained.

"Do you want to go with me to her place after school and see if she's okay?" he asked me.

"Sure. I'll meet you at your car."

"Great. See ya later sweet cheeks," he smacked me on the butt before walking past me.

I glared at his back until he was gone.

"What was that all about?" a familiar voice said from behind me. I jumped up and spun around.

"You scared the shit out of me Ashley," I said, looking at my friend.

We hadn't really spoken in awhile. Ever since the shooting, she had become weirdly attached to Jimmy. Her ex-boyfriend. While Craig was off with probably every girl in school. He was mad at her for using up all her time to visit Jimmy, and so was Hazel.

"So…what are you sleeping with Jay now?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"No. What's wrong with you?" I asked her, glaring right back.

"Nothing. Well, I just came from the hospital and Jimmy yelled at me and he really pissed me off," she said.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't bother him so much," I pointed out.

"I'm just concerned about him okay? Since when am I not allowed to be worried about a friend?" she snapped.

"Look. First of all, you haven't even talked to him in awhile, and you haven't been perfect 'friends' since you broke up. Second, he has a girlfriend to worry about him and you're just pissing her off too. And third, you have a boyfriend who is feeling neglected. So maybe he should have yelled at you," I finished, satisfied.

"You're such a bitch. No wonder nobody likes you Ellie," she hissed.

"Right. Sorry Ash but you just don't realize that you're the bitch. And no one likes _you._" I shoved past her and made my way to lunch extremely satisfied. I'd been wanting to tell her off for a long time.

**Jay**

"You sure she won't be mad that we visit her?" I asked Ellie, driving as slowly as possible.

"This was your idea. So if she does get mad, I'll just blame you," she said, rolling her eyes.

I stopped the car.

"I'm joking." Another eye roll.

"If you roll your eyes at me one more time, you can walk," I said, rolling forward.

"Whatever Jay. Go ahead and drop me off. Her house is right there." She pointed across the street.

"Well, here goes nothing." I pulled the car over to the curb and parked. Ellie and I got out and walked to the door. "No…wait…we can go in a different way."

I led Ellie around to the side of the house.

"What's over here?" she whispered.

"Her room." I pointed to the basement window. Kneeling down, I gently pushed it open and looked in.

"This is so wrong," Ellie commented, but she followed me in anyway.

We walked forward and there was Emma, fast asleep in her bed.

"How exactly did you know about this?" Ellie asked, still whispering.

"Don't ask," I told her. I watched her roll her eyes once more. "Should we wake her up? Or just wait?" I asked.

"What are you asking me for?" she whispered loudly. "This was your idea."

**Jimmy**

"Hazel…" I trailed off, looking into my girlfriend's eyes. Things were so different. I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to walk after this. The doctors weren't pleased with my 'progress' so far.

"What's wrong?" she asked, looking concerned. This was our first spare moment alone. Ashley hadn't been back since I yelled at her this morning. I just couldn't take it. She constantly visited me (like any friend should) but she moped around. I don't need someone moping around my _hospital _room. I think I do enough moping without her.

"I don't want…" I trailed off yet again, not sure of how to put it. "I guess I'm trying to say that I don't want to hold you back. I probably won't ever walk again, and I know I won't be able to play basketball. The doctors are trying to give me some sense of hope, but I can see it in their eyes." I looked away because she had started to cry.

"Jimmy, don't say that. I have faith that you can walk again. And even if you can't, there's always wheelchair basketball. You said so yourself that you always admired the people who could do that," she pointed out, trying to stop herself from crying any farther.

"That's just it Haze," I said, wiping a tear from her cheek. "You're giving me false hope too. I don't want to play basketball from a wheelchair. It wouldn't be the same for me. And that means that I won't be going to that college that you want to go to," I explained.

"So you're ending what we have? Because of this?" she asked, raising her voice. "Because you can't go to college for a different reason? It's all more important than me isn't it?" she yelled, more tears pouring down her cheeks.

"No! Nothing is more important than you! That's what I'm trying to say. You should be able to move on from me…from this," I said, pointing at my legs. "I want you to go to college where you always dreamed. In New York!" I protested. "I would feel guilty if you changed everything for me."

"Fine!" she yelled, standing up and grabbing her purse. "Then we're through!" She stormed out, her tear stained face still looking as beautiful as ever.

"I love you Hazel," I whispered after her. "That's why I did it."

**Emma**

"What are you doing here?" I said as I opened my eyes. They scared the crap out of me. Jay was sitting in the chair right near my bed, and Ellie was sitting on his lap. They both jumped up at the sound of my voice. "How did you get in?"

"Told you she was gonna be mad," Jay said to Ellie as if I wasn't in the room. "It was her idea!" he said, turning to me.

"We came in through the window," Ellie said. "It was _his_ idea," she added.

"Whatever. I don't care whose idea it was. I just want to know why you're here. In my room," I said, agitated. I slowly sat up, trying not to wince, and pulling the covers up with me. I still wasn't wearing anything underneath them. I successfully made it into a sitting position, with my back against the headboard.

"What happened last night Emma?" Ellie whispered. I wasn't sure how to answer her question.

"Ellie said some guy found you in the van. And that he thought you hit your head because you were passed out," Jay said. Ellie glared at him.

"That's exactly what happened. I was completely high. I went in the van and I was stumbling around, trying to find more pot. The last thing I remember is falling and hitting my head on something hard," I lied.

"It was probably my books," Jay said, laughing a little. "That's where I keep them."

"But what about that guy?" Ellie asked. She wasn't convinced; I could tell. "And you were really knocked out. I mean, you didn't wake up or anything and we got you all the way back here and put you in your bed. Jay got you through the window," she added.

"What guy?" I said, pretending not to know what she was talking about.

"The one who called you over to him. I saw you get in the van with him. I couldn't make out who he was though," she added.

"Oh, him. He was just a guy that I…you know…got a bracelet from," I said hesitantly. Ellie made a face, but let me keep talking. "I earned another one, and then he left. That was way before I fell though," I said, still lying.

"Are you okay?" she asked me. Jay was staring up at the ceiling, not really paying attention.

"Yeah…I was just a little dizzy this morning. And I have…girl issues," I added, motioning towards Jay and rolling my eyes.

"You sure? That's why you didn't go to school?"

"Of course. What else would have happened?" I asked. "I'm fine Ellie. Thanks for being so concerned though. If you guys don't mind, I'm going to get back to sleep. I just fell asleep before you got here." I'm really getting good at this lying thing.

"Sorry. We were just leaving," Jay said, rejoining the conversation. He grabbed Ellie's hand and dragged her towards the window.

"Call me if you need anything," Ellie said before she followed Jay out.

"I will!" I yelled after her.

Of course I wasn't actually going to go back to sleep. I slowly got up and walked towards the stairs. Taking a deep breath, I walked up them with my legs spread apart as much as they could be without making me fall. It hurt so badly.

I made it up to the bathroom and turned on the water as hot as it would go. I climbed into the tub, sinking down until the water met my chin. It felt so relaxing and made me feel better. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

**A/N: I obviously made up the stuff about Jimmy and Hazel's college plans. It's just all a part of the story. At first this was going to be mainly Ellie, Jay, and Emma…but I'm going to try to involve a bunch of characters. I've written about rape in a few of my stories now, but I've never actually had any characters dwell on it. They've usually gotten right over it after a few weeks, but I'm not doing that in here. I want to explain Emma's feelings about it a lot more. And absolutely no one ever deserves to be raped, I have to say that. The title of the chapter and the lyrics at the beginning are from the song "Three Day Weekend" by Rise Against. Let me know what you think. **

**Sorry for the random update times, but I'm trying to do 2 fics at once and still make them both good. So I'm going to probably be updating once a week for each one. Once I have more chapters I'll try for twice a week.**


	5. Collision Course

**Chapter Five: Collision Course **

_I somehow find, you and I collide_

**Jimmy**

"Jimmy, wait up!" Hazel called after me. It was my first day back at school. I was in the hospital for six weeks before they let me go with the same diagnosis I had been dreading: I was paralyzed. Permanently.

Hazel and I hadn't spoken since the break up, which was a month ago. She stopped visiting me, and so did Ashley–which was a plus.

I did not feel like talking to her.

"Sorry Hazel, I'm late for class," I said, placing my books in lap and closing my locker that was near the floor.

"Here, let me help you," she said, reaching for them. I turned the wheelchair just in time for her to grab nothing but air.

"I don't need your help!" I snapped. She instantly backed off, and I wheeled past her. I went as quickly as I could…a little too quickly around the corner. I collided with something…or should I say someone, and my books slid off my lap.

"Sorry," I said to the girl who was now on the floor, her books and mine scattered all around her.

"It's okay," she said, rubbing her left leg and looking up at me. It was Manny. "I was in a hurry too…I didn't see you either." She began picking the books off the floor.

"I'd help, but I can't reach," I said lamely, scratching my head.

"It's fine…I can do it on my own," she said, handing me my books before gathering up her own.

"What were you in such a hurry for?" I asked, curious.

"I was trying to get away from Craig," she said, biting her bottom lip. It was cute when she did that. I raised my eyebrows, snapping out of it.

"Manny Santos…trying to get away from Craig. I never thought I'd see the day," I joked.

"Very funny," she said, smirking. "Actually, he broke up with Ashley for hanging around you so much. That was awhile ago though. He started hanging around the ravine for a few weeks…then he just decided, out of the blue, that he wanted to be with me," she explained.

"So you're running away from him?" I asked, confused.

"For the longest time, all I ever wanted was Craig. But last night, when he told me he wanted to be with me, I said no. I've realized that he's not the one for me. I don't want to be with someone who bounces from girl to girl. And now he's trying to change my mind." She rolled her eyes, another girly gesture that I usually find annoying, but when Manny did it, I couldn't help but stare a little.

"He's always been so persistent," I said.

"So…what exactly were you trying to get away from? Or who?" she asked me. I turned away for a moment, but then faced her. She was casually leaning against the wall, looking into my eyes.

She was the first person who looked at me, and not my wheelchair.

**Ellie**

This can't be right. I flipped through my mini-calendar on my locker door. Maybe it isn't anything serious. Maybe it's just delayed.

But…that night…at the ravine. It was a month ago today. Oh no.

I raced off to find Emma. Her and I had been hanging out ever since Sean left, and even more since the ravine incident. She hasn't been back there since, but I wonder why. I still think she didn't tell me something.

I found her sitting in her dad's class for homeroom. I frantically waved through the window to get her attention. She finally saw me, grabbed the bathroom pass, and slipped out of the room.

"What's up?" she asked. "Shouldn't you be in homeroom?

"Yeah…but I had to check something, and then I was late anyway." We headed toward the washroom. "I just wanted to ask you a favor," I told her.

"Sure, anything," she replied, pushing open the door.

"Will you go to the clinic with me today after school?" I asked. She stopped abruptly and turned to face me.

"Have you been hanging around the ravine?" she asked. "Did you get and STD or something? Because I heard that Sully gave one to Amy and she gave it to someone else…" she trailed off.

Before answering her, I locked the door and checked all the stalls. It was empty.

"No, I haven't been there. Not since the night we brought you home…"

"Then what is it?"

"Emma…I think I'm pregnant."

**Manny**

"I was getting away from Hazel," he sighed after a long pause.

"Oh. I'm sorry about your breakup. Practically everyone knows. We were all surprised," I told him.

"Leave it to Hazel to tell the whole school," Jimmy said. He looked really upset.

"Well excuse me for telling my friends that my heart was broken!" Hazel spat, suddenly appearing.

"Manny, let's get out of here," Jimmy said suddenly. I was a little shocked, but I couldn't object.

"Okay." I walked alongside Jimmy at a slow pace. Hazel didn't try to follow us. We went right out of the school without anyone noticing that we were leaving.

**Emma**

"Wow…um, that's just…wow. Ellie, are you sure?" I asked, concerned. Being pregnant was something I was afraid of ever since…I can't even think about that now.

"Well, I'm late," she said, sighing and sinking to the floor.

"How late? Because sometimes this is normal," I said, sitting down next to her.

"Almost three weeks late. I've just been so preoccupied that I didn't even notice…" she trailed off, hanging her head in her hands.

"Do you want to go now? And get it over with?" I asked. She looked up, hopeful.

"Are you sure you don't mind missing class?" she asked me.

"It's fine. We might as well miss the whole day. There's nothing worth staying here for," I said, standing up and holding my hand out. I helped her up and we easily snuck out of the school, with no one watching.

**Spinner**

"Jimmy! Manny! Hey, I'm glad I saw you here," I said as I walked up to my ex-girlfriend and probably soon to be ex-best friend. I decided to tell Jimmy the truth. He needed to know.

I was walking through the park, trying to think of what to say, when I saw Jimmy in his wheelchair and Manny sitting on a bench across from him. From what I could see, they were just talking.

"Why aren't you in school?" Jimmy asked me.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I just couldn't take sitting in that school. Maybe I should wait a few more days to start back," he explained.

"Uh, Manny, can I talk to Jimmy alone for a minute?" I asked her.

"Fine," she said, making a face. "Jimmy, I'll be on the swings. Let me know when you're finished." With that, she walked of, leaving us alone.

My heart instantly started beating faster and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"What's up Spin?" Jimmy asked, staring at me. I sat down on the bench, trying not to look directly at him. My gaze kept moving to the wheelchair. It was all my fault. "There's more to me than my chair you know," he commented in an angry tone.

"Sorry man, I was just thinking…"

"About what?" he asked.

"I have to tell you something. And I'm pretty sure you're gonna hate me for it. I won't blame you though. I just have to get this off my chest and then I'll leave you alone for as long as you want," I said quickly.

"What is it Spinner? You can tell me. We're best friends," Jimmy said, waiting for an answer.

"Not for long," I sighed, hanging my head.

"Just tell me."

"It's my fault you're in that wheelchair," I said finally.

"What? No, of course it isn't. Rick is the one who shot me, not you," Jimmy protested.

"I helped Jay set the prank up. And in the bathroom, Jay saw Rick's shoes under the stall door. He started talking about how you set the whole thing up…" I had to stop; tears were running down my face. "And I know you hate me know," I choked out.

Jimmy had a blank look on his face.

"You let Rick believe that I set it up? That's why he thought I was pretending to be his friend?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah. I know it's not enough, and it never will be, but I'm sorry. If I could take it all back I would. If I could go back in time, I would have stood in front of you. I would have gotten shot," I explained, holding back more tears.

"But you weren't shot. I was. And now I'll never walk again." He said all of it calmly. He was taking it better than I thought he would. I saw a tear spill out of his left eye but he quickly wiped it away. "MANNY!" he yelled. Manny was instantly at his side, making sure that she could help him.

"What is it?" she asked, looking from him to me, and back to him again.

"Let's go," he told her. She immediately grabbed the handles of the chair, and pushed him along as quickly as he could. Jimmy just slunk down as far as possible, looking completely defeated.

I have no friends anymore. Unless you can count Jay. I know that Jimmy will probably never speak to me again, but in a way, I'm glad that I had enough courage to tell him the truth. He'll go back to school and tell everyone. Then they'll all hate me.

This is where my life ends.

**A/N: The lyrics at the beginning are from "Collide" by Howie Day and he owns them. Hope you liked this chapter. Mostly everything that happened on the show will happen in here, only differently…like Hazel and Jimmy breaking up, and Spinner telling Jimmy, etc. But there'll obviously be different couples. Let me know if you like it.**

So I'm going to update on this every Wednesday, at least until I have a lot more chapters written. I won't abandon this story, don't worry!


	6. Broken

**Chapter Six: Broken **

_We are bruised and broken masterpieces_

**Ellie**

"I'll call you by the end of the week to let you know," Dr. Sullivan said. I shook his hand and thanked him. At least I got it over with.

"How'd it go?" Emma asked as I walked out into the waiting room.

"Fine I guess," I said, shrugging. "He'll call me by Saturday."

We walked out of the clinic and down the street to the bus stop. As we rode it back home, we talked.

"Have you thought about what you're gonna do? You know…if you are pregnant?" Emma asked me.

"Not really," I confessed. "I just realized it was possible today. I could never get an abortion…" I trailed off, looking out the window. I'm no fan of it.

"What about adoption?" I shrugged again, tears forming at the corners of my eyes. I never thought this would happen to me. I can't blame Sean for all of it, but he played a big role by leaving. If he hadn't left, I wouldn't have gotten drunk that night. And I most definitely would have never slept with Jay.

"I don't have the money to have a baby," I cried. Emma hugged me and let my head rest on her shoulder. "I guess I should give it away. And give him or her a better life. With my dad gone all the time, I don't know how my mom will handle this. But I do know I have to tell her," I said, going into a different subject.

"I could come with you to tell her. Or maybe even have my mom come too. She knows all about this you know," she pointed out. "But, then again, you might not be pregnant at all, you know?"

"I most likely am. Either that or something is really wrong with me."

**Spinner**

I confessed what I did to Mrs. Hatzilakos. She kicked me out of school. I don't know why I did it, but I kept my mouth shut about Jay and Alex. I told her that I did it alone. I don't know why I'd protect the idiot that got me into it; but it's just as much my fault as it is his.

What am I going to do now? I can't live off of my paychecks from The Dot. I have absolutely no one left. No girlfriend, no friends, not even a school to go to. If I had school then I'd at least get to see the people I care about the most.

How am I going to tell my parents? They didn't even show up at the school when the shooting happened. They're too busy for me, but I know they'd notice if I didn't go to school at all. I asked Mrs. H not to call them. I told her that I'd tell them. But how?

My mom works out of her office at home. She's an accountant or something like that. And my dad is one of those guys who sits on his ass all day. He doesn't work at all, and he barely ever speaks to me. Apparently he didn't want kids but my mom did. If she really wanted them so badly, why doesn't she pay any attention to me?

I walked into my house and threw my bad down on the couch. There's good old dad, watching football.

"Hey dad. I got kicked out of school today. You know that shooting? I planned the thing that set the kid over the edge. My best friend ended up paralyzed and now I'm a complete outcast," I said. He never even looked at me once.

"That's nice," he grunted, scratching himself.

"Did you even hear what I said?" I protested.

"I'm trying to watch the game. Come back later."

Yeah, later. Love you too Dad.

One down; none to go. There's no way that I'd tell my mother. I'll just pick up more hours at The Dot and work full time. It's the only thing I can do.

In the meantime, the ravine sounds like a good idea.

**Manny**

"So what was that all about?" I asked Jimmy after we ate lunch. I waited to ask him until he cooled off, but now he was just staring off into space. We were sitting at The Dot. "Hello? Jimmy?" I said, waving my hand in front of his face.

"Wha…oh sorry," he said, looking down at his empty plate.

"You wanna tell me what's up?" I asked again. "You don't have to if you don't want to," I added.

"I'll tell you, but not here." He motioned to the waitress for the check.

"I got it," I said, pulling my purse out.

"No, it's fine, really. A thank you for coming with me today," he told me, putting money on the table. "Let's go."

We walked out of the restaurant and headed towards Jimmy's house. His parents would be at work until way after he got out of school, so we were going to hang out there for a little while.

"So, what happened?" I asked for the third time, as soon as I was sure there was no one around.

He sighed, stopping and looking up at me.

"It was all Spinner's idea," he said.

"What was?" I asked, confused.

"This." He pointed at his wheelchair and frowned. I could tell he was trying not to cry.

I stared at him in disbelief, my mouth hanging wide open.

**Jimmy**

"You want anything to drink?" I asked Manny as we entered the house. She shook her head and slowly sat down on the nearest chair. "You okay?" I asked her.

"I just…can't believe he would do that," she said, finally speaking after the rest of the walk home. "I thought he was your best friend."

"Yeah, the key word there is _was_," I told her.

"I'm sorry Jimmy," she said.

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault," I pointed out. "Besides, I don't want to spend the rest of the time dwelling on Spinner. I've put it behind me."

"Jimmy there's no way you could have put it behind you!" she protested. "You just found out like two hours ago."

"I'm stronger than you think. I've learned to deal with crisis," I said, somewhat coldly.

"Well so have I, but that doesn't mean you can get over something this big so quickly. Do you want to talk about it?" she asked kindly.

"Manny, look, just drop it okay?" I snapped. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't have to be such a jerk about it. I was trying to help!" she said, standing up and heading towards the door. "Sorry I tried!" she yelled, slamming the door behind her.

There I go again, driving everyone out of my life.

**Marco**

"You need to move on you know," Craig said.

"Please don't give me relationship advice Craig," I said, rolling my eyes. "It's weird. And you're not exactly an expert in the area…"

"Ouch," he joked, rolling his eyes. "I know, but…all you do is sulk about Dylan. Forget about him and find someone new."

"Like you? That kiss was just…" I trailed off, looking into his eyes.

He stared back at me, his mouth wide open.

"Chill Craig. I was joking. You're not my type." We both got a laugh out of that.

After the shooting, I had been a little shaken up, so I went to visit Dylan. I found out that he was partying harder than I thought…and getting with other guys. He wanted me to _share_ him with them. There was no way that was going to happen.

To make him jealous, I kissed Craig. And it was weird. I really do not like him like that. So, we broke up.

That was two weeks ago.

And now I have no one.

Degrassi sucks.

**Emma**

"Where have you been all day?" my mom yelled when I walked into the house.

"At school," I said calmly. "Why?"

"Emma! Don't lie to me. Your dad said that you weren't at school at all. You didn't show up for any of your classes. And I had to leave work to pick Jack up from daycare because you never even went!" she yelled.

"News flash Mom! I have my own life; it doesn't revolve around Jack. And he's not my dad!" I yelled that as soon as Snake walked into the house. I saw his face drop.

For a long time I've thought of him as my dad, and called him 'Dad,' but it was just something that came out. I was horrified that I said it. He was really upset.

So I did the only thing I could do. Wiping tears from my eyes, I ran past him, out of the house, and down the street.

After all the pain that place caused me, I went straight back there. It was the only place I had to run to. The ravine.

**A/N: Okay, I know nothing at all about Spinner's parents, so I made it up. I'm not gonna change it though, sorry. And more characters were put in this chapter. Did you like it? What was good and what was bad? They lyrics at the beginning are from "The Economy of Mercy" by Switchfoot and they own it.**

How terrible am I that I forgot to update yesterday? Sooooorrrrrryyyyy


	7. Bruised

**Chapter Seven: Bruised**

_I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this_

**Manny**

After I stormed away from Jimmy's I felt bad. I didn't mean to leave so angry, but I wanted him to be able to talk to me. Because I think I might like him. I know it's a little early to be liking him because I just shut Craig out of my life for good, and I'm still hurting from that. Love can be so confusing.

I turned around and walked right back to his house, knocking on the door. But he didn't answer it. His mother did.

"Hi, is Jimmy home?" I asked. I knew there was no way he left already.

"Sorry," his mom said, shaking her head. "Jimmy isn't feeling well and he told me that he didn't want to see anyone."

"Oh okay. I'm Manny. Could you just tell him that I stopped by?" I asked.

"Sure. I'll let him know."

"Thanks." I turned and walked away again. I really screwed that up didn't I?

I couldn't hold my tears in, so I cried the whole way home. How is it that I ruin everything? Maybe I should have just accepted Craig's offer. Because at least then I wouldn't be alone.

**Ellie**

I walked home, thinking about how to tell my mom. I was going to wait until I found out for sure, but I had to come up with something. Since Sean left, I couldn't pay the rent on our apartment, so I had to move back home. Mom has been better—she really has. She hasn't touched a drop of alcohol at least since I've been home. I wouldn't know before that, but she told me that she went to rehab for awhile.

Of course, my dad still isn't home. Neither of us have spoken to him in over four months. I really miss him, but I have no idea of how to contact him at all. We were never given any type of phone number or address. The only way I know he's still alive is that we haven't had any man in uniform come to the house to tell us.

I finally got to my house, and walked in the door. I nearly fainted at what I saw. My mom was sitting on the couch. I could tell she had been crying, and there was a man on the couch next to her. He was wearing his battle dress uniform—also known as camouflage—and he was holding my mother's hand. I swallowed the hard lump in my throat.

"Mom…?" I choked out. She jumped, obviously startled by my presence. I felt my heart pounding in my chest, and thought that I might stop breathing if someone didn't start talking.

"Eleanor, sweetheart. How was your day at school?" she asked, walking over to me and giving me a hug.

"Mom...what happened?" I asked, holding back tears. "Is Dad…?"

"Oh, honey no. Your father's fine. This is his good friend, Private Benjamin Hutchins. He was with your father on the mission, but was able to come home. He decided to visit and we were just sharing some stories about your dad," she explained.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief and forced a smile. My dad was okay, but he still wasn't here. And now there's a strange man sitting in my living room. Oh and I'm probably pregnant. What a great day I'm having.

"I'm just gonna go to my room. It was nice meeting you…sort of…" I said to the man on the couch. He just smiled and nodded, so I left the room. I threw my backpack down on my bed as soon as I got in my room. I sat on the edge of the bed, and picked up the picture frame closest to me. It was a picture of me and my dad, from the day he left for his peacekeeping mission.

I started to cry just then. I couldn't stop because I needed my dad. He was probably the only person who could help me now. He was also the last person who would ever be there for me. Maybe he just doesn't love me enough to care anymore.

No one loves me like Sean did. But then again, he left, so he probably didn't either.

**Emma**

I eventually ran out of breath and stopped running. I was probably halfway to the ravine by then. A familiar red-orange civic pulled up beside me.

"Where are you going?" Jay asked through the window.

"Where do you think?" I asked, still walking.

"You shouldn't go to the ravine," he said finally.

"Why not? Why do you even care?"

"Because it's not you Emma. You're about more than the ravine, and pot, and sucking guys off for fun."

"Jay, I don't need to hear this kind of crap from you. I'm going to the ravine and you won't stop me. I need something to help how I feel right now," I told him, finally stopping and turning to look at him.

"And what kid of pain is that? The pain of what happened to you there? You lied to Ellie and I, didn't you? Something happened there that you're not telling us," he said.

"If it was any of your business, I would have told you, wouldn't I?" I said, glaring at him.

"Emma, I'm only trying to help. Why don't you get in the car? I'll bring you anywhere but the ravine."

"Mind your own business Jay. I don't need you."

I ran off as quickly as I could, trying to avoid him from following me. I didn't stop until I made it to my destination.

**Spinner**

I sat on the picnic table at the ravine, staring off into the distance. For once, I was actually thinking while I sipped my beer.

Who needs parents anyways? I'm so sick of them. Maybe I can get my own place. The apartment building Sean used to live in is pretty cheap. I bet if I worked at The Dot full time, then I could afford a cheap one bedroom. It would be better than living with a father who completely ignores me and a mother who pretends he's perfect. Besides, they'd still have Kendra.

Even though I now had a plan, I was still upset. I grabbed two more beers and kept on drinking. A bunch of people were having fun around the fire, but I didn't quite feel like joining them. I just sat in peace, drinking, and hoping the feeling in my stomach would go away. I felt like no one cared about me. And I was probably right.

I was actually about to leave, when, oddly enough, a completely high Emma Nelson ran over and sat down next to me.

"Want some?" she asked, offering the joint she was holding.

"No thanks," I said, waving it away. "I'll stick to this." I held up my beer.

"Your loss," she told me before giggling and taking a puff. She coughed as she blew the smoke out of her mouth, then turned to me and started staring.

"Want some?" I asked her this time, holding the beer out.

"Sure." She grabbed the bottle and took a long swig. "That's disgusting," she said, making a face. But instead of giving it back to me, she kept it and proceeded to finish it off. Laughing some more, she threw the bottle to the ground where it broke into three big pieces.

"What's up with you?" I asked, grabbing my last beer from the ground and opening it. She took another hit from her joint before answering me.

"Nothing. I'm just having a good time."

"Since when do you think this is good?" I asked. "I heard all about what you've been doing with most of the guys here. Why? That's not like you," I pointed out.

"You're really killing my high right now. Stop being like Jay. He was just asking me the same damn thing. And guess what? I don't have a fucking answer for you!" she yelled.

"Then why are you right here? Talking to me?"

"Because you looked like you needed a good time," she answered.

"Well, you were right. I really do."

"Great. Then let's go see what's in the van!" she yelled, breaking out into a fit of laughter once again.

"I really don't think…" but she interrupted me before I could finish.

"Don't be such a pussy Spinner. You know it's fun." She grabbed my hand and dragged me off. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to go. I definitely did. But I felt really bad for Emma. She was so high that she probably didn't even know what she was about to do. And I was definitely not drunk enough to forget it in the morning.

**Craig**

I can't believe Manny turned me down. I was so sure that she'd get back together with me because I thought she was in love with me. But I guess I don't blame her. I really screwed things up with her and with Ashley.

So maybe I need to move on to someone new. Someone completely different. Like…oh come on, who am I kidding? I doubt anyone will willingly date me since they already know what I'm like. Unless I can somehow get with a girl from Bardell or something.

I used to think I'd have a chance with Emma, but that's probably long gone. I don't think she's liked me for a few years now. And then there was also Ellie, but since Sean devastated her, I've only seen her hang out with Jay and oddly enough, her exact opposite, Emma. I definitely go through too many girls. Hopefully I can find the right one for me…and it will last more than a few months. Great, now I'm even thinking like a girl. Maybe I forgot to take my meds.

**Jimmy**

I sat in my bed, thinking about what happened with Manny. She was right; I hadn't already gotten over what happened with Spinner. I wasn't even sure if I ever would. It's his fault that I'll never walk again. It's his fault that I thought about suicide every day I was in the hospital, and attempted it three times already. And now it was Spinner's fault that I just went off on the girl I was starting to like.

I reached over and pulled the bottle of pain medication out of my night stand. I turned the bottle over in my hands a few times before opening it and dumping two pills out. As I turned my stereo on, I dry swallowed them, blaring rock music from my speakers. Of course, that didn't last long.

"JIMMY!" my mother yelled, opening the door. I turned the music down and glared at her.

"What?" I snapped.

"Would you please turn it down?" she asked. "That music is giving me a headache."

"I already did," I said, rolling my eyes. She turned to leave, but I stopped her. "Hey Mom?" I asked.

"Yes honey?" She turned to face me.

"I heard you talking to someone who came to the door. I was just wondering if it was Manny."

"No honey, it wasn't.

"Oh," I said, disappointed. "Would you let me know if she stops by?"

"Of course dear."

**A/N: The lyrics and the title of the chapter are from "Bruised" by Jack's Mannequin and they own it. Here we have Craig introduced as a main character of the story. I'm probably going to use everyone that I really like to have POVs.**

Please review if you have the time. I'm getting the feeling that not many people like/are reading this story. If that's the case, I'm going to put it on hiatus so I can finish Let That Be Enough...that would take about 2 months so if you want the story to stay, please review! 


	8. You Turn Me Around

**Chapter Eight: You Turn Me Around **

_When the sun sets around me my daydreams confound me and the long night surrounds me, you turn me around._

**Spinner**

Emma and I were in the van, sitting silently, me drinking my beer, and her smoking another joint. She caught me staring at her hair. I'm not sure why I was doing it, but her hair just caught my attention. It was a golden blonde color, with natural light blonde highlights and some brown ones too. Really beautiful. Like her.

"What are you doing?" she asked, tilting her head and laughing. She blew smoke at me, laughing again, before inching forward, closer to me.

"You know you shouldn't smoke," I said, slurring a little.

"And you shouldn't drink either," she pointed out. "But we're both doing it. So why even make a comment about it?" she asked. I didn't know how to answer her, so I just smiled.

"Your hair is really pretty," I told her.

"So is yours," she said, laughing and moving even closer to me.

"What do you want to do?" I asked. This time it was me who moved closer to her.

"I dunno," I said, suddenly turning around and leaning backwards until I felt my head touch her legs. It just felt like the right thing to do. I looked up at her and smiled.

"You wanna play Spiderman?" she asked.

"How do you play that?"

Instead of answering me, she leaned down and kissed me like that. It wasn't until the next day that I realized she was kissing me like that girl kissed Spiderman in the movie. I felt something weird go on in my stomach just then, but I ignored it.

After we broke apart, Emma giggled and looked away from me. Her face was turning red.

"What now?" I asked, closing my eyes. I felt her move out from under my head and gently place it on the floor of the van. After some more movement, I finally opened my eyes and sat up to see her lying down with a pillow at the back.

"Come here," she said, smiling and holding out her arms. I lay down next to her and she gripped her arms around my waist. "You know," she said, running one hand up my thigh, "I really like you Spinner. Maybe…" she stopped talking and moving her hand.

"Emma?" I asked. When she didn't answer, I turned my head to see that she had fallen asleep. It was probably for the best. I smiled and turned back over, closing my eyes and holding onto her arms that were still draped across me.

**Craig**

I walked into the mall with Angie. I know, really lame. I was definitely trying to get some girls to notice me by using my little sister. Hey, if it works, it works. We headed over to the movie theater and bought tickets to see Over The Hedge, some cartoon about animals going into people's backyards or something.

"Hey Alex, Paige," I greeted two girls who had recently become better friends than they used to be.

"Hi Craig," Paige smiled at me.

"Hey loser," Alex said in her usual dull tone.

"Looking lovely today," I replied, smirking.

"Using your little sister to get chicks huh? That's pretty sad Manning," Alex countered.

"No," I said, knowing very well I had started blushing. "I just decided to take her out to a movie.

"He's lying," Angela whispered, giggling into her hand.

"We'll take a large popcorn and two small cokes please," I said, changing the subject.

"Sure thing," Paige said. "That'll be nine dollars even," she added, holding out her hand.

Alex put the popcorn on the counter as I handed Paige a ten.

"Keep the change," I told her.

"Oh the curly headed god has sent us each fifty cents!" Alex exclaimed. "We must now worship him until the day we die," she joked, handing over the sodas.

I smirked at her and took them, handing one to Angie. Grabbing the popcorn, I nodded my head in thanks to both of them and we headed into the theater.

"Do you like her?" Angie asked suddenly.

"Who?"

"The one with dark hair."

"Alex? Are you kidding? We're just friends," I told her.

**Alex**

"Well, well, well," Paige said, grinning at me.

"What?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"You like him, don't you?" she asked.

"Craig? No way!" I said, laughing. "Why would you even think that?"

"Because you two were totally flirting. When did you decide to leave the dark side anyway?" she asked.

"First of all, we were not flirting. And second, I haven't been to the ravine since the shooting. I don't want anything to do with Jay or any of those other losers."

"No…you just want Craaaaaaaaig," she said, dragging out the 'a' in his name.

"Shut up Paige and get back to work. I'll deal with you later!" I told her, throwing a piece of popcorn at her. It stuck in her hair and she made a face, slowly pulling it out.

"Is that a threat?" she asked, throwing it back at me. It completely missed, and hit Meeri, who just so happened to be standing right behind me.

"Back to work!" she snapped, throwing the popcorn in the trash.

**Ellie**

I don't know why I did it. I lost control, and I just did. I was standing in the bathroom, washing my arms off and watching the blood, mixed with water, run down the drain. I started to cry then, feeling the pain of my fresh cuts and of my broken heart.

This is all because of Sean. His leaving started this whole mess; me sleeping with Jay, possibly being pregnant, and starting to cut again. Maybe if he had stayed, I would be fine. I'd still be happy.

Who am I kidding? Our relationship was destined to fall apart from the beginning. Sean may not have noticed, but I saw the way he looked at Emma every day when he passed her in the hall. In the middle of a conversation, he'd stop to look up at her if she was anywhere near.

But then, Rick almost killed her. Sean got in the way and saved her life. After that, she threw herself onto him, thanking him profusely and crying to him…the whole nine yards. I saw them that day. The way she hugged him kinda freaked him out, even though I knew he still had feelings for her. And then he left.

I never harbored any bad feelings towards Emma. It wasn't her fault that she left a lasting impression on the guy. In fact, right now, she's probably my best friend.

After bandaging up my arms, I decided to give her a call. I might as well try and do something fun tonight to make up for my past activity. The phone rang seven times before her voice mail picked up. I frowned and hung up the phone. I knew exactly where she was. The ravine.

I picked up the phone again and dialed a new number.

"Hello?" he answered in the second ring.

"Where are you?" I asked.

"Ellie?"

"Yes, it's me. Now where are you?"

"Can't stop thinking about me can you? You can't resist the sexual pull I've developed over you," he said, laughing.

"Oh yes Jay. All I can think about is your sexy body and how much I want it," I said sarcastically. "Actually, I was going to ask you to help me find Emma. I think she's at the ravine again. And I know something bad happened there, she just won't tell us."

"I'll be there in a few."

**Marco**

I sipped my soda at The Dot and sulked. I was so sick of being all alone. Of course, at the moment, I was with Alex and Paige. After they got done with work, they called me to ask if I wanted to eat dinner with them. Pretty pathetic huh? Gay guy spending his night out with two girls. This is why I'm so alone. I need a boyfriend.

"Are you even listening?" Paige complained as I snapped back to reality.

"Yes, I am," I lied. "What happened after you hit Meeri with the popcorn?"

"She yelled at us to get back to work. But then when our shift ended she lectured us on being professional and all kinds of other crap, before telling us that we'd both be fired if it ever happened again," she explained.

"Oh please, like she'd ever actually fire us," Alex said, rolling her eyes.

"Probably not," I agreed.

"Something wrong Marco?" Alex asked. "You look like you need a boyfriend," she added.

"Since when do you care about my relationships? I seem to remember you almost outing me to the whole school, constantly teasing me about my orientation, and…" but she interrupted me before I could finish.

"Just shut your mouth and go talk to him," she told me.

"Who?" I asked, looking around.

"You know who. He's sitting three booths behind you. The kid that bumped into you in the hall today…" she whispered.

"I don't even know if he's gay," I hissed.

"He definitely is," Paige said, smiling.

Just to shut them up, I stood up and walked over to the table. He was sitting alone, eating a hamburger. I sat across from him as his eyes widened and he quickly wiped his face off.

"Hi, I'm Marco," I said, extending my hand across the table.

"I'm Tim."

**Paige**

"That's so cute!" I gushed, watching Marco and the new kid talk and laugh together.

"Maybe he actually will move on from your idiot older brother," Alex said.

"He's not an idiot. I don't approve what he did to Marco, but he's still my brother," I said, somewhat defending Dylan.

"Yeah, whatever. Hey look, super nerd is coming over," she said.

"Hey Paige."

"Um, hi JT. What's up?" I asked.

"I was wondering if maybe I could talk to you…alone?" he asked me, shifting from one foot to the other. He was nervous for some reason. He turned to look at Alex.

"Fine, I'll go," she said.

"Hey this'll just be a minute and then I'll drive you home," I told her as she stood up.

"That's okay. I'll walk."

As soon as she left, JT sat down in her place.

"So…what is it that you want?" I asked him.

"I want…I want a date. With you."

**Alex**

I walked home as slowly as I could. I didn't really want to go there, but where else could I go? I'd left the ravine and Jay behind for good. We used to spend our nights at the ravine, or at his place, but since I'd broken up with him, I lost all that. And now I have to go back home.

A car pulled up and started to slow down near me. I whipped around, ready to give the driver a piece of my mind when I realized who it was.

"Need a ride?" Craig asked.

"Sure…" I trailed off, getting in the car. His little sister was asleep in the backseat.

"Where to?" he asked.

"Your place," I said, half joking and half serious. He turned and looked in my eyes.

"Seriously?"

"If you're up for it."

"Okay then," he said, shrugging and heading home.

**Jay**

"Thanks for doing this," Ellie said as I parked my car at the ravine.

"No problem. I'm worried about her too," I confessed.

We got out and started calling her name. After walking around for over an hour and not finding her, we got a little worried.

"Maybe she's not really here," I suggested.

"I guess not. But we didn't check the van," Ellie pointed out.

I opened the van door and spotted Spinner, fast asleep, probably sleeping off his beer. I didn't see anyone else.

"Nope, just Spinner," Ellie said, sighing.

"Think we should wake him up?" I asked.

"Nah. He'll just get pissed." I agreed with her and we walked back to my car. Stopping at the passenger side, I held the door open for her. Before she got in, she paused and turned to face me. "Thanks again," she said.

I didn't know why, but I couldn't resist. I leaned in and kissed her.

**Emma**

I woke up to the incessant chirping of some nearby birds. My back was stiff, and I was lying close to someone. Before I even opened my eyes, I realized where I was, and with who.

I sat up and stretched, finally opening my eyes to see Spinner lying there, passed out with his mouth wide open. He was snoring softly. I had to smile at the way he looked, and wished I had a camera with me. I remembered that my phone took pictures, so I quickly snapped one.

Then I looked at the time. It was already nine, so no need for going to school. I didn't feel like it anyway. I checked my voicemail. The first one was from my mom, saying she guessed I got up and went to school, but the next two were from Snake. He yelled in both messages that I 'better get my butt to school' or he'd tell my mom that I didn't come home last night.

She's bound to find out anyway, so I figured I'd just skip it. At least I had some company. I decided to get up and take a quick walk. I knew Spinner wasn't waking up any time soon.

**A/N: I in no way own Over the Hedge, I was just picking a random movie for them to see. The lyrics and the title of the chapter come from "You Turn Me Round" by Aqualung and they own it.**

**Syd: As you can probably already tell, I'm not putting the story on hiatus. I didn't really get enough reviews at all but I'm not gonna worry about it anymore. You won't find out about who raped Emma for a little while longer. Sorry.  
**


	9. Open Your Eyes

**Chapter Nine: Open Your Eyes **

_It's hard to walk this path alone, hard to know which way to go_

**Craig**

"Hey Craig, wake up," Joey said, nudging me.

"Yeah?" I asked, slowly sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

"You mind telling me why when I went into the garage to empty the trash this morning there was a girl asleep on the couch?" he asked, glaring a little.

"That's Alex," I said, swinging my legs over the side of my bed.

"Okay. Let's try this again. Why is she here? Did you go back out or something? Because she wasn't here when you brought Angela home."

"Actually, she was. Ask Angie…she was in the car with us when we got here. But she waited out there while we came in, and then I got her when you put Angie to bed." I saw Joey's face starting to redden. He looked like he was about to explode. "Before you get any madder than you already are, I wasn't trying to deceive you or anything. She just needed a place to stay, and I knew you'd say no."

"And she doesn't have a home of her own?" he asked, looking down at me.

"She does, but she had a fight with her mom's boyfriend. So I told her she could stay. Please don't be mad Joey." I stood up and pulled a shirt on.

"Fine Craig. I don't feel like starting a fight this morning. Next time you want this house to be a free hotel for your friends, try asking first."

"Sure thing," I said, saluting him and walking by to use the bathroom. I did my business then decided to wake Alex up so she'd be presentable for breakfast.

I walked into the garage and saw her lying on the couch on her stomach, with her head smushed into the pillow I gave her last night. Her blanket was hanging over the edge of the couch, about to fall.

"_So, why do you need to stay here tonight?" I asked. I'd just brought Alex into the garage while Joey was upstairs with Angie._

"_I had a fight with my mom's boyfriend. I don't really want to get into that though," she answered, looking at the ground. _

_We both sat down on the couch and started talking. She told me about how her mom has a new boyfriend almost every month, and I told her how Joey hasn't had a girlfriend in months. _

"_You don't have it so bad though," she said, looking around. "You're lucky Joey lets you live here. I wish I had someone like that."_

"_What about your dad?" I asked. I knew I shouldn't have, because her face instantly fell._

"_He died when I was ten," she said._

"_I'm sorry I asked. But I know how you feel. Both of my parents died. And I'd give anything to get them back. Both of them."_

_I looked up at her and caught her staring at me, but she quickly looked away. _

"_I'm really tired," she said suddenly. "Do you have a pillow and a blanket?"_

I leaned over the back of the couch, looked down at her, and smiled. Reaching out, I was about to poke her when she jumped up.

"What the hell!" she yelled.

"Sorry Alex. I didn't think you'd be awake. I was just coming to get you for breakfast."

"So you stood there and watched me sleep? Don't scare me like that!" she nearly screamed.

"Look, I said I was sorry," I told her, walking around the couch to pick up the blanket she dragged down.

"It's okay," she said, putting her arms around herself.

"Cold?" I asked.

"No, I'm fine," she replied, somewhat coldly.

"You want breakfast?"

"Look, I think I'm just gonna go. I have to get some new clothes on before school," she said.

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll just see you at school then," I said, leading her to the door.

"Sure." And then she left, leaving me staring after her.

**Spinner**

I woke up and looked around. I was in the van, alone. All I could remember from my drunken stupor the night before was that I fell asleep with Emma. I'm not really sure what we did last night, but maybe she'll know. Of course, she can't tell me because she isn't here.

I left the van and went to pee behind a tree. Scratching myself, I squinted my eyes against the sunlight. My head was pounding, so I returned to the van to take a nap. Right as I was settling down to go back to sleep, the sliding door opened and Emma crawled in.

"Hey," I said, sitting up. I was definitely surprised to see her back.

"I brought coffee," she said, holding it up. "And aspirin."

"You are a goddess," I said, taking the aspirin from her. She laughed a little and sat down next to me, leaving the van door open for some light.

I sipped the coffee and nearly spat it out. It was black. She happily drank hers and I wanted to puke. Who in their right mind likes black coffee?

"There's cream and sugar in my pocket," she said. Well, I wasn't about to go fishing around in her pocket so she could call me a pervert, so I just sat there and watched her drink hers. She finally put it down and tossed three creams and three sugars at me. How did she know?

"Perfect." I put the crap in my coffee and mixed it up with a little stirrer before taking another sip. "So, uh…did we…?"

"No!" she answered quickly. "We didn't do anything last night. Except I kissed you…" her cheeks turned red and she looked away from me.

"I wish I could remember it," I said, grinning. She looked back to me and smiled.

"Maybe I could remind you…"

**Ellie**

I sat in English, thinking about the previous night. Jay kissed me. For a split second, I felt like maybe things could work out between us and all of that stupid love crap. But then I remembered the possible baby growing inside of me, and pulled away from him. The car ride was silent the whole way home, and I ran into my house before he could even get a word out.

I was still worried about Emma, so at the end of class, I found Mr. Simpson.

"What can I do for you Ellie?" he asked, sitting down at his desk and fiddling with his computer.

"It's about Emma…" his face flew up to mine and I saw this intense look of worry all over it.

"Do you know where she is?" he asked, hopeful. I didn't know what to do, so I lied. It was stupid of me, but I couldn't help it.

"Yeah, actually I do. She's at my house. We're so sorry that she didn't call. But she came over pretty upset and my mom said she could stay. Then she felt sick this morning so she didn't come to school with me.

"Why didn't your mother at least call the school then?" he asked, trying to see past the lie. But I was quicker than he was.

"She doesn't know that Emma didn't go to school. She had to work early this morning and was gone before we even woke up. I'm really sorry Mr. Simpson. I know you and Emma's mom must have been worried sick. She was just crying and said she didn't want to talk to anyone…"

"We had a fight last night," he admitted, turning back to the computer. That's when I knew the lie had worked. "Thanks for telling me. But I'd like to talk to your mom when she gets out of work," he said.

"I'll have her call you," I said before turning to leave.

"Ellie? Could you please have Emma come home when you leave school today?" he asked.

"Of course."

Now all I had to do was find her.

**Alex **

After I had left Craig's that morning, I had no intention of going to school. It would be weird and he'd just want to talk to me about my stupid little freak out that I had. I couldn't explain things to him, not now.

"What the hell are you doing?" my mom's boyfriend asked. While my mom was at work, he was home all day, doing nothing.

"It's none of your business!" I yelled at him.

"Don't talk to me like that!" he yelled back, slapping me across the face. My cheek stung and tears threatened to spill from my eyes. I hated him.

"Get the fuck out of my room!" I spat.

Instead of leaving, he pushed me back onto my bed. I knew what was coming because it wasn't the first time that it had happened. I'm so stupid. I know what happens when I piss him off, but I still do it anyway.

He pulled my pants and underwear off effortlessly, while his other hand held my wrists together above my head. I tried to kick him, but failed. Tears poured from my eyes as he thrust into me.

**Paige**

I thought about my conversation with JT the night before. It was just so strange.

"_So…what is it that you want?" I asked him_

"_I want…I want a date. With you."_

_I wasn't quite sure what to say. At first, I thought he might be joking, but by the look on his face, he clearly wasn't._

"_What about Liberty?" I asked. "Isn't she your girlfriend?"_

"_Not anymore. We broke up a few weeks ago. Surprisingly enough, I wasn't giving her what she wanted," he said, laughing a little. _

"_Oh. Well, um…"_

"_I get it Paige. You probably like someone else. I'm sorry I wasted your time," he said, about to stand up. _

_I felt so bad. And I'm not usually one to accept pity dates, but it must have taken a lot of courage to ask me. _

"_Sure. I'll go on a date with you," I blurted out. He sat back down, and started at me._

"_Really?" he asked._

"_Really."_

"_Wait…is someone gonna pay you to do this?" he asked, referring to our last date._

"_No," I said, laughing. _

"_Okay, so how's Saturday night?" he asked._

"_Perfect." I couldn't even believe the sound of my own voice. I actually sounded happy, like I couldn't wait._

"_Great. I'll pick you up at seven," he said before walking away._

"Paige?" someone asked, pulling me out of my little memory.

"Um, yeah Haze?" I asked my best friend.

"I really have to talk to you."

"Okay, go ahead, I'm listening," I told her.

"I'm moving."

**Jimmy**

I went to school hoping to see Manny. But she wasn't there. At least, as far as I could tell she wasn't. I couldn't find her anywhere. While I was eating lunch, Hazel approached me.

"What is it?" I asked, sighing. I didn't really want to talk to her.

"I'm just letting you know that I'm moving. My whole family is, anyway," she said, looking like she was about to cry. "You looked a little upset, so I thought I'd brighten your day with that information."

"Hazel." I felt like such a jerk. "Come sit next to me." She did, but she still looked so upset. "I don't want you to hate me Hazel. And no, it doesn't make me happy that you're moving. I just didn't want to ruin your plans about college. Just know that I never stopped loving you. That's why I did it," I explained.

I saw a small smile form on her face.

"I love you Jimmy," she said, hugging me. "I understand. I just…I don't want to move," she said, sighing.

"It'll be okay. You can call me whenever you want okay?" I suggested. "It's better that we're not together anyway. Because now you can move on with someone else. Where are you moving to?"

"New York," she said, looking upset again.

"Maybe I can visit you sometime," I told her.

"Thanks," she replied.

"And I'll help you move in anyway I can," I said, motioning towards the wheelchair.

"Jimmy?" she asked, looking into my eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Can I just have one last kiss? Things didn't exactly end on a positive note between us," she said.

I leaned in and kissed her instead of answering. It was a kiss goodbye, but it probably didn't look like that to some people. Because when we broke apart, I looked up, and Manny was standing there with tears in her eyes.

Before I could even yell out her name, she was gone.

**Emma**

I had kissed Spinner again, the way we did last night, but now we were just talking about pointless little things. I told him how I was upset about always having to take care of Jack, and he just listened. We talked for a long time. My cell phone rang, interrupting our current conversation about failed relationships. It was Ellie.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Emma, where are you?" she sounded upset.

"I'm at the ravine," I told her. "Is something wrong?"

"Are you with Spinner?" she asked like she was finally realizing something.

"Yeah…"

"So you _were_ in the van last night! Jay and I were looking for you. We looked in there and only saw Spinner. Geez Emma, what did you do?"

Before I could answer her, she cut me off.

"It doesn't matter right now. You need to go home. I covered for you with Simpson today. I told him that you were upset and you spent the night at my house, and then felt sick, so you didn't come to school. I'm about to call him now and pretend to be my mom so he believes the story. But I promised him that you'd go home when I got back from school. So will you please go?" she asked me.

"Fine. I'll call you later."

"What was that all about?" Spinner asked.

"It was Ellie. I have to go home now," I said. His face fell.

"Maybe we can hang out again sometime," he suggested.

"Sure." I kissed him on the cheek before leaving.

**A/N: The title of the chapter and the lyrics at the beginning are from "Open Your Eyes" by Alter Bridge and they own it. **


	10. Straightjacket Feeling

**Chapter Ten: Straightjacket Feeling**

_Today I'm fine without you, run away this time without you._

**Marco**

"I really like him Ash," I gushed about Tim. The school day had just ended and I was sifting through my locker to get all my homework out.

"That's great Marco. You should ask him out sometime."

"Nah, I think for now we should just be friends or something. So, how are things with you?" I asked her.

"Not so good. I really messed things up with Jimmy and with Ellie. And Craig…" she added, looking down at the floor.

"Well, apologies really do work," I hinted. "Don't worry, they'll come around."

"That's just it Marco. I don't think they ever will…" she trailed off.

"What are you saying?" I asked. She looked strange.

"I'm leaving Toronto," she said, completely surprising me.

"Where are you gonna go?" I asked.

"To live with my dad," she replied. I could tell she was trying not to cry.

"But didn't he move to…"

"Yeah, he moved to London."

**Emma**

I went home after I talked to Ellie, but no one was there. A note from my mother explained that she had gone to pick up Jack early and take him out to dinner with her. Snake wasn't home yet either; I guess he was still at school.

I was happy for once. I'd had a great time with Spinner, just talking. It was the first day since the shooting that I hadn't even thought about the shooting. I didn't hear Rick's voice, or the gun go off. Spinner had even confessed that he was partly to blame for it. We took almost an hour talking about just that subject, and still I didn't have any horrible flashbacks.

I felt pretty tired, so I decided to lie down on the couch and take a nap. Snake would probably wake me up when he got home anyway. I had a feeling that we'd have some kind of talk, and he'd lecture me about my actions and all that crap.

"_Is this fun for you Emma?" he asked, pressing his lips against mine. The kiss was too hard and forceful._

"_Stop it," I cried. _

"_Or how about this?" He reached up under my skirt and pulled my underwear down._

"_Don't," I said, tears spilling down my face._

"_Don't you want to know what it feels like to be a full blown whore? You're already on your way…" he trailed off as he pulled his pants and underwear down in one swift movement._

_I lunged for the door, but he caught me and pinned me down._

"_Please," I said, trying one last time to get through to him._

_It didn't work._

"No! Stop!" I yelled. "Please stop!"

"Emma? Honey, are you okay? You're having a bad dream." I heard a familiar voice. I sat up and opened my eyes. I was lying on my couch, safe. Snake was crouched down next to me. He looked very upset and concerned. I instantly realized that I'd been treating both my parents like crap, when everything I was going through wasn't even their fault at all. I pulled him towards me and hugged him tight.

"I'm so sorry Dad," I said, tears flowing out of my eyes.

"Sweetie, don't worry. It's gonna be okay," he said, pulling away and looking into my eyes.

"I just don't feel very proud of the way I've been acting. I keep thinking about Rick and how it's my fault…"

"Emma, it's not your fault. Don't even think that." He kissed me on my forehead and sat down next to me.

"And I feel like taking care of Jack is too much. I just can't take people depending on me so much, because when I let them down, I feel like a horrible person," I cried.

"Your mother and I already talked about that, and we're going to try to find a babysitter for Jack. Someone who will pick him up after daycare and watch him until your mom or I get home from work, even if you're going to be home. That way, you can get your homework done, or go out with your friends, as long as you come home at a decent time," he explained.

"Thanks Dad," I told him, hugging him one more time.

"Your curfew is nine on school nights, and ten on the weekend. Your mom and I decided that would be the best time."

"Okay," I agreed. Nine was a little early, but I wasn't one to argue. I'd been putting them through hell lately.

"We also think that maybe you should go and talk to Ms. Sauvé about how you're feeling and what's going on," he suggested.

"Maybe I will." I'd never really thought of it before, but I also wasn't sure I really wanted to talk to her.

"Why don't you come eat dinner? I made your favorite."

I followed him to the table to eat, finally feeling better.

**Tim**

I can't believe Marco talked to me last night. He just showed up at my table. I'd been eyeing him for a week, but I wasn't sure if he was gay until last night. And he gave me his phone number to call him anytime if I needed advice. I'd told him about my dad, and how I was afraid to tell him I was gay.

I dialed Marco's number and took a deep breath. He answered on the fifth ring.

"Hello?" I loved the sound of his voice.

"Hey Marco…it's Tim," I said, trying not to stutter.

"Oh hey. What's up?"

"I was just wondering if maybe…maybe you'd like to go out with me sometime?" I closed my eyes, bracing myself for a 'no.'

"Sure. How about Friday night?" he asked. Damn. Of course Friday night was 'family night' with my dad. It was something he'd come up with shortly after my mom died.

"Actually…I have to spend some time with my dad that night," I said. "Can you do something Saturday?"

"Yeah that's fine. How does eight sound?"

"That's sounds great!" I said, a little too enthusiastically. "Bye."

I hung up the phone and resisted the urge to scream like a girl. I have a date with Marco Del Rossi!

**Jay**

What is happening to me? Last night was horrible. I offered to help Ellie find Emma and then I kissed her. She obviously didn't want it because she pulled away. This is why I don't want to go soft for anyone. I should just stick to messing around with girls at the ravine. At least then I have the power.

I went home for once that night. My half sister greeted me at the door. I feel so bad for her. She's only six and she has crappy ass parents.

"Jay!" she giggled, jumping up into my arms.

"Hey Abby," I said, tickling her before setting her down. "How was school?"

"Good. We made some play dough! Wanna see it?"

"Maybe later. Where's Dad?" Her face fell at the mention of him.

"He went out with Mommy. I think they went to dinner."

"And they left you alone?" I asked, shaking my head.

"Yeah. They always do. I just watched TV for a long time. How come you're never home?" she asked, tugging at one of her curls.

"I would be if I knew you were all alone. Why don't I take you to the park this weekend?" I asked her. Her face lit up and she smiled.

"Yeah!"

"Okay then, it's a date."

When I was ten, my mother just left us one day. And my dad fell apart. He started drinking all the time, and was never home. He had been my best friend before that. Then, only a few months later, he met Judy and he was happy again. He got her pregnant on their second date and they got married a week later.

I was pretty much ignored by the time Abby was born, but I was used to it by then. I made friends with the bad kids that my dad and step mom hated, and then I stopped coming home. The poor kid has no choice but to pretty much sit home alone until she's at least a teenager. Then she'll probably turn out like me.

**JT**

I was sitting at home, doing nothing, when the doorbell rang. As soon as I opened the door, I wanted to slam it in her face. But she beat me to it and walked right in.

"What do you want Liberty?" I asked. I was tired, and I didn't really feel like talking to her at all.

"I came to apologize," she said, sighing and plopping down on my couch. "What I said was really out of line."

"You really surprised me Lib. I never thought that you of all people would push sex on me. Of course I never thought that I wouldn't be ready for it either," I said, laughing a little. She rolled her eyes and smiled.

"I thought you'd understand. I've missed you so much," she said, standing back up and wrapping her arms around me. I hugged her back, but then I thought of Paige and I pulled away from her.

"This doesn't mean we're getting back together," I said.

"Why not? I thought you understood."

"Maybe I do and maybe I don't. But our fight made me realize that our relationship pretty much sucked. It wasn't really much of anything except for making out all the time. We never even talked Liberty," I argued.

"Forget it JT! I loved you for four years and you wouldn't give me the time of day!"

"I did when I thought the time was right. But now I realize that there was never a right time for us. And there never will be!" I waited until she stormed out of the house to slam the door like I wanted to from the beginning. Some things never change.

**Manny**

"Manny!" I heard someone calling my name. I got up from my bed and looked out the window. There was Jimmy, sitting in the parking lot of my apartment building. I was pretty upset. I started to like him but then I saw him kissing Hazel. So I guess what he told me was all lies.

I walked away from the window, ignoring him. He called my name a few more times, and he wasn't giving up.

"I'm sorry!" he yelled. "The kiss with Hazel didn't mean anything!"

I left my room, going past my parents in the living room, and walked out of the apartment. I figured I should stop him before everyone in the building heard my business. When I got outside, he was taking a break from yelling, slumped down in his chair.

"What's all the noise about?" I asked, coming up behind him. "Did you want the world to know everything?" He turned his wheelchair to face me and smiled.

"I knew you'd come around. Look Manny, I'm really sorry. Let me explain," he begged.

"Jimmy, you can kiss whoever you want. You're not my boyfriend. I'm fine with it, really," I lied.

"Then why did you look so upset today?" he asked me.

"We had a fight, and I just wanted to apologize. But you were busy, so I left. I wasn't upset." More lying.

"I know that's not the truth. Hazel is moving to New York. I was apologizing to her for our messy break up, and she asked me for one last kiss, that's all. I figured that I was too mean to her, so I kissed her. And I don't want you to be mad at me," he explained. I couldn't hide the smile forming on my face. He patted his lap for me to sit down, so I obliged.

"Now I feel even more like a jerk," I told him.

"Don't. You're not a jerk, I am." He leaned in and kissed me softly. When we broke apart, he kept his forehead pressed against mine.

"I went back to your house last night you know. Your mom said you didn't want to see anyone," I said.

"What? I asked her if it was you, and she said it wasn't. I can't believe her!" he sat up straight. I could tell he was really mad.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure she was just looking out for you," I assured him.

"I guess."

"How did you even get here?" I asked him. "Or know where I lived for that matter."

"I asked Emma," he said. Then he pointed over to his van. "My parents got me a driver. You wanna go somewhere? He has to bring me wherever I want."

"I can't, I have homework. But we should definitely do something this weekend," I said.

"That would be great."

**Alex**

I sat on the end of my bed with my knees pulled up to my chest. My mom's boyfriend had left over an hour ago, but I couldn't move. I was frozen in place, crying my eyes out. I should be used to this by now. It's been happening for six months.

I finally collected myself and looked in the mirror. The worst part about this place was that it was his. My dad left my mom when I was seven. She's dated too many guys to count since then. Some of them were nice, but they never stayed around too long. Most of them hit me because she let them. But her current one was the worst. They'd been dating for a year now. He'd asked my mom to move in with him after only two months.

Ever since then, my life's been hell. The first four months was okay. He hadn't laid a hand on me yet, and my mom seemed happy. But then, one day while my mom was at work, he hit me. I stayed out with Jay that night, and came home around three in the morning to find him waiting for me in the living room.

"_Your mother and I have been worried sick about you!" he yelled when I walked in the house._

"_Yeah, maybe because she doesn't know that you hit me!" I yelled right back, trying to walk past him. He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him. _

"_I didn't hit you," he said through gritted teeth. "You fell Alex, don't you remember?"_

"_You're such a liar!" I spat right in his face, and that just pissed him off more. He shoved me backwards onto the couch and got on top of me. "Leave me alone!" I screamed. _

_He was so big that I couldn't fight him off. He put a hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream, and started pulling my pants down with the other._

That was the first night he raped me. I felt so dirty afterwards. I felt like it was my fault and I deserved it. But I know that he's just a bastard. A sick nasty little shit. And I won't take this anymore.

I found my biggest duffle bag and started shoving my clothes in it. I wouldn't stay in his house any longer. I had to get out of there.

**A/N: I'm not sure if Tim's mom really died or not...but I don't remember if he said anything about her in the episode where Marco comes out to his dad. Anyway, how do you guys like the story? I had no idea how many chapters I'll end up with. The title and lyrics are from "Straightjacket Feeling" by the All American Rejects and they own it. **


	11. Halo

**Chapter Eleven: Halo**

_Why do you put me on a pedestal?_

**Ellie**

After all of the waiting, it was finally Saturday. I had no idea what time Dr. Sullivan would call, but since I gave him my cell phone number, I went about my own normal business. I avoided my mother by cleaning my room, and then told her I was going for a walk.

Without purposely going, I ended up standing in front of Emma's house. I knocked on the door and waited.

"Ellie? What are you doing here?" Mr. Simpson asked as he opened the door.

"I came to see Emma," I told him.

"Oh, sorry, but she's not here. She said she was going for a walk and she'd be back in an hour. Did you want to come in and wait for her?" he asked.

"No thank you. Can you just tell her I came?"

"Sure, no problem. I'll see you in school on Monday," he said, smiling.

"Yep. See ya."

I turned around and walked away, unsure of where to go. I was afraid that Emma had gone back to the ravine, but I couldn't really do anything about that. I just kept walking again, towards the park this time. When I was about halfway there, my phone started ringing. I swallowed hard; my heart was pounding. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and took a deep breath before answering it.

"Hello?"

"Is this Eleanor Nash?" a man's voice asked on the other end.

"Yes," I said, nodding my head even though he couldn't see me.

"Eleanor, this is Dr. Sullivan from the clinic. Your pregnancy test results came back positive."

"Th-thank you," I choked out, swallowing the lump in my throat. I hung up the phone and started to cry instantly. I had no idea what I was going to do. If I told my mom, she'd probably just drink more. And then she'd kick me out. I wouldn't have anywhere to go.

I walked the rest of the way to the park with my arms wrapped around myself. I felt cold suddenly. This is it. This will be the rest of my life. Unless I give the baby up for adoption. That's what I'll have to do. And I'm not telling Jay about it either.

**Spinner**

I sat on the picnic table, holding a bottle of vodka. I really had nothing to show for myself. My friends hate me, my mom is oblivious, my dad doesn't even pay any attention to me; I have no one. Except maybe Emma.

Yeah, there is always Emma. But then again, all she did was hang out with me when she was high, and then the morning after that, most likely because she felt bad for me. I opened the bottle and prepared to empty it.

"Spinner, don't," Emma said as she walked out from behind a tree.

"Why not?" I asked as she sat down next to me.

"Because it's not worth it." For some reason, I lowered the bottle from my lips.

"You're probably right," I said, setting it down on the table. "But, why are you even talking to me right now? I did something that I can't take back, and now everyone hates me. But why you?" I asked.

"I know how you feel. I made a mistake too," she gestured to the van that was still parked a few feet away. "It's not all your fault you know. You didn't know that he had a gun. I know you wouldn't have done that," Emma told him.

"Thanks," he said.

"For what?"

I shrugged my shoulders in response.

"I don't know…talking to me I guess. And thanks for stopping me. I really don't need to get drunk and do something else that I'll regret."

"Hey Spinner?"

"Wha…" As I turned my head, her lips met mine. It felt so right. The world stopped around us and there was nothing left but us sitting on that picnic table. Why us? Because we could help each other forget.

**Tim **

I knocked on Marco's door, crying like a baby. His mother opened it and let me in.

"Marco!" she called up the stairs. He came down quickly, and as soon as he saw me, came right over and gave me a hug.

"What happened?" he asked, leading me over to the kitchen table and helping me sit down. I watched as his mom started making tea, and then turned to Marco who was now sitting at the end of the table, right by me.

"I came out to my dad like you told me," I said. It had been one of the things we talked about when he sat down at my table at The Dot the other day. "And he kicked me out," I said, sniffling a little. I felt like such a little kid, like I was five years younger than Marco instead of just one.

"I am so sorry," he said, looking up at his mom. She walked over and placed a cup of tea in front of me.

"Thanks," I said to her.

"You're welcome to stay here with us as long as you like," she said to me.

"Yeah, and I can go back to your house with you to get some stuff."

"I'd really appreciate that, thank you. Marco, how did your dad react when you told him?" I asked.

Marco just looked at me, stone faced, before looking over at his mom. Neither of them said a word. And then Marco's dad walked into the room.

"What's everyone so quiet about?" he asked, smiling and sitting down at the other end of the table.

"Um, dad…this is my friend Tim. We were just leaving," Marco said, standing up and looking at me. I made a face at him before standing up and joining him.

"I thought that…" before I could get another word out, he interrupted me.

"We can talk on the way to get your stuff," he said, grabbing my arm to lead me towards the door.

"Tim is going to be staying with us for awhile," Marco's mom piped up. "He and his father had a difference in opinion."

"That's fine," Mr. Del Rossi said. "I'll see you two when you get back then." I forced myself to smile at him and then Marco pulled me out of the house.

"What was that all about?" I asked as soon as we were on the way.

"I haven't told him," Marco said quietly.

"I really thought that you did," I said, a little mad. "You were so enthusiastic about me coming out to my dad. It was your idea!" I said, raising my voice a little.

"I'm not ready yet Tim. I told my mom, and that's the best I can do right now. My dad…he'll just…"

"Kick you out?" I asked. "I can't believe you Marco."

"I'm sorry," he said. "That's all I can say. Will you still stay with us?"

"I have nowhere else to go," I said. "That's the only reason."

I walked off ahead of him, angry and upset at the same time. It turns out that I can't even trust the one person I thought I could.

**Jay**

"You wanna go on the swings?" I asked Abby.

"Yeah!" she yelled, running away from me. I caught up and pushed her on the swings for awhile. I was staring off into the distance when I saw Ellie. She looked upset.

"Come on Abby," I said, picking my sister off her swing. "Let's go talk to my friend," I pointed over in Ellie's direction. As soon as I put her down, she went running over to Ellie.

"Hi, I'm Abby," I heard her say. "What's your name?"

"My name is Ellie," she answered, crouching down so she was at Abby's eye level. "Nice to meet you Abby."

"Sorry about that," I said, approaching the two of them. "She ran off."

Ellie looked up and stared at me. I could tell she was surprised to see me.

"Jay…is she your…?" she stopped mid-sentence, then looked back down at Abby as if comparing the two of us.

"Sister," I finished, looking her in the eyes. "Well, my half-sister really."

"Oh," she said, sighing. She looked relieved. "I should go," she said suddenly, turning around.

"Are you okay?" I asked her to her back. Instead of walking away, she stood there, staring straight ahead.

"I'm fine," she finally said before walking away.

All I could do was watch her go.

**Craig**

I feel like such a loser. Out of all my friends, I'm the only one who doesn't have anything to do. It's Saturday night, and I'm sitting in my garage, alone, playing my guitar.

Jimmy's out on a date with Manny, Marco is out doing whatever with Tim, and Ellie just isn't home. I tried calling her twice already, and no one answered. I realized then that I hadn't seen Alex since she left my house. Maybe I can find her.

The only place I could think of where to look was the ravine, so I drove over there. When I stepped out of my car, I felt immediately out of place. Everyone was staring at me. I approached Amy, a girl I knew of to be friends with Alex. Or at least, last time I checked she was.

"Have you seen Alex?" I asked her. She was sitting in some guy's lap getting high.

"What's it to you?" she asked before erupting into a fit of giggles.

"Could you just tell me where she is?" I asked, getting impatient. Instead of saying anything, Amy pointed towards a van not too far away. I walked over to it and knocked on the side door.

"It's closed for repair!" I heard Alex's voice call out from the other side. "Go find somewhere else to do your shit!"

"Alex?" I called out. I slowly opened the door and saw her lying there on her back, staring up at the ceiling.

"I said it's…" she trailed off when she saw me and quickly sat up. I climbed in and closed the door, giving us privacy. "Craig, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"I came to see you. Amy told me where you were." I surveyed the van for a second, and noticed a huge duffle bag full of stuff. I also saw a half-empty box of pizza, and a few beer and soda cans lying around. "Alex…do you live here?" I asked.

"Maybe," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "Why do you care?"

"Because you're my friend. Why aren't you living at home?"

"I just can't go back there okay?" she snapped. Even though she was acting tough, I knew something was wrong.

"Why not?" I tried to press further but she just wouldn't say anything else.

"Craig, just stay out of it."

"No, I'm not going to. Come back to my house with me and I'll talk to Joey. You shouldn't have to live here in a van, no matter how much your home life sucks," I told her.

"Do you mean that?" she asked me with a hopeful look in her eye.

"Of course. I'm sure that Joey won't care. You can stay in my room and I'll sleep in the living room or garage until everything gets completely figured out. Don't worry," I assured her.

"I guess it would be better than the van," she said, a smile emerging on her face.

**Paige**

"I can't believe I almost forgot how much fun we had on our last date," I told JT, smiling at him.

"I never forgot," he replied, returning the smile. "Our date was the best day I had that year. Up until I found out you were being paid for it."

"Yeah, sorry about that. But I promise that absolutely no one is paying me tonight," I assured him.

"That's what they all say." We shared a small laugh at that, but by then, we were back at my house.

"I had a great time JT. Thanks for asking me," I said, getting ready to open the door.

"Maybe we could…go out again sometime?" he said, unsure of himself.

"I'd like that."

I could tell that he was surprised by the look on his face. I bet he was even more surprised when I leaned in and kissed him. It didn't last long, but at the time, it felt like the right thing to do.

**Jimmy**

After Manny and I finished our dinner, we went back to my house. My parents were gone for the weekend so we could at least have some privacy.

"Why don't you show me the house?" Manny asked when we got there. "Last time I was here, I only got to see the living room."

"Sure," I said, smiling. "Everything is wheelchair accessible…except for the basement. But there's really no point for you to see it anyway." Why am I rambling about the basement? I'm such an idiot.

"Okay," she said. She was so beautiful.

I showed her the kitchen, living room again, my parent's room, the guest room, even the bathroom, and finally, my bedroom.

"Here it is," I said, pushing the door open. She followed me in and looked around. For some reason I was nervous.

"I love it," she squealed, spinning around to see all the posters. "You like all of the same bands as I do. But I'm not a big fan of Kid Elrick," she commented. "This is the perfect room."

As she told me about everything she liked, I pulled myself out of my wheelchair and up onto my bed. I'd had enough practice to do it perfectly, but I was never really comfortable unless I was lying down.

"Mind if I join you?" she asked quietly. "I don't bite."

"Sure," I said. I watched her climb up onto my bed and got even more nervous. Since when is Jimmy Brooks nervous about a girl in his bed? Oh yeah, since he was paralyzed. I tried to get my mind off of it and focused on her. She lay down right next to me and grabbed onto my hand.

"I had a great time tonight," she said, rolling over onto her side to face me. She propped herself up on an elbow and looked into my eyes. It might sound corny, but I felt something. Manny didn't see me like everyone else did. And I didn't see her like most of the guys at our school did either. To me, she looked perfect, with her makeup smudged under one eye, and the little drops of sweat on her forehead that caused her hair to cling to it a little. And as her eyes stared into mine, I felt like we were meant to be there, at that time, doing exactly what we were doing.

"So did I," I finally replied. I pulled myself up a little to meet her and we kissed. Her lips tasted sweet, and she smelled so…I couldn't even describe it. All I knew was that I wanted to smell her and taste her and feel her every day.

We didn't break our lips apart for quite some time, varying the pressure of each kiss and occasionally adding our tongues. It wasn't too long before she pulled my shirt off and I had my hand up hers, resting on her back. I eventually removed her shirt, and felt her hand going for my belt.

"Manny," I whispered into her lips, causing her to pause for a moment.

"Is this okay?" she asked, looking into my eyes again.

"Yeah, I just…" I looked back into hers and knew right away that she was the right person for this. "I just might need some help," I said, completely comfortable. If it had been any other girl, I would have felt strange, or embarrassed to say it.

"I don't mind," was all she said.

**A/N: I don't know if any of you read it, but the Emma and Spinner scene came right out of my oneshot This Heart Beats For You. All I had to do was change it to first person. And I took out one line at the beginning and added a bit before it. I'm not sure how old Tim is supposed to be on the show, but I got the impression that he was in a grade under Marco. If anyone knows for sure, let me know please. The chapter title and lyrics are from "Halo" by Bethany Joy Lenz and she owns it. **


	12. Unfold

**Chapter Twelve: Unfold**

_My hands are high and I'm holding on_

**Emma**

"Can you believe that today is the last day of school?" I asked Ellie as we walked down the hall.

"Yeah," she answered, staring at the ground.

"Ellie, are you okay?" I asked. She'd told me that she was pregnant the day she found out. That was a week ago, and I hadn't talked to her since then.

"I'm fine."

"Do you know what you're going to do?" I knew she wouldn't like the question, and she probably wouldn't answer it.

"I don't want to talk about it right now. Not in school anyway. Besides, I have eight months and a week to decide."

"I just…" but I was interrupted before I could get the words out.

"Emma, I need to talk to you!" a familiar voice rang out from somewhere behind me.

"See ya," Ellie said, walking off quickly to her homeroom. I spun around, only to find myself face to face with Manny.

"What's wrong with you?"

"I have been waiting a week to tell you one of the most important things of my life and you've been close to invisible. Hello? I'm supposed to be your best friend. Where have you been?"

"Sorry I didn't think I was having a huge effect on you by not being at home," I joked. "I've been…"

"Never mind!" she squealed, interrupting me yet again. "I have to tell you."

"Tell me what? Will you spit it out already?"

"I had sex with Jimmy Brooks!" she whispered excitedly.

"Whoa Manny. Whoa…" I trailed off. I didn't know what to say. "Wait, isn't he going out with Hazel?"

"Seriously Emma, where have you been? They broke up like a month before he even came back to school. Why aren't you happier for me?"

"I'm just…surprised. I mean, I'm not trying to be insensitive, but I didn't even know he could _have_ sex."

"Trust me, he can," she said, smiling.

"I don't need any of the details," I told her, hoping she wouldn't elaborate.

"So…if you haven't been sitting at home all of these nights, where have you been? You have a new boyfriend, don't you?"

"Well…I guess you could say that."

"You have to tell me who it is!"

Before I could say anything, my cell phone started ringing. I flipped it open to see who was calling. I couldn't help but smile at the picture. It was Spinner, sleeping with his mouth wide open. It was the picture I'd taken in the van.

"Is that him?" Manny asked, trying to look at the picture.

"I gotta answer this," I said, walking away from her and putting it up to my ear. "Hey," I said into the phone.

"Em!" Manny called after me.

"I'll talk to you later!" I yelled back to her before returning to Spinner's call.

"Hey Emma," he said. Just the sound of his voice made me happy. Over the past week, we'd been talking every night on the phone for hours. We both talked about the shooting a lot, and how we felt, and it really did help. So far, I wasn't hearing Rick's voice anymore, and I wasn't having nightmares either. I'd even been able to forget about what happened to me in the van…well, almost.

"What's up?" I asked him.

"Come outside," he said, without really answering my question.

"Why?" Before he answered me, I was out of the school. I saw him standing next to his car.

"Let's go for a ride," he said.

"You know I can't, I have school." By the time I said that, I was next to him, and we hung up our phones. He quickly kissed me before looking around to make sure that no one saw. We both agreed to keep our relationship secret for awhile. Ellie and Jay didn't even know.

"It's the last day. I don't think they'll miss you that much," he said.

"Fine, but where are we going?"

"I don't know. But I don't care either. As long as I'm with you."

As we drove away, I took a quick look back at the school. Manny was standing out on the steps, watching us go.

**Marco**

"Are you ever going to talk to me again?" I asked Tim. I sat down at the table where he was sitting alone. He didn't answer me. All he did was glare into my eyes. I felt like such a jerk, but what could I do? "I know you hate me right now, but I can't tell him."

"That's not my problem Marco," he said, looking down at the table. "You mislead me."

"How many times can I say that I'm sorry?" I asked. "I'll tell him when I'm ready."

"I understand that, I really do. But you can't pretend to be something you're not. You're doing it to your dad and you did it to me. I just need some more time to think okay?" he asked.

Without letting me answer, he stood up and grabbed his tray, leaving me behind.

**Spinner **

"The beach?" Emma asked, grinning over at me as I turned the car off.

"You told me how much you love it and never get to go," I said, leaning in and kissing her softly.

"You remembered?" She smiled.

"Of course I did. Now let's go."

We both got out of the car and I grabbed the bag I'd packed for the trip. We got halfway to the sand before Emma stopped in her tracks.

"I don't have a suit or anything!" she said suddenly.

"So what? You can just swim in your clothes. I have some extra stuff for you to change into if you want."

"Okay," she finally agreed, once again leading the way.

We barely got onto the sand before she pulled the bag down to the ground and grabbed my hand, practically dragging me to the water. I cringed as it hit my feet; even though it was already summer, the water was freezing. All thoughts of the cold water evaporated the moment I looked at her face. She was laughing as she pulled me down into the water and kissed me. She looked the happiest I'd ever seen her.

After we finished swimming, I lay my huge blanket down in the sand and we fell onto it. Emma began shivering so I pulled her closer to me and held her in my arms.

"Let's get you out of these wet clothes," I whispered into her ear.

"Were you trying to make that sound sexual?" she asked, pulling away from me and sitting up. The frown on her face made me realize she was serious.

"What? No! I just meant that you should change because you're obviously cold. That's all."

"Fine then." I watched as she dug around in my bag for something suitable. She ended up with a black t-shirt, a pair of my boxers, and my hoodie. "Turn around so I can change," she ordered.

I turned and closed my eyes. When she was finished, she came around in front of me and climbed into my lap, placing an unexpected kiss on my forehead. I kissed her lips then, and trailed the kisses down her neck until I got to her collarbone. I moved her in my arms and gently placed her onto the blanket under me. We began kissing again and I let one of my hands travel up her side.

She suddenly pushed me away and sat back up, her breathing labored.

"What's wrong?"

"I just don't want to…" she trailed off, looking away from me and out towards the ocean.

"Emma?" I asked. I remembered that same look in Paige's face, the same way she pulled herself from me and wouldn't look me in the eye. When Dean raped her… "Did something happen to you?"

"What do you mean? I just don't want to have sex before marriage, that's all," she said, still not looking at me.

"I wasn't planning on it. All I did was touch your side." She flinched as I reached for her, but relaxed a little as I cupped her face in my hands and turned her head towards me. I could tell that she was trying not to cry. "It's okay, you can tell me," I whispered.

With those words, she burst into tears and threw herself into my arms.

"I didn't want to do it Spinner," she cried into my chest, soaking my shirt.

"It's okay Emma. I have you now. I won't let anyone hurt you. Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"No," she choked out. "I just want to stay like this." I held her while she cried, silently fuming on the inside. Who did it? I wondered to myself. Whoever it was, I wanted to kick his ass for making her feel this way. I stroked her hair and kept her as close to me as I could.

**Jimmy**

"Can you believe that Paige and JT are together now?" I asked Manny. The school year was finally over. It was a year all of us wanted to forget, but new relationships were already underway, and people seemed happier.

"What?" she asked. She was staring off into space while we sat outside the school, waiting for my driver to pick us up.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. "Is it about us?"

"No, not at all," she said, looking up at me and smiling. "We are fine. We're great actually," she said, holding onto my hand. "It's Emma…" she trailed off.

"Is there something wrong with her? Is she okay?" The first thing a guy has to be concerned about, after his girlfriend of course, is his girlfriend's best friend.

"Yeah, she's great actually. I just can't believe she's doing this to me! Or to you even!" she was raising her voice.

"Doing what?" I was interested now. If it had something to do with me, I really wanted to know.

"I think she's dating Spinner," she blurted out, close to tears.

"You think?" I asked. I'm definitely not one for gossip.

"Well, she hinted that she 'kinda' had a boyfriend today, and then she got a call on her cell. She ignored me when I asked if that was her boyfriend. So I followed her outside where I saw him kiss her and then they drove off together. So I'm pretty sure she is." She was crying then.

I lifted a hand up to her cheek and brushed away a tear.

"Look Manny, I know you're upset, but we can't control either of their relationships. If Emma wants to ruin her life with that jerk, then you have to let her and hope she'll realize that she's losing her best friend over it," I said, reaching up to hug her.

"She probably doesn't care. She has her new best friend Ellie now. They're all a bunch of losers," she said, referring to the whole crew of people that hung out at the ravine.

"I still can't believe Ellie fell in with those people. Or Emma for that matter. I guess Rick had an impact on all of us," I said, starting to space out. Every time his name came up, it was like I went into a trance. All I could remember was the sound of the gun going off and the force of the bullet throwing me to the ground. I even felt the pain in my back as I remembered it.

I must have cringed, or twitched, or something else, because Manny was suddenly kneeling down by my side.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. I didn't need to bother her with my problems when she had enough of her own to deal with.

"Come on, your driver's here."

She stood up and held my hand as we made our way over to the van. I'm not sure how we ever found each other, but I'm definitely thankful for her. I don't know what I'd do without her.

**Ellie**

I walked by the park on the way home from school and saw him. My hand instantly flew to my stomach and I held back tears. How did I get myself in this situation?

Instead of running straight home like I wanted to, I found myself walking towards Jay. I watched as he pushed her on the swings and then chased her around before falling to the ground. She pounced on top of him and started tickling him.

I chose that moment to approach the two of them.

"Having fun?" I asked, startling them both.

"Ellie!" Abby yelled, jumping up and hugging me. I was startled by her enthusiasm.

"Are you stalking me now?" Jay joked, holding out his hand. I helped him up off the ground and tried to hide the smile that was forming on my face. I didn't know why, but seeing him made me happy. All of my uneasy thoughts about the baby disappeared as he stood beside me.

"Why weren't you in school today?" I asked.

"Oh please. Why would I show up on the last day? Besides, Abby and I had a great day planned," he said, smiling down at her.

"Jay, can I go on the playground?" she asked, sticking her bottom lip out.

"Sure, go on ahead. We'll be there in a minute," he told her. She hugged him quickly before running off.

"You're really good with her," I pointed out. "Do you ever think about having kids?" I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. Jay snorted and smiled at me as if I was an idiot.

"Are you kidding? I'd be a terrible Dad. Abby needs me because her parents suck. Nope, I'm never having kids." My heart sank into the pit of my stomach and I held back tears for the second time that day. I bit my bottom lip and looked off into the distance. I knew I couldn't just leave because he might suspect something. So I stood my ground and forced a smile. I was a pro when it came to pretending that things were fine.

**JT **

I couldn't believe how great life was being to me. Paige and I had our second date the Monday after our first one. I was surprised that she walked up to me in school that day, and so was everyone else. Since then we've just been spending so much time together.

"Earth to JT," Paige said, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Sorry, I was just thinking," I replied. That night, to celebrate the last day of school, we'd walked all the way to the mall for a movie. Now we were back at her house.

"I had a great time," she said, kissing me.

"I'll call you later okay?" I asked, about to leave.

"Why don't you come inside and rest for awhile?" she suggested. "My mom isn't home…"

"What about your dad?" I asked, unsure. I shoved my hands into my pockets and shifted my weight from foot to foot.

"Well, seeing as my parents are divorced, I don't think he'll be home," she said, smiling.

"Oh yeah, I forgot."

"You don't have to come in if you don't want to."

"Are you kidding? Of course I want to." I followed her into the house and stood by the door.

"Why don't I give you the tour?"

**Manny**

"I just don't get it," I sighed. Jimmy and I went to his house straight after school, and we'd been there ever since. It was almost nine, but I just called my mom to tell her that I was over at Emma's. We watched a movie and made out for awhile, but that was all.

"Don't worry about it," Jimmy told me.

"I'm trying, but it's not working. She's supposed to be my best friend," I whined. Jimmy pulled me into his lap on the couch.

"Just think about us," he said. "And what I'm gonna do to you…" he kissed the corner of my mouth before slowly making his way down my neck and chest. He was pulling open my shirt a little to gain easier access when the door opened and his parents walked in. I flew off of him and slunk down in my seat while Jimmy turned and smiled at them.

"I think it's time you went home. Mr. Brooks can drive you," Jimmy's mom said, coming around the couch and glaring at me.

"I'll see you later Jimmy," I said, standing up. But he pulled my arm so I was back down next to him and kissed me. I felt my cheeks flush; I didn't like kissing anyone in front of parents. It was just too awkward.

"I'll call you later," he said as I stood up, glaring back at his mother.

**Paige**

"And finally, this is my room," I said, leading JT inside.

"It's great," he said, looking around. I pulled his hands from his pockets and held onto them while I kissed him. He finally loosened up and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me to him and sliding his tongue into my mouth. We broke apart for a minute and I started to take his t-shirt off. He didn't stop me, so I kept going. Once it was down on the floor, I leaned into his chest and kissed his shoulder.

"You smell so good," I said, slightly moaning into his mouth as he kissed me again. I backed up, pulling him along with me until we reached my bed. He sat down beside me and started to put his hands up my shirt as we kissed yet again. I slowly pulled my own shirt off, and JT just smiled.

"You're beautiful," he said, running a hand softly down my arm before brining his lips to mine.

"Do you have any condoms?" I asked between kisses.

"No…he said, trailing off and looking up at me.

"You're a guy! How could you not have any?" I asked.

"Because I wasn't planning on this."

"Well, luckily for the both of us, I have some around here somewhere." I stood up and walked over to my dresser. I rummaged through the top drawer, finally pulling one out and handing it to him. "Here."

"Paige, are you sure about this?" he asked.

"Of course I am," I told him, smiling. I sat back down on the bed and kissed him hard.

"But what about…him?" he asked as we pulled away from each other. I knew who he was talking about right away.

"JT, you were the first person to stick up for me when it came to Dean. I still remember how cute you looked trying to beat him up in that mascot uniform." We both shared a laugh at that before I continued. "And I've gotten closure since then. I want to thank you for that."

"I don't want it to be about that; about him."

"It won't be. It will be about us. You," I said, kissing him softly, "And me."

**Alex**

"I got most of the dishes. I'll be right back; I think there's another plate on the table. Then I'll wash them," I said.

"Alex, slow down. You don't have to do any of this," Joey said, taking the plate from me and putting it in the sink.

"Thank you for letting me stay here Mr. Jeremiah," I said.

"You've thanked me enough. Why don't you and Craig go out or something? It's summer now," he reminded me.

"I think I'll stay in tonight," I said, flashing a genuine smile his way.

"Oh and call me Joey!" he yelled after me as I walked up the stairs.

I was halfway up when I ran into Craig who was going down.

"Just getting some more clothes," he said, holding them up.

"You don't have to let me stay in your room. I'd be fine in the garage. It's probably nicer than my whole apartment," I pointed out.

"I don't mind. I'm just glad that you're so happy," he told me.

"How do you know that I'm happy?" I asked.

"Because you're smiling," he answered.

I was about to say something else butwas interrupted when his lips crashed into mine.

I didn't know what to do or say. When he pulled away, I just stared into his eyes and smiled again.

**A/N: Obviously Paige is not going to be getting with Matt in this story, and Emma will not be getting with Peter either. He probably won't come into the story at all because I don't have a place for him. This was definitely my longest chapter out of any that I've written in all of my fics. Hope it wasn't too long (I've actually read a chapter by someone else that was 66 pages long in word though…so it could be worse…) Please review and let me know if you liked it. The title and lyrics are from the song "Unfold" by Jason Mraz and he owns it. **


	13. Saints and Sailors

**Chapter Thirteen: Saints and Sailors**

_This is where I say I've had enough, and no one should ever feel the way that I feel now_

**Ellie**

I felt so alone as I walked home last night, thinking about everything that I had to deal with. I let myself drown in tears, hoping and praying that I wouldn't bump into anyone I knew. I was slowly becoming another teenage statistic; a young, pregnant girl without the baby's father to support her. It wasn't that he left me, or denied his child, but that I wouldn't tell him; I couldn't tell him.

At first, I doubted Jay's ability to take care of any child, afraid that he would simply wave all responsibility off. But then I saw him with his sister and softened a little, almost confident that he would want to help. I even considered telling him, but his words made me abandon any notion of starting a family with him.

I cried myself to sleep that night, wondering if anything would get better. I felt physically sick at the thought that this is what my life would resort to. It would be just me and my baby, alone.

I didn't even wonder about the absence of my mother. I never looked for her or called her because I didn't want her to see me like this. It's funny how I took care of her while she was drinking, but I didn't want her to take care of me. I didn't want to have to explain myself to her; so I wouldn't. At least not right now. She was better, so I wanted to be better too. But I didn't know how.

When I woke up the next morning, I couldn't bear the pain. She still wasn't home, no one cared enough to call me, and I still wanted my father to hug me and tell me everything would be fine; like he'd never left.

Standing in the bathroom at nine am, I drew the razor across my skin and just watched the blood droplets form a puddle in the sink. I couldn't tear my eyes away from it. I wondered how I could revert to this pathetic way to deal with my pain. I'd been so strong before, but I was at it again, hoping that everything would disappear with each new cut.

That's when I heard the voices. Not only the voice of my mother, but also the voice of a man. A man who was not my father. I stood on the other side of the door, listening, all the while letting my blood drip all over the floor.

"Stop it!" my mother yelled, high pitched and unaware. "I don't want Ellie to hear us."

"I thought you said she wasn't home," the man answered.

"Well, I don't know for sure. She comes and goes a lot now. Let me check for her first."

I ran over to the shower, ready to hop in as my cover, but all she did was check my bedroom. She never even came near the bathroom.

"Nope, she's not here." I heard her giggling, _giggling_! My own mother. I returned to my post by the door, which happened to be open just enough for me to see through the crack that coincidentally gave me a perfect view of the living room. I saw my mom standing there with her arms around the man—Ben. I remembered meeting him. He was my dad's friend. I couldn't remember his last name because I didn't care at the time.

I watched as he kissed my mom, even shoving his tongue down her throat. She moaned into his lips and pulled him closer to her. I was so disgusted and growing more infuriated with every passing second. I looked down at my arm and saw that it was covered in blood by then; the three cuts that I made standing out against my pale skin. I grabbed the razor and put it in my pocket before throwing the door open to confront them.

They were lying on the couch by the time I stormed into the room. My blood was dripping all over the carpet but it didn't faze me. I smiled at the thought of my mother on her hands and knees, scrubbing until she couldn't scrub anymore, with the stain still lingering; reminding her of what she did to me.

"How could you?" I screamed. They hadn't noticed that I was there until that moment. Ben jumped up and looked at me, his face full of sheer horror at the sight of my arm. My mother tried to act like nothing was going on, but then she saw it too.

"Oh Ellie, no!" she said, starting to cry. "Your arm…"

"I hate you!" I yelled at the both of them.

"I thought she wasn't cutting anymore," I heard Ben say to my mom.

"Shut up!" I shrieked in his direction. "It's none of your _fucking_ business what I do!" I'd never sworn at any type of adult figure in my entire life, but this man, this pathetic excuse of a man was bringing out the worst in me.

"Eleanor, please just listen to me," my mom said calmly. She was walking towards me, trying to look concerned, when I could tell that she was only concerned with her carpet. I walked forward to her and slapped her, stinging my own hand. I favored my hurt arm after that, and tried not to cry. I would not let them see me cry. I wanted them to feel my anger.

"You did this to me mom! You knew that it was your fault. I thought you were better when you stopped drinking, but you were really only cheating on my father!" I looked away from her, and over to him. "And YOU!" I shouted, pointing a finger at him. "You were supposed to be his friend. You unfeeling, selfish bastard!" I ran at him while I screamed any and all of the insults that entered my mind. "This is all your fault!" I punched him in the nose as hard as I could, which wasn't much, but at least he stumbled backward. I hadn't realized how strong I could be until I saw the blood covering his face.

Instead of trying to calm me down, my mom ran to him, guiding him to the couch while I stomped to my room and grabbed my CD case. It still had everything I ever needed inside of it.

As I walked back through the living room, only pausing to glare at the two of them long enough to see that she chose him over me, I silently cursed myself for ever thinking that my mom was a good person. I slammed the door behind me as I left, not surprised that neither of them tried to stop me.

**Craig**

I woke up in my own bed, almost forgetting about my previous nights' rendezvous. I looked around to find that I was alone, but I didn't mind. I still remembered how after I kissed Alex, she led me upstairs with her. How she kissed me hungrily, almost devouring my lips in a crazed frenzy.

And then how we'd moved further and faster and made love right there in my bed. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. She satisfied me but somehow left me wanting more. And we'd fallen asleep all tangled up in each other. It felt just like a dream, and I didn't even snap back into reality until I woke up that morning.

I rolled over, breathing deeply over the pillow she'd slept on, desperately trying to catch her scent. I felt like I needed to relive last night over and over again until I couldn't anymore.

I stood up, and after realizing I was still naked, I pulled some boxers on and got ready to find her. I peeked out the door to make sure the coast was clear, and then left my room on a mission. Someone was in the bathroom so I knocked on the door. It opened to reveal Alex tightly wrapped in a towel, with her arms crossed over her chest.

I envisioned pushing her into the bathroom and pulling the towel off, then leading her to the shower and taking her back inside to add to last night's passion. I quickly shook the thoughts out of my head when I realized she had said something to me.

"Huh?" I asked, a dreamy expression still on my face.

"I said, what do you need?" she repeated.

"I need you!" I blurted out. I felt my face blush as she stared at me, unsure of what to say. "I meant that I was looking for you," I added, looking past her into the bathroom only so I could avoid looking her in the eye.

"Well, I'm meeting Paige at The Dot for breakfast and then we have to work until six so…" she trailed off with a questioning look on her face.

"Okay, um I'll just see you later then." She nodded before closing the door again. I was a little disappointed that she was leaving, but I couldn't take it personally. It was just work.

I went back in my room, only to grab a shirt, and then headed downstairs to eat breakfast. Joey was pouring milk into Angie's cereal when I sat down.

"So Craig…" he said. Uh-oh, he must know that I slept in my room with Alex last night. I prepared myself to make up some stupid lie but was surprised at what he said. "I agreed to Alex living here on certain conditions, and I was wondering why you slept in your room last night," he finished. He was calm, which was good. And I knew he wouldn't say anything too bad in front of Angela.

"Well, I can explain…" he interrupted me before I could come up with anything, which turned out to be a blessing.

"I'm not finished yet. I just don't think that she should be sleeping out on that couch in the garage with all that she's gone through. You may have changed your mind about giving up your room, I'm not sure, but she at least deserves a bed," he told me.

I was so confused; I didn't know what to say. So she slept down on the couch last night? I didn't even feel her get up and leave, but then again, I was exhausted from our activities…

"So I was thinking that we could clean out that room with all of our junk in it. I never unpacked some of the boxes when I first moved in here, and it's a waste of a room really. If it's not too much trouble I'd like you to move the boxes into the basement today and I'm going to bring Angie with me to see about getting a bed in there."

"Yeah, of course," I said, thankful that he didn't know what went on last night.

**Emma**

I woke up the next morning feeling considerably better. Last night, Spinner held me until I was ready to go. I felt relieved to have told someone my secret. And I actually slept peacefully for the first time in a long time. He was so understanding, and didn't make me talk about anything that I wasn't ready for.

Our car ride home had been silent, but it was the most comfortable silence imaginable. I was able to breathe easy and rest my head on his shoulder.

Snake didn't question my absence and he didn't tell my mom. We both knew that I didn't miss anything important and that I needed a day to get away from my problems.

When I got into bed that night I called Spinner right away. Hearing his voice made me feel safe; I knew he'd never hurt me like so many guys had done in the past. I simply listened to every word he said until I was fast asleep, and when I woke up, I could hear his soft snoring coming through the phone.

"Goodnight Spin," I whispered before hanging up the phone.

I was about to take a shower when I heard someone ring the doorbell. I went upstairs to find a note from my parents on the table. They'd taken Jack to see Snake's parents, and wouldn't be home until late the next day. My pause to read the note made me forget about the person at the door—almost. The incessant knocking made me snap back into reality as I rushed to answer it before the door fell off its hinges.

"Ellie! What happened?" I asked as I opened the door. She was standing there, here eyeliner smudged all over her face, mixed in with the tears streaming down her cheeks. Then I looked down and saw her arm, covered in dried blood, with three fresh cuts starting to scab over.

I ushered her inside and led her to the kitchen. She gasped and pulled her arm away from me as I tried to clean it.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"Not really. But maybe I should," she answered, wiping her eyes off.

"Only if you want to," I assured her. I got the first aid kid from under the sink and wrapped her arm with rolled gauze as she began her story.

"I can't tell Jay about the baby. He doesn't want to have kids, and I'm not going to force him into helping me if it's not what he wants. I just realized last night that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life; just me and my baby. So I cried myself to sleep, and when I woke up, I was still alone. My mom was gone, my dad's still gone…so I went into the bathroom and I…" she trailed off, motioning to her arm.

"I'm sorry," I told her, being sincere. I have my share of problems, but just when I'm thinking about how much I can't take it, I find someone who's worse off than I am. And sometimes I'm thankful that I was raped. It sounds horrible, but I don't know when I would have stopped acting the way I was. And I don't know how I would have found Spinner.

"But that's not all. While I was doing it, my mom came home. And she brought a friend. Ben. He's my dad's friend. And she's cheating on him!" she yelled. "So I freaked out and slapped my mom, then punched him in the nose, and I'm pretty sure I broke it."

"That really sucks." I didn't know what else to say.

"Tell me about it," she agreed. "I can't go back there," she added, looking down at the floor.

"Don't worry. You can stay here as long as you like."

"Thanks Em," she said, standing up to hug me.

**Alex **

"So, what is this big news?" Paige asked, picking at her food.

"I had sex last night," I whispered.

"Yeah, and? I didn't know you got back with Jay though."

"Not with Jay…" I trailed off. "With Craig!" I hissed. She nearly spit her milk all over the table when she heard it.

"What? How? Whoa…" she sat back against the booth and stared at me, her mouth agape.

"Tell me about it."

"How did this even happen? I thought you were sleeping on entirely different floors of the house!" she squealed. I couldn't believe she was so…happy about it.

"Well, I was on my way upstairs last night, he was on his way down…and he kissed me. I don't know what came over me but I just sort of dragged him upstairs and it happened," I explained. "It was like we were animals or something."

"That's what happens when you don't have sex for awhile," she said, sure of herself.

"Paige!"

"Oh come on you know it's true." She must have seen my features change because she frowned suddenly. "What's wrong?"

"I think I made a mistake," I confessed. "We shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't like him! He's Craig. He's in a completely different world than I am."

"Well, so am I, but you still hang out with me, right?" she asked.

"That's different. I have to because we work together," I joked.

"Fine then," she replied, laughing a little. "But seriously hun, don't worry. You'll figure it out soon.

"I sure hope so."

**Jay**

I didn't know why I couldn't stop thinking about her. Every time I saw her, I resisted the strong urge to kiss her, never mind do other things…

How could a girl do this to me? I didn't even think about Alex like this way. Whenever Ellie entered my thoughts, she was like a song stuck in my head; I couldn't get rid of her. And every time she was around me, she looked sullen, like she couldn't stand life. And despite her quality to look so depressed, I wanted to be with her.

The major problem was that I didn't know how to get her to open up to me. That's what happens when the only girlfriend you've ever had is a girl that you grew up with. But Ellie was different. She was just…herself, and I couldn't seem to get past it.

**Tim **

"Will you please just talk to me?" Marco said from the other side of the door. His mom had set me up in the guest room, which was comfortable, but lonely. Without answering him, I unlocked the door and pulled it open, causing him to almost knock me over as he fell inside.

"Maybe you shouldn't lean on the door when you're begging for forgiveness," I said, suppressing a laugh. Why did he have to be so damn cute?

"So this means that you're forgiving me?" he asked, sticking his bottom lip out.

"Not exactly. I feel like an idiot, believing that you knew what you were talking about, and that you understood _exactly _where I was coming from. But I can't go on ignoring you because you're just so…"

"Persistent?" he asked.

"I was going to say hot, but persistent works," I said, smiling. Marco sat down on my bed, grinning at me. I couldn't resist, so I sat down beside him.

"Even though you're not so angry with me, I still want to say that I really am sorry. I will tell him, but just not today, you know? Dylan pretty much forced me into telling my mom, and that was hard enough," he explained.

"I get it Marco. But if you say sorry one more time, I'm going to have to hit you," I joked.

"How quickly you change your mind," he stated. We looked into each other's eyes for a second longer than usual before looking away. An awkward silence followed, but Marco managed to turn it into something more than that. "Sorry!" he yelled out, laughing.

I smacked him lightly with the back of my hand, causing him to feign an injury. He then repeated the word about four or five times, and I repeated my action. We got carried away, and soon enough, Marco shoved me down onto my back.

We stayed like that, him hovering above me, pinning me down by my arms. After a moment of heavy breathing, he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, nearly smothering me in the process, but with no complaints on my part. We continued to kiss for a few minutes, until his tongue snaked into my mouth.

It was in that moment that I knew we were meant to be together.

But it was also in that moment that Marco's dad came upstairs.

"What's going on in here?" he yelled, causing us both to jump, and Marco to fall straight off the bed.

"Dad, I can explain!" Marco yelled, scrambling along the floor, trying to get up quickly. His dad just shook his hands and put his hands up in a defensive position.

"I…I don't want to hear anything from you…just…just go Marco…get out!" He didn't address me at all, but I stood up, ready to throw my stuff together as fast as I could.

His mom came up from behind his dad, resting her hand on his arm.

"What's going on up here?" she asked quietly, probably aware of the situation.

"They were just…they were…" he couldn't even say it; he just pointed his finger at us and stuttered. "I want them both out!" he yelled sternly. I don't think Marco had ever heard his dad yell like that. By the look on his face, he was trying not to break down and cry.

**Paige **

"Okay, so you told me your secret, now I have to spill mine," I said to Alex, leaning my arms onto the counter. The movie theater was dead, which was surprising for a Friday night. Everyone was probably at some killer graduation parties that we had to miss because of the torturous activity that some call work.

"Shoot," she said, flipping through a magazine.

"Hun, I need your full attention on this one. It's pretty huge," I told her, tugging the magazine out of her hands.

"Fine, I'm all ears!" she said, throwing me a look of annoyance.

"I had sex…with…JT!" I whispered his name as some customers came up, leaving Alex open-mouthed and speechless. I hurriedly filled a popcorn bag, and shoved it across the counter, spilling some of it in the process. The woman glared at me but walked away, choosing not to start a confrontation.

"Excuse me?" Alex asked as soon as she was gone.

"Well, he _is_ my boyfriend," I told her. "And…we had sex."

"Whoa, that's really…um…yeah."

"That's your only reaction?"

"What else do you want me to say?" she asked. I could tell she was still trying to get over what I told her.

"You're supposed to ask how it was, or…congratulate me or something," I said with a smirk.

"Sorry, but I don't want the details," Alex said, picking up her magazine that somehow ended up on the floor.

"Well you just ruin the fun, then don't you?" I joked.

Our conversation was cut short anyway as a huge line formed, keeping us busy for the rest of our shift.

**Jimmy **

My parents and I sat at the dinner table, completely lost in silence. Manny hadn't called me all day, and I never said a word to my mother either. My dad avoided me because he didn't want to instigate a fight between us. I finally couldn't hold it in any longer; I had to ask.

"Why did you act like that last night?" The question was directed towards my mother, but my father was the one who decided to answer.

"Jimmy, don't be upset. Your mother and I just don't feel that you need to be fooling around with girls right now. You need to focus on catching up with your school work."

"That's bull Dad and you know it. I want to hear Mom's answer. I have a feeling what it is already."

"I do not have to explain myself to you James," she said calmly.

"Why can't you give me an answer?" I screamed, banging my fist onto the table. My mother kept a straight face as she continued to scold me.

"Do not lose your temper around me young man," she said, waving a finger in my direction.

"JUST TELL ME!" I'd never been that loud to either of my parents before in my life.

"I DON'T WANT ASIAN GRANDCHILDREN RUNNING AROUND!" she yelled, even louder. "Are you happy now?" she lowered her voice for that remark, but it didn't lessen the pain I felt from it.

My chest felt like it caved in. I couldn't breathe, and I wanted to get away from her. I rolled my chair away from the table and made my way to my room. But before I got there, I turned around and said one last thing to her:

"How could I be happy with a mother like you?"

I choked back tears as I entered my room and quietly closed the door. The tears burned my cheeks as I pulled myself from my chair and onto my bed. I felt more alone than I ever had in my life; my own mother, who was supposed to love me unconditionally, was racist. I guess I never really knew her at all.

**A/N: I'm also not going to be doing the Jay & Silent Bob Movie because I don't really want to write it in. Hopefully no one will be disappointed. I just have so much that I want to cover before this is over…and these chapters are probably going to be around this length all the time because I have so many different characters incorporated into the story. I wanted Jay to be in this chapter because he wasn't in the last one…I know his POV was short and boring, but I wanted to show that he does like Ellie…he just doesn't know how to show it. Anyway, let me know how the chapter was. **


	14. If I Fall

**Chapter Fourteen: If I Fall**

_If I fall, will you catch me? Make it alright, because I'm standing on the edge now._

**Emma **

Ellie cried for awhile, and I just talked to her most of the day. After she calmed down, she was feeling tired, so I let her crash on my bed. I just sat down on the couch and was about to watch a movie when the doorbell rang. I sighed, stood up, and trudged over to the door.

"Spinner!" I squealed, throwing my arms around his neck. He hugged me tightly, lifting me off the ground a little. "I thought you had to work tonight?" I asked.

"You need me more than The Dot does. So I took the night off," he explained.

"This would be why you're the best boyfriend I've ever had," I told him.

"Boyfriend?"

"Well…yeah. I mean, if you don't want to…"

"Of course I want to be your boyfriend. I was just wasn't sure how you felt about it," he said.

Instead of replying with words, I kissed him hard. His tongue found its way into my mouth, and we moved over to the couch, accidentally leaving the front door open. We kissed for what seemed like hours before Spinner finally pulled away from me and smiled.

"I was just about to watch a movie. Did you want to join me?" I asked, resisting the urge to kiss him again.

"Of course. But first…" he kissed me again, very softly at first, then varying the pressure of each kiss that followed. We didn't hear anyone knock on the door, so both of us were surprised when we looked up and saw JT and Toby standing in the room.

I jumped when I saw them, and brought myself closer to Spinner, gripping his hand.

"Having fun?" JT asked, grinning.

"_Is this fun for you Emma?" _

"What are you doing here?" I asked them, my voice shaky. Spinner must have noticed because he put a hand up to my back and started to rub it lightly.

"_Stop it!"_

"We were just stopping by to see if you wanted to hang out," Toby said, shrugging.

"_Or how about this?" _

"But maybe it's not a good time," JT added.

"_Don't."_

I held back tears, unsure of what to do. I could hear the words in my head, from that night at the ravine.

"Spinner," I whispered, turning to him.

"Just leave guys," he told them forcefully.

"Maybe you should let her speak for herself," JT said. Spinner's hands left me as he stood up and got in JT's face, pushing him back.

"_Don't you want to know what it feels like to be a full blown whore? You're already on your way…"_

"Leave him alone Spinner. We were just leaving," Toby said, grabbing JT's arm.

"No, if he wants to fight, then let him fight," JT said, pulling away from Toby.

"STOP!" I screamed, unable to take it any longer. They all froze in their tracks and looked over at me. I couldn't keep the tears from coming anymore, and they poured out of my eyes like rain.

Spinner ran to me and held me in his arms as the two guys prepared to leave.

"Sorry Emma," JT said. "I didn't realize you were so upset."

"Yeah, I'm sorry too," Toby added.

But I couldn't listen. I pressed my head to Spinner's chest, trying to block out the sound.

**Craig **

I had just finished moving the last of the boxes when Joey got back with the bed. I helped him set it up while Angie watched a movie in my room. By the time the room was completely finished, it was already six thirty. She'd be home any minute.

Joey and Angela were downstairs making dinner when I heard the front door open. I was finishing with the sheets on the bed when I heard her call out to me.

"Craig? Joey said you were up here somewhere…"

"Surprise!" I yelled as I realized she was standing in the doorway, staring.

I was taken by surprise when she started to cry.

"Alex? What's wrong?" I moved over to her and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close to me. She didn't resist, but simply leaned her head on my shoulder and sighed.

"I'm fine, really," she said into my shirt, her voice coming out a little muffled. "It's just that no one's ever done anything this nice for me before." She pulled herself back from me and looked into my eyes. "Thanks," she whispered.

"Any time," I replied, wiping the leftover tears off of her cheeks. She leaned towards me, and I thought she was going to kiss me, but she kept going until her mouth was even with my ear.

"Why don't I _really_ thank you tonight?" she whispered before walking out of the room.

**Spinner**

I let Emma cry for a long time. She really needed to lately. When she was finished, she sat up and wiped her eyes.

"Are you any better?" I asked, running a hand through her hair.

"I guess so," she answered. Her voice sounded so tiny, like she was far away from me. She looked so weak; she was definitely not the same Emma that I knew a few years ago. That Emma was commanding and fierce, but now, she was broken.

"I know you don't want to talk about this, but I have to know. JT did it to you, didn't he?" I asked, trying to stay calm. She looked away from me, and I knew my suspicions had been confirmed. I stood up; ready to go kick his ass, but Emma grabbed my arm and pulled me back to her.

"Don't," she said in that same, faraway voice.

"He can't get away with this Emma! We have to do something," I protested. "JT Yorke is a dead man." I knew from my previous experience with this topic that I shouldn't go trying to beat people up, but maybe this time would be different. Maybe we'd both feel better once he got what he deserved.

I was up from the couch again, moving toward the door. Instead of pulling me back, Emma jumped up and ran to me, grabbing onto my hand.

"You can't do this Spin. Leave JT alone," she said, her voice loud and hard this time.

"Why not?" I yelled, getting frustrated.

"Because it wasn't JT!" she screamed back at me. "It was Toby!"

**JT **

"What do you think that was all about?" I asked Toby. We were driving to Paige's house since we had nothing better to do.

"Who knows," he said, rolling his eyes. "Spinner's probably totally screwed Emma up. I don't' see why she ever got with him anyway. He's the one who made Rick bring a gun to school," Toby said angrily.

"Well, what are we gonna do about this? We can't let her waste her life with that loser," I said, trying to think of something.

"We could kick his ass," Toby said, completely surprising me.

"Right. Just think about that for a minute Tobes. Spinner could sit on both of us at once. I don't think that's a good idea."

"We'll think of something."

**Paige **

"I can't believe you're both leaving me on the same day," I complained to Hazel and Ashley.

"Well, we knew we'd all be separated sometime," Ashley said, smiling.

"I'm really gonna miss you guys," Hazel said, changing the subject.

"Tell me again why you're leaving on the same day? You're going to different countries," I whined.

"Ashley is flying with me to New York," Hazel answered.

"And I'm staying with her family for a few days, because my plane to London goes out from there," Ashley finished.

"I'm sorry that I'm the only one here to say goodbye," I told them. I felt really bad that no one showed up.

"Yeah, where is everyone anyways? I thought that at least Jimmy would be here," Hazel said, looking down at the ground.

"I have no idea where Jimmy is, Craig is fixing a room up at his house for Alex, Marco is off somewhere with Tim, and JT is hanging out with Toby," I explained. "So it's just me."

"We still love you anyway," Hazel said, hugging me. Ashley hugged me after that and we all had tears in our eyes.

"You sure you're not coming back?" I asked both of them.

"Sorry," Ashley said. "I'm staying with my dad for as long as I can. I'll be finishing school out there."

"And I'm staying in New York. I really need to get away from here. I'll miss you Paige," Hazel said.

"What am I gonna do without you two?"

"Don't worry, you'll still have Jimmy, Craig, Alex, Manny, JT, and Toby," Ashley said, laughing.

"Great, so now my two best friends will be Manny and Alex. I don't think I'll be able to stand it."

"We'll write you," Hazel said.

"And call," Ashley added.

And then we all hugged for the last time.

**Manny **

"What happened last night? You never called me," I told Jimmy.

"My mom happened," he said with a look of disgust on his face. He'd just come in his van to see me; he told me he had something important to talk about.

"Do you want to come inside?" I asked.

"No, I can't. I can only stay for a few minutes, and then I have to go somewhere," he told me.

"Okay then, what did you need to tell me?"

"I don't know any other way to say this, so here it goes. My mom doesn't want me to see you anymore," he said.

I felt my stomach flop. Why does this always happen to me? I sleep with a guy and then he's gone, just like that.

"Why?" I asked him, biting my bottom lip and trying to keep myself from crying.

"Because she's racist," he said bitterly. "She yelled something about not wanting Asian grandchildren."

Hearing that from him, I did start to cry. I couldn't help it. I'd actually never been hated because of my race…until now.

"I guess I'll see you around then," I said between sobs.

"What? Manny, I'm not leaving you," he told me.

"You're not?"

"Of course not! I'm not going to let my mother stop me from being with my girlfriend. I will always be here for you, no matter what."

I ran to him and jumped in his lap, throwing my arms around him. After we hugged for a minute, I kissed him and stopped crying for the most part. He held me for a few minutes before he said he had to go, but assured me that he'd be back tomorrow.

Jimmy's mom was the last person I thought would pull this kind of crap. I actually expected my dad to act this way before anyone else's parents. But I had the best boyfriend in the world, and that was all I needed. We would get through this, I knew we would.

**Jay **

"Hey Abby," I told my sister as I walked into the house. I'd been making it a habit to go stay home and take care of my sister, but since her mom was home, I'd gone out, only for a few hours.

"Daddy's mad," she warned me before kissing me on the cheek.

"Thanks for letting me know," I told her. "Why don't you go play up in your room?" I watched her run up, and waited to hear her door close before I went to find my father. I knew very well what he was like when he got mad, so I didn't want her to be around it.

"What the hell Jason?" he yelled as soon as I walked into the living room.

"What's wrong with you?" I yelled right back. I was sick of him being an asshole the only time I ever saw him.

"What have you been telling your sister? She won't even listen to us anymore. All I hear coming from her mouth is that you told her to do or not do something. You're not her parent!"

"If you or Judy were EVER home, you'd see that I've been taking care of her. She needs SOMEONE here! She's only six years old. What the hell is wrong with you that makes you think she can sit alone all day?" I yelled. I opened my mouth to say some more, but was cut short when he slapped me across my face.

"Don't you ever talk to me like that again Jason!" he yelled.

"What are you gonna do about it dad?"

He shoved me then, so hard that I fell against the wall.

It was at that moment that I decided I was going to get a really good job, save up all the money I could, and get Abby and I out of there.

**Jimmy **

"Am I too late?" I asked as I made my way up to where Paige, Ashley, and Hazel were standing outside Paige's, along with JT and Toby. I'd had my driver drop me off down the street because I didn't want to attract attention with the stupid power lift lowering me to the ground.

"Jimmy, you made it!" Hazel squealed, running over to hug me. I politely hugged her back, and realized how much different it felt than hugging Manny. It just felt strange to have my arms around Hazel, so I slowly pulled back from her.

Everyone else moved over to where I was, and I hugged Ashley as well. It was so weird to say goodbye to both of my ex-girlfriends, and I was really wishing that I was back at Manny's with her.

I didn't want to go home either, but after I spent almost an hour there, the sun was going down, and I had to go. I reluctantly got back in the van and headed back to my house where I'd go right to my room and ignore my mother.

**Alex**

I was laying in my bed, unable to move comfortably, because Craig was fast asleep with his arm thrown over me. It just didn't feel right.

After Joey had gone to bed, he snuck into my new room so I could "properly" thank him. We had sex pretty much the same as we did the other night. I just went crazy when I was with him. I guess I was trying to make up for my uneasy feelings about what I was doing. I was trying to change my own mind, but it wasn't working very well.

I didn't know if I was doing all of this because of what happened with my mom's boyfriend. Or maybe it was the fact that since I'd left home, my mom hadn't even come looking for me.

There was one other reason that I might have been doing this with Craig, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. I didn't want to think about that just yet.

"Craig, wake up," I whispered, shaking him. He wouldn't budge. He was a really heavy sleeper, which was why I had been able to sneak off to the garage the other night. "Craig!" I hissed, ready to shove him off the bed.

I didn't want to make a lot of noise, so I did the only thing I knew would be effective. I kissed him hard, pushing my tongue into his already open mouth. Still half asleep, but with his mouth hanging open; he finally started to kiss me back, and eventually opened his eyes.

"What is it Alex?" he asked sleepily.

"You have to go back in your room now," I told him, pushing him off of me. It was two in the morning.

"Why?" he groaned, kissing my neck. I pulled myself away from him and sat up.

"Because, you have to be in your own room when Joey wakes up. We don't want him suspecting anything," I explained.

"You're right. Goodnight," he said, kissing me softly before quietly sneaking back to his own room. I gladly got up and closed my door, finally able to go to sleep.

**Marco **

For a long time, I could hear my parents fighting over what had happened. I heard him yelling at my mother all night. She admitted to him that she knew for a long time, and he was so angry with her.

I hid out in the guest room with Tim. He held me while I cried like a baby over what was happening. I couldn't believe it; my father never acted this way in my entire life. He was always quiet and kind, but this one little secret pushed him over the edge.

When it was nearly three in the morning, I decided to go downstairs and put a stop to it. I told Tim that he should stay in his room, and I went downstairs into the kitchen. As soon as my dad saw me, he stopped talking completely. He looked away from me. That moment was the worst moment in my life. When your own father is disgusted by you, there's probably nothing left in the world that could be worse.

"I want him out! Him and that…_other_ boy," he said to my mom. I looked over to her. She had a tear stained face, and I could tell she was holding back even more. She shook her head sadly at me.

"He's not leaving," she said firmly. "And Tim's not leaving either."

"I am his father, and I will decide if he stays or goes!"

"Marco is my son too. And he is staying. If you don't want to be around him and his boyfriend, then you can leave." She stayed calm the entire time, but I could tell that it was very hard for her.

I fought back tears as I watched my father nod his head. He walked right past my mom, out of the house, and out of my life.

**A/N: Just to clear things up for anyone who didn't understand, Manny is Filipina (she's from the Philippeans, which is an Asian country) and that's why Jimmy's mom said he didn't want Asian grandchildren running around. There was a lot of Emma and Spinner in this chapter…I know everyone wanted to find out who raped her. Now you know, so who's surprised? Next chapter will be fast forwarded to maybe a few months later. And there will be some more Ellie and Jay confrontation. I know Jimmy's POV was random, but I just wanted it to show that he really wants to stay with Manny. There'll be more about his mom later. Sorry this chapter is up so late today, but I procrastinated and wrote the whole thing today. The title and lyrics are from the song "If I Fall" by Aqualung and they own it. **


	15. Move Along

**Chapter Fifteen: Move Along**

_Move along like I know you do, move along_

**Emma **

I woke up to find Spinner's arms wrapped tightly around me, like he was never going to let go. I found comfort in that, and lay there for a few more minutes. The night before, after I confessed to Spinner that it was Toby, I broke down again. That alone was enough to convince Spinner not to beat the crap out of him. He knew I needed him to stay with me, so he did. I was beginning to wish that he was the one I'd always been with; not Sean or Chris, but Spinner. If I'd had him all along, then maybe I wouldn't be this way.

I finally pulled myself from his arms, but he didn't wake up. I watched him sleep for a minute. His mouth was slightly hanging open, and a little spot of drool was drying on the couch pillow. I had to smile at that. Only Spinner could be gross and make it look cute. I gently kissed his forehead, pulled a blanket over him, and then went into the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast.

I fixed up the coffee pot, popped some bread in the toaster, and started to heat up the stove to make bacon and eggs. I knew the smell of food cooking would wake him up; another thought that made me smile. It seemed like everything about him made me happy. Especially the way he took care of me. He let all of his own worries fade away and allowed mine to take place of them.

When I was almost finished cooking everything, Ellie crept upstairs. I could tell she had cried herself to sleep the night before too, because her eyeliner was smudged on her cheeks and her eyes were red. I motioned for her to look at Spinner. We shared a laugh and then I sent her on her way to get cleaned up. I was really glad that I had Ellie in my life too. As much as I loved Manny, I knew she would never be able to look past my dating Spinner. She was known to hold a grudge for a long time.

As if on cue, the minute I put breakfast on the table, Spinner stretched and fell right off the couch. I helped him up, since he was still half asleep, and led him to the table. He smiled and kissed me softly before scratching his head and starting to eat. I sat down next to him, and Ellie returned to eat with us.

"This is really good," Spinner mumbled with his mouth full of food. I frowned a little at him, but then decided to stop caring. So what if he talked with his mouth full? I'm not his mother. I'm not anyone's mother. So why should I care about stupid little things like that?

"Thanks," I said. Ellie just nodded and kept eating. I slowly picked at my food, causing Spinner to finally say something.

"Are you okay?" he asked, placing a hand on my arm.

"I'm fine," I lied. I couldn't tell him the truth. Of course I wasn't fine. Every second that someone wasn't talking to me, I would think about how I was raped. And how it was my fault. I felt like I was going to explode. I was on the verge of asking Ellie if it really hurt to cut. Because I needed to take my mind off of this in any way possible.

"What's wrong?" Ellie finally asked, taking a break to gulp her orange juice.

"Nothing. I just had a fight with JT last night, over some stupid little thing," I lied again, throwing Spinner a look not to say anything. The problem was, Ellie caught the look.

"I wouldn't have guessed you were lying if you hadn't just looked at Spinner that way," she said, starting to eat again. "So what's going on?"

"I'm not lying Ellie. I'm fine. Are you okay?" I asked her, ready to change the subject.

"Why wouldn't she be okay?" Spinner asked me with a confused look on his face. I remembered right then and there that I was the only one who knew Ellie was pregnant. I was the only one who ever knew there was a possibility of her being pregnant.

"I'm great," she said, obviously faking a smile. Spinner didn't even notice because he was too busy eating more. "Is there anymore bacon?" she asked.

"Sure." I grabbed her plate and filled it with bacon and eggs, and gave her some more toast. Since she was pregnant, she was eating the same amount of food that Spinner was. I laughed a little at that.

"You gonna eat the rest of that?" Spinner asked, eyeing my food.

"Nope, go ahead." I pushed the plate away, eager to give it to him. I'd only taken a few bites of eggs, and eaten one piece of bacon, but I somehow felt full. The food was making me feel sick just looking at it.

"Hey Emma, don't forget, we're going to the mall today," Ellie said. I paused to think for a minute before realizing that she was giving me a look. Then I remembered; today was Ellie's first doctor's appointment.

"Oh yeah, I almost did forget, thanks for reminding me," I told her with a wink. Spinner was oblivious to the whole ordeal.

"We have to leave in an hour and a half, so I better get ready," she said, dumping her plate in the sink. "Thanks for breakfast."

As soon as she was gone, Spinner looked up from his food.

"She doesn't know?" he asked.

"No, she doesn't and she's not gonna know okay?" I said though gritted teeth.

"Emma, we have to tell someone. You have to get help," he pushed.

"No, I don't. I already told you that I'm fine. The only person I want help from is you," I said. I sat down in his lap and kissed him, ready to make him forget that what he knew.

**Paige **

"I should have never taken this early shift," I groaned, leaning back against the counter.

"It's not that bad," Alex said. At least you have me to entertain you.

"I just don't see how you can work so early in the morning. It's summer! I'm supposed to be sleeping in."

"It's a habit for me. I just never wanted to be at home when my mom woke up from being passed out, so I came here. And even though I don't live at home anymore, I guess it just stuck with me," she said, shrugging.

Ever since I started working with Alex, we got closer and closer. She really was one of my best friends, especially since my only other girl friends both left the country today. Working with Alex was always amusing. She'd try to make me feel better if I was upset, and I'd do the same.

Over the time that we'd been working together, Alex had told me all about her home life. She confessed that I was the only one who knew all of it. She hadn't even ever told Jay. I promised that I wouldn't say anything, but I was still worried about her. That's why, when I found out that she'd moved in with Craig, I was so happy for her.

"So tonight I'm having a party, and you better come," I told her.

"What if I don't?" she asked, grinning.

"I'll just have to do this!" I started tickling her. She squealed with laughter until her face turned red. I finally stopped, feeling merciful, but it was the wrong thing to do. Because then she attacked me, tickling me until I felt that I couldn't breath any longer. Someone clearing their throat from behind us made us both jump and stop immediately, trying to compose ourselves.

I turned around and saw that it was JT. He was eyeing Alex, almost jealously.

"Hey," I said, kissing him across the counter. He looked at me and smiled, finally relaxing.

"Can you take your break yet?" he asked. I looked back at Alex for approval and she nodded.

As I walked off with him, I looked to Alex and smiled.

"You better come tonight! And bring Craig!" I yelled. She just waved me off, so I turned my attention back to my boyfriend and grasped his hand as we went outside.

**Manny**

Since Jimmy had to go to one of his routine check-ups, I was left with nothing to do. I thought about how I'd normally be hanging out with Emma. We hadn't even spoken since that day in the hallway. I couldn't believe she would do that do me. It's not like I ever went out with Sean or Chris. Best friends don't date each other's ex boyfriends. It's just an unspoken rule.

I decided that I wanted to just go over to her house and give her a piece of my mind. Or maybe I could talk some sense into her.

It only took me five minutes to walk to her house. There was no car in the driveway, so I assumed her parents were gone for the day. The only time they ever left was usually to go to Snake's mom's house.

I knocked lightly on the door, and when no one came, I knocked harder. I was very surprised when the door opened and Ellie was standing on the other side. I threw her a look of distaste but she just rolled her eyes and stepped aside, letting me in.

"Hey Emma! Whatsherface is here!" she yelled out before walking away. I followed her and saw her going down into Emma's room. Who does she think she is? Since when does she roam the house as she pleases? I was dragged out of my thoughts as Emma entered the room.

"Manny! What's up?" she asked casually, as if nothing odd was going on.

"Let's see…you're dating my ex boyfriend, who also happens to be the kid that caused the shooting at our school. Oh and now you have a new best friend, the cutter. Anything I missed?"

"What is wrong with you?" she yelled at me. "Why can't you just be happy for me? You've been off with Jimmy all the time, so it's not like I'm just trying to ignore you. Anyone can pick up a phone Manny!"

"That's crap Emma and you know it!" I screamed. I didn't get any farther because Spinner walked into the room. "What the hell are YOU doing here?"

"I'm her boyfriend dumbass," he said, walking over to Emma and taking her in his arms.

"What good will you ever do for her?" I asked him, quieter this time. "Are you gonna push her around until she brings a gun to school?"

"Shut the hell up Manny. You're the one who isn't being a good friend, and you know that. I care about Emma more than I've ever cared about anyone in my life. Especially you," he added.

"Will you two just stop?" Emma asked pleadingly. I could tell she was trying not to cry, but that was just too bad for her. If she hadn't started doing crap with Spinner, she wouldn't be in this situation.

"Shut up you slut! He's my ex-boyfriend. He screwed us all over and now he's screwing you!"

I expected Spinner to start screaming in their defense, or Emma to jump up and punch me. But what I didn't expect was for Emma to burst into tears and turn into Spinner's chest. And I didn't expect Spinner to throw a look at me like I was the cruelest person in the world. He started talking to me, in a calm, quiet voice.

"You have no idea what she's been going through. One of your stupid little friends is really the cause of this; not me," he said.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, still annoyed.

"Spinner, don't," I heard Emma mumble. She dug her nails into his arm, trying to keep him from saying anything else.

"She was raped Manny. Maybe you'd know that if you were around more."

"I think you better go," I heard another voice say from the side. My stomach dropped and I forced the bile back down my throat.

Ellie took me by the arm and led me out the door, slamming it behind me.

What have I done?

**Spinner**

"Why would you tell her that?" Emma asked angrily. She wiped her tears away and instantly turned from sad to pissed in only a few seconds.

"Why didn't you tell us Emma?" I heard Ellie whisper from the corner.

"Fuck, Spin! Now Ellie knows too," she cursed, pulling away from me.

"I was only trying to help," I said softly. "Besides, people need to know things like that so they don't treat you like shit; like Manny just was."

"I also don't need people walking on eggshells around me; only being nice to me because…because…"

She couldn't say it. Why couldn't I see that she wasn't fine? That she was torn up inside? I'm such an idiot to think, even after what happened with Paige, that I could help Emma by myself. She needed a lot more people than me.

"I'm sorry Em," I whispered into her ear. Ellie stood by, not knowing what to say. "I want to help you."

"So do I," Ellie added, finally breaking the silence.

"I don't need anyone's help," Emma snapped, backing away from me again. "Come on Ellie; let's get you to that appointment."

I just watched her leave me and lead Ellie off to her appointment. She never even looked back.

**Tim**

"I'm so sorry Marco; this is all my fault," I groaned.

"Will you stop apologizing?" he asked. "It's not your fault. My dad made a choice that had nothing to do with you."

"You're not very convincing," I said, laughing a little. I just couldn't help smiling when I was around him. Marco meant a lot to me, and I wanted him to know that. But I also couldn't help but feel guilty about his dad. He did leave because of me; because of what he saw.

"I try," Marco said, shrugging.

"Well, if you won't let me apologize, then at least let me cheer you up," I said, kissing him suddenly. I thought he might push me off, not ready to get into anything when he was upset. But instead, he lay down on the bed, pulling me down on top of him.

"You can cheer me up any day," he said into my mouth.

We kissed for what seemed like hours, rolling over and switching positions every so often. Marco ran a hand up my arm, and I pulled his shirt up to kiss his stomach. Everything around us was quiet, and we were never disturbed.

I slowly unzipped Marco's jeans, then popped the button and started to pull them off. Soon after that, we were undressed and under the blankets, our hands traveling over each other's bodies; exploring.

I had never done anything like it before; previously being afraid to let anyone know I was gay. But with Marco, it just seemed right. Like we were meant to be together that day.

My tongue explored Marco's mouth before he finally gently rolled me over. I nodded; letting him know it was okay. Speaking would have probably ruined it for both of us. All we needed was silence; and each other.

**Ellie **

Emma wouldn't talk to me at all on the way to or from the doctor's office. She stayed completely silent, and I didn't blame her. It was a lot to take in. When were halfway to her house, I told her I needed to be alone. I was really trying to give her some space, so she could think some things through. So I walked a different way, letting her go.

Everything went well during the appointment. The baby was fine, I was fine, everything was great. Except maybe how I felt. Even though I knew it was completely horrible, I'd almost hoped that something went wrong, that maybe I'd lost the baby. I felt guilty even thinking it, but I didn't know what else to do.

I knew I wouldn't be able to do it alone. I wasn't going to pretend that things would be fine, because I knew they wouldn't. I wasn't going to tell Jay, and I wasn't going to keep the baby.

I found myself walking to the park, hoping that I'd see Jay. Even though I didn't want him finding out, and I didn't want him to try to be a part of this, I still found myself going to him. The problem was: I didn't know why.

I looked up from the ground for an instant and saw him. He was sitting on a bench, watching Abby play with some other kids. I wanted to walk away; to run actually. But instead, I went forward, closer and closer to him.

"Hey," I said softly. His head snapped up and his eyes met mine. I was waiting for him to say some sarcastic remark about me stalking him, but instead, he just smiled.

"Hi." My eyes fell on his right eye. It was black and blue; someone had gotten him good. He saw me staring and looked away. Instead of taking the hint, I sat down next to him.

"What happened?" I asked, hoping that maybe he'd tell me. I just wanted to be able to talk to him.

"Nothing big really. I told a few people down at the ravine that I wouldn't be coming back. And I trashed the van," he added. "I heard about what happened to Emma and I just lost it."

"How did you hear? And when did this happen? I only found out two hours ago," I said, surprised at how fast the news traveled.

"Spinner called me last night, after he found out who did it. But he wouldn't tell me because he was afraid I'd kick the guy's ass."

"Oh. Well, I'm glad you trashed the van though. Nothing good ever comes out of there." Without realizing it, I let a hand fall to my stomach, holding it there for a moment. Thankfully for me, Jay didn't notice at all.

"I better get her home. It's almost time for her to go to bed," he said, standing up.

"It's really great what you're doing for her," I said. "She's lucky to have you." He held out a hand and pulled me from the bench. We were close, almost too close, and just stood there, looking into each other's eyes. Suddenly, he leaned down and kissed me, his lips gently massaging mine. I didn't pull away.

"Do you want to come back with us?" he asked once the kiss was over. "My dad and step mom aren't home tonight."

NO NO NO! My head was screaming at me. I should have left then, and never looked back. But I couldn't, and I didn't.

"Sure," I said, smiling and letting him take my hand.

**Alex**

"I'm so glad you came!" Paige squealed, wrapping an arm around my neck and leading me into the house. She had already been drinking, I could tell by the smell coming from her.

"Where's JT?" I asked, looking around for the little shrimp that was usually glued to her right hip.

"He had to work," she said. "But that's okay, because I have you!" she said, tapping a finger on the end of my nose. "And where's Craaaaaig?" she asked, bumping my hip with hers.

"He couldn't come; he had to baby-sit." I was lying. I hadn't really wanted to invite him. I needed some time to think without him always over my shoulder.

"Bummer. Oh well, we'll just have to have fun without them!" she yelled, pulling me out into the middle of the crowd and starting to dance.

"That should be relatively easy," I said, not being able to keep the smile off of my face. "But Paige, I don't dance!" I yelled over the music. She frowned, but I knew she was only joking around.

"Fine then. We'll just have to get you a drink!"

Several drinks later, Paige and I were up in her room, talking about how much parents sucked. I'd told Paige a lot about my home life, but never anything that my mom's most recent boyfriend did to me. I couldn't bear to tell anyone; they'd all think I was a freak for letting it happen.

"Sooooo, tell me all about your latest drama," Paige said. I knew she would actually listen, no matter how drunk she was.

"Let's see," I said, tapping my chin, pretending to think. "I'm currently sleeping with someone just to try and forget about my problems, but it's not really working." I sighed, unsure of what to do. Maybe Paige could help me.

"Is that why he's really not here?" she asked. "You didn't even ask him to come, did you?"

"Nope," I admitted, shrugging my shoulders.

"Why? I mean, it's not like you'd end up having sex here. I wouldn't allow it in my bed. Or my mom's," she added, smiling.

"To tell you the truth…I just wanted to be alone…with you." I looked her right in the eye and let a small smile form. She just stared at me, and I'm sure she was seriously thinking about running from the room. I was completely surprised when she leaned towards me and kissed me on the lips.

Neither of us let go as we kept kissing, and eventually lay down, her on top of me. I wasn't sure if she was doing it because of the alcohol, but I knew it was something that I'd wanted for a long time.

She pulled my shirt up and kissed me from my stomach up to my chest. My hands found their own way up her shirt, and I rolled over so that I was on top of her. She pulled me down so that our bodies were pressed together tightly. Her breath was hot on my neck and I gave in to her every touch.

**Jay**

I couldn't tell Ellie the truth. Sure, Spinner had called me and told me what happened, and I had gone to the ravine, trashed the van, and swore to myself that I'd never go back there. But that wasn't where my black eye came from. I couldn't tell her it was from my dad; that I was too weak to defend myself against him.

I finished putting Abby to bed and went downstairs to find Ellie sitting on the couch, staring around the room.

"Surprised?" I asked. I saw her jump and look over at me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I bet you expected a trailer," I said, walking over and sitting down next to her.

"No, not really." She wasn't talking much, just bouncing her leg up and down.

"So…" I trailed off, looking around with her. I didn't know what else to do. I'd never been powerless around a girl before. She just…did that to me.

But when I looked back towards her, she was staring right at me, and this time it was her that leaned forward and kissed me. I cupped the side of her face with my right hand and she leaned in closer, snaking her tongue into my mouth.

It wasn't long before I had my hand up her shirt. She didn't push me off; she just climbed into my lap and started kissing my neck. I slowly moved my hands down to her thighs, resting them there as she moved her lips back onto mine. I gradually slid my hands up her legs, but when I reached a certain point, she stopped.

She jumped up off the couch, her eyes laced with doubt.

"Sorry," I whispered, "I just…"

"No, it's not your fault. I just can't do this," she said, sighing and turning away. She moved for the door and I followed, trying to stop her.

"Ellie, wait!" I reached out, trying to grab hold of her arm, but it slipped out of my grasp and she was gone, quietly closing the door behind her.

**A/N: I know I said I was going to move a few months forward in the chapter, but I didn't want to just yet. The next chapter will be moving forward, right past the summer, because I want to get to the birth of Ellie's baby at some point. The title and lyrics are from the song "Move Along" by The All-American Rejects and they own it. **

**urban luver: I wanted people to be shocked, so I planned for it to be him. I'm glad you liked the last chapter, and thanks for the review! **


	16. Everchanging

**Chapter Sixteen: Everchanging**

_There's nothing simple when it comes to you and I, there's always something in this everchanging life._

**Marco**

The summer just seemed to fly by, without anyone even realizing it. My dad didn't come home at all; not even for any of his things. We found out later that he was staying at his brother's house, and didn't plan on leaving any time soon. I felt so bad for my mother, but she never cried. I wasn't sure if it was because she was too angry with him, or she was just trying to stay strong for me. No matter what, she was a rock, and I was grateful for her.

Things were going great with Tim and I. Ever since we'd had sex three months ago, we were pretty much attached at the hip. We went everywhere together and rarely spent a night apart. My mom was supportive of us, but we still had rules like any other teenagers. We weren't allowed to sleep in the same room, because she thought Tim was too young to be doing anything like that just yet.

While I truly wanted to respect my mother's wishes, I sometimes couldn't help myself when it came to being with Tim. We usually waited until she left for work, and one of us would crawl into the other's bed.

This summer has been the best one I've probably ever had in my life, and I'm dreading school, because after this year, Tim and I will be separated.

**Emma**

I can't believe it's already time to go back to school. I've spent the entire summer with Ellie and Spinner. After my parents got back from seeing Snake's mom, Ellie and I talked to my mom about her situation. Everyone decided it would be best for Ellie to stay with us, and after much persuasion, Ellie's mom agreed as well. Ellie wouldn't talk to her, and I didn't blame her at all.

Everything with the baby was fine, except for Ellie's attitude about it. She didn't want the baby because she knew how hard it would be for her to give it away, and she knew she couldn't take care of it on her own.

So I did something to help her out, and hopefully she'll be happy about it.

As for Spinner, he's been amazing. He listens to me when I need to tell him something important; usually how I feel. And thankfully, he agreed not to tell anyone else about what happened. I explained to him that I need to get through it on my own, with his support. He told me he'll always be there for me, and I believe him.

**JT **

The summer wasn't very eventful for me at all. Sure, I had a great girlfriend, but she wasn't around too much. She always had to work, and as much as that annoyed me, I supported her because I knew she needed the money.

When we did see each other, Paige suddenly didn't want to have sex. I didn't really mind that much because it was fine by me to just be with her. We always had fun when we were together; no matter what we were doing. I just wished I would have been able to spend more time alone with her before the summer was over.

For the most part, I just hung out with Toby like I always did, constantly plotting Spinner's demise. Emma wouldn't do anything with us anymore, and she'd only talk to me on the phone if Toby wasn't there. Toby said it was probably because Spinner hates him because of what happened with Kendra.

**Jimmy **

After a little under three months of fighting with my mother at all, I had enough. My dad wouldn't stick up for me; whenever we got into fights, he said nothing at all. I tried to avoid both of them as much as possible, so Manny and I went out every day.

One night, my parents said they were going to be gone until the next day, so I had Manny stay over. Little did I know, it was a plan for my mom to spy on me, and they came home and walked in on us having sex. My mother took Manny home and lectured her, while my father told me how disappointed he was in me. Then they told me that I couldn't see her at all anymore, and I freaked out.

I really love Manny, and I don't think I could stand being away from her for more than a few days at a time. So I left. I had a serious discussion with both of my parents, which led to them renting an apartment for me. It's on the bottom floor of Manny's building (of course, they don't know that she lives there).

I've been here for only a week now, but I love it already. I can see Manny whenever I want, and my parents just send me checks when I need money. I'm obviously hurt that both of my parents stopped caring about me like that, but I think they'll come around. Once they realize that Manny and I love each other, I hope that my mom will see what a mistake she's made, and beg me to come back.

But if she doesn't, I'm asking Manny to move in with me.

**Spinner**

Emma has been my only priority this summer. I've been working at The Dot and saving all of my money, but whenever I was off, I went straight to Emma's house and spent time with her. Some days Ellie came along too, and I didn't mind that at all. We were beginning to form a new group of friends, with Jay, Alex, and Craig included once in awhile.

I've been really trying to keep Emma's mind off of her problems. A few times, she broke down in tears, and I was just there for her to lean on. Even though she was getting a little better, I was still worried about her. I wasn't sure if what I was doing was working. She had lost some weight over the summer, and I didn't know if she'd been eating enough. She told me that it was because of stress, and pretty soon she'd be gaining it all back.

But if that doesn't happen, I have to tell someone.

On the bright side, I talked to Ms. Hatzilakos last week, and she's letting me back into school. I'd been avoiding my mother for the longest time, but now I didn't have to. Of course, I'd rather be with Emma anyway.

We still weren't having sex; I respected her wish to wait until she was married. All we did was make out from time to time, and we often slept together in her bed. I will never make a move like that on her, no matter what, because I really love her.

**Ellie **

I probably had the worst summer out of everyone. It was full of me being worried, upset, sad, angry, and so on. I'm sure I experienced every emotion possible except for happiness.

I take that back; I was happy for those few little moments I had with Jay. I didn't know why I felt that way about him. Half of me always wanted to be around him, and the other half just wanted to push him away. He did something to me that I didn't like. I wouldn't call it love, but there was something there.

My new group of friends was Emma, Spinner, and Jay, with the occasional Marco. But Marco was mostly busy with Tim, so I didn't see him much. I was still happy for him though. And lately, Craig and Alex would come with us too. They were an interesting couple, but they seemed to be happy just hanging out, so I guess I'm happy for them too.

Anyway, whenever we'd go to the movies, or just go out, Jay was always invited by Spinner. It was awkward at some times, and at others, it felt like we were supposed to be together. I was completely torn, but I always chose the same thing.

Jay and I had many more moments like that night at his house. I'd let my guard down, Jay would kiss me, we'd make out for a few minutes, but then I'd remember the baby and run off. I felt really bad doing it to him, but I'm sure it doesn't bother him very much. I mean, he's _Jay_. He's always been with a bunch of different girls, and for all I know; he has a few of them right now.

**Craig **

Alex has been acting strange lately. We've been having sex for three months now. She'll come to my room in the morning and then it just happens, or some nights I go to her room after Joey's asleep.

We haven't talked about an actual relationship at all; I think both of us like it this way. But I feel like I want something more from her. I think that maybe I'm falling in love with her. I don't know what's going on really, but I just always want to be around her, no matter what we're doing.

She's been hanging out with Paige a lot lately, and I'm glad she has a best friend now. Even though Paige and Alex are best friends, we don't hang out with Paige or JT as a group. We've actually been out a few times with Ellie, Emma, Spinner, and Jay. It's definitely a change for me, but as long as Alex is there, I'm fine with it.

I plopped down on the couch, ready to take a nap. It was the last day of summer vacation, and since Alex was up in her room with Paige, I had nothing to do at all.

"Hey Craig, we need to talk," Joey said, moving my feet so he could sit down.

"What's going on?" I asked, interested. He looked concerned, to say the least.

"Alex's mom stopped by this morning…" he trailed off.

"Really? What did she want?" I was hoping that he wasn't about to tell me that she wanted Alex to come home. I liked having her around.

"She's…getting married," he stated. My jaw dropped and I tried to soak it in. I knew that her mom's boyfriend was hurting her before she came here. And Alex would be crushed if she found out that he was marrying her mother.

"Does she want her to go back home?" I asked, worried by what his answer would be.

"No, actually…" he sighed, pulling some papers out of a manila envelop that was lying on the coffee table. "She dropped these off."

"Custody papers?"

"She wants me to be her legal guardian until she turns eighteen. She said that Alex has made it clear to her that she isn't going back home, not as long as Jordan is there," Joey explained.

"Well, are you going to sign them?" I asked. I didn't know if I wanted him to or not. It seemed like if he signed them, Alex would be more like my…sister. I shuddered at the thought and tried to focus on something else.

"It's not that easy Craig. I have to talk to Alex first."

**Jay **

This summer has by far been my worst. There's no more partying at the ravine for me, no more girls, and beer, and drugs. It's just been work, work, and more work.

I guess it's better this way. I've been struggling to raise Abby and try to look after Ellie. I have no idea how I'll do any of this when school starts. I'll have to find a daycare for Abby to go to before school too.

But no matter what's going on right now in my life, I still try to spend some time with Ellie. It just seems like she needs a friend right now. I can't stop my feelings for her, and I know she feels something too.

I just have no idea why she'll suddenly open up, and kiss me, and then just stop and run away. I would understand if I was still down at the ravine every night, turning into a loser and throwing my life away. But I've left all of that. I'm trying to be a better person here, and she still doesn't want to have anything to do with me.

"Jay, my belly hurts," Abby said, pulling me out of my thoughts. She groaned and stretched out on the couch.

"Why don't you just lie down for a little while?" I suggested, pulling a blanket over her.

"I can't," she said, starting to cry. She sat up, then screamed out in pain, clutching her stomach.

"What's wrong?" I asked, getting a little worried.

She wouldn't stop crying then. She just rolled up into a ball and kept screaming and crying.

"I need to go to the hospital!" she yelled.

**Alex **

I was sitting on the floor, leaning against my bed. It was the last day of summer before school started up again, and I had just realized how much less time I'd be able to spend with Paige.

Ever since the night at her party, Paige and I have been seeing each other almost every day. We take shifts at work all the time, usually in the morning when we know it'll be dead and we can talk.

I sighed and stretched my legs out, trying not to yawn. Paige came back from the bathroom and sat next to me. I couldn't help but smile at her because she was so beautiful. I never thought any of this would be happening to me.

"Paige…" I started to say, but was cut off when she pressed her lips into mine. Not long after that, my tongue was in her mouth and I was gently pushing her down onto the ground. She stopped me though, and sat back up.

"Hun, you know the ground hurts my back," she said, grinning.

"Well then why don't we just go up on my bed?" I asked, standing up and holding my hand out to her. She took it and I helped her up. I locked the door before joining her on my bed, where she got on top of me and started to pull my shirt off.

I never wanted the summer to end.

**Manny **

Emma won't return any of my calls. I can't believe that I messed up this badly. The only thing that I've done right in my life has to be my relationship with Jimmy. At least he still loves me, no matter how much I've screwed up.

He doesn't live at home anymore, which gives us plenty of time to be together. I usually tell my parents that I'm going over to Emma's, and I just go downstairs to his apartment. I know Emma won't call, so at least my lie will hold up.

I was lying in Jimmy's bed with my head resting on his chest. He stroked my hair while we just lay there, completely silent.

"I don't want to go back to school," I complained. "I just want to stay here with you."

"I know what you mean. I wish I could just stop going, but we have to at least work towards graduation," he said. "You know I'll be graduating with you, right? I missed too much work while I was in the hospital. But I like it better that way, because I get to stay with you."

"I know, and as much as I know it will suck for you to watch all of your friends graduate, I'd rather have you with me," I told him, lifting my head up just enough to kiss him.

"I don't need any friends as long as I have you."

**Paige **

I sat on Alex's bed, holding her head in my lap, and playing with her hair while we talked. I only had a few minutes left until I had to go home, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I knew that JT would be there, waiting for me. My mother had invited him to our end of the summer cookout.

"You should come," I told Alex, hoping that she'd take me up on my offer.

"No thanks," she said, letting out a huge sigh. I knew she didn't want to be somewhere with me if JT was going to be there.

I kissed her softly before I left, letting myself out. She always got upset when I left, like she didn't think I'd ever be back.

The night of my party, I don't know what I was thinking. Alex was just a friend; or so I thought. I felt so horrible that I wasn't completely freaked out when we kissed. How can someone like a guy _and_ a girl?

I know that what I'm doing to JT isn't right, so I guess I'll have to choose between them. I mean, can I go on like this, going back and forth between the two of them?

**A/N: Sorry that the chapter is so late…it's been really stormy the past few days and my DSL was down so I couldn't get online.I won't be able to have the next chapter up on time...I still have to write it. I feel so bad, but I've been working and I haven't had any time to write at all. :(I hope the chapter was okay; I just needed to have a quick summary of the summer so I could move along. There's a POV for everyone in there except for Tim…and next chapter there will be more interesting things going on.The chapter title and lyrics are from the song "Everchanging" by Rise Against and they own it. **


	17. What Now?

**Chapter Seventeen: What Now? **

_I just won't relax, I can't catch my breath. _

**Tim **

I was eating breakfast, waiting for Marco to finish getting ready for school, when the phone rang. I got up to answer it, but Mrs. Del Rossi waved me away, motioning for me to finish my breakfast.

"Hello?" she asked. Then she paused, and her face was blank. "Okay, hold on a moment please." She placed the phone down and sat next to me.

"Is it for me?" I asked. She nodded.

"It's your father," she explained.

My stomach started to flip around. I wasn't sure if I was ready to talk to him at all. He kicked me out, then ignored me for so long, that I almost didn't feel like I should ever give him a chance to tell me anything. But then I remembered that he is my father, and I chanced it. I got up and picked up the phone, my hand shaking slightly. Mrs. Del Rossi left the room to give me some privacy.

"Hello?" I asked. My voice had taken on an annoyed tone automatically. I knew I shouldn't act like I was afraid of him, or of what he might say.

"Timothy," he said in a kind manner. "It's so great to hear your voice."

"You would have always heard it dad, but you kicked me out," I pointed out, ready to hang up the phone at any time.

"I know," he said, sighing. He sounded so…old. "I made a mistake Tim, and I'm sorry. I want to talk to you. Would that be okay?" he asked. Now he was asking me? I let him wait for my answer, mainly because I wasn't sure what I wanted it to be.

"You're talking to me right now," I finally said.

"The phone isn't good enough," he replied. "I want to see you Tim. I thought we could talk at that restaurant you go to. The Dot." This time it was my turn to sigh. How could I turn him down? No matter what happened, I still loved my father. I had actually been hoping for a call like this.

"Fine," I said, giving in. "I'll meet you there at seven." I hung up the phone without saying goodbye.

I don't know how I'm going to explain this to Marco.

**JT **

I don't know how some people do it. Once you've had sex, it's pretty hard to stop. And Paige hasn't wanted to do anything all summer. I wouldn't leave her for that reason. Actually, I wouldn't leave her for any reason, or think about leaving her. I sighed and pushed my locker door shut, ready to find someone to talk to before the day started.

Then there she was, running up to me like a little kid, with a huge smile on her face.

"You're gonna like this…I think," she said, kissing me.

"What?"

"I need sex. Now," she told me. A few people started to stare, so I dragged her outside, to the bottom of the front steps.

"Are you kidding me? You've made me wait three months and now you want it? School's about to start," I complained. She really had to pick the worst time.

"So what? We'll probably only miss homeroom…" she trailed off, grinning.

"And where do you suppose we do this?" I asked.

"I don't care, I'm really horny!" she squealed.

"Wow Paige, too much information," Alex said as she walked by. Paige stopped her ranting and turned around. Alex just stood at the top of the stairs, looking down at us. After another moment longer, she turned and walked way.

"That was weird," I said.

"Let's go!" Paige replied, grabbing my arm and dragging me across the parking lot.

"My car?" I asked.

"It's the closest thing," she pointed out. "Unless you wanted to go in the janitor's closet. Or the boys washroom," she suggested.

"The car's fine," I said. "We just can't get anything on the seats!"

**Emma **

I didn't want to be back at school. I couldn't stand walking down the halls, or seeing most of the people I had to see. Manny wouldn't talk to me. I could tell that it wasn't because she was mad at me, but she was ashamed by the way she had acted. I didn't want it to be that way. I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me.

This year I'd be eating lunch alone, since Ellie and Spinner had second lunch, and I had first. Manny had first lunch too, but she wouldn't sit with me. She sat with Jimmy, Paige, and Craig.

I looked down at my lunch tray and sighed. The sight of the lunch food almost made me sick. I couldn't eat this crap. I pushed it around on the tray for awhile before finally getting up and throwing it away. I wasn't going to look like a loser, so I made my way to the girl's washroom.

I looked in the mirror and couldn't believe what I saw. No wonder no one would sit with me at lunch. I was so fat. My stomach was probably the biggest it had ever been, and my butt was horrible. I had to get rid of this.

Before I did anything, I checked to make sure no one was in the washroom. Then I locked the door and made my way to the first stall. I stuck my finger down my throat and heaved absolutely nothing. I hadn't eaten at all in awhile, but I was still so fat. I kept trying until something came up—even though it was only bile—and I was finally satisfied.

I wiped my mouth off and rinsed it with water before calmly walking to my next class.

**Manny **

"Have you seen Emma?" I asked Jimmy after lunch.

"No, why?"

"She looks horrible," I explained.

"What do you mean?" he asked, concerned.

"She's so skinny. I could see her hip bones sticking out, and she's pale," I let a few tears fall down my cheeks. "She was my best friend since we were little kids, and I screwed it all up."

"Manny, it's not your fault. You had a right to be upset that she was with Spinner. He's an ass, and your ex boyfriend," he said.

"But he's helping her," I said. "He's there for her when I should be. Jimmy…" I lay my head on his shoulder and cried for a few minutes. "She's not eating," I finally said.

"I don't think Emma would ever stop eating. She's not like that. She's responsible, and…"

"She was raped," I said, interrupting him. Jimmy was silent for a few minutes; we both just stayed like we were. "And I haven't even been there for her."

"Manny, you can't expect yourself to be able to help everyone. It's hard to even know where to start with something like that," he said.

"Maybe I should talk to Paige. She might know what to do…" I trailed off.

"But she probably wouldn't want to dig up those memories," Jimmy pointed out.

"I just don't know what to do then. I can't bring myself to talk to Spinner—not right now. Does that make me a horrible person?" I asked him.

"No, it makes you human. Manny, I have to ask you something," he said. I lifted my head up and looked in his eyes.

"What?"

"Will you move in with me?"

**Ellie**

Thankfully, the school day went by quickly. And no one noticed that I'd gotten bigger. I only had a small bump in my stomach, but I knew that sooner or later, people would know. I just wasn't sure if I wanted to tell anyone, or just let them figure it out themselves.

I did have a plan though. When Jay finally finds out, I'm going to tell him that it's Sean's baby. He doesn't know that Sean and I never had sex after the shooting. I could tell him that it happened right before we went to Wasaga. It was believable, and since Sean wasn't around to say any different, it would work.

I decided to walk home, rather than take the bus. I had my license, but no car, since I didn't live at home. Before I'd been using my mom's car from time to time, but that wasn't an option now. When I got to Emma's, there was someone sitting on the steps, waiting for me.

"What are you doing here Jay?" I asked, sitting down next to him. When I got this close to him, I wasn't sure what to do. Part of me wanted to just kiss him, or lay my head on his shoulder, while the other part of me wanted to get up and walk away. He just shrugged his shoulders and yawned. "Why weren't you in school today?" I asked. I figured he's make some sarcastic remark about how much I wanted him because I noticed he was gone; but he didn't.

"I was at the hospital all night with Abby," he explained.

"Is she okay?" I asked. I'd grown fond of his little sister; she always asked me to play with her, and told me that she loved me. It would break my heart to find out that anything bad happened to her.

"She had to get her appendix taken out. The doctor said she'd be fine, and she could go home in a week or so. I was just so scared," he admitted. I could tell that it was hard for him to say this kind of stuff to me; to anyone for that matter.

"Well, she's lucky that she has you," I said, patting his shoulder. He looked up at me and stared into my eyes, finally smiling. I couldn't resist that look, or those eyes. I leaned in and kissed him, while my brain yelled at me to stop. He brought a hand up to my cheek and held it there. Then his fingers ran through my hair as I slightly opened my mouth, allowing his tongue past my lips.

"Ellie?" I heard a familiar voice ask. I pushed myself back from Jay and stood, looking at the person who had just called my name. And I couldn't believe my eyes.

**Marco **

Tim left without saying anything. I had no idea where he'd gone, so I went out to find him. There were only a few places he could have gone, since he didn't have a car. I tried The Dot first, and sure enough, there he was.

I watched him through the window for a minute. He looked happy. He was smiling and laughing while he talked with whoever it was. I noticed that it was an older man, and I got a feeling in my stomach. It wasn't a good feeling.

Finally, I pulled open the door and walked inside, ready to see who he was meeting with so secretly.

"Tim?" I asked. "What are you doing here?"

He looked up at me, his smile suddenly replaced by a look of worry.

"Hey Marco, he said. "I'm just having dinner…" he trailed off, and motioned toward the guy.

"With who?" I asked. I had a pretty good feeling who the guy was, but I wanted to hear him say it.

"Oh, this is my boyfriend, Marco," he said to the man.

"Nice to meet you Marco," he said, holding his hand out. I wouldn't shake it though; I couldn't.

"Who are you?" I asked, somewhat rudely.

"I'm Tim's dad," he told me, confirming my suspicions. I looked over at Tim, my lips pressed into a frown. I had nothing to say to either of them, so I just walked away.

"I'll be right back," I heard him tell his dad.

"Marco, what's wrong?" he asked as soon as we were outside.

"You shouldn't even have to ask that Tim! After everything you said about that guy, and all the pain he put you through, you're out here secretly meeting with him? How long has this even been going on? How long have you been lying to me?" I asked. I knew I was overdoing it, but I remembered how it felt when I found out about all of Dylan's lies. I felt like it was happening all over again.

"I haven't been lying to you at all. He called me this morning, and asked me to meet him for dinner," he explained.

"Why couldn't you just tell me? I'm your boyfriend! Do you even care about that?" I asked.

"Of course I do. And I knew you'd be upset like this, and not want me to come tonight. I was going to wait for the right time to tell you…" he trailed off, looking down at the ground.

"To tell me what?" I was afraid of his next words. I knew, in the bottom of my heart, what he was about to say. And I didn't want to hear it.

"He wants me to come home."

**Alex **

I was lying on my bed with the door open, starting on some homework when someone knocked on the doorframe. I looked up to see Joey standing there, looking nervous.

"Let me guess…" I said, sitting up. "You want me to leave?"

"Of course not Alex. We all love having you here. May I come in?" he asked.

"Sure," I said, pushing my books aside to clear a spot for him. "What's up?" I asked him, ready for the news.

"I don't know how to tell you this Alex…"

"What did my mom do now?" I knew it had to be something to do with her.

"She's getting married," he said. "To Jordan."

My heart leapt into my throat, and I tried my hardest not to cry. How could she marry that monster? I started getting flashes in my mind of what he'd done to me.

"Alex?" Joey whispered. I forced the thoughts out of my mind and put a fake smile on my face.

"That's fine with me," I said. "But I'm not going to the wedding. If that's an invitation, you can rip it up," I told him, pointing to the envelope in his hand.

"It's not…" he said, getting that same look in his face again. "I guess you just better look at these. Your mom dropped them off." He handed me the envelope and I ripped it open. I didn't want to wait for the heartache that she'd put on me next. I just wanted it to be over quickly.

They were custody papers. She wanted to get rid of me.

"I wanted to show them to you first. I'd never sign anything like that without asking you," he said. Joey really was a good guy. He wasn't like anyone my mother had ever dated. I knew I'd be safe with him.

"Sign them," I said. "Please."

"Of course I will, if that's what you want," he told me, patting my back. "Things will be different around here you know."

"They already are. Thanks for being there for me Joey, when you hardly even knew me." I gave him a hug and he stood up. He smiled at me before he left the room, closing the door behind him. I knew that things would be better here.

But that didn't stop the tears.

I cried and screamed into my pillow. My mother didn't want me anymore. Well, fuck her then. If she wants to marry Jordan, that asshole rapist, then she could go right ahead. I didn't need any of them.

I only needed one person.

I picked up the phone and dialed the number.

"Paige, can you come over?" I asked, the tears on my face drying at the mere sound of her voice.

I hung up the phone and waited for the one person I knew would always love me back.

**A/N: I know the JT POV was a bit random…I just wanted you guys to know what Paige was up to. Who do you think it was that Ellie saw after she kissed Jay? I want guesses from you guys! I'm sorry the chapter's late, but I'm gonna sit down tonight and try to write a few chapters for both of my stories. That way, they'll both be on time next week…I finally have a day off from work! Anyway, let me know what you think. The lyrics at the beginning are from the song "Stranger Inside" by Shinedown and they own it. **


	18. Don't Fail Me Now

**Chapter Eighteen: Don't Fail Me Now **

_I'm feeling sick, but I'm leaving it behind. _

**Ellie **

"DAD?" I yelled. I couldn't believe my eyes. He held his arms open, waiting for me to run to him, but I stayed put. I thought that maybe he wasn't real.

"Elle Belle, give me a hug!" he yelled. I ran to him then, full speed, and jumped into his arms.

"I can't believe you're really here," I said into his chest, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I am," he told me, stroking my hair. "And I'm never leaving again."

"Do you mean it?" I asked, lifting my head up to look at him.

"Of course," he said, smiling. I returned the smile and wiped my cheeks off.

"How did you know I was here?" I asked.

"Emma called me. And she told me everything," he said, the smile slowly fading.

"What do you mean by everything?" I asked, suddenly nervous.

"About your mom. She called me two months ago actually," he said. "It just took me this long to get back. I had to finish up a few things. But I'm here to stay."

"Are you okay?" I asked, choking up. I knew I still wasn't okay with it, and he'd been married to her for almost twenty years.

"I'm better now," he told me. "All that matters to me right now, is you, and how you feel. Ellie, I want you to live with me. I'll understand if you want to stay here at Emma's house, but I just bought a new house. It has four bedrooms, so there is some extra space," he explained.

"Of course I'll come live with you. I'm sure Emma's parents will be relieved to not have so much to deal with," I said.

"What do you mean? I'm sure you've been a perfect angel." I looked down to the ground and frowned, trying not to start crying again. "What's wrong?" he asked, frowning too.

I looked behind me; I didn't want to say anything in front of Jay. But he was already gone. My dad must have seen the confusion on my face.

"He left honey. I think it was when you started crying. He must not have been able to take it. Does it have anything to do with him?" he asked, turning the subject back onto me.

"Not really," I lied. I didn't want him to know who the father of my baby was. "Daddy," I whispered, suddenly feeling very small. "I have to tell you something, and you're not gonna like it. I wished right then that I had a rubber band to snap on my wrist, but I'd given up that habit.

"You could never disappoint me Ellie. You're my daughter and I love you. No matter what it is, I want you to tell me," he said, taking both of my hands in his. The tears came again, even more this time.

"Dad, I'm pregnant," I choked out. I looked right into his eyes, and his expression never changed. He didn't falter; he didn't frown.

"We'll get through this together," he finally said, pulling me back to his chest.

**Paige **

I sat with Alex's head in my lap, running my fingers through her hair. She was having a rough time with her mom marrying that creep of a boyfriend. And with her mom giving up her rights as a parent…

"I just don't understand," she cried, picking her head up after over an hour. "She knows that he's always been an asshole to me. And she's gonna marry him now, and give me up?"

"She's not giving you up," I told her. "I'm sure she feels that you'd have a better life here, with Joey. That he can offer you better things," I said.

"Well if that's true, then she should have given me up a long time ago," she said, biting her lip.

I couldn't tell her. I wasn't going to tell her what I meant to. I had to let her know that I was going to choose between her and JT. But not now. I didn't know who I'd choose, but I knew I couldn't keep doing this.

"You know what, why don't we forget about all of that. I'm here to make you feel better," I said, kissing her. She pulled me down on top of her and started to unbutton my shirt. I put a hand up to stop her.

"I thought that…" she trailed off, tears in her eyes again. "I really thought that you meant…"

"I think I should lock the door first," I said, grinning.

"That's a great idea." She smiled for the first time that night.

And I didn't want to be the one to make that smile go away.

* * *

**Jimmy **

I couldn't get the look on Manny's face out of my mind. When I asked her to move in yesterday, I'll admit, I really thought she'd jump at the chance. She always told me how her parents were so boring, and wouldn't let her do much at all. She complained constantly about her living situation, that her room was too small, that she couldn't wait to move out.

I guess I was wrong though. Because she said no.

I couldn't find her anywhere now. School was about to start, and she was definitely avoiding me. I finally gave up and had to go to homeroom. Halfway through a boring lecture from Ms. Kwan, there was a knock at the door.

Ms. Kwan answered it, then came over to my desk.

"Jimmy, you're needed at the office," she said. I sighed and rolled myself down there, ready for some scene made by my parents, forcing me to come back home or something. But it wasn't them. In fact, there was no one there.

"James Brooks?" the secretary asked. Obviously it was me. Everyone knew who I was since the shooting. I nodded my head, waiting for her to tell me more. "There's been an emergency with your sister. She's going to be fine, but your driver's here to take you to the hospital," she read off of the paper in front of her.

"Thank you," I said. I had to keep myself from laughing on my way to my van. I didn't have a sister, and I couldn't wait to see what this was all about. I finally got to the van, and the automatic door slowly opened. I was about to ask John, the driver, what was going on, when Manny jumped out.

"Hi Jimmy," she said, looking a little nervous.

"Hey," I responded, a huge smile on my face. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry," she said, biting her bottom lip. I knew she was trying not to cry. "I know you were excited to have me move in. I just don't think that I'm ready for that. I don't want you to be mad at me, and…"

"Manny, don't be sorry," I said, finally interrupting her. "I understand that you're not ready to move in with me. We _are_ only in high school. I love you, no matter what."

"I love you too," she said, hugging me and kissing me on the cheek.

"Now, what are we going to do today?" I asked her.

"We're going to your place," she grinned. "We won't be bothered there."

**Tim **

I was running a little late for school. Mrs. Del Rossi called the school and told them I had a doctor's appointment, so I'd probably miss first period. I was thankful for her help as we packed up my stuff.

I was going back home.

Marco knew what was happening, and he went straight to school. He hadn't talked to me at all since last night, when we had our fight at The Dot.

I realized then that it was our first fight since we'd been together. That actually cheered me up, because I knew it wouldn't last too long. At least, I hoped it didn't.

"Thank you so much for letting me stay," I told Marco's mom. "No one has ever been this nice to me, as long as I can remember."

"You can come back any time Tim," she said, smiling at me. "And don't worry; Marco will come around."

I couldn't believe she knew exactly what I was thinking. She could probably see it all over my face.

"Thanks," I said. She nodded and finished folding the last of my clothes.

I really hoped she was right.

**Alex **

I woke up and squinted against the sunlight that filled my room. I couldn't sit up; someone was holding me down, resting on my stomach. Paige.

I couldn't stop the smile that formed on my face. I ran my fingers through her hair and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. She stirred but didn't wake up, so I just lay back down and stared at the ceiling.

"Alex?" I heard a whisper a few minutes later.

"Good morning," I said, suppressing a giggle. I've never giggled before in my life. Not until I met Paige.

"What time is it?" she asked. I hadn't even thought of the fact that it was a school day. I turned toward the clock and squinted my eyes.

"It's ten o'clock," I said, yawning.

"Crap!" she shrieked. She jumped up and started looking for her shoes.

"Chill out. Almost half the day's gone. We might as well skip the rest of it," I said, sticking my bottom lip out. She sighed, and slowly sat back down. The frown on her face made me feel like she didn't want to be with me. But then it changed into a small smile.

"You know what, you're right." She crawled over to me and kissed me softly, running a hand down my leg. "Let's go to a movie."

"You mean, you actually want to go out with me in public?" I asked.

"Of course I do; why wouldn't I?"

"Well, you have a boyfriend. And apparently, so do I. And if anyone sees us…"

"Do you even want to go?" she asked suddenly.

"Yeah, I really do. But I know that we shouldn't. We can't take the chance that someone finds out about us," I pointed out.

"Alex," she sighed, looking down at my comforter and playing with it.

"Look at me if you're gonna do this Paige," I said, tears in my eyes already.

"I have a boyfriend," she said, looking up. "And as much fun as I've had with you, I really think that this isn't fair to him."

"Fun? This was all just about fun to you?" I asked, letting the tears spill over.

"Alex, don't cry. You knew I'd have to pick one of you. It isn't fair to either of you to keep doing this," she said.

"And it was really stupid of me to think that you'd choose me," I said, crying still. Nothing had ever hurt this bad in my life.

"We had some great times together," she told me. "But I was with JT first, and this feels right to me."

"You should have thought about how wrong it would feel to be with me BEFORE you had sex with me at your party!" I screamed, getting up from my bed.

"It was an impulsive decision okay, and I'm sorry!" she yelled back, standing up as well.

"Yeah, well I'm not. I'm not sorry because…I love you," I whispered, taking in a deep breath and holding it in, waiting for her to say something.

"I can't do this anymore Alex. I'm sorry."

And just like that, the one person I thought I could always count on, just walked right out of my life.

**Emma **

School was finally over again. The second day was even worse than the first. I skipped lunch completely, knowing it would just be like it was last time. And now I was sitting on the front steps, waiting for Spinner to get done with some meeting that he had. He didn't tell me who he was meeting, but it was probably just some thing for one of his shop classes.

"You ready to go?" Spinner asked from behind me.

"Yeah," I said, letting him help me up. I stumbled a little, and almost fell down, but he grabbed my arm just in time.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

"I'm fine. I just tripped over my foot. You know how clumsy I can be," I lied.

"Emma," he sighed, shaking his head. "Have you eaten anything today?"

"What? Of course I have!" I nearly yelled it. Probably not too convincing.

"I don't think you did," he said. "I think you need help. I just talked to Ms. Sauvé and…"

"WHAT?" I did yell it this time. "You talked to Ms. Sauvé about me? You have no right to do that Spinner. You don't even know what you're talking about!" I screamed, tears falling down my cheeks.

"Emma, I love you," he said, reaching a hand out to me.

"Well you have a really fucked up way of showing it!" I yelled before running away from him.

**Jay**

So Ellie's dad is back. That pretty much ruins any chance I have of ever being with her now. I'll admit, I don't like the games she's been playing, but it's the only way I've been able to get closer to her.

I felt like we were there, like I was finally going to get her, and then he showed up. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that she'll have a stable parent in her life now, because she really needed one. But I doubt her dad will like me at all. I'm not really the kind of guy you bring home to your parents, even if I have tried to change.

I finished my cigarette (it'd been a few days since I had one, and I was really craving it) and went inside the hospital. At least I'll be able to look after Abby more, now that I don't have to worry so much about Ellie.

I got to the room she was staying in, and immediately wanted to leave. There was my dad, and Judy, sitting next to her bed. Judy was crying; who knew if they were fake tears or not. And my dad had a firm grip on her shoulder. I turned to leave, not wanting any type of fight, but he saw me.

He stood up and came towards me, grabbing my arm and leading me right back outside.

"What are you doing here?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"I'm seeing my sister. I'm surprised you even showed up. Are you pretending like you care about her now? Now that she's sick and in the hospital?"

He slapped me across my face, nothing that I hadn't already gotten used to.

"You're not allowed to see her anymore. She almost wouldn't let us in to see her. You're corrupting her, and feeding her lies that we're bad parents." He shoved me against the wall.

"It's not a lie," I said, narrowing my eyes at him. My hands were clenched into fists at my sides. I was sick of him treating me like this. I just let him have it. I punched him right in the nose.

He looked shocked. I knew he never thought I'd lay a hand on him; that I'd fight back. Then he punched me, in my right eye. I heart a sickening crack and I stumbled away from him, holding onto my face.

"Make sure you're all packed up and out of my house before we get home. You're no longer welcome there."

Holding his hand up to his nose, he went back inside the hospital, and left me there.

I knew I'd never be able to see Abby if I couldn't live at home, or even go there at all. And I knew what I had to do to change that.

**Marco **

I finally got up the courage to do what I should have done a long time ago. I lifted my hand and knocked on the door to my uncle's home. He answered it, took one look at me, and frowned.

"Hello Marco," he finally said. "What can I do for you?"

"I want to talk to my dad," I told him, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

He stood there for a moment, thinking. Then he held a finger up for me to wait a minute, and walked away. I waited almost five minutes, hearing some yelling from inside, until my dad finally came to the door. He wouldn't let me in though. He came outside, forcing me back a few feet, and closed the door behind him.

"What do you want Marco?" he asked, crossing his arms too.

"I just wanted to tell you that Tim is gone. So you can be happy now, and come back," I said, uncrossing my own arms.

"I didn't leave because of Tim. I left because of you. You're not the son I knew for seventeen years. You're not you anymore," he told me.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I wanted to cry right then and there, but I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't let him see me cry.

"I'm the same person you raised. I was born gay. I didn't just _decide_ to be this way. I didn't try to drive you away."

"But you did. And I can't come home. It's not my home anymore," he said, turning his back on me. I wasn't going to fight it. I turned away myself, and didn't look back.

Five minutes later, I was at another person's door, knocking.

"Marco? What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?" I asked him.

"Yeah, of course," he told me.

I walked right in and threw my arms around him. His dad walked into the room and smiled.

"It's nice to see you again Marco," he told me. I ignored him, but was definitely glad that he was okay with us.

"Tim, you were right," I said. "You're lucky that your dad changed his mind," I told him.

"I'm just happy that you changed your mind," he said, kissing me.

"Can I stay here tonight?"

**A/N: Since my last chapter was posted so late, here's this one, a day early! But next chapter will be up on the regular time. Just so it's clear, the line break after Paige's POV is because it switches days. When Jimmy is talking to Manny, it's supposed to be the next day. The next chapter will take place two weeks after this one. There'll be a little explanation from a few characters of what's been going on, and then more drama. The title and lyrics are from the song "Reason To Believe" by Dashboard Confessional and they own it. **

**urbanluver: I expected people to guess Sean, but it was her dad. Did you see that coming? I'm glad you liked the chapter; thanks for your review. **


	19. All At Once, Part One

**Chapter Nineteen: All At Once, Part One **

_Perfection will not come. _

**Ellie**

It has been two weeks since my dad came home. Having him back is like a dream come true, and he's never leaving again.

We told my mom about the baby. Now it's the second week in October, and I am exactly four months pregnant today. The weekend after my dad came back, we went over to my old house to get all of my stuff. And Ben was there.

_**The look on my dad's face crushed me. He knew about them, but he hadn't seen it for himself yet. She was there on the couch with Ben, kissing him when we walked in. My dad told me to go to my room, so I started packing up my stuff. And then I heard the yelling. **_

**_I managed to look out my door and see my dad punch Ben. Good. I hoped his nose was broken again, then stormed out of the room, dragging a few bags behind me. _**

"_**Where are you going Eleanor?" my mom shouted. I narrowed my eyes at her and took all I had not to spit on the floor at her feet. **_

"_**I live with dad now. Don't bother to come and see your grandchild. Ever," I hissed, walking right out the door. **_

"_**I'll send you the divorce papers," Dad added, following me. "I'll be back for the rest of her stuff when you assholes aren't around."**_

And that had been the last time I saw my mother. My dad did go back and get my furniture, and then he got a lawyer for their divorce.

The new house was nice. It had four bedrooms; one for my dad, one more me, one for the baby, and an extra one that we made up as a guest room. My dad's room and the guest room were downstairs, and my bedroom and the nursery were upstairs. There was a bathroom between the two rooms, where my dad set up my old changing table. It was in pretty good shape.

He also got my crib from the attic of my mom's house. He went out and bought a dresser for the baby's room, but other than those pieces of furniture, it was pretty bare. We still had five months to fix it up.

The rest of the house was made up of a kitchen with a table that had room for six people, a small living room with two couches and a television, and the downstairs bathroom. I already fell in love with it, and I knew I'd be living there for a long time.

"So, about the party tonight," I said to my dad as we ate ice cream at ten o'clock in the morning.

"What about it?" he asked.

"Well, we have to go shopping for decorations. And a cake. Emma dinfitely needs a cake."

My dad had agreed to let me throw a birthday party for Emma at our house. We had already invited everyone. The final list was made up of: Me, Emma, Spike, Snake, Craig, Joey, Angela, Alex, Spinner, Jay, Abby, Marco, Tim, Paige, JT, Jimmy, and Manny. I figured I'd invite Manny too, and maybe Emma could make up with her.

"Let's go then," he said, dumping our ice cream dishes in the sink.

**Marco **

"I have to tell you something," I said as I approached my mother. She was making lunch for her, Tim, and I. We'd been living apart (Tim and me), but things were great between us. We spent some time together every day after school, and always had lunch with my mom every Saturday.

"What is it?" she finally asked.

"I…I talked to dad," I said softly, hanging my head. Tim reached over and put his hand on top of mine. "And I don't think he's coming back."

"When did you talk to him?" she asked, taking a break from her cooking.

"Two weeks ago." I looked up to see if she had any type of surprised reaction, but she just frowned. "Don't be angry…" I trailed off, slumping down in the chair.

"I'm not angry Marco. You did the right thing, trying to make up with him."

"But it's my fault that he's not coming back. He said it's because of who I am," I whined, feeling like I was a little kid again.

"It's not you, it's him. And to tell you the truth, we'd been having problems before he found out about you and Tim. So it's not your fault, and you have to remember that."

Tim squeezed my hand and kissed me on the cheek. Then my mom placed our plates in front of us.

"Thanks you guys," I said to both of them. "Now Tim, are you ready for the party tonight?"

"Of course."

**Craig **

I shook Alex a little, trying to wake her up. She stirred, but stayed put, her eyes screwed shut.

"Alex!" I called into her ear. She snapped up immediately, knocking her head right into mine.

"What's wrong with you?" she grumbled, holding her head in her hands.

"I'm sorry. Rough night?" I asked. She looked horrible. But then again, she looked that way every morning nowadays.

"Not really. I had fun last night. More like, rough morning." She swung her legs over the side of the bed and rubbed her eyes. I saw that she was only wearing a short shirt and her underwear, and desperately wished that no one was home.

"Your hangover's that bad?" I asked. She looked up at me, annoyed, but didn't say anything. "Besides, it's not even morning. It's one in the afternoon, and we're all leaving for Emma's party soon."

"Do I have to go? My head is killing me."

"It would be nice of you. Maybe you should think about not drinking every night. I don't like seeing you like this Alex," I told her, sitting down beside her.

"Maybe you should mind your own business. You have no idea what it's like to be me," she said, moving away from me.

"I know what it's like to not have any real parents left," I said softly, placing a hand on her leg. She jumped, and stood up, acting very skittish.

"Except I still have a mother. She just doesn't want me."

I watched her leave the room and sighed. I didn't want to see her hurting herself, and beating herself up over her mom. She wasn't the same person that I fell for.

**Spinner **

I got to Ellie's house before anyone else, and helped her and her dad set up the rest of the decorations. I'd been hoping to talk to her alone, about Emma, but no such luck. She was really busy, and as soon as we finished, she went upstairs.

Surprisingly enough, the person who showed up after me, was Paige. I expected her not to come, or show up late. But there she was, with a wrapped package in hand, and towing JT along with her.

"Spinner, what a pleasant surprise," she said, somewhat fake. I rolled my eyes, but walked up to her and placed a hand on her arm.

"Can I talk to you?" I whispered, jerking my head to the side to show that I wanted to get away from JT.

"About what?" she asked, pulling her arm away.

"It's really important," I pleaded.

"I'll be right back," she told JT, surprising me. She followed me out to the backyard, where I knew we'd have some privacy.

"I need to talk to you about Emma," I said, not wasting her time or mine. "She's been in a similar situation that you were, and I think you're the only person that can talk some sense into her…" I trailed off, hoping that she'd guess.

"Meaning, she's dating you, and she's crazy for doing it?" she asked, laughing a little. She saw the look on my faced and instantly stopped. "Sorry."

"Paige, I didn't want to bring this up at all, and I don't want to cause any problems for you, or bring up bad memories. But, the similar situation is…what happened to you…with…Dean." I forced myself to say his name, anger building in my every muscle.

Paige's face turned absolutely white. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at me, her mouth hanging slightly open.

"When did this happen?" she asked.

"About four months ago," I said truthfully. I didn't expect Paige to hit me, but she did. She smacked me on my shoulder.

"What is wrong with you? Haven't you gotten anyone to help?" she asked, tears in her eyes.

"She doesn't want to go through with a trial. There's no evidence. You of all people should understand that. Ellie and Manny know too, but I'm not sure if they've told anyone. I'm really worried about her Paige," I said, finally breaking down. I let a few tears escape my eyes before quickly drying them. "I thought you could talk to her."

"Of course I will," she said. "Is there anything else I should know?" she asked. "Like who did it?"

"I think maybe she should be the one to tell people, not me. But Paige...I don't think she's eating. She looks so thin, and she always looks so weak. I talked to Ms. Sauvé two weeks ago, but she hasn't even done anything about it. And when Emma found out, she freaked on me. She hasn't even talked to me since," I explained, crying even more.

"I'll look out for her Spin." She rested a reassuring hand on my arm before hugging me, and wiping her own tears away.

"You have no idea how much that means to me," I said. I prayed that Paige could help Emma. She was my last hope.

**Jay **

I sat on Ellie's couch and stared at the ceiling, a cup of punch in my hand. The party was going pretty smoothly, and everyone seemed to be having fun. Everyone except for me.

Ellie answered the door when I showed up. She smiled at me, took the present from my hand, and walked away. I haven't seen her since. It seems like she's been avoiding me all night.

Angela had come up to me and asked where Abby was. I nearly broke down and started to cry, but instead, I managed to keep up my "tough guy" persona and glared at her before shrugging. She saw right through it though. Damn little kids.

"What's wrong?" she asked, sitting down on the couch next to me.

"Nothing that's any of your business," I said, staring ahead. "Get lost."

"I'm gonna sit here until my dad is ready to go. So you can tell me if you feel like it," she said, leaning against the back of the couch.

I groaned and stood up, finally ungluing myself from the couch. Instead of leaving, I walked out into the backyard and lit a cigarette, away from the commotion. I sat down against the house and smoked, trying to forget the past weeks' events.

I went right back into the hospital that night, to see a doctor about my eye. I lied and said I got into a fight with someone at a party, and he seemed to believe me. My cheekbone was broken, and it hurt like a bitch.

He said I needed surgery or something, so I gave him my dad's insurance information. What a load of shit. I told him my dad was there with my sister, but not to bother him because I was fine. Bad idea.

My dad came back with the doctor, acting all concerned and upset. They scheduled a day for my surgery the following week, then the doctor left to give us a minute alone.

"_**Make sure you're gone." My dad hissed before leaving the room.**_

The surgery went well and all of that crap, and now here I am, stuck with wearing a bandage over my eye.

That night, after the hospital, I packed up all my stuff and left. It wasn't like I had much of anything to pack, so it only took a half hour. I just shoved my clothes and photos into two bags, tossed them into my car, and drove off.

I had nowhere to go, because I obviously had no real friends. I briefly considered Wasaga Beach, but decided against it as soon as Ellie entered my mind. And that brought up the possibility of living with her. I went by her new house, and saw that it had room, but I couldn't do it.

So I headed off to the ravine, the place that was my second home for so long. And I've been sleeping my car. It's pretty pathetic, but it beats living with my father.

I missed Abby so much, but right now, I couldn't do anything about it. As soon as I'd gotten to the ravine that night, I called the police and told them about my "neighbors." Apparently they called the right people, and they took her away.

I watched through the hospital window as some official looking people approached my dad and her mom. Judy started crying hysterically. They were taken out of the room, and social services talked to Abby. She was calm, and she didn't look upset at all. It was the only thing that I could do for her.

**JT **

I must have been feeling very sympathetic, or very insane. Whichever one, I wasn't sure why I walked up to Alex and started talking to her. She was hungover, and it looked like she hadn't slept in days. Paige had been telling me that they were good friends, so I felt like I should try to be friends with her too.

She was leaning against the wall in the corner, holding a cup of punch. I watched from a distance as she pulled a small flask out of her pocket and poured whatever it was into her cup. Then I decided to approach her.

"Like the party?" I asked. She looked up quickly, then frowned.

"Go away JT," she said angrily, taking a big gulp of her drink.

"Alex, are you okay?" I asked, genuinely concerned. Now that I was even closer to her, she looked even worse for wear. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her skin was as white as a ghost.

"As long as I've got this," she said, holding her cup up a little, "I'm great." She took another sip and grinned.

"Maybe you should slow down," I warned her. We were only at a birthday party, and there were kids here. Okay, so only one kid…but there were parents too.

"Maybe you should mind your own business," she shot back, licking the alcohol off of her lips. "And go find your stuck up little cheerleader girlfriend," she added.

"I thought you and Paige were friends?" I was getting a little confused. "Best friends…"

"Not anymore. Things change quickly JT; you should have figured that out by now."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, even more confused.

"I'm just about done wasting my breath. I have more drinks to make," she said, simply walking away like we hadn't been talking about anything at all. I immediately felt very angry, though I wasn't sure why.

_Things change quickly JT; you should have figured that out by now…_

What did she mean by that? What had changed that I didn't know about?

I had decided to find Paige, and ask her if she knew what Alex was going on about, when a surprise guest walked in the door.

**Manny **

"I was just so stupid, and I'm sorry," I told Emma. I'd finally managed to get her alone so I could apologize.

"I don't want to talk about it Manny, but I forgive you. You didn't know, and it's not your fault," she said. We hugged then, and I didn't want to let go of her. She felt so tiny in my arms, like she would snap in half if I hugged too hard.

"You're my best friend, and I don't want anything bad to ever happen to you again," I said, trying not to cry. "I'm worried about you Em," I added.

"Don't be worried. I'm fi…" I think she was about to say fine, but she suddenly froze and stared at the door.

"What is it?" I asked. When she didn't answer me, I turned around, and saw only Toby standing in the living room. "It's just Toby…" I trailed off, still oblivious to what was going on.

Then I saw Spinner charging at him, and I knew. It was him.

"Come on Emma," I said, grabbing her arm and trying to direct her away from the confrontation.

"No!" she screamed, so loud that the entire party just stopped. Everyone was silent, watching, and waiting to see what would happen next.

**Emma **

I broke away from Manny and slowly walked forward, right towards him. I wanted to scream, spit in his face, punch him, do whatever I could to get him out of my head. I wanted revenge on Toby. I wanted him to feel the way I did that night…

"_**Is this fun for you Emma?" he asked, pressing his lips against mine. The kiss was too hard and forceful.**_

"_**Stop it," I cried.**_

"_**Or how about this." He reached up under my skirt and pulled my underwear down.**_

"_**Don't," I said, tears spilling down my face.**_

"_**Don't you want to know what it feels like to be a full blown whore? You're already on your way…" he trailed off as he pulled his pants and underwear down in one swift movement.**_

_**I lunged for the door, but he caught me and pinned me down.**_

"_**Please," I said, trying one last time to get through to him.**_

_**It didn't work.**_

"_**Who's gonna save you now?"**_

I shook the thoughts away and bit my lip. Spinner. Spinner would save me now. I saw him get in Toby's face, and start pushing him to the door. I never should have gotten angry with him. He was everything to me.

He almost had Toby all the way out the door when JT came from out of nowhere and started pulling at Spinner's arm. I wanted to yell at him to stop, but he didn't know. No one knew except for Spinner.

Spinner pulled his arm away from JT, and was about to punch Toby, when Dad and Joey came out of nowhere and broke them up. I wanted to scream at them to let Spinner do it, but nothing came out of my mouth.

"What's going on here?" Joey asked, holding Toby out of Spinner's reach.

"Tell them Toby! Tell them why I should kick your ass right here!" Spinner yelled. I felt hot tears falling down my cheeks, and I couldn't stop them. I walked even closer, putting a hand on Spinner's arm.

"Spinner, don't," I warned him.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Toby yelled. Then he turned to me. "Emma, I only came to say Happy Birthday. Call your dog off of me," he said, grinning.

"SHUT UP!" I suddenly screamed at Toby. Just having him look at me put a chill down my spine. I lunged at him and started clawing, feeling my nails dig into his face. My mother grabbed hold of me and dragged me back.

"Emma, what has gotten into you?" she asked me. Everyone was staring.

"It's Spinner," JT said suddenly. "He's changed her into a completely different person."

"You think I've changed her?" Spinner said, unexplainably calm. He was going to do it. He was gong to tell. "Do you want to know who really changed her Yorke?" He asked.

"Spinner, don't!" I screamed. I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was having a heart attack; my chest started to tighten, and I was gasping for air.

"Toby changed her!" he yelled.

"No!" I screamed, clutching into my chest. I fell to the ground, and struggled to breathe. Both of my parents were above me, but Spinner didn't stop.

"He RAPED her!" I heard him yell. My eyelids fluttered and everything went black.

**Ellie **

The room became completely silent as Emma lost consciousness. I saw my dad call 911, and Toby turned to run, now that no one was holding him. Spinner grabbed him and knocked him to the ground, punching him over and over again.

When the ambulance came, Spinner and Toby stopped fighting. Emma's parents prepared to follow in their car. Toby ran the first chance he got, and instead of chasing him again, Spinner got in the car with Emma's parents.

The rest of us just watched the ambulance go, unsure of what to do next. The party was obviously over.

Craig, Alex, Angela, and Joey left at once, not wanting to stick around for the uncomfortable silence that had filled my house. Manny was pushing Jimmy to the door, yelling out to his driver that they had to go to the hospital. The last people to leave were JT and Paige. JT looked like he was going to be sick, and Paige was telling him that she had to go talk to Emma.

I guess everyone went off to the hospital except for me, my dad, Tim, Marco, and Jay. Marco walked into the living room and put an arm around me, leading me over to the couch. Tim sat beside him, and my dad said he was going to start cleaning up.

Jay came into the room last, sitting down on the other side of me and taking my hand. I wasn't sure why I was so upset. Emma was the one who should be feeling like this. Maybe it was just the hormones from being pregnant, but I started to cry. I lay my head on Marco's shoulder and cried for a few minutes.

Everything was still silent. I should have gone straight to the hospital, but I hated that place. I didn't want to see Emma like that. She'd become my best girl friend, and I didn't want to watch as doctors poked and prodded her. I prayed that she would be alright, and just cried.

"I guess I missed the party," I heard someone say from the door. That voice…

I looked up and nearly jumped out of my skin. My stomach started rolling around, and I thought I was going to be sick. It could have been morning sickness, or the baby moving around, but I knew it wasn't.

I stood and back away from the door.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "I didn't think you'd be upset to see me. I've missed you Ellie.

"Sean?" I whispered, unable to hold back the newest flow of tears that followed. I looked to the couch and saw Marco and Tim just staring, unsure of what to do, or why I was so spooked.

Jay stood up and came to my side, grabbing onto my hand. I didn't know why he did that, but I was glad for it.

Sean walked right up to me and brushed some hair out of my face. Then he looked me up and down, surveying the state I was in. He reached out and placed a hand on my stomach, and I wanted to scream. What was he doing?

"Ellie…are you…pregnant?" he whispered.

I wanted to turn and run, hide from Sean, and Jay, and Marco…

I couldn't speak, my throat was incredibly dry. And for some reason, I found that I couldn't lie to him. I couldn't lie to anyone anymore. I wiped the tears off of my face, and nodded.

**A/N: How was it? Sorry if the beginning was boring…but I was just trying to get to the end of the chapter. Any guesses as to what will happen next? The title and lyrics come from the song "All At Once" byThe Fray, and they own it. Part 2 will be up next Thursday (unless I finish it early, and decide to surprise you). **


	20. All At Once, Part Two

**Chapter Twenty: All At Once, Part Two**

_Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same._

**Jay**

My head was reeling and I felt like I was gonna be sick.

"Ellie…are you…pregnant?" Sean had whispered, shocking all of us. Why would he ask a question like that?

But then I watched in awe as she nodded her head. And suddenly, I could see it; the small bump in her stomach that I'd never noticed before. And his hand was resting right on it.

How had I not even thought of that? It explained why she's always been so hesitant with me. But that has to mean…

It's my baby.

I let a small gasp escape my mouth.

"I have to go," I said without realizing that I'd even opened my mouth.

"Jay, don't leave." Ellie grabbed my hand but I pulled it away from her. I walked straight out of the house and got in my car. Aside from Ellie grabbing my hand, no one tried to stop me.

To get my mind off of Ellie, I decided to see my sister. That was a bad idea because as soon as I asked for her, I got upset all over again.

"What do you mean she's been adopted?" I asked Julie, the social worker that had been assigned to her case.

"Jay, she's been adopted. There's no hidden meaning in what I just said," she replied calmly.

"I was going to adopt her!" I shouted, feeling tears collect behind my eyes. "I told you that I was going to take out my trust fund, and get a good job," I said, quieter this time. I knew it wouldn't do me any good to yell at her.

"You know that wouldn't have happened. You're only eighteen. You wouldn't have been able to support her and yourself," she explained, laying a hand on my arm. "I know it's hard for you, but she's really better off."

"I don't want her to be better off with someone else," I sighed, falling into the chair behind me.

"Do you want to see her?" Julie asked, shifting through some papers on her desk.

"Obviously." She handed me a piece of paper with an address on it.

"I already talked to the couple and they agreed to let you see her whenever you want. They know you're very attached, and they'd love you to visit," she told me.

"Of course I'm attached, she's my sister!"

"Calm down Jay. Do you want me to come with you?" Julie asked.

"No, I'll be fine."

I left the office as soon as I could and got back in my car, heading toward the address on the paper. I knew the neighborhood, mainly because I'd stolen a car from there before. It was really nice, and that made me feel a tiny bit better.

"Jay!" Abby yelled, running over to me as soon as I walked into the backyard.

"Hey," I replied, hugging her and running a hand through her hair. "Do you like it here?" I asked her. I almost hoped she'd say no so I could take her away with me.

"I love it Jay!" she squealed with delight. "They have a puppy named Jack and a cat named Gary," she explained. Another little girl came running over, calling her name. "And this is Sierra. She's four!" She held up four fingers to assure me that she was telling the truth.

"Is she your new friend?" I asked. Sierra hugged me and smiled, but didn't say anything.

"She's my sister. I get to be the big sister Jay!" she yelled, extremely happy.

"That's great Abby." I forced a smiled, and patted their heads. She was so happy; I couldn't take that away from her.

"Will you stay for dinner? Rachel and Chris said that you could. They're my new parents," she added, pointing to the house. "Come and see my room!"

"I can't, not tonight," I told her. It was too much at once. Maybe I would come back and see her again, but maybe I wouldn't.

"Why not?" she asked. I didn't want to upset her, but I just couldn't stay.

"I have somewhere else to be," I replied, hugging her again.

"Are you going to see Ellie?" she asked. "I like her."

"Yeah, I am. I love you Abby."

"I love you too Jay."

I waved to Sierra and left as quickly as I could. Thankfully, Rachel and Chris hadn't come out to meet me. It wasn't the right time for that either.

But then I realized that Abby gave me an idea. I did need to talk to Ellie. I had to find out what was going on. I might be a father.

**Emma **

"Emma, the doctor said you had a panic attack," my mom said as she came back into my room at the hospital.

"Well, I'm fine now, so I can go, right?" I asked, sitting up.

"No, you can't," she told me, pushing my shoulder to make my lie back down.

"Why not?" How could I kid myself? I knew why. I just wanted to hear her say it. I wanted them all to say it because I couldn't.

"It was brought on by starvation Em," she said, her eyes getting teary.

I felt a squeeze of my hand, which suddenly reminded me that Spinner was sitting next to me. I turned to him and squeezed back. I couldn't look at my mother anymore. Not with the way she was looking at me. She was disappointed, sad, scared...

She needed my dad by her side—and by my dad, I mean Snake—but he was still talking with the doctor.

I heard sobbing coming from the end of the bed, so I turned that way next. There was Manny, curled up in a chair, crying into her knees. I was starting to wonder why she was there and not Ellie, my new best friend, when someone cleared their throat from the doorway.

There was Ellie, standing with a look of guilt across her face. I knew she felt guilty that she'd just gotten there; that she hadn't followed the ambulance right away. I forgave her instantly and held my arms out to her. She rushed in to hug me.

"Emma, you have to stop," Manny finally said, breaking the silence. "Or you're going to die," she added, sobbing some more.

"I'll try Manny, I really will," I told her, nodding my head. It wouldn't be that easy. I was so used to not eating for four months now—how would I ever start again?

"We're all here to help," my mom added, bending down to kiss my cheek. "We love you Emma."

"I love you too," I whispered. My head hurt—there were so many people trying to be there for me.

I knew no one was bringing up Toby because they were afraid I would lose it again, and maybe I would. So the topic of conversation never neared him or what happened at the ravine.

After an hour of reassuring pats and head nods, the nurse came in and told everyone that I needed rest. Both of my parents were staying the night, even though I told them they didn't have to.

But first, I asked if I could talk to Ellie alone for a minute. I had to be kept overnight for observation, so everyone left and assured me that they'd be back tomorrow, before, during, and after school.

"What's wrong?" I asked Ellie. I knew the look on her face wasn't just because she was upset about me. I could tell that she had problems building up. She looked like she wanted to cut herself, and maybe she did.

"I don't want to burden you with my problems at a time like this…" she trailed off, looking up at the ceiling, then down at the floor, then around at the walls. Anywhere but my face.

"I'm fine now El. Just tell me." I pinched her hand so she would look at me, and it worked. She paused a few moments before answering me.

"Sean's back. And he knows…about the baby," she finally said. I could tell that she was trying not to cry.

I felt a lump in my throat that I couldn't swallow. _Sean's back_.

Those words echoed in my head all night, especially as I was trying to fall asleep.

**Tim **

"You're awfully quiet. Is something bothering you?" Marco asked me. We'd been at my house for an hour since we left Ellie's.

"I'm still trying to process this," I replied, sighing. "Did you know that any of that was going on? That Emma wasn't eating? Or that Ellie was pregnant?" I asked him.

"I'm just as shocked at you are. Ellie's my best friend, and she didn't even tell me. I feel like I've been ignoring her," he said. "I feel like a bad friend."

"You're not a bad friend Marco. She probably needed a girl friend to help her out. You don't exactly know how to deal with someone who's pregnant. I'm sure it wasn't anything personal," I told him, trying to explain.

"I know. It just hurts. But at least I can be there for her now."

"_We_ can be there for her now," I said, modifying his statement. "But all of these secrets make me think twice about everyone…" I trailed off, not wanting to say anymore.

"Even me?" he asked.

"Well, do you have any secrets I don't know about?" I asked. I felt bad, and hoped he wouldn't feel offended.

"I guess I should tell you Tim…" he said, putting on a serious face. "I'm not really gay," he whispered.

I squinted my eyes at him and didn't know what to say at all. Then he started to laugh, and I smacked his shoulder.

"That's not funny Marco!" I snapped. "I was being serious."

"I don't have any secrets Tim!" he answered, a little loudly. "What about you?" He somehow focused everything on me, and I forgot that he was even joking around. Mainly because I had something on my mind.

"It's not really a secret; more like a thought…" I wasn't sure I wanted to share it with him. I didn't want him to think I was too clingy, or being juvenile.

"You can tell me anything Tim. You know that, right?" he asked, trying to get me to open up more. I nodded my head and he kissed me before convincing me to tell him what was on my mind.

"I'm just worried about you going off to university. And I won't see you as much…" I trailed off and he was just staring at me, staying completely silent. "I don't know, maybe I'm thinking too far ahead. It's just something that worries me," I explained truthfully.

"I don't know what to say," Marco replied. "I don't want to lie to you. I have no idea where we'll be in our relationship when I start university. You don't know either. We have to take it one step at a time," he said. I knew exactly where he was coming from, but I still didn't like it. I didn't want to think of Marco and I ever breaking up.

"Does that mean we're going to break up when you leave though? I mean, if we're still together then?" I didn't want to ask, but I had to.

"I wouldn't break up with you just because I would be going to university. You don't have to worry about that at all. I won't do to you what Dylan did to me either, if that's what you're wondering. I would never do that to you."

"I know you wouldn't. It never even crossed my mind." I wasn't lying when I said that. I hadn't thought about it until Marco mentioned it. But I took his word for it; I knew he wouldn't cheat on me.

We shared a quick kiss, and finally start watching the movie we rented. I moved close to Marco, making sure that I never took a moment for granted when I was with him.

**Jimmy**

After we left the hospital, Manny and I went back to my apartment. She was making pasta for us to eat for dinner while I sat in my spot at the table. She was still upset, and would stop cooking from time to time and start to cry. I tried to console her, but it didn't do any good. Emma was her best friend, not mine, so I didn't exactly know what she was going through.

"I'm sure she'll be okay Manny," I tried to reassure her as she finally sat down. We both had our plates in front of us, but neither of us touched the food just yet.

"You don't know that," she snapped. "She hasn't been _eating_ Jimmy. She's wasting away." She put her head in her hands and her entire body shook as she started to cry again.

"She's getting help. Now that she has help, she'll be able to get better." I reached a hand out and took Manny's in mine, gently squeezing it.

"I should have been there for her." She finally looked up at me. Her face was streaked with black mascara and she looked so depressed.

"This is not your fault. You can't blame yourself. It has nothing to do with you and her fighting," I tried to get her to understand. I knew that if she blamed herself, she wouldn't deal with it the right way.

"Jimmy, just stop!" she yelled, holding back more tears. "I'm just trying to say that since I wasn't there for her before, then I have to be there for her now. I have to help her get better. I at least owe her that."

Fresh tears spilled from her eyes. They were different. The tears for Emma were more forceful and violent. These tears were soft, slow, and sad. My breath caught in my throat. I was afraid of what was coming next.

"Manny…" but she interrupted me.

"Jimmy," she sighed, wiping her cheeks off. "I'm going to be spending a lot of time with Emma. I need to be with her right now. And I think that maybe we should just take a break. At least for now…until Emma gets better."

I didn't say anything at first. I just stared at her. I felt very angry. I was angry that she blamed herself for what happened to Emma. I was angry that she was going to break up with me over it.

"If that's what you want," I said coldly, looking away. I pulled my hand back from hers and decided that I wasn't going to eat the dinner she cooked.

"I guess I should go," she whispered sadly. Why was she so sad? She was the one breaking up with me.

"Yeah, you should." She stood up, more tears threatening to come, and turned away from me, leaving her dinner untouched. As she closed the door, a sudden burst of anger overtook me and I shoved my plate hard. It fell onto the floor and broke into three pieces while the food went flying.

I stared at the mess and left it there, focusing back on the door. I waited. She had to come back. At least to see what the noise was. And then I'd tell her that I couldn't live without her, that I'd help her with Emma; anything she wanted me to do.

But she never came back.

**Paige **

"I really wish I could have talked to Emma," I told JT as we drove back to his house.

"Maybe you can see her tomorrow," he suggested. "I just can't believe this is happening." Out of the corner of my eye I saw him lean his head against the window. "She used to be one of my best friends. And I guess we just story of grew apart from each other." He sighed and kept staring out the window.

"I'm sure she'll be okay. She's a really strong person JT."

"I know she is…" he trailed off. I knew he was crying. "What about Toby?" he finally asked. I've known him for a long time. How could he do that to anyone? Especially Emma?" he whispered. "I don't think I'll ever be able to look at him again. And if I do, I'll be resisting the strong urge to kick his ass."

"Well, we all know how well it went when you decided to fight Dean," I said. We both laughed at that, but then JT was even more upset.

"I don't know how either of us can be happy at a time like this." He let his head fall back against the seat. "You know exactly how Emma feels, and it was my best friend who did it to her. How can we sit around a laugh?" he asked.

"We still have to live life. The world doesn't just stop when bad things happen," I told him. We were finally at his house, but neither of us got out of the car. We decided to sit in it for awhile.

I held onto JT's hand and we talked a little more about Emma, making plans to visit her tomorrow. We cried, hugged, and kissed, but then JT suddenly changed the topic of our conversation.

"I have to ask you something," he said.

"Ask away," I told him. We had moved to the backseat so we could be closer to each other without anything in our way. I was cuddled up next to him with my head on his shoulder.

"At the party, I had a talk with Alex." I took a deep breath and held it in for a moment. Had she told him?

"Okay…" I trailed off, waiting for him to continue, but definitely afraid of what he was about to say.

**Alex **

Finding out that Emma was raped really took a toll on me. It's not like we're friends; we're actually enemies. But that still doesn't change the fact that it made me upset. It just made me think about what happened with my mom's boyfriend, or fiancée, or whatever. I didn't even know if they were married yet or not.

I knew what I needed: a drink. Or several. And some meaningless sex. So I headed off to the nearest bar where I knew they'd let me in if I showed my boobs a little. I got a few guys to buy me shots, but it wasn't enough. I needed more.

When the bartender was busy with two guys fighting at the other end of the bar, I quickly got up on the counter and grabbed a bottle of vodka from underneath it. I walked away so no one would see me, and set out to find a person to take me home.

Since being with a girl would only remind me of Paige, I decided against it. Being with a guy tonight would definitely be much easier. Besides, I didn't have the slightest idea of how to even pick up a girl in the first place.

I wandered around for awhile, sipping out of the bottle. When about half of it was gone, I felt a hand grasp me around my waist.

"Need a ride home?" a man asked from beside me.

"Sure," I purred, turning to face him. I nearly dropped the bottle in my hand, and actually wished that I had. It would have caused enough of a commotion for me to slip out of the door.

It was him. My mom's boyfriend.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped, pulling away from him.

"The same thing as you, I'm sure," he grinned. "Come on, let's go." He grabbed onto my hand and pulled me toward the door. I stumbled after him; already too drunk to do anything about it.

"Take me home. To Joey's," I clarified as he shoved me in the car. He got in on his side and locked it before ever answering me.

"You're crazy if you think that's where I'm bringing you," he said, laughing. I suddenly felt very dizzy, and my head started to spin. I wanted to throw up all over his car, but I knew that I couldn't. I didn't want to suffer the consequences. I already knew what was coming, but I didn't want to make it any worse than it already was.

My eyes rolled around in my head as I fought sleep. As bad as it sounds, I wanted to be awake for this. I wouldn't be able to stand it if I didn't know what happened to me while I was passed out.

The car finally stopped, and I saw that we were at a motel that I'd never seen before. Jordan went in a paid for the room before coming back to the car for me. He picked me up and carried me inside, knowing full well that I probably couldn't walk very well on my own.

"Please don't," I whispered, begging him to stop as he shoved me on the bed and started peeling my clothes off. He ignored my pleas and kept going. I couldn't do anything else. I knew if I struggled against him that he would be more forceful, and I didn't need that. I just needed to get though it so I could make it to another day.

**Ellie **

I was sitting in the living room, still crying and trying to get over what was still happening, when the doorbell rang. It was almost midnight, and I knew my dad was sleeping because he had work the next morning. I quickly got up and answered it to see Jay standing there, soaking wet. I hadn't even realized that it was raining.

"Jay?" I asked, stepping aside to let him in. "What are you doing here?"

"I had to come back. I couldn't stay away," he answered as I closed the door.

"My dad's asleep. Let's go upstairs so we don't wake him up," I said. As I turned away from him to lead him upstairs, I wiped my face off. I'm sure he already knew I was crying, but I didn't want him to see me like this.

"Are you okay?" he asked once we sat down at the end of my bed.

"I guess. There's just so much going on right now, with Emma, and me, and Sean being back…"

"Where did he go?" he asked me.

"Actually, he's still here," I admitted. "My dad told him he could stay in the guest room until he goes back."

"He's going back?"

"I guess so. I think that he's deciding if he'll stay or not," I sighed. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to stay or not.

"Ellie…do you still have feelings for him?" he asked me after an awkward silence.

"I…I don't know," I answered, looking down at my hands." The truth was, I thought I'd been over Sean since Jay and I had been, well, whatever we'd been doing.

"The baby…" he trailed off, reaching a hand out cautiously to touch my stomach. I flinched a little at his touch. I wasn't used to anyone but Emma knowing about the baby. "Is it mine?" he finally asked.

I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want this to happen. Why couldn't he have just left it alone? But maybe he really cared.

"Yes," I choked out, holding back more tears that threatened to come.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, taking my hand in his. His other hand still rested on my stomach.

"I was afraid," I confessed, letting the tears fall. "I still am."

"What are you afraid of?"

"Everything. Afraid that you wouldn't want the baby, afraid that I'd be alone. But it doesn't really matter anyway," I told him.

"What do you mean?" I still wasn't so sure why he was asking so many questions.

"I'm not keeping it," I said softly.

"You can't give our baby away," he said, pulling both of his hands away from me and getting angry.

"I've already made up my mind Jay. I can't raise this baby alone. And even if you wanted to have anything to do with it, how can I be so sure that you'll change?"

"Change? What do I have to change about myself?" he snapped. "If you hadn't noticed, I stopped going to the ravine and started going to all of my classes. Up until about a week or so, I hadn't been to the ravine at all!" he shouted.

"Don't wake my dad up!" I yelled right back, before lowering my voice to its normal level. "How am I supposed to know any of that?"

"You could just ask. You're the one who keeps running away from me when all I wanted you to do was stay." He looked so upset. I'd never seen this much emotion coming from Jay Hogart. I never imagined I'd see it either.

"Why are you going back to the ravine?" I asked, suddenly feeling like a horrible person.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said coldly, standing up and pacing around the room.

"Maybe you should take advantage of me actually wanting to stick around and talk to you," I pointed out. He laughed a little and faced me.

"It's not like you can leave. It's pouring outside and this is your house."

"Do you want to get out of those wet clothes?" I asked. I wasn't actually implying anything sexual, but Jay grinned. Without an answer, he pulled his shirt and jeans off, standing there in just his boxers. "I'd give you something to wear, but I don't think I have anything in your size," I said, giggling.

I had no idea how Jay and I went from fighting to laughing together so easily. It just happened when I was around him. I couldn't stay mad at him, and I guess it was the same for him with me.

"I'll take a blanket if you can spare one," he said.

"I know the perfect one." I had him follow me across the hall, into the half done nursery, and pulled a big, green blanket off of the changing table. Jay was quiet as I handed it to him. He was looking around the room.

"If you're giving it away, then why the room?" he asked as we went back into my bedroom.

"I haven't told my dad yet," I admitted. I didn't know how I was going to tell him either.

"Or maybe you don't really want to give it up," Jay suggested. He yawned and plopped down on my bed, pulling the blanket over him. I wasn't sure why, but I felt like lying down with him. We were both on our backs, staring at the ceiling, close, but not touching each other with any part of our bodies.

"You're not getting out of telling me what you're doing back at the ravine," I finally said. "I won't forget until you actually tell me."

"Let's save that for another day, okay?" he asked with an irritated tone.

"Fine," I said, pretending to be angry. I knew very well that I couldn't stay angry at him for long.

We were both silent for a few moments. I didn't want to push him to tell me, and he obviously wasn't going to say anything else.

"Jay, I don't know what to do anymore," I said. "Why does everything have to be so hard?" He didn't answer me. I looked over and saw that he was fast asleep. Rather than be proper or decent and go down to the couch, I curled up next to him and placed my head on his chest.

We fell asleep like that, pressed together, me on top of my blankets, and him under the blanket that was meant for our baby.

**A/N: Longer chapter than usual, I know…I had a lot to address, and I've been so busy, sorry it's late. I don't think I'll have the next chapter up by Thursday. I'm trying, I really am! My goal is to finish both of my stories before I go back to school, but I don't really see that happening. I know Let That Be Enough will be done by then, but I have no clue as to how many chapters this will end up being. I'm aiming for somewhere between 25 and 30. Next chapter will be All At Once, Part Three. **

**Just as in the last chapter, the title and lyrics come from the song "All At Once" by The Fray, and they own it. My little brother came up with the names for the puppy, the cat, and the Abby's new sister. He wanted to name the cat Sparrow, so they'd be Jack and Sparrow like in POTC, and then wanted to name the girl Dory lol. I guess he owns Jack, Gary, and Sierra. **


	21. All At Once, Part Three

**Chapter Twenty-One: All At Once, Part Three **

_Sometimes we'd never know what's wrong without the pain_

**JT **

I just asked Paige what was going on with Alex.

"What do you mean?" she asked me, batting her eyelashes and trying to kiss me.

"At the party, she was drinking a lot. She looked really bad. And she said that you were a stuck up little cheerleader or something. But I thought you guys were best friends," I said, raising an eyebrow at her.

"We just…got into a fight, that's all," she looked away from me, and I knew that she was leaving something out. Something important.

"The way Alex acted, it seemed like it was more than that…" I was trying to leave her room to explain, but she just wouldn't.

"I guess it really upset her," she shrugged, looking me in the eye this time. "I called her some nasty names." She sighed and changed the subject.

"Is anyone home?" she asked.

"No, not until tomorrow morning. Dad's on a business trip and Mom's visiting her sister."

"Great. As long as I give myself time to go home and change in the morning…"

"Come on in," I said, grinning and leading the way. I forgot all about Alex and took my girlfriend up to my room.

**Spinner **

"Are you mad at me Em?" I asked her, holding onto her hand as tight as I could. I didn't want to ever let go of her. I was afraid of what would happen if I did.

"Why?" she asked. Her voice sounded so small. For the first time since I'd known that she wasn't eating anymore, I realized just what I had done. It was my fault that it had gone this far. I knew, for months, and didn't say anything to anyone. I talked to Ms. Sauvé, but even then, it had been too late.

"I never told anyone Emma. Not until I talked to Ms. Sauvé. And even then, I didn't give any names. I just told her I 'had a friend.' It's my fault that this spiraled out of control," I told her.

"Don't blame yourself Spin. This is my fault, and no one else's. Besides, I probably would have lied to anyone about it. How many people would have believed, until now, that I would do this? I wouldn't have believed it if you asked me last year," she explained.

"I should have helped you." I didn't want her convincing me to give in. It was more my fault than it was hers. She had a problem and she couldn't help it. I could have helped it. I could have told someone.

"You're helping me now," she whispered, squeezing my hand.

"Really?" I asked. She nodded and closed her eyes, letting a few tears fall.

"Spinner?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay with me tonight?" she asked, opening her eyes again.

I silently got up and moved over to the bed, climbing in next to her. Even though I was a little big, she was so much smaller than she used to be, and we fit.

"I'll never leave you," I whispered in her ear and stroked her hair as she fell asleep.

* * *

**  
Alex **

When I woke up the next morning, it was about six o'clock. My head was pounding so bad that I could barely lift it, let alone actually get out of bed. The rest of my body hurt all over, and I couldn't move my legs much either.

I somehow managed to sit up, and realized I was in a motel room. I couldn't remember how I got there, but then I looked over and started to cry. Jordan was there, fast asleep. I tried to be quiet enough to leave without him noticing. But I couldn't do it.

I got my legs over the side of the bed, and thought that I was getting somewhere, when I felt a hand wrap around my wrist. I gasped in pain as he pulled me backwards and climbed on top of me.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, his breath hot on my face. He reeked of beer and cigarettes, and I probably did too—well, of vodka at least.

"I have to go to school. I'm sure Joey is wondering where I am as it is. You wouldn't want people to be suspicious, would you? Especially if they see you walking out of here with me," I said, turning my head away.

He used his one free hand to pull my face towards him. He leaned down, his body pressing against mine even harder, and kissed me. I did the only thing I could do. I let him slip his tongue into my mouth, and I bit down as hard as I could. He started swearing and fell right of the bed, and his blood dripped on my white tank top; the only thing I was wearing.

I forced myself to move quickly; it was probably the most pain I'd experienced in my life, but I had to do it. I pushed and pushed myself to get off the bed and find my pants, abandoning my underwear. It would take too long to find it. I didn't have that kind of time.

I stumbled out into the sunlight and immediately fell back against the building. The sun was too bright for my hangover, and I couldn't keep my eyes open. I only got about two feet from the building when I felt him grab me again. He kept his mouth shut, but I could see a trickle of blood coming out of the right corner.

He stuck my sunglasses on my face, an action I was all too grateful for, and threw an arm around my waist, dragging me forward. I couldn't do anything but give in; I was in twice the pain as before from trying to get away so quickly.

"Where are we going?" I groaned.

"I'm walking you to school, you stupid little bitch," he spat, his tongue not bleeding anymore.

"I can't go," I groaned. A huge pain was shooting between my legs, and I didn't think I'd be able to make it there, no matter how close it was. "There's blood on my shirt."

"Too bad. Come up with your own excuse. They'll know you're just trash and you went out drinking. And if you mention me, I'll kill you." He squeezed my hip, digging in his nails, to let me know that he was serious. I believed him.

Suddenly, Jordan was dragging me away from the sidewalk, trying to make it into the grass. We were at the park right near the school. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a car pull up and man get up, hurriedly approaching us.

He caught up with us, and to my surprise, it was Mr. Simpson. He took one look at me, and then another look at the arm around my waist. Mr. Simpson's eyes followed the arm up to the face of its owner. I didn't see it coming. He pulled me away from Jordan and punched him right in the face. Most people haven't seen their teacher punch anyone, much less the guy who was molesting them. It's amazing.

"I served my time, and I could charge you with assault," Jordan said to Mr. Simpson. What was he talking about?

Simpson asked me how I knew him and I just cried. I couldn't tell him that he was with my mother. Because then he'd think even less of me than he already did. I had no idea why I didn't want Simpson to think less of me. I just didn't.

"For your information Archibald," Jordan said with a sneer. "She's my stepdaughter. And she was out drinking all night. I had to come find her because Joey called the house looking for her. At least I care enough to go out and look for her."

"Alex, is that true?" Simpson asked me. What could I do? If I told the truth, he probably would kill me. So I nodded my head.

"He was just looking out for me," I choked out, holding back more tears. "I didn't want Joey to be mad," I lied.

"You need to go home. You can't go to school like this." He was suddenly angry. Maybe he knew I was lying and that was why he was mad, or maybe he was mad that he thought I was proving everyone right that I was the "bad seed."

I nodded my head and looked down at the ground; ashamed of the position I had put myself in. How did I let any of this happen? There was no way out now. At least I still had Joey.

"I'll take you to Joey's," Simpson offered. "Stay away from her," he added, narrowing his eyes at Jordan. I still had no clue as to how he knew him, but I didn't care. At least I was getting away from the bastard.

On the ride to Joey's, Simpson gave me one last chance to tell him anything that I'd been leaving out. I stayed silent, thanked him for the ride, and tried not to limp as I went into the house.

I went into the downstairs bathroom because I didn't have the strength to make it up the stairs. Craig was already at school, Joey at work, and Angie at daycare. I stripped off my tank top and jeans, turning the shower on as hot as it would go. I sat down in the tub and pulled my knees to my chest, letting the hot water pound into my skin. It was burning me, but I didn't care. I had to get any trace of him off of my body.

It was the only way I would stay sane.

**Ellie **

When I woke up in the morning, I was surprised to find Jay still there. I was sure that he'd be gone, leaving behind no note at all. But he was fast asleep, his mouth hanging open a little. My head was still on his chest; neither of us had moved all night. I tried to think of the last time I'd slept soundly for an entire night, and didn't come up with anything.

I went downstairs and left Jay there, finding a note from my dad. He called the school and said that I was sick. He must have known that Jay was there, and I already told him that he was the father. He knew that we needed time to talk things over. Maybe things would be different since he knew about the baby.

I rummaged through the refrigerator to find a decent breakfast for us. I wasn't much of a cook, but I started to attempt some eggs and bacon. When I'd just finished putting the plates together, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I spun around, ready to give Jay a good morning kiss, only to find myself face to face with Sean. I completely forgot that he stayed in the guest room.

"You made me breakfast too?" he asked, smiling.

"Actually…I forgot you were here," I admitted, blushing. "I'm not used to you being in our guest room—not to mention I'm not used to _having _a guest room."

"It makes sense that you'd need that much food anyway. You're eating for two now." He said the last part with a little contempt and made himself a bowl of cereal.

_Go right ahead_, I thought. _Just eat our food without even asking! _

"Why did you come back Sean?" I asked. I knew our food was going to get cold, but I didn't want Jay to wake up right now either. I didn't need a big fight between the two of them.

"I missed you," he said, sighing as he sat down with his bowl. I stayed standing near the counter, leaning my back against it.

"So you waited four months?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. He had no right to leave for that long, and then show up, right when I was moving on. "You have no right to come back her after I've been able to get over you."

"Why didn't you tell me about the baby?" he asked, not answering my question. A typical Sean move.

"Because it's none of your business," I spat, crossing my arms over my chest. I suddenly felt cold. I wanted Jay next to me. I wanted him holding me.

"Oh. I just thought that a girl pregnant with my child would be _my _business," he shot back, raising his eyebrows.

"It's not your baby!" I argued.

"So you slept with someone else. It had to have been right after I left. You're about four months pregnant, right?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, sighing. I wanted to leave the room, but for some reason, I stayed.

"And I've been gone for four months. Four months ago, we had sex. The night before I left…" he trailed off, grinning. I didn't say anything at all, I just let it all process in my mind before replying.

"You used a condom," I pointed out. "Not your kid."

"Actually Ellie, I didn't." My breath caught in my throat. I tried to remember back to that night. Before I knew he was going to leave me. We went to the apartment after going to a movie with Alex and Jay. We kissed our way into the bedroom. And…there were no condoms left…

Sean snorting brought me out of my thoughts. He didn't look happy, like I he was acting. He looked upset.

"You actually don't know who the father is?" he asked.

I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. No, it had to be Jay. It couldn't be Sean's baby, it just couldn't.

Does it matter? I'm putting it up for adoption.

"So, who's the other lucky guy? Does he know that he might _not _be the father? Does he even know there's a possibility?" Sean asked those three questions as I heard someone coming down the stairs. It was Jay, obviously.

"It's _you_?" Sean exclaimed, looking straight ahead.

"What about me?" Jay asked, scratching his stomach. He was still wearing only his boxers.

I felt bile rising in my throat, and pushed past them, heading straight for the bathroom.

**Manny **

I sat in Emma's room while she slept. As soon as school ended, I rushed over to the hospital. I told her parents they could go home and sleep, and I talked with her nurse for awhile. They said that she could go home tomorrow, but she would need constant supervision; I promised that I would give it.

I avoided Jimmy all day at school, which was fairly easy, because I realized that he was avoiding me too. The only time I looked at him, I gave him a small smile, but he just looked away. I felt horrible for doing it, but Emma needed me. It's my fault she's here.

"Manny?" I heard Emma whisper.

"You're awake!" I said excitedly, wrapping my arms around her for a hug. She smiled when I pulled back and sat at the end of her bed. "You look better," I told her truthfully.

"Thanks."

"Do you need anything? Some food, a drink, anything at all?" I asked; ready to do whatever she wanted me to.

"No," she said, laughing a little. "You can just relax and talk to me. All I need is a friend."

"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you," I told her, feeling more tears starting to come.

"Manny, I didn't mean it that way. This isn't your fault; you know that, right?" she asked me, placing her hand on my arm.

I nodded, even though I didn't exactly believe her. If I had been her best friend when everything happened with Toby, then she wouldn't be in the hospital right now.

"I know what you're thinking," she went on. "But you couldn't have prevented this. No one could have, and it's no one's fault."

That at least made me a little better. I nodded again.

"Let's talk about something happy then," I suggested, knowing full well that Emma was never really a negative person.

"How's Jimmy?" Emma asked, sitting up a little. I got up and fixed her pillows she could be more comfortable. "Thanks," she added.

"That's not such a happy subject," I admitted.

"Why? What happened?" She was concerned, which made me feel bad. She has enough problems of her own to be worrying about mine too.

"We just had a little fight, that's all," I said, shrugging my shoulders as if it were nothing. But it was taking all I had in me not to burst into tears.

"I'm sure you'll be fine. It seems like you really love each other," Emma said, patting my back.

"You're a great friend Emma," I told her, flashing her my first genuine smile of the day.

"You are too Manny," she replied, smiling back at me.

Too bad I didn't feel like one.

**Paige **

I spent the night at JT's house, and made it to school only a few minutes late. When the day was finally over, I was waiting outside for JT. He drove today, and I needed a ride home.

I realized I had a new voicemail while I was waiting. I checked my missed calls.

_Alex_

She probably got drunk and left me a nasty message. I decided to listen to it since I had nothing better to do. And I almost wished I hadn't.

"_Paige? Paige! Please help me. I know you don't want me anymore but you have to help. Please! I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get out of here! Please Paige, please? HELP ME!"_

My blood turned cold as I heard her pleading in the message. She was screaming and crying throughout the entire thing. After the last thing she said, I heard a man's voice. I couldn't make out what he said, but then the dial tone sounded in my ear. The message was left at two-thirty in the morning.

I tried to think if I saw Alex at school today, but then I remembered that I hadn't. Feeling a huge rush of guilt sweep over me, I left the school, and forgot all about JT. I ran as quickly as I could to Craig's house, which thankfully, wasn't very far.

I knocked as hard as I could, and no one answered. Then I remembered that Joey would still be at work, and Angela at school. Alex and I used to go over there and spend time together when Craig was practicing out in the garage.

Craig wasn't home either, and I vaguely remembered him saying something at lunch about going job hunting.

I tried the door, and it was unlocked, which meant that she had to be home. Taking the stairs two at a time, I ran into Alex's room and found her there, asleep in her bed. I sighed and sat down next to her, running a hand through her hair. She had a bruise on her cheek, and lightly ran my fingers over it. Who did this to her?

"Alex," I whispered, trying to get her to wake up. "Alex, it's me." Her eyes fluttered open at the sound of my voice, and she managed a weak smile. "What happened to you?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" she instantly got defensive, and pulled her hair from behind her ear so it would cover her cheek. But it was too late; I'd already seen some of the damage.

"Do you remember calling me at two-thirty this morning? Yelling for me to help you? What happened?" I repeated.

"Oh," she said, laughing a little. "I was drunk, don't worry about it." I could tell she was lying to me. That message was not a drunken joke. I heard the fear in her voice.

"Tell me the truth," I whispered, frowning at her.

"It is the truth. I was with a guy at the ravine, and we were joking around," she said. I shook my head and sighed.

"Even if you were telling the truth, that's not a very funny joke. And what were you even doing at the ravine, with a guy? You don't even like guys."

"Just mind your own business Paige. You're not my girlfriend anymore. I guess you never really were to begin with. So go back to JT, okay?" she snapped, pulling the blanket over her head.

"Don't be like that Alex. I'm trying to help you. You asked for my help in that message, and I'm here now." I moved around and lay down next to her, intent on staying. I wasn't going to leave her alone in this state.

"Paige, don't do this," she groaned. "Please just go away." I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was crying. "Just go."

"Alex," I sighed. I pulled the blanket down so I could see her. She turned around and faced me. I wiped the tears off of her face and kissed her cheek. "I care about you, and I don't want to see you like this. Just tell me what happened."

"I can't be with you like this. I can't be this close to you and not have you," she whispered, brushing my cheek with her fingers. She rolled back over and sighed.

"You don't want me to stay?" I asked. I wasn't sure why it was happening, but I wanted to stay with her. I didn't want her to turn me away.

"No, I don't," she answered. My heart fell.

I got up and left, unsure of what else to do. My phone rang as I was walking away from the house. It was JT; he was waiting for me.

**Marco **

I sat in my room after school, waiting for Tim to call. I guess it was pretty bad that I only hung out with him, and not any of my other friends, but I couldn't help it. He meant so much to me, and besides, everyone else was paired off anyway. Paige was with JT, Craig with Alex, Spinner with Emma, and Jimmy with Manny. We all hung out with our respective boyfriend or girlfriend and that was about it.

I was thinking about a day for us all to get together when the phone rang. I answered it, thinking it would be Tim. But it wasn't.

"Marco? Please put your mother on the phone," the voice of my uncle boomed out at me.

"Why?" I asked, deciding to be a pain. He could talk to me.

"Just put her on. _Now_." I knew how my dad's brother got angry very easily, so I gave up with a sigh and called down to my mother. I hung up as soon as she answered, not really up to listening in on her phone call.

I flopped backwards on my bed and suddenly wished that I could talk to Ellie. We hadn't had a good, serious talk in a long time. And she's pregnant. She didn't even tell me. I wanted to ask her about it; I was sure she'd tell me. We're still best friends after all. Aren't we?

I picked up the phone to call her, completely forgetting that my uncle called. They were still on the phone, and this time, I didn't hang up.

"I'll be right there," I heard my mother say. It sounded like she was crying, or had been.

"Don't bring Marco," my uncle told her. "He doesn't want him there," he added.

"Fine," she answered coldly. She slammed the phone down, obviously irritated. I hung up the phone and went over my computer, pretending that I'd been on it the entire time. I heard my mom's footsteps coming up the stairs.

She knocked on my door and I called for her to come in.

"What did he want?" I asked her, seeing the look of worry on her face. She'd done a good job of hiding the fact that she had been crying.

"What?" she asked. "Oh, your Uncle wanted me to go see your father," she said, not giving any other details.

"At his house?" I figured that wasn't where she was going, and I knew my mom never lied to me.

"No," she replied. "He's at the hospital."

"What?" I yelled, jumping up from my desk. "Why? Is he okay?"

"I don't know honey. I'll tell you as soon as I get back what's going on," she assured me.

"Can't I come?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer. She shook her head sadly.

"It's just not a good idea right now. I'll see you later. Maybe you should invite some of your friends over. Watch a movie," she suggested. She left without another word, and I immediately rushed over to my phone and dialed Tim's number.

**Craig  
**

I found Alex lying in her bed when it was time for dinner. The door was open, but I knocked anyway. I knew she was awake—she was staring up at the ceiling—but she didn't say a word. I decided it would be okay to just go in. She was my girlfriend after all.

"It's time for dinner," I whispered, crawling up on the bed and slipping my arms around her. I felt her flinch and move away. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Please Craig, go away," she begged, rolling over so her back was to me.

"Alex, why won't you talk to me?" I asked, getting irritated. "All you've been doing lately is going out and getting drunk. We haven't even spent any time together recently. I miss you." I smelled her hair as I kissed her neck. She smelled like cigarettes and alcohol, but I didn't mind.

Apparently she didn't like me kissing her neck though, because she pushed herself up into a sitting position, and kept her back to me, staying hunched over.

"Why are you acting this way? Do I suddenly repulse you or something?" I didn't move from where I was sitting, mainly because I didn't want her to run away from me. She was too far as it was.

"I can't do this anymore Craig," she said, sighing. She was crying; I could hear it in her voice.

"Don't cry Alex. What are you talking about? I love you…" I paused and I could tell those words had some kind of effect on her. I just wasn't sure if it was good or bad. I'd never told her that, but I'd been feeling it lately. I couldn't stand to be away from her, and when she left every night, it really hurt me.

"You don't love me Craig," she finally replied, turning around to face me. That was when I saw the bruise on her cheek. I gasped, and slowly brought my hand up to brush my fingers against it. She pulled away before I got there.

"Yes, I do," I said, trying to convince her of it. I already knew that I meant it.

"We can't be together Craig," she said, letting a few tears fall down her cheeks.

"Who did that to you?" I asked, suddenly feeling very angry.

"No one," she told me, obviously lying.

"Are you seeing someone else? And getting drunk with him? Is he the one who hits you? Do you think you're better off with someone who hurts you Alex? Because the last time I checked, I've never laid a hand on you like that." I felt the sudden need to defend myself, even though she hadn't admitted any of it yet.

"Yes Craig, there's someone else. And I don't get hurt. I'm fine. So leave me alone, okay?"

I felt my anger to disappear, only to be replaced by a different emotion. Sadness. I didn't want her to do this to me. I did love her. She was breaking my heart.

"How can you leave me for some bastard who pushes girls around?" I asked, feeling tears well up behind my eyes. I would not cry in front of her.

"Get out of here!" she screamed, turning her back to me again. "Just LEAVE!"

The anger was slowly building up again. She's acting like I'm the one hurting her, when it's really the other way around. I got up and stormed out of the room before I did anything I would regret later.

Then I slammed my bedroom door, threw myself onto my bed, and cried.

**Emma **

Just before dinner time, my mom finally convinced Manny that she could go home and get some rest. Dad showed up shortly after that, having just come from the school. Right after he came, my nurse brought in a tray of food from the cafeteria.

I made a face at it and pushed it away a little. It looked disgusting. There were chicken nuggets that were soggy when I poked them, and a scoop of mashed potatoes that looked more like ice cream. I won't even get into the pile of whatever vegetable that was supposed to be in the corner.

I'm a vegetarian, so I wouldn't have eaten the chicken anyway. And even if the food had looked delicious, I wouldn't have been able to eat it at all. One look at any kind of food turned my stomach. And I was so used to not feeling hungry anymore.

My mom frowned at my actions, but my dad asked to talk with her outside. They left, and I pushed the cart away that held my tray, rolling over on my side. They must have thought that they were being quiet enough, but I could hear bits and pieces of their conversation through the crack that the door had been left open.

"…Alex, one of my students…" I heard my dad say. What was so important about her? "…the guy she was with. I punched him." Wait, my dad punched someone?

"Who was it?" my mom asked. It was always harder for her to be quiet. I could hear everything she said.

I missed the name my dad mentioned, but I heard my mom gasp and start to cry.

"Jordan?" she asked.

I instantly froze. My heart started pounding in my chest; so loud that I was sure they would hear it. My breath caught in my throat and formed a huge lump.

"I think he did something to her," I heard my dad say. "…hangover…black and blue…"

I felt like I was going to throw up, but I couldn't move. Alex and Jordan. He did something to her. He…he was back.

My chest started to tighten; a feeling that had become familiar to me. I couldn't breathe anymore. It was too much. Too much flooded my head; memories of meeting Jordan, of realizing who he really was. Visions of Alex being subject to a monster like him.

Something nearby started to beep and wouldn't stop. I realized it was my heart monitor right before everything went black.

**A/N: Sorry that the last chapter was so late. This one's up a few days early to make up for it a little. Chapter 22 will hopefully be up next Thursday. Again, the title and lyrics are from the song "All At Once" by The Fray and they own it. **

**I'm a bit confused about JT's living situation on the show. I remember in the episode where Liberty painted on JT's locker, Mr. Radditch said he was trying to get in touch with JT's parents. But then when Liberty was pregnant, he lived with his grandmother (I think) or did he just go to her for help? I don't understand, so in this story, he lives with his parents. But let me know if I mentioned him living with his grandmother earlier, and I'll change it.**

**The line break is splitting the days; after Spinner's POV, it's the next day. Hmm, earlier, when I mentioned that her mom's boyfriend's name was Jordan, did anyone realize that it was the same guy that lured Emma to the hotel room in the very first episode? So the chapter was mainly about Alex, but I needed it at some point. **


	22. Our Burned Paradise

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Our Burned Paradise**

_If you loved me, you would be here with me_

**Emma**

After my second panic attack, the doctors wanted to keep me for a few more days. I begged my parents to let me go home, and I explained it was because I heard my dad talking about Jordan. They told me not to worry; that they wouldn't let him get anywhere near me, then agreed to let me leave.

I had just finished packing my stuff when I heard a familiar voice say my name from the doorway. I froze in place, and wouldn't look up. He came towards me and hugged me, and I just reached my arms up and hugged him back.

"What are you doing here Sean?" I asked.

"Emma, I wanted to apologize for leaving you. I feel like this is my fault. You needed me after the shooting, and I just ran away," he sighed, sitting down on my bed and looking up at me.

"It's not your fault, so don't blame yourself. I made some bad decisions, and got stuck with the consequences. But I'm going to get better." I sat down next to him, and he took my hand in his, rubbing the back of it with his thumb.

"I talked to your parents," he said, changing the subject. "They told me everything…" I looked up at him but immediately looked away at the floor. "Are you going to press charges?" he whispered.

I looked back at his face again; I had to, otherwise I'd start seeing images of that night in my mind. It happened anytime someone brought Toby up, and a lot of times when I closed my eyes.

"I can't," I told him, sighing. "I just can't."

We stared at each other for a few moments, and I never saw it coming. He just leaned forward and kissed me. I immediately pulled away from him and stood up.

"Sean!" I exclaimed, backing away from him. It reminded me of Toby. I didn't want it. I started breathing heavy, but thankfully didn't have any type of attack.

"I'm sorry Emma, I just…" he trailed off and stood up, ready to go. "I have to go."

I watched him rush out of the room, nearly knocking Spinner over as he appeared in the doorway.

"What's up with him?" he asked, rolling his eyes.

"Are you bringing me home?" I changed the subject, not wanting to lie to him.

"Yeah." He walked over to me and hugged me. It was different than Sean's hug. It was real, and warm, and I liked it. I stood up on my toes and kissed his forehead.

**Alex **

"I called you out sick," Joey said as I walked into the kitchen, ready to go to school. "We need to talk."

"Call them back, because I'm going," I said, pouring myself a cup of coffee.

"What has gotten into you?" he asked me. "You can't be going out and getting drunk every night. For one thing, it's against the law…"

"Yeah, well you're not my dad, are you? So you can't really tell me not to drink." I didn't know why I was acting that way around him. I was so grateful to Joey because of what he had done for me. He'd gotten me away from Jordan, and I'd brought myself right back to him.

"I have custody over you, so I do have a say!" he shouted. I slowly sat down at the table, suddenly upset that I'd pissed him off, and started to cry.

"I'm sorry," I told him between sobs.

"Alex…" I heard a chair scrape against the floor as he joined me. When I felt his hand rubbing my back, I jumped and moved away from him. "What happened? Did he do something to you?" I looked up at him with my best shocked face.

"No!" I protested. "I'm just stressed out." What was he going to do? He couldn't help me. There wasn't any proof.

"Then what's wrong?" he asked. I knew I had to tell him some kind of problem that was believable, so he would stop bothering me about Jordan. I sighed and knew what I had to do. I needed to talk to someone about it anyway.

"I screwed up…" I trailed off. He obviously wouldn't be able to guess or anything, I just wanted to give him time to try.

"Are you pregnant?" he asked. "I'm not stupid Alex. I know you and Craig have been sleeping together. I do empty the trash in this house." He raised his eyebrows at me.

"You can rest assured Joey, I'm not pregnant." He breathed a sigh of relief, and then waited for me to continue. "And yes, we were sleeping together. He was my boyfriend…I guess. It's just that I…well, um I guess I cheated on him," I confessed.

"Why are you telling me?"

"You asked me what was wrong. And I guess I need to talk to someone about it. I also need to tell _someone_ who I cheated with…and get it _all_ off my chest." I couldn't believe I was about to do it. He would be the first person I told.

"Who was it?" he asked, obviously wanting to help me out. He would probably regret it later. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes before saying her name.

"…Paige Michalchuk…"

When I opened my eyes, Joey was staring at me with his mouth hanging slightly open. He didn't say anything at first, so I wiped the half dried tears from my cheeks and waited.

"That's a…girl, right?" he finally asked. I laughed a little—I had to, it was just too funny—and nodded. "So you're…" I nodded again.

"I guess so."

"Have you told Craig?" he finally asked.

"No. I don't think I can," I told him. "It would break his heart."

"I think you have to…"

I was about to protest again, when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I immediately shut up and turned around to see Craig about to leave the house.

"Bye," he mumbled, keeping his head down.

What if he heard us talking? I swallowed the lump in my throat and watched him leave.

"Thanks for the talk," I said to Joey, trying to forget about what just happened.

"Are you sure there's nothing else you want to talk about?" he asked me.

"I'm sure."

No one would find out about Jordan, I was determined of that. I didn't need anyone feeling sorry for me, or trying to get me to press charges. I wouldn't go through the same thing Paige did and fail. She told me the horrible story, and it replayed in my mind whenever I thought about taking him to court.

I got up and went back upstairs, ready to sleep away the pain I felt. Sure, I'd finally gotten the Paige stuff off of my chest, but I still had problems. And as hard as I tried to forget them, I was reminded every time I closed my eyes.

**Ellie **

I stayed home from school again, plagued by indecision. How could I have gotten myself into this situation? I never wanted to be pregnant, I never in my life imagined being a teenage mother. And now, I was one of those girls who didn't even know who the father of her baby was. I was determined that it still wasn't going to happen to me; that's why I have to give this baby up.

Sean decided that he was going to stay until he finds out if the baby is his or not. I still haven't told him that I'm planning on adoption, and I have no idea how to break it to him. Maybe I can get Jay to tell him. Of course, Jay doesn't want me to give the baby up either. What am I supposed to do about this? I couldn't get my dad to kick Sean out—he thought he was a nice kid, and had no idea that he might be the baby's father now too.

Jay left yesterday after he and Sean ran into each other. Sean didn't mention the predicament I'd gotten us into, but there was an unexplained tension between them. When I ran to the bathroom throwing up, Jay followed me and held back my hair. But he left after that, saying that he really had to go somewhere. And when I woke up this morning, Sean was gone too.

I decided that I needed to find Jay. He'd mentioned something about the ravine the other night, so I figured that I could probably find him there, and I was right. After a long walk, I found Jay's car, and just a few people smoking in between classes. I looked in the windows and saw that he was sprawled out in the backseat, fast asleep.

"Someone's really got to get him out of here. He's ruining the atmosphere," someone said from behind me. I jumped and spun around. I'd never seen the guy before, but I was curious about what he'd said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"He lives here," he answered. "And it's really creepy."

"He lives in his _car_? Are you sure?"

"Positive." He walked away from me to go back to school, and I fought the urge to cry. The thought of anyone living in their car was pitiful. And there he was, the boy I wanted to be the father of my baby, fast asleep, scrunched up in the backseat of his Honda Civic.

I walked a little away from the car and called my dad at work. He found a job that didn't involve leaving the country, or even the state for that matter. He was working as a police officer in our very own town. I explained the situation to him, and he reluctantly told me that Jay could live with us too. I told him that Sean really wouldn't be there for long, and he was going to try to get his old apartment back. I just had to figure out how to get him to do that.

My first task was getting Jay to my house. I knew he wouldn't just swallow his pride and drive right over. So I had to do it myself. I got into the car and looked around for the keys. I finally found them, halfway sticking out of Jay's pocket. Carefully reaching back, I pulled them right out, and he never woke up. I started the short drive back to my house with Jay sleeping soundly. It wasn't until I stopped the car in my driveway that he woke up.

"What the fuck?" he yelled from the backseat. He shot up and looked around.

"You're lucky that it was me who drove the car," I said, looking at him in the rearview mirror. "Or you could be halfway to Mexico by now, especially with the way you sleep so soundly," I joked.

"Why am I at your house?" he asked, sounding a little angry.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were _living_ at the ravine?" I asked, raising my voice. He couldn't be angry with me if I didn't get to be angry first.

"I had nowhere else to go," he said, suddenly not looking at me. He looked very embarrassed.

"Well, now you do." I got out of the front seat and walked around, joining him in the back. "I talked to my dad, and you're living here, with us."

"Where will I even stay?" he asked as I lay my head on his shoulder. "Cameron's taking up the guest room," he pointed out.

"I'm trying to get him out of there," I explained. "Back to his old apartment, maybe. Until then, I guess you'll have to sleep on the couch. Of course, once my dad's asleep, you can come up to my room…" I grinned at him and pecked his cheek. "Will you stay?" I asked, giving him my best puppy dog eyes. He sighed, but then his mouth broke into a smile.

"Yeah, I will."

I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him.

"Hey, on Saturday I have my four month appointment at the doctor. Do you want to come?" I asked him. It was four days away, but I wanted to ask him ahead of time.

"Of course," he answered, kissing my cheek.

"I better get a shower though, and go about finding a job. We'll need money for the baby," he said, placing his hand on my stomach. I felt like I was going to throw up, but it wasn't morning sickness, it was nervousness.

"I have to tell you something first…" I said. I couldn't keep it a secret from him. He'd hate me if he found out from anyone else. Of course, he'd probably hate me if he found out from me too.

**Craig **

I saw Manny sitting outside at lunch. She was alone so I decided to talk to her. She didn't look too happy when I sat at her table, but I wouldn't let that stop me.

"Aren't you a little cold out here?" I asked her. It was the middle of October, and getting a little chilly.

"What do you want?" she groaned, ignoring my question and leaning her head on one of her hands.

"Just to talk," I said honestly, using my fork to poke the green mess that was supposed to be vegetables on my tray. "How's Emma?" I asked.

"She's doing a little better. She got to go home this morning," Manny told me. I guess she decided to give in and talk.

"That's good. But what about you? Where's Jimmy?" She looked horrible, like someone had torn her heart out of her chest.

"Don't even ask." She took a bite of her sandwich and a long sip from her water bottle. "We're not together, but I don't want to talk about it." I figured that Manny was probably the one who broke up with Jimmy. I'd already seen him inside, sulking. He actually looked worse, if that was at all possible.

"You know Manny, the real reason I came over here…" she interrupted me before I could explain myself.

"I'm not getting back together with you," she snapped, rolling her eyes. I narrowed my own eyes at her and continued what I was going to say.

"I wanted to apologize for everything I put you through. You and Ashley," I added. "I was a real jerk, and I never even realized it until now. Now that I know how it feels…" I trailed off, not wanting to continue. "I just want to say sorry."

"Alex cheated on you?" she asked, her eyes widening. I nodded. "With who?"

I'd heard Alex and Joey talking this morning. I'd been so hurt that I wasn't going to go to school, but I knew I wouldn't be able to come up with a believable excuse. But still, as hurt as I was, I wouldn't go spreading it around the school. There was more to it than cheating, I realized.

"Don't ask," I said, using Manny's own strategy. The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. I shrugged my shoulders and stood to leave. Before my foot hit the bottom step, Manny called my name. I turned and waited for her to say whatever it was that she wanted.

"Thanks…for the apology. It really does mean a lot to me," she said.

"Don't mention it. But Manny?"

"Yeah?"

"Jimmy really loves you. Just remember that," I advised.

I turned and walked away, hoping that I helped at least one person for the day.

**Tim **

"I don't want to go in," Marco whined—yes, whined. We were standing outside his father's hospital room. I could see in the door, where Mrs. Del Rossi was right there by his side, holding onto one of his hands with both of hers.

"You have to," I told him. "Or you'll end up regretting it for the rest of your life."

"What, you think he's going to die or something?" he asked. That hadn't helped. I watched Marco plop down on a bench that was pushed against the wall. "I can't believe this is happening…my dad has…"

"Cancer," I finished off for him. "You have to be able to say it sometimes," I said. I sat down next to him and took his hand.

"I just can't go in there right now. He doesn't even want me to; I heard my uncle telling my mom."

"Well, maybe he just doesn't want you to see him sick like this. He still loves you Marco, and it would probably mean so much to him if you went in there," I said, trying to get him to listen to me.

"No. He doesn't want me in there because I'm gay. Because you're my boyfriend," he argued, crossing his arms over his chest. Tears slowly trickled down his cheeks and I just gave in.

Wrapping my arms around him, I gave him a long hug before helping him to his feet.

"Come on, we'll try again tomorrow, okay?" I asked. Marco nodded, but I knew he probably wouldn't go in tomorrow either.

I was used to being the younger one of us, needing Marco to help me out with my dad issues. But now it was my turn to help him, and it felt good—no matter how stubborn he was.

I kissed his cheek and led him out of the hospital, ready to face a night full of tears and complaints. But I didn't mind because I loved him.

**Paige **

I cautiously approached the Nelson-Simpson household. I felt bad, showing up unexpected, but I didn't think Emma would talk to me if she knew I was coming. I knocked on the door and Mr. Simpson opened it.

"Paige? What brings you here?" he asked.

"I thought that maybe I could…talk to Emma. About what happened," I said, suddenly unsure of myself. But Mr. Simpson merely nodded and let me in.

"She's down in her room. Through the kitchen." He pointed me in the right direction, and I passed Emma's mom cooking dinner. I heard Mr. Simpson telling her who I was and why I was there as I went down the stairs.

"Emma?" I called out as I reached the bottom step. I almost didn't see her, but she moved in her bed. She sat up, clutching the blankets to her chest as she leaned against the headboard.

"Paige?" she asked. It was more of a whisper. She looked so tiny, like she would disappear in a matter of seconds—definitely not like the Emma we all knew. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought we could talk," I said. "Can I sit?" She nodded slowly, as if she were still trying to figure out why I was there. I sat on her bed, close enough for her to hear me, but far enough away to give her space.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked, her eyes shifting all around the room, always avoiding eye contact with me.

"Emma, I know what you're going through. I mean, with what happened before this…" I didn't know if I should mention the actual word, or the guy who did it.

"You mean the rape?" she asked. She acted like it didn't bother her at all to talk about it, but I knew better. It was probably killing her. It was the reason she stopped eating, and made herself sick. She wanted to control her eating if she couldn't control sex. I had felt the same way when it happened to me, but differently. I thought about giving up on everything back then, but I had some amazing friends to help me through it, JT included.

"Yeah," I said, still uncomfortable to say it myself.

"Toby raped me," she said, as if realizing it for the first time. It was most likely the first time she'd said it out loud.

"Are you going to press charges?" I asked her. She immediately shook her head, already decided.

"No," she said, as if shaking her head wasn't enough. "I can't go through a trial Paige. I know that you did, and that was really strong of you, but I'm just not that strong. Especially not now. And there's no evidence at all. I didn't tell Spinner until three months later. People saw me go into the van with him, but no one could see who it was from that far away. I was…doing things…with a bunch of the guys at the ravine before that. They'll bring that up, and try to make me look like a slut, even though I didn't have sex with anyone. They'll have witnesses to say what I was doing for a few weeks before that, and that I was high before and during all of it. And on top of that, I'll probably be accused of being mentally unstable because I was just diagnosed with an eating disorder," she sighed and paused for a minute, but didn't shed a tear. "I just can't go through with it."

"I understand," I said, suddenly leaning forward and hugging her. It felt like the right thing to do, and she instantly relaxed in my arms. "Do you want to talk to anyone about it? Like Ms. Sauvé? She really helped me out."

"I'd just like to talk to you if that's okay," Emma told me, pulling out of our hug. I saw that she was crying then, but they were tears of relief—relief of being able to get it off of her chest, and being able to talk to someone who knew what it was like. I always wanted that before, and I was glad that I could give it to someone else. "I mean, I don't want to tell the full story to anyone else. Not even my friends. Spinner's the only other person who knows all of that," she confessed.

"You really love him, don't you?" I asked her. She nodded her head this time, and wiped the tears from her eyes and cheeks. "I'm glad someone does," I joked. I got a small laugh out of her.

"Thanks for coming by," she said. "But I think I'm gonna go back to sleep. Maybe I'll go to school tomorrow," she added.

"If you do, I'll see you there."

I gave her one last hug and stood up to go. But first, I told her one more thing.

"Emma, you're going to be okay, I know it."

She smiled the biggest smile that had crossed her face in a very long time.

**Jimmy **

I sulked around my apartment. I couldn't really do much at all without Manny there to help me. My nurse called to ask if I needed anything, but I said no, that I was fine. I heated up some leftover pizza and ate it in front of the television, but surprisingly, nothing was on.

I wanted her to be there with me. We used to have so much fun, just hanging out every night, laughing together. I realized just then that I was in love with her. How else could I explain the empty feeling in my stomach? And why was it that even though we had only been broken up for two days, it felt like two years had passed. I missed just looking at her, taking in her beauty. She was the first girl I was truly in love with.

I dumped my plate in the dishwasher and slammed the door on it. I knew there was no use in getting angry and throwing things around, but I couldn't help it. I reached down to the cabinet under the sink—it was stocked with necessities, rather than cleaning supplies; an easy area for me to reach.

Grabbing my toothbrush, I knocked over a pill bottle. I had all these pills to take—calcium pills because I'd lost an interest in milk, all kinds of multivitamins to stay strong, and a few others.

But this bottle was full—I'd never taken any of the pills in it. I turned the bottle to read the label. Percocet. They were the pills I was given for the pain from when I was shot. I snorted; I was so cocky and proud that I convinced myself that I didn't need the pills. Bullshit. I was in so much pain, but never touched them.

Now, I had a different kind of pain. Maybe they would fix that.

I twisted the lid off and shook the pills around, getting a good look at them. They were small, round, white pills. The bottle said to take one every six hours, so to make sure it really helped me, I dumped two out into the palm of my hand.

I filled a glass of water and used it to help me swallow the pills. I closed the cabinet and wheeled myself into the living room. In a matter of minutes, my thoughts became a bit jumbled, but it made me happier. I wasn't dwelling on the fact that Manny left me.

I stuck the bottle right there in my pocket, knowing full well that I wanted to keep it close. Very close.

**Jay **

"_The baby…could be…Sean's."_

It was the only thing I could remember from what she'd actually said. She asked me if I would go to the appointment, then she dropped this bomb on me. Sean's baby? There's no way in hell.

She explained what happened, and I got so angry. It was understandable, really, it was. He was her boyfriend at the time, and she didn't know he was leaving for Wasaga the next day. But I've been thinking that it was mine. It still _has_ to be mine.

Spinner just got me a job at The Dot today. I'm working millions of hours to make enough money for Ellie and me to raise this baby.

And now, I'm stuck here, living with Ellie _and_ Sean. I'd like to know why the fuck he came back at all. He's just messing things up. He's in the guest bedroom, and I'm on the couch. I feel like the unwanted guest, when that's who Sean _is_. He used to be my best friend, but now I fucking _hate_ him.

I was about to sneak upstairs to Ellie's room, something I knew Sean couldn't do if he tried, when my cell phone started to vibrate. I looked at the screen to see who was calling me.

_Alex_

I had no idea what she would want at this hour—it was almost one in the morning—but I decided to answer. I was annoyed with Ellie anyway, so I might as well vent to someone who knew me.

"Hello?" I asked into the phone. I could hear sobs as Alex tried to collect herself enough to talk.

"Jay? Where are you?" We hadn't really talked at all since the breakup, so I was really surprised that she called me. I guess she knew I would understand, no matter what.

"I'm at Ellie's," I told her. "Why?" I heard rain start to fall, lightly pattering on the windows.

"Shit," she swore, probably because she was outside walking and was now getting wet.

"Where are you Alex? Come to Ellie's house, okay?" I was getting worried, and I didn't want her wandering around this late—or early—whatever. "Are you drunk?"

"Most of the alcohol has worn off by now, but yeah, I am. I'm coming." She hung up the phone before I could ask her how far away she was. I got up and opened the front door as quietly as possible, praying that I wouldn't wake Ellie's dad up—or anyone else for that matter. I snuck off to the bathroom for a few towels as I heard the rain fall harder, and when I got back, she was standing in the living room, dripping all over the carpet.

"Everyone's asleep," I whispered. I could barely tell that she'd been crying since the rain washed her tears away. I motioned for her to take her shoes off as I closed the door. "What happened?" I asked, handing her a towel to dry off her hair.

"I can't get away from him," she whispered, a fresh batch of tears spilling over. "I even moved into Craig's house and he still finds me." She sounded like she was crazy, babbling on about a guy who wasn't real, but I knew better. It was really bad if she was like this.

"Who?"

"Jordan." She squeezed her eyes shut and cried.

"Shh, it's okay," I told her, pulling her to my chest. She wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my shoulder. "You're safe here. He can't get you here."

"You can't even protect me Jay," she whispered. "I'm not safe anywhere, because he's already _in my head_. I'll never get rid of him." She was really starting to scare me, so I held her closer.

"Lexi, who's Jordan?" I asked. She flinched as I said his name, but stayed where she was.

"My mom's new boyfriend or fiancée. I don't know...I think they're married now," she answered, pulling away from me. She wouldn't look me in the eye, just down at the floor.

"What did he do to you?" I asked, trying to stay calm. In reality, my insides were burning up. I saw the bruise on her cheek and her knees started to shake. She wouldn't answer me, but she didn't need to anymore. I knew. And I would kill him. "Come on, let's get you out of these wet clothes," I whispered.

She let me peel off her shirt and pants, knowing full well that I wasn't going to hurt her. She stood, shivering, in her bra and underwear, and I could see the bruises on her arms, and her legs, her stomach…

I became angrier than before, but I couldn't do anything about just then.

"I'll go get you something of Ellie's to wear." I moved to sneak upstairs and borrow a t-shirt, but she grabbed my wrist.

"Don't leave me," she whispered, and I knew that I couldn't.

I lay down on the couch and held out my arms, letting her crawl on top of me and latch on, something I used to let Abby do when she was upset or scared. It was like Alex was a little kid, and I was comforting her. But it was all bigger than that.

I pulled my blanket over us and she cried into my chest for so long that I thought I would be sitting in a puddle of tears in the morning. She finally quieted and fell asleep, but not before a million ideas came to me as to how I could get back at this Jordan guy for her.

The last time I remembered looking at the clock, it was three am.

**A/N: Okay you guys, I'm so dumb! I had this chapter all ready on time, and uploaded it early and all of that...but completely forgot that I never posted it! I really thought I did, and then I went into my documents and there it was. Sorry! This chapter takes place the day after the last one. I'm pretty sure I'll be done with this by chapter thirty, so there are eight chapters left. In a few chapters will be the birth of Ellie's baby; I'm going to skip ahead. The title and lyrics from the top are from the song "Call Me When You're Sober" by Evanescence and they own it.**

** I realized just now that in chapter 20, Jay told Ellie that he lived at the ravine. I'm not sure if anyone noticed that mistake, but I liked her finding out on her own better, so I went back and changed it in chapter 20. Just thought I'd let you know. **

urbanluver: thanks for the review…you're actually the only person who reviewed! I'm glad you really like the story. XD 


	23. Ready To Fall

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Ready To Fall**

_Now I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall, I think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong._

**Ellie**

I woke up with just enough time to take a quick shower and a bowl of cereal before school. It was Wednesday, and would be my first day back since Jay, Marco, Tim, and Sean found out I was pregnant.

Sean couldn't go back to school unless he went back to grade ten, and he said that he couldn't possibly stay back _another_ year, so he's not going at all. I had to admit that I was relieved; that was one less person I had to worry about to slip up about the baby during school. That and the fact that I didn't want to see him at all. I prayed he wasn't the father of my baby, but I wouldn't know for sure for five more months.

I did hope that Jay was going to school though. He never snuck upstairs last night like I thought he would, but I figured he was tired. And since no sound had come from the living room since I woke up, I doubted he was awake yet. I was going to leave through the front door anyway, so I went into the living room to kiss him goodbye.

And then I wished that I hadn't.

There he was, the guy I wanted to be my baby's father, all curled up on the couch with his ex-girlfriend lying on top of him. The blanket that had once been covering them was lying on the floor, and was obviously kicked off sometime during the night. Jay was only in his boxers and Alex in her bra and underwear.

I clenched my fists together and tried not to cry. Half of me was angry that he would do that, and the other half was sad that I knew he would never change. He had sex with his ex-girlfriend in _my_ house. On my living room couch!

As I stared at them for a few more seconds, I felt the urge to run into the kitchen and grab something sharp. I looked at the scars on my arm before deciding against it. Then I felt my stomach turn, and I thought I would be sick. It could have been from the pregnancy, but I was sure it was because of what I was seeing. I forced my stomach to keep it down and screamed at the top of my lungs.

"You fucking asshole! I hate you!" I slapped Jay on top of his head and he woke up. Alex groaned and slowly sat up, her eyes still closed. Luckily for me, my dad wasn't home, because I wouldn't be 'watching my mouth.'

"What's going on?" she asked sleepily.

"You slept with my fucking boyfriend!" I screamed. Jay stood up and was at my side in an instant. "You're supposed to be my friend!"

"Ellie, I can explain!" he shouted, a worried tone to his voice.

"What Jay? Did she trip and fall onto your dick?" I yelled.

"What's happening in here?" I heard someone ask from the doorway. "Oh…" he said. It was Sean. I watched as a smile grew on his face.

"Shut the fuck up Sean. I don't want you here as much as I don't want him here!" I screeched, pointing at Jay.

"Ellie, don't say that," Jay whispered. "You don't even know what's going on."

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" I asked, lowering my voice only slightly. Alex just sat there, staring. She was holding her head, probably because she had a hangover. I could tell. "Don't even answer that. You ungrateful little asshole. And to think, I wanted YOU to be the father," I screamed. "Now I don't even know anymore!"

"Let me…" I cut him off.

"I don't fucking want you to explain. I HATE YOU!"

Suddenly I felt a stabbing pain in my stomach. I screamed out and fell to my knees.

"Ellie?" Jay asked. "Are you okay?"

"Leave me AAAAAAAH!" I screamed, clutching my stomach. "Something's wrong," I cried out, feeling hot tears sting my cheeks. The baby. No. This couldn't be happening.

"It's way too early," Jay said, kneeling down next to me. I felt him pick me up off the floor and I was in too much pain to argue. I felt like someone was stabbing me in the stomach. "Get the keys Alex!" he yelled.

"I don't want her to—OW! Oh God Jay, please don't let anything happen to my baby!" I screamed. It wouldn't stop.

"I'm coming too," Sean announced.

"Both of you get your FUCKING clothes on. We're leaving in thirty seconds," Jay yelled.

He carried me out to the car and lay me down in the front seat. A few seconds later, I heard the car start. I couldn't stop screaming or crying. I saw Sean and Jay get into the front seats. I felt Alex lift my head up and sit down, placing my head in her lap. I dug my nails into her leg as the pain came and went. I didn't care if I was hurting her—she deserved it anyway.

**JT**

I was getting some stuff out of my locker when I felt the tap on my shoulder. I turned around, expecting Paige, but the person standing there made my insides boil. It was Toby.

"What do you want?" I asked, an obviously pissed off tone to my voice. He had a black eye from Spinner punching him, and another bruise on his cheek. He deserved it. I actually had to resist the strong urge I had to punch his other eye.

"You're gonna act like that too?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You raped Emma! How do you expect me to act? You're lucky I don't kick your ass right now you little bastard. She was your friend and you did that to her. What's wrong with you?" I yelled.

Everyone knew it now. Every single person in the halls knew. They were staring at us, and Toby just stood perfectly still, not knowing what to do.

"She was acting like a _whore_. You didn't see her there, sucking off every guy. She was supposed to be Rick's _friend_ and that's how she acted after he died!" Toby yelled, letting everyone know that he wasn't going to back down.

I couldn't help myself. The way he talked about her, like she deserved it, just pushed me over the edge. I shoved him up against the lockers, holding a hand to his throat. I was choking him, but I didn't care. He struggled to pull my fingers away, but I held tight.

"You think she deserved that Toby?" I spat. "How would you like it if someone held you down and shoved his dick in your ass? Would you like that? Would _you _deserve it?" I screamed. By then, Ms. Hatzilakos had been informed, and she and Mr. Simpson came running out of nowhere. Emma's dad pulled me off of Toby, but I could tell he was hesitant. He knew she didn't deserve it. No one did.

"James Yorke, my office. Now." Ms. H demanded.

"_I'm_ gonna be the one in trouble?" I asked in disbelief. "_He_ raped Emma. How could I just sit back and let him get away with it?" I asked.

"Is this true Archie?" I heard her whisper. He didn't answer and he didn't have to. The way his eyes bore into Toby, anyone would be able to tell it was the truth. "Okay, I want you in my office," she said, pointing to Toby. "Mr. Simpson, please escort James to your classroom and wait for me there," she requested.

"I hate you." I said to Toby as I walked past him. He just stared at me, eyes wide open, like I was the bad guy. I saw red marks on his throat that were slowly turning black and blue.

**Marco**

I couldn't stop thinking about my dad, and that made me feel bad. Ellie was going through a tough time, and I haven't been there to help her out. But at the same time, my dad is still my dad. I didn't know if I could go see him though. He didn't want me there, so what good would it do?

I thought for a minute that maybe I could talk to Emma about it. We'd never really been friends, but she went through something similar when Mr. Simpson had cancer. Except she has problems of her own; bigger problems than mine. I was just being a chicken, but something terrible happened to her, and she was trying to deal with it.

I sighed and decided that I wouldn't be much use of anyone in the state I was in, so I wanted to leave school, at least for the day. I turned around and walked past some kind of fight in the hallway. I saw Mr. Simpson and Ms. Hatzilakos, and quickly sped by them. The never saw me.

"Where are you going?" He scared the crap out of me, but I didn't mind.

"I can't stay today," I told him, sighing. "I just need to get out of here for the day."

"I'll come with you then," Tim offered.

"I would love for you to come, as long as you don't bring up the hospital at all. I need a break from that too. And I promise I'll try to go tomorrow after school if you just don't ask about it," I said. I wasn't quite sure I'd be able to keep that promise, but Tim just nodded his head.

"That sounds like a plan. Where to?" he asked as we walked down the steps and away from the school as quickly as possible.

"How about the ravine?" I suggested.

"Why?" he asked, with a tone to my voice that suggested I was crazy.

"There's not usually that many people down there during school. At least, I don't think so. It'd be a great place to be alone…" I explained, wiggling my eyebrows. Tim laughed and started to run away from me. He was eager to be alone with me, I knew that much. He got there first, and we stayed in the woods, away from those few people that partied all day.

I didn't waste any time. No one was around, so I grabbed Tim by the waist and pulled him to me, our bodies pressed tightly together. I kissed his neck, then his cheeks, and finally the corner of his mouth. His breath became faster as he pulled me straight to the ground, climbing right on top of me.

I pulled at his belt and eventually got it off. His pants came off easily, but he started to kiss me, making me forget about my mission for a few moments. I let my hands fall to the ground as his made their way up my shirt, pushing it up to reveal my stomach. I helped him pull it off, then positioned myself as I was before.

He teased me by taking my belt off with only his teeth, and I didn't think I could wait much longer. I reached up to pull his boxers off, but he stopped me with a shake of his head. I could feel sticks and small rocks digging into my back, but I ignored them.

I watched as Tim removed my jeans and boxers, and shivered as the cool air hit my body. I didn't care that I was completely naked in the middle of the ravine, or that someone could catch us at any moment. All I cared about was being there with him.

His breath on my thighs really surprised me. I didn't expect it to happen, but I just closed my eyes as I felt the wetness of his mouth surround me. I grabbed a fistful of his hair and struggled not to make too much noise.

I never knew forgetting would feel this good.

**Spinner**

I went to Emma's house instead of school. Her parents asked me to keep an eye on her while she stayed home for the rest of the week, and her dad was going to work it out with Ms. H. She was napping in her room, and I was preparing a little lunch for the both of us to eat as a picnic in the backyard.

I had just finished putting it all into a basket when she came up from her room, looking fully rested.

"Feel better?" I asked her. I gave her a small peck on the cheek and she smiled.

"A little," she said, shrugging her shoulders. I grabbed her hand and the basket and led her outside to the blanket I had spread out on the grass.

"I made us lunch," I said. As if she hadn't figured that out herself. She gave me a small smile but didn't say anything, and sat down on the blanket. I put our lunch out; two simple peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, some carrot sticks with ranch dip, a few cookies, and some water bottles. Emma eyed all of the food, but didn't touch anything.

"Spinner," she finally said. "I have to tell you something." Her eyes met mine and she looked upset.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"This morning…right before you picked me up…" she trailed off, looking away from me and down at the grass. "Sean was there. And he…he kissed me."

"WHAT?" I yelled, fuming with anger.

"Spinner, don't. He made a mistake, and I don't need you to go kick his ass or anything. I just wanted to be honest with you," she explained. The look on her face was what calmed me down. She looked horrified that I would hurt someone else.

"Thanks for telling me," I said, much quieter this time. I held her hand in mine and kissed her fingertips softly. "Why don't we just eat?" I asked. She nodded her head and picked up her sandwich.

I was halfway through my sandwich, and reaching for the carrot sticks when I noticed that she hadn't gotten very far. I watched her as she held the sandwich in her hands, staring at it. The look of terror on her face was upsetting. She looked like she thought the sandwich was going to eat her.

She looked up and saw me staring. With a frown, she took a bite. I continued to eat but watched her out of the corner of my eye. That first bite took her almost five minutes to chew. She kept chewing and chewing until I was sure that the sandwich was merely liquid. She finally swallowed, and placed the half that was in her hand back down on the paper plate.

I picked up a cookie, but Emma acted like she was finished. I knew she was having a hard time, but how can one bite of a sandwich be a meal?

"Are you going to eat anymore?" I asked once I swallowed the cookie in my mouth.

"I'm full," she whispered. She wouldn't look at me, or at the food.

"Emma, one bite isn't enough to eat," I said, voicing my thoughts.

"Spinner, I'm used to eating nothing at all. This is going to take time," she said, finally making eye contact.

"You can't do this anymore," I said, sighing. "You've got to at least try."

"I _am_ trying," she said, tears in her eyes. "You just don't understand."

She got up and walked away without another word, and I couldn't follow her. She was right. I didn't understand.

**Manny**

I didn't see Jimmy at school all day, and I was getting really worried about him. I was usually the one there with him before and after school, helping him get around and other things like that. So what if he fell this morning? Or something even worse happened to him?

Just because we weren't together didn't mean that I stopped caring about him. I wasn't sure if he saw it that way or not, but I still had to go check on him. I would've never forgiven myself if something bad happened and I didn't help him.

After school, I went down to his apartment and knocked on the door. He didn't answer, which made my stomach hurt even worse than it already did. Could something really be wrong? I pressed my ear to the door and could hear voices. It sounded like the television.

"Jimmy?" I yelled, hoping that he could hear me. Still no answer. I pounded on the door a few more times and yelled his name again. I tried the door, and to my surprise, it was unlocked. I'd wasted precious time and it wasn't even locked. I shook my head and pushed the door open.

And there he was, sitting on the couch, watching TV. He turned back and looked at me when the door opened.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked.

"Didn't you hear me knocking?" I asked him, ignoring his question. "I thought something was wrong!"

"Oh, what? The poor kid in the wheelchair didn't show up at school, so he must have fallen and can't get up? Come on Manny, that's just stupid." I fought back tears as I walked into the living room, turning the TV off. "I was watching that!" he protested. I lifted my hand and slapped him.

"Why do you have to be such an asshole?" I asked.

"If you were really worried about me, you wouldn't have waited until _after_ school to check on me. I could've been dead by now," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You were _testing_ me?" I asked. That did bring the tears out. I couldn't help myself.

"No Manny, I wasn't. I decided to stay home today because I was too tired. Just leave me alone okay? I don't really want to see you right now," he said, turning the TV back on.

I didn't move, just stood there and cried, staring at him.

"Damnit Manny! Just GO!" He screamed.

**Paige**

"What happened today?" I asked JT. I called him after school to ask where he was, and he told me to meet him at The Dot. "I didn't see you after I left your locker," I said.

"Toby happened, that's what." He was glaring angrily at his plate of fries. "He tried to talk to me, and said all kinds of crap that meant he thought Emma _deserved_ what he did to her," he said angrily.

"That little asshole," I said. It reminded me so much of Dean that I had to close my eyes and will away the images floating in my heat. "What did you do?" I asked once I'd finally regained my composure.

"I threw him against the lockers and choked him. And now everyone knows what he did, including Ms. Hatzilakos. She took me to her office and suspended me for the rest of the week," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Did anything happen to Toby?" I asked. He looked up, glaring at me. "I meant with Ms. H. I don't care if you crushed his windpipe and he never speaks again," I said.

"Oh. Well, yeah, something did happen to him." He started grinning like crazy, and I was eager to find out. "He was expelled. He's no longer allowed in the halls of Degrassi. And people threw food and other things at him as he left."

"Good. Emma will be glad to hear that she won't have to see him when she goes back," I said. I leaned across the table and kissed him. "I have to go talk to her now. So I'll see you later," I said, standing up.

"Could you tell her that I'm sorry?" JT asked me before I left.

"For what?"

"For not being there," he answered, hanging his head and sighing.

"It's not your fault JT," I told him, kissing him one more time. "Toby's the only one that should have to live with this for the rest of his life."

**Jay**

We'd been waiting in the hospital for hours now. And that was all we could do. Wait.

Even though she didn't know for sure, Ellie told the doctors that I was the father, and they let me go into her room. Alex left shortly after we got there. She explained that she couldn't stand hospitals and Ellie probably hated her anyway. Sean had to stay in the waiting room, alone, but he never left. I wanted him gone, but I just let him stay, and smirked at him every chance I got. That kid was getting on my last nerve.

The doctor pulled me aside to explain the situation about fifteen minutes after we'd gotten there. She said that Ellie's blood pressure got too high and triggered early delivery. I nearly panicked. I didn't know much about babies, but I did know that this baby wasn't due until March, and it was way too early.

After I calmed down a little, Dr. Abrams told me that sometimes bed rest and extra fluids were enough to stop the contractions. She said we were pretty safe because the amniotic sac hadn't ruptured. Whatever that means.

I had to break the news to Ellie that they wanted her to stay in the hospital until Sunday, just to make sure that nothing else went wrong. The doctor wanted to be able to make sure she was getting the rest she really needed. They would discuss whether or not she'd be able to go back to school later.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. I was sitting in the chair next to her bed, but she wouldn't look at me. She was lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling. "This is all my fault," I said, sighing loudly.

"Why did you have to do it?" she asked suddenly. I watched tears fall from the corners of her eyes and roll down her cheeks and onto her neck. "I knew I shouldn't have told you about the baby," she added, closing her eyes.

"Ellie, will you let me explain now?" I asked. "Nothing happened between Alex and me. Nothing at all."

"Then why was she sleeping with you on the couch? You were both in your underwear Jay," she said, finally turning on her side and looking at me. She looked terrible and I felt so guilty knowing that it was because of me.

"She called me, and she was drunk. Something was really wrong, so I let her come over. It was raining out, and she was soaked from head to toe. I helped her take her clothes off. She couldn't sleep in them. I was going to get something of yours to let her borrow, but she didn't want to be left alone," I explained. Ellie snorted and wiped her tears away.

"That's a load of crap Jay," she said.

"It's not!" I protested. I made sure that I didn't get too loud. I didn't want anyone kicking me out.

"How many excuses do you have tucked under your belt?" she asked me. "Did she trip and fall on your dick? Or did you use your tongue to make her sore throat feel better? I just can't talk to you right now," she told me, facing the ceiling again.

"Honey?" a voice called out from the doorway.

"Dad!" Ellie said. Then she turned back to me. "Could you leave now? I'd like to spend some time with my father."

I got up and moved to kiss her on the cheek, but she pulled away from me. I wasn't going to leave just yet, but I did give them some privacy. I walked right past Sean, not giving him a second look, and went outside.

Once there, I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it, taking a long drag. I never thought that Ellie wouldn't believe me. I wasn't lying to her. It would have been so easy for me to leave her at the first sign of trouble and go back to the ravine, or try to get back with Alex. But I didn't do that, and it hurt me that she thought of me that way.

I wouldn't do any of those things. After a lot of thinking and two more cigarettes, I decided that I wasn't even sure if I'd ever leave her, even if Sean was the father of that baby.

Because…I loved her.

**A/N: I'm really disappointed by the number of people who are actually willing to take about two seconds out of their time to review. Thank you for those of you who do that, I really appreciate it. The more reviews I get, the more motivated I am to write the next chapter. Right now I don't feel too motivated. **

**I apologize for the sudden graphic scene in Marco's POV. But then again, that's why this is rated M! **

**I almost forgot that Jay didn't get kicked out of school in this story! I don't think I've written him in school at all, so let's just say that he's been there this whole time, but he took those few days off that Ellie did. **

**The title of the chapter and lyrics at the beginning are from the song "Ready To Fall" by Rise Against, and they own it. **

**urbanluver: As always, thank you for your review! I hope you liked this chapter. **


	24. At Least We're Trying

**Chapter Twenty-Four: At Least We're Trying**

_And now you're trying to make this better, 'cause you know you can't rewind_

**Emma**

Spinner didn't leave, even though I asked him to. After our picnic ordeal, I stormed into the house and sat in the bathroom. I wasn't going to throw my food up. It was just the only place that I could really be alone in. It was the only door that locked.

I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and sighed. It wasn't Spinner's fault, and I shouldn't have gotten angry with him. He'll probably never know what it's like to live with an eating disorder. I can't just sit down and eat a full meal. My body is used to nothing, or close to it, and if I ate that entire sandwich, it would make me sick.

Why did it have to be so hard? I felt tears fall down my cheeks. I know people have it a lot worse. A lot of people die of starvation before anyone even notices. I was lucky enough to have so many people care about me and help me. That should have made it easier, but it didn't.

I stood up and looked in the mirror. That only made the tears come harder. I don't know how it happened, but I could see myself. The real me. When I used to look in the mirror, all I could see were my chubby cheeks, my fat stomach, and my big butt. Only now when I looked, I saw my cheekbones sticking out. My collarbone protruded so far that it looked like it would hit the mirror itself. I had dark circles under my eyes, and my skin was pale. Maybe it was because I'd finally admitted to myself that I had a problem. Whatever it was, I saw what I really looked like, and it almost made me sick.

How could Spinner stay with someone like me?

"Emma, please come out," I heard my mother's voice from the other side of the door. When did she get home? Had Spinner called her? I knew I couldn't avoid him or her forever, so I reluctantly unlocked the door and went into the living room.

"Honey, are you okay?" my mom asked, pulling me into a hug.

"Yeah, I guess," I said, sighing. I looked over at the clock. So she wasn't home early. How long had I been looking in that mirror? It had to have been almost an hour.

"What happened?" she asked as I sat down on the couch. She sat next to me and put her hand on top of mine.

"Spinner made me a picnic, and he got a little mad that I couldn't eat as much as he wanted me to. But I'm really trying Mom," I told her, sniffling. She ran a hand through my hair and pulled me to her, kissing my forehead.

"I know you are. And it's going to be hard, but we're all here to help," she said.

"I was just looking in the mirror," I continued. "How can Spinner even like me like this? I finally saw what I really look like. My bones are sticking out everywhere!" I complained. I shouldn't have been complaining at all. It was my own fault.

"Because I love you."

I turned around and saw him standing there. I thought he'd left.

"What?" I asked, standing up. My mom stayed where she was, and I walked over to him.

"I said I love you Emma," he repeated.

"You do?" I asked him. He loved me? How could that be possible? Especially with the way I looked and how many problems I seemed to have.

"I don't care what you look like Emma. You've always been beautiful to me, and you still are. I love you no matter what, and I want to help you with your problems, no matter how big or small they are." He leaned in and kissed me softly, not caring that my mother was in the room.

"I…" I trailed off. I was about to open my mouth when the doorbell rang. My mom got up to get it.

"Hello Paige," I heard her say. I needed to talk to Paige, it was good for me, but I wouldn't let her interrupt this moment.

I turned back to Spinner and smiled at him. I stood up on my toes and kissed him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He bent down a little so it would be easier.

"I love you too," I answered. Everyone was staring, but I didn't care.

**Alex**

I went back to the hospital that afternoon upon Jay's request. He called me all upset, saying that Ellie didn't believe him that nothing happened between us. Jay was really there for me when I needed him last night, so I had to be there for him too. I could tell he really loved Ellie. He acted around her the way he used to act around me. I'd be jealous if I still liked guys.

I pushed open the door to Ellie's room and peeked inside. She was laying there with her eyes closed. I approached the bed and sat down, trying to be as quiet as possible. She stirred and opened her eyes, rolling over on her side. She probably thought it was her dad, but he'd just gone to the cafeteria for a late lunch.

"What are you doing here?" she asked coldly, glaring at me. Ellie and I had never been best friends, but we did talk and hang out from time to time. I felt horrible that she had such a low opinion of me. I had to set her straight.

"I need to explain to you what happened," I told her. She opened her mouth to say something, but I held up my hand. "Please don't get all worked up. What I'm about to tell you is the truth Ellie. I wouldn't lie to you about something like this. The first thing I have to say, is that there is no way I would ever go back with Jay. It's physically impossible," I started to explain. She crossed her arms over her chest.

"And how is that?" she asked. "You looked pretty cozy on my couch."

"The reason that I don't like him anymore, and never will…is that…well…he's just not my type." It was harder than I thought it would be. I'd never told anyone except for Joey.

"That's funny; because I'm pretty sure Jay is your type. Unless you suddenly changed your mind and like guys like JT." I blushed at JT's name. After all, I did have a thing with his _girlfriend_. I had to explain myself before she really thought I liked JT though.

"Something like that…" I trailed off. She wasn't going to get any nicer and the process wasn't going to get any easier, so I just went for it. "The truth is, nowadays, that my type just isn't…guys…at all," I finally said.

"Are you serious?" she asked me, her eyes widening.

"Yep. I'm a lesbian Ellie," I said. It was actually the first time I'd spoken the word out loud.

"Wow, um…" I wasn't offended that she didn't know what to say. There's nothing much anyone can say. "So, why were you there? With him?" she asked.

"And here comes the hard part of the story," I said, sighing. "Ellie, can you promise me not to tell anyone? I mean really. No matter what I tell you, you can't say anything to anyone," I kept a straight face to let her know that I was being serious.

"I promise," she said, nodding to add emphasis. I took a deep breath and started to tell the story.

"I was really drunk last night; drowning out my sorrows I guess you could say. I thought that I could deal with what has been happening. I mean, it's nothing new to me. But I couldn't. I had no one to talk to, so I started drinking. A lot.

"My mom has this boyfriend, Jordan. They're supposed to be getting married I guess. I left my house and have been living at Craig's because of him. I did it to get away from him. It worked for awhile. I didn't see him at all. But then, I got really upset one night, for a completely different reason. It was because my first girlfriend—I guess you could call her that—had broken up with me. So I went out drinking. And he found me at that bar…" I trailed off. I had to take a break. I felt the tears come spilling out of my eyes. I hadn't cried in front of Ellie before. She looked really concerned.

"What happened Alex?" she whispered, almost like she was afraid to find out.

"Ellie…he…" I sucked in my breath and held it for a minute. How could I tell her? How could I tell anyone? Would she keep her promise? "When I did stuff he didn't like, he would punish me. He just hit me at first, but then…" I knew I wouldn't be able to finish. That would be all of the information she got.

"Oh Alex, I'm so sorry." She held her arms out and I got up to hug her. It felt good to be able to get it out, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to talk about it much longer.

"I was just thinking about it last night, and I got drunk. I called Jay and it started to rain and I took my clothes off because they were wet and I knew he wouldn't hurt me." I blabbed on and on, still holding tight.

"I believe you. Shhh, it's going to be okay."

"It's not gonna be okay because I'll never get away from him. Never."

"Yes you will. I'll make sure of that," she told me, patting my back. I felt like such a baby, but I needed it. I needed the comfort and the assurance.

But most of all, I needed Paige.

**Jimmy**

I really screwed everything up with Manny. She came to check on me because she was concerned, and all I did was pick a fight. She left in tears, and I'd never felt more horrible in my life. And I knew why. It was because by the time she got there, the pills had worn off already. The next time she came, I'd make sure they hadn't worn off.

I popped two pills in my mouth and shut the television off. Then I rolled myself into my room to go on the computer. It was one of the only things that I could do when I was bored. Basketball failed me, and the TV wasn't all that great.

I saw that Manny was online. I decided to IM her and try to get her to come back over. If I was able to get up to her apartment, I would. But the building only had stairs. The wheelchair ramp outside was the only way for me to get in and out.

The screen name I made for myself was when I was depressed about my situation. I had a laugh at it every now and then, but as I looked at the screen now, I hated it. But I would only hate it until the pills kicked in.

**ChairForLife: **Manny, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have acted like that.

**KissMe87: **No, you shouldn't have

**ChairForLife: **I said sorry. What more do you want? Will you please come over?

**KissMe87: **Can't. I have dinner soon.

**ChairForLife: **What about after?

**KissMe87: **I don't know. That really hurt Jimmy

**ChairForLife: **I'll make it up to you…

**KissMe87: **We're on a break, remember? And besides, I have to go see Emma after.

**ChairForLife: **I think she'll live if you don't go one night

**KissMe87: **You're such an ass. I have to go. Bye.

**ChairForLife: **Wait Manny! I love you.

_Error. Message not sent. KissMe87 appears to be offline. _

"Fuck!" I yelled, slamming my fist down on the desk. I needed one more pill. They weren't working yet.

I pulled the bottle out of my pocket and quickly swallowed one more. I knew I would feel better in no time, whether Manny was there or not.

**Paige **

"Did you want to talk about anything today?" I asked Emma. I witnessed her telling Spinner that she loved him, and I was really happy for her.

"I just can't stop thinking about it," she answered, pulling her knees up to her chest. We were sitting on her bed, and we'd been silent for a little while. I watched her rest her head on her knees. "Every time I got to sleep, I can see him there. Like he's going to do it again."

"You don't have to worry about him anymore. I forgot to tell you. He was expelled today!" I said excitedly.

"Why?" I thought she'd be happier, but maybe she was just confused.

"Well…JT and Toby fought in the hall, and he was choking him, and Ms. H came out and told JT to go to her office. But he said that Toby should be the one in trouble because of what he did," I explained.

"So everyone knows now?" she groaned, throwing herself back onto the bed. "This is horrible. Now I can't go back to school."

"Yes, you can Emma. This will be better for you. I know I was thankful that Dean never went to our school. The times that I had to see him were bad enough—imagine if I'd had to see him every day after what he did. I wouldn't have been able to go. And now, you don't have to see him at all," I told her.

"But how can I walk through the school now that everyone knows? I'm sure they'll find out about the panic attacks and the hospital too. I don't want to walk down those halls and hear everyone whispering about me," she complained. "It won't be long before the rumors start either."

"Hun, everyone in that school has heard rumors about themselves. You know what's true and what isn't. If you don't let people get to you, then you'll be fine. I'll be right by your side, I promise. And JT will be there, and Manny, and all of your other friends. We'll all be there for you," I promised her. She sat up and hugged me. I thought she would never let go, it lasted that long. But I wished I had someone to hug when I was going through it all.

"Thanks Paige," she said. "I'm going back next week. Mom and Dad want me to rest up first."

"Well, just call me if you need me," I told her.

"I will."

**Craig**

"Where have you been?" I asked Alex when she dragged herself into the house right before dinner. Joey was working late, so it was just me, her, and Angie.

"That's not really any of your business," she replied, rolling her eyes. She was about to walk upstairs, but I stopped her.

"Won't you at least eat dinner with me and Ang? I made pasta," I said.

"Well, I am hungry." She grinned at me and my heart sank. I missed being with her, and I wanted her back, even though I knew that she couldn't be with me that way anymore. And it wasn't her fault. But that didn't stop me from being angry that she kept that kind of secret from me.

We all sat at the table and ate, keeping pretty quiet. The only noise came from Angie, who was slurping up her spaghetti.

"This is good Craig, thanks," she said, smiling at me. She kept on eating, and didn't notice the way I was glaring at Alex when she wasn't looking.

"Yeah, thanks," Alex said, startling me. She caught me glaring.

"What's wrong with you?" she snapped. Angie looked up from her food, ready to watch us fight.

"Oh, nothing at all. I mean, if there was something wrong, you should know," I answered, taking a break from eating and crossing my arms over my chest.

"What are you talking about?" she dropped her fork in her bowl and it landed with a clang.

"I just don't like being lied to, or cheated on," I replied, smirking at her. She'd know now. I saw her face drop, and realized that she must not have suspected that I heard her and Joey talking yesterday.

"It's not that simple," she said, trying to keep her face straight.

"Why didn't you just tell me that you were a lesbian?" I yelled.

"What's a lesbian?" Angie asked.

"Bring your spaghetti upstairs Angela," I told her.

"But Daddy says I can't…"

"Just go, it's okay for tonight," Alex added.

"Okaaaaay. But if I get in trouble, I'm telling Dad that you told me to do it," she said, picking up her bowl and carrying it up the stairs. Alex and I were both silent until we were positive that she was gone.

"Craig, I didn't do any of it to hurt you. It's just who I am," Alex said quietly, staring into her bowl.

"We had sex _every_ night when you already knew! And then, you cheated on me with Paige? Did you really think that wasn't going to hurt me! It would have been so much easier if you told me you only liked girls! Then I wouldn't feel like a piece of shit that you used to cover up who you really are!" I yelled. I stood up and shoved my chair into the table.

"It would have been easier for you maybe, but not for me!" she yelled right back. "I was trying to figure myself out!"

"When you're in a relationship, you're not supposed to only think about yourself. But I guess it wasn't a real relationship anyway!" I screamed. I grabbed my bowl and threw it into the sink. It hit the bottom and broke in half. "Fuck!"

"Craig, calm down," Alex said. She was at my side, and her hand was on my arm.

"Just leave me alone!" I yelled in her face, snatching my arm away from her.

"I want to be your friend," she said, her eyes welling up with tears.

"Well, we can't be friends if I can't even stand to look at you!"

All of the tears spilled over, and she didn't try to hide them. I backed away from her and she turned around to run up the stairs.

I didn't want it to be like this. I really liked Alex, and I thought we would be together for a long time. She couldn't change who she was, but she didn't have to lie to me about it either. Why do girls have to be so hard to understand?

**Tim**

My day in the ravine with Marco was one of the best days of my life. We had a lot of fun, and we agreed to go there for lunch everyday. After school, we went to Marco's house and I helped him study for his math test. Well, we _tried _to study.

"Let's take a break," Marco suggested, kissing my neck.

"That would be our fourth break in an hour," I said, grinning. "Don't you think you should actually study for this test? Or do you feel confident enough already?" I asked him.

"We can study and have fun at the same time," he replied. I lifted my eyebrows at him.

"How so?"

"Well, ten fingers plus ten fingers equals twenty," he said, taking both of my hands in his. I shivered at his touch—it always made me want to…

"I like that," I said, squeezing his hands. "What else?"

"Two lips plus two lips equals four." I didn't wait for him to demonstrate. I kissed him first. While our lips were only centimeters apart, he continued. "One tongue plus one tongue equals two…" After we finished making out for a few minutes, I threw out the last equation.

"I like this study technique," I said. I pulled his shirt off. "Zero clothes plus zero clothes equals…"

He didn't let me finish. We helped each other out of our clothes as quickly as we could. It was definitely the best study break in the history of studying.

**Ellie**

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you," I told Jay, holding him close to me. Alex didn't want him to know about her just yet, so I just told him that she explained the drinking.

"I'm not going to abandon you Ellie," he said. "No matter how things turn out."

I knew he was talking about who the father of the baby was.

"I want it to be you," I whispered.

"So do I." He kissed me on the cheek. He was sitting next to me on the bed, holding my hand. "Have you ever thought about…keeping it?" he asked. I fell silent, and didn't move at all for a minute.

"Jay, I just can't," I sighed. "How will I ever take care of a baby? I don't even know the first thing about them. And I want to go to University," I added.

"I'll help you Ellie, I really will. But I don't want you to give up your future. You're gonna do great things. And it's your decision," he said.

"Thanks for saying that. But, when the baby is with a new family, will you still be here?" I asked him. I had to know. If he was just with me for the baby, then I wouldn't let it go on any further. It would only hurt more when the day finally came.

"Of course I will," he said, hugging me. "I'm here for you _and _the baby. Not just the baby," he told me. We were quiet for a few minutes. Neither of us knew what to say, and we were okay with just being next to each other.

"Jay, could you do me a favor," I asked him. "I'd do it myself but…" I pointed to my stomach and motioned around the room. I couldn't really go anywhere.

"Anything," he said. He didn't know what he was getting himself into.

"Can you find a way to help Alex?" I asked. "She needs us."

"I've been trying to think of something, believe me," he said. "I want to help her just as much as you do."

"I have an idea, but it'll be risky…" I trailed off. I didn't want him to get hurt.

"I'll be able to handle it."

"I know you will."

**Marco**

I knocked on the door and waited. Tim and I had actually finished studying almost three hours after we started. I drove him home because his dad wanted him back for dinner, and then headed over to Emma's house.

"Marco?" I looked up, realizing that I'd been spacing out. Emma was at the door, obviously surprised to see me. She looked so tiny, like she was wasting away. I tried not to stare, and looked at her face instead, putting a smile on my face.

"Can we talk?" I asked her.

"Um…sure. Come on in."

I followed her into the house and sat next to her on the couch. I looked around the living room, unsure of where to begin.

"So…" she said, looking over at me, smiling. She looked so sick. I was thinking about how pale she looked and lost my train of thought. I snapped out of it when she cleared her throat.

"Emma…I know that you went through a lot when Mr. Simpson had…cancer," I nearly choked on the word. I wasn't comfortable saying it out loud.

"It wasn't easy," she said. "But we got through it okay. Is this for a project or something?" she asked me. I shook my head and swallowed the lump in my throat.

"It's…um…it's my…dad," I finally said. Instead of saying anything, she leaned forward and hugged me. I thought it would be awkward, especially since I didn't normally talk to her at all. But it felt nice. I needed it from someone who understood. After we pulled apart, I continued telling her my problem. "I don't think that…I don't think I can visit him."

"I know that it's hard, but you'll regret it if you don't see him and…"

"He dies," I finished the sentence for her.

"It's a possibility. I thought about it a lot. But everything turned out okay, and that could happen too," she explained.

"But what if he doesn't want to see me?" I asked her. I'm sure she didn't have that same problem before.

"Marco, you're his son, of course he wants to see you," she said, staying completely positive.

"Emma…he found out that I'm gay. And he left us," I told her. "I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to see me. He hates who I am."

"No matter what you think, or what happened, your dad doesn't hate who you are. He still loves you. And you should go see him," she pressed.

"You're right. I should, but I don't know if I can."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

I saw it in her eyes. She didn't want to go back to the hospital. Not after she'd just gotten out of it. I shook my head and smiled at her.

"You're a really good friend Emma; don't let anyone tell you any different. I'm gonna go visit him tomorrow after school. But you don't have to come. I know you don't want to go back there. Tim will go with me," I assured her.

"You're a good friend too Marco." I knew it was her way of thanking me for sparing her. We hugged again.

"Thanks for talking me into it," I told her as she walked me to the door.

"You can come back anytime," she said, holding it open for me.

"You can count on that," I said. I kissed her cheek before leaving.

Tomorrow would be the first day of my life that I would wish for school to last as long as possible.

**Spinner **

"Do you have the video camera?" I asked Jay. He came to me and explained what happened to Alex. I was more than willing to help out.

"Yeah. Did you get the tape recorder?" he asked me. I nodded and held it up.

"What about the regular camera?"

"In my car," Jay said. "I think we're all set. First, we have to go to take the pictures. Then, we'll take her to help us set up the video camera and recorder. Hopefully he won't be there until later."

"Okay, got it."

We jumped in the car and went over to Craig's to talk to Alex. Ellie came up with this master plan to get Jordan arrested again, and we wanted to carry it out as soon as possible.

When we got to Craig's, Jay and I pounded on the door. Joey opened it with an angry look.

"Sorry," I said. "We're looking for Alex." I had the video camera in my hand.

"What's that for?" he asked. He must have thought we were going to make a sex tape or something. Jay was holding the digital camera.

"Yearbook," Jay piped up, pulling the lie out of nowhere. Joey looked at us like we were crazy, but he let us in.

"She's in her room. Up the stairs, last door on the left."

"Thanks!" I yelled as we ran up. We went into her room and shut the door, locking it behind us.

"What the hell are you doing?" Alex asked.

"We want to help you," Jay said.

"With what?"

"To get rid of Jordan," I told her.

"How are you gonna do that?" I could tell we had her full attention. She sat on the bed and waited for us to explain.

Jay laid the whole plan out for her, and she slowly agreed to it. We filmed Alex saying exactly what happened. Every single detail. She was crying by the end of it, but we knew it would work and it had to be done. After that, I left the room to give them some privacy. Jay filmed Alex pointing out all of her cuts and bruises that he gave her. When they came out of the room afterwards, she looked very embarrassed.

Alex gave us directions to her old house; the house that she and her mom moved into. Jordan's house. She went inside first, to make sure no one was home. She still had her old key. Jay parked the car around the corner, so it wouldn't look like we were there. While he did that, Alex and I set up the video camera and the tape recorder in the living room. Jay had just gotten in the house when I hit the record buttons.

"Is it all set?" he asked.

"Yeah. Now, Alex, you should go to the doctor. Have them check you out, tell them what happened," I told her.

"Why? It's too late anyway. Shouldn't I have gone right after it happened? They won't find anything," she argued.

"It's better than nothing Lexi. You have to trust me on that. They can at least confirm the bruises or something," Jay told her. He held onto her hand and squeezed it. "This will work, I promise."

But something went wrong. We weren't experts. We didn't know when Jordan was going to get home. And he got there before Alex could leave.

"You little bitch! What are you doing in my house?" he yelled, coming into the living room and lunging at her. Jay jumped in front of her and pushed him back. "Who the fuck are you?" he screamed. "Are you trying to steal my shit?"

"I'm here to talk to you, asshole," Jay said. I looked to make sure they were in the camera's view. They were. I watched as Jordan pulled his fist back and punched Jay in the face.

"Hey!" I yelled. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Stay back you little punk, or you're next." He turned back to Jay. "No one calls me an asshole in my house!"

"You RAPED Alex!" Jay screamed. "You're not getting away with that. You beat her up and you raped her, and you'll pay."

"She wanted it you little jerk. She begged me for it and she loved every minute of it. It's not my fault that the little slut likes it rough," he lied, narrowing his eyes.

"No!" Alex screamed. "I said no! I never wanted it." She kept on screaming, calling him the dirtiest names she could think of, and letting tears pour from her eyes. "You did it for six months!" she yelled.

"So what if I did? You deserved it for talking back to me you little bitch!" he yelled.

"She didn't deserve it at all!" I yelled. It reminded me of what happened to Emma and I was furious. I stared at the guy and stopped for a minute. He looked so familiar. And his name…

My blood started to boil. I remembered who we was. I read the article in the paper five years ago. Everyone was quiet, and staring at me. They knew something was going on.

"What's wrong with you kid?" Jordan asked. He was calm for no reason at all.

"You bastard!" I screamed, charging at him. "You were the one that tried to rape Emma! You tried to film it!" I yelled. Jay grabbed me and held me back.

"What?" he asked. "What are you talking about Spinner?"

"He lured Emma to a hotel room when she was in grade seven. And he had a camera. He tried to…" I was cut off by Jordan, who was laughing manically.

"You must be her boyfriend then," he said. "And this is Jay, isn't it Alex?" he asked her. "The one your mom always talks about."

"You'll pay for this you asshole!" I screamed at him.

"Or I'll call the cops right now, and say that you were stealing my shit. They won't believe a bunch of snot nosed little brats over me. I'll say that you're friends of that little bitch Emma, and you wanted revenge when you found out that I was out of jail," he said, taunting us.

"Go ahead, call the cops!" Jay yelled. "Spin, get the stuff."

I ran to the camera, pulled it from it's spot, and turned it off. I saw Alex go for the tape recorder. Jordan got red in the face and was about to charge at me.

"Go Spinner!" Jay screamed at me. Alex and I started to leave the house. She was already out the door when I turned to see Jay holding Jordan back. He punched him in the face and kicked his knee. Jordan fell, and Jay followed me.

"Where do we go now?" I asked as we were safely in the car, driving away. We hadn't seen Jordan leave the house at all, and weren't sure if he would follow us or not.

"We have to go to Emma's," Alex said from the backseat.

"Why?" I asked her, suddenly curious. "I'm not bringing up bad memories for her. I'm not sure if she knows that he's back…"

"Simpson saw us. The day we came out of the hotel. We need to get him on tape," she explained.

Jay immediately turned the car around, and we headed to Emma's. I didn't say a word. I didn't want to upset Emma, but I knew that we needed everything we could get for this plan to work. As we headed off to our final stop for the night, I hoped it would work. It had to.

**A/N: I had a lot to fit in this chapter. There are only six left! The lyrics at the beginning are from the song "Let Me Go" by Zebrahead and they own it. **


	25. All That We Needed

**Chapter Twenty-Five: All That We Needed**

_Maybe we're all that we needed_

**Jay**

"Why are you even still here?" I glared at Sean. Ellie was finally able to go home. The delivery was successfully stopped, and it was finally Sunday. Sean was standing by the front entrance as I wheeled her out.

"That baby might be mine, and until I find out for sure, I'm not going anywhere," he answered, pointing at Ellie.

"Just stop," she said from the wheelchair. "I don't want to hear your crap. Both of you." Sean immediately shut his mouth and I just pushed her out to my car, helping her get in.

"You want a ride?" I asked Sean. We weren't friends anymore. And we probably never would be again, but I would play nice when Ellie was around. I didn't want her to go through anymore stress.

"No thanks. I gotta go to work anyway. I'll see you later, okay Ellie?" I watched as he leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. I wanted to punch him, and I felt my hands ball up into fists, but I held back. I tried to ignore him as I got in the car and drove back to Ellie's.

"So, the doctor said that you can go to school as long as you avoid anything stressful," I told her on the way.

"Yeah, like school won't be stressful," she replied sarcastically.

"I'll be there to help you," I promised, grabbing onto her hand.

"Thanks," she said, squeezing it. She leaned over and put her head on my shoulder, closing her eyes. "Have you heard anything about Jordan?" she asked me.

"Nope. The police have talked to Simpson, but he won't tell us anything. Alex is doing better though. She's really grateful, especially to you. If you hadn't come up with that plan, she'd probably still be getting drunk every night. It's hard for her not to, but she's trying," I explained.

"I'm glad. But you all deserve credit too. I obviously couldn't have carried out the plan myself." She let out a small chuckle before sighing.

"What's wrong?" I asked. We'd just pulled in her driveway, and I saw tears falling from her eyes.

"Jay, just tell me that everything's gonna be okay. I mean, really okay. No matter what," she said, sitting up to look at me.

I leaned forward and kissed her softly before whispering in her ear.

"I promise you Ellie. We'll get through this. And everything's gonna be great."

I watched a smile form on her face and I kissed her one more time. Even though Sean and I were pretty much enemies, I was grateful for one thing he did. I was glad he left Ellie, because if he hadn't, we would have never been like this. And I don't think I would have ever fallen for her.

"I love you Ellie," I whispered into her lips. We pulled apart and she just stared at me. I couldn't tell what the look on her face was supposed to be—it was completely straight. She didn't look surprised, upset, or happy. She just stared.

I waited for her to say it back.

But she never did.

**JT**

"I'm sorry Emma," I said, sitting down on her bed. I finally gathered the courage to visit her. Her parents let me in and told me where she was.

"For what?" she whispered.

"For the way I made everyone find out about what happened."

"It's not your fault JT. I know you were just trying to get back at Toby. Thanks." She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. I could feel all of her bones and I got even more upset.

"Em?"

"Yeah?" she asked, pulling away and looking at me.

"You have to get better," I told her. "We all love you. You know that, right?" I asked.

"Of course," she nodded. I could tell that she was trying not to cry. "I'm trying, and that's all I can do."

"I know. I just wish everything would go back to the way it used to be," I said, sighing.

"They can't. We'll never get back to where we were in grade seven. But it's no one's fault," she said, giving me a small smile.

"You're right," I agreed. "Hey, why don't we go to the movies with Manny? We can see Paige at work for a minute, and then enjoy something for once," I suggested.

"That sounds great." She hugged me one more time, then stood up and grabbed my hand to pull me up the stairs after her. "What should we see?"

**Spinner **

I knew Sean was working at an auto shop near the hospital, and I talked to Ellie to find out that he was at work today. I decided to pay him a little visit. Even though I'd dropped the subject with Emma, I hadn't forgotten that he kissed her.

"Cameron, we need to talk," I said, trying my best to hide my anger. It wasn't working too well. Sean and I hadn't been friends at all, and even though I'd pretty much taken his place in his friendship with Jay, that didn't make me like the guy.

I watched as he asked his boss for a break, and then followed him out back where there was no one around. As soon as the door closed behind him, I ran forward, placed both of my palms flat on his chest, and pushed him hard until he hit the wall behind him.

"What's your problem?" he yelled, shoving me back. I pinned him against the wall and got in his face.

"Do you have any IDEA what Emma went through?" I yelled right back, probably spitting all over him. "And you fucking went into her HOSPITAL room and forced a kiss on her? Have you ever been RAPED before Sean? Do you know what that feels like?"

He stayed completely silent. Maybe he hadn't known. I wasn't really sure, but that didn't give him an excuse to kiss her in the first place.

"I know what happened," he said quietly. "But I didn't think…" I interrupted him before he could say anything else.

"That's your problem! You _never_ think, do you?" I still had him pinned. Luckily for me, his boss didn't come looking for him.

"You don't even know me!" he shouted. "I wasn't trying to upset her okay? I just…" he trailed off, looking away. I let go of him and put a little distance between us. I didn't want to do something I'd regret later.

"You just what?" I asked, staring at him, waiting for an explanation.

"I still have feelings for her, okay?" he yelled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, get rid of them. Because I'm her boyfriend, not you. And you'll regret it if you ever lay a hand on her again," I warned him.

"Yeah, I get it," he snapped, looking very annoyed. I'd been on my way around the building, but then something occurred to me. I turned back and started at him again.

"Is that why you're back?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. He looked down at the ground then back up at me, but never said anything. "She'll never go back to you. So just forget about it."

I walked away, thankful that I hadn't lost it and punched him. I didn't need Emma angry with me again, because I knew she'd think I was being too aggressive. But I had to figure out how to get rid of Sean.

**Marco **

I held Tim's hand as hard as I could and didn't let go. We were walking down the hallway, looking for the right room number. I decided to wait until the weekend to visit my father, and even then, I'd stretched the wait out until today. Tim wouldn't let me wait until next weekend, so it was now or never.

We finally reached the room and I froze. I wasn't sure if I was really ready to go in. Tim squeezed my hand reassuringly before letting go, and lightly pushing me forward. I gripped the door handle—it felt cold in my hands—and turned it, pushing the door open and stepping inside. Tim and I agreed ahead of time that he would wait outside for me, and I could leave whenever I wanted to. With that comfort in my mind, I stepped towards my father's bed.

Everything was completely silent. My mom was at home, resting. I was scared out of my mind when my dad started coughing. The room filled with the sound, and I wanted to turn and run out. I couldn't stand hearing it. And my entire body was shaking. I still didn't know if he even wanted me there.

"Dad?" I finally whispered, still standing a few feet from the bed. His eyes flew open, and he sighed when he saw me.

"Marco…I didn't want you to come," he said sadly, confirmed my suspicions.

"I'll go then," I said, turning away.

"No! Wait!" I felt him grab for my arm, but his hand slipped away. He was weak, and I hated him seeing like this. I crossed my arms over my chest and tried not to cry. Making myself look angry was easier than crying. "I didn't want you to come because…I've been ashamed…"

"Of who I am?" I asked.

"No Marco," he sighed again. "I've been ashamed of how I treated you. I love you Marco."

I couldn't hold back. I started to cry, and I didn't really care. I hugged him and he actually hugged back as best as he could. I wondered if he was telling me the truth, but then again, my father never lied to me. And he never would.

"Dad…"

"I'm sorry," he said before breaking out into another coughing fit. I cried harder as he took my hand and motioned for me to sit down.

We sat in silence for a long time. I held his hand while he fell asleep, but I didn't leave. We both needed that silence. It was our way of making sure everything would be okay. I waited for my mom to get back, kissed my dad on the forehead, and left with Tim.

I knew I'd be back every day.

**Manny **

Emma, JT, and I went to the movies. It was really fun, and I think we all needed it. We saw Paige and talked to her for a little while before the movie. There was no one in the theater, so we just made fun of the movie and threw popcorn at each other. Emma ate five pieces of it, which, as I'm told, is progress.

JT dropped Emma off first, and then me. When I got into the building, rather than go upstairs, I went to Jimmy's apartment. I felt bad for the way I talked to him online the other day, and I wanted to make it up to him. I wanted to end this stupid break. I shouldn't have done it in the first place.

"Come in!" I heard him yell. I tried the door, but the knob wouldn't turn.

"It's locked!" I yelled back. A minute later, I heard a click, and then the door opened. Jimmy's face dropped when he saw me. That was a bad sign.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

"Actually Manny, I'm a little busy."

I looked over his shoulder and saw a girl sitting on the couch. She smiled at me and waved. I'd never seen her before, and she looked like she was almost twenty-five.

"Who's she?" I whispered, my tone not exactly friendly.

"Does it matter?" he asked. "I thought being on a break meant we could see other people…"

I fought the tears that threatened to pour out of my eyes. He moved on? I never wanted this to happen. I wanted to be with him.

"But Jimmy!" I protested, wrapping my arms around myself and letting a few tears slip.

"Can we talk later?" he asked. I nodded—what else could I do?—and turned away just in time to hear the door slam behind me.

**Ellie**

I couldn't believe I was doing this—I was supposed to be _avoiding_ stress, not walking right into it. My dad told me after I got home that the divorce was final today. And that I should go have a talk with my mother. He assured me that it wasn't all her fault, and that even they had made up.

After much begging and persuading, Jay agreed to go with me. He told me that he loved me this morning, but I didn't say it back. I felt bad, but I just couldn't say it. And he didn't hold it against me, which made things easier.

Luckily for both of us, Sean didn't come home right after work and wouldn't be nosing his way into this one. My mother never liked him anyway. I guess she was right about one thing.

I clung onto Jay's side as we walked up the driveway. We were having a quick dinner with her and…that guy. And then we'd leave as soon as we finished eating. I wasn't planning on actually sticking around to talk.

Jay knocked on the door because I couldn't bring myself to do it. My mother answered the door, Jay introduced himself, and I kept quiet as we sat down on the couch. That oh so familiar couch where my mom would pass out after drinking herself into oblivion. I shivered and Jay wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close to him.

"So…is he the father?" my mom asked, sitting in a chair across from us. It was never a chair we had. It was probably _his_.

My dad told her about my pregnancy, so I hadn't tried to hide it. I wore one of my white t-shirts stretched over my stomach and plain black pants. They were the only pants that fit me at the moment.

"Yes," I said quietly. Of course I wouldn't tell her that I wasn't sure. But I hadn't told my dad yet either.

"Oh." She didn't say anything else. But then _he_ walked into the room.

"I'm Ben," he said, extending his hand to Jay, who politely shook it.

"Jay," he replied.

"Ellie, you already know Ben…" my mom said. I shot her a glare and moved even closer to Jay, taking his free hand in mine.

"So, is it a boy or girl?" he asked, sitting in the chair next to my mother's. Also not ours.

"It doesn't matter," I snapped. I was trying my best not to get worked up. I couldn't let the baby come too soon. "I'm giving it up for adoption," I added, looking away from both of them. I heard a small gasp come from my mother, and she was about to say something when Jay spoke up.

"Is dinner ready?" he asked. "I don't mean to be rude, but we have to get up early for school tomorrow. And Ellie's tired, so we shouldn't stay long." I squeezed his hand thankfully and couldn't believe how different he acted around parents. He was very polite.

"Yes, why don't we go sit at the table?" Ben agreed. He led the way, where I found new curtains and a new dining table. I scoffed at the sight. They really were making the home their own, weren't they?

We all sat down and stayed in silence until my mom brought out the food. Then the only noise was the clanging of our forks and knives.

"Ellie, I don't think you should give the baby up," my mom suddenly said once she'd finished. I nearly choked on my water, surprised by what she said.

"I'm seventeen. I still have a year of school left. Why would you even say that?" I asked her, gripping my fork. Jay laid a hand on my knee and gently squeezed it, letting me know he was there for me.

"Well, then you shouldn't have been having sex in the first place," she said, a somewhat disgusted look on her face. "Especially not unprotected," she added.

"I agree," Ben said.

"Who asked you?" I snapped.

"Ellie, calm down," Jay reminded me.

"You know what? Screw you both! You're lecturing me when I'm trying to do the RESPONSIBLE thing here? You're the ones who were having an affair! Do you think that's _responsible_?" I jumped up from my chair.

"We better go," Jay said. I could tell he was nervous. "Let's go Ellie. Just calm down…the baby…"

"You're right," I said, trying to stay calm. "Let's just go."

"Ellie, honey…" my mom protested, getting up too.

"Just leave me alone. I knew this was a mistake." I followed Jay out without another word, but I did manage to slam the door as hard as I could. And the glass broke at the top.

"Are you okay?" Jay asked as soon as we were back in the car, pulling out of the driveway.

"I don't know," I said, suddenly bursting into tears. "Jay, what if she's right?" I asked. "This is my fault. We shouldn't have…"

"It's not your fault El," he said, putting his hand on my knee. "It's mine."

"No, it's not!" I protested.

"Shhh, let's just go home," he said. I nodded and lay my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. I started to drift off with the sounds of the engine and Jay's breathing filling my ears.

**Emma **

As soon as I got back from the movies, I felt a little better about everything. I didn't want to go back to school the next day, but I knew that I would have to at some point. Might as well get it over with.

"Emma, we need to talk," my mom called out. They were in the kitchen. Great.

"What's up?" I asked, slowly sitting down at the table with them.

"Em, honey, we know that you're trying to eat more, but we talked to your doctor today, and all decided that you need to go to rehab," my dad said.

"What? Why?" I shouted, standing up. "I don't need to go there!"

"I know it's hard to understand, but we're only trying to do what's best for you. Emma, we want you to get better," my mom explained, tears in her eyes. "And it's just not possible to do it on your own."

I sunk back into the chair and sighed. They were right. I wasn't making all that much progress on my own. I made myself throw up last night after dinner. And no one knew it but me.

"What about school?" I asked. We'd only been in school for about a month, meaning there were about nine months left. And I really didn't want to have to stay behind a year.

"You won't have to miss school, we made sure of that. The center has an outpatient program, so you'll still be living at home. You just have to go every day after school until around eight o'clock. You have to attend group sessions and individual sessions with a doctor there. We're visiting tomorrow to get all the details," my mom explained.

"And I'll be talking to your teachers to let them know what's going on, in case you don't get all of your homework finished every night," Dad added. I groaned and put my head on the table.

"Now everyone will be talking about me, even the teachers."

"We know this will be hard, but we'll be here to help you through it, every step of the way," Mom assured me, moving over so she could hug me. I had a strong urge right then to run downstairs and throw up.

I let tears well up in my eyes and spill over. I cried for a long time while my parents just comforted me and told me everything would turn out fine. I wasn't sure if I believed them, but I knew that I had to try to stop what I was doing. I didn't want to die.

**Alex**

Craig and I hadn't talked since out fight. Both of us stayed in our rooms at home and avoided each other at school. The only time we were together was at dinner, and neither of us looked at the other during that hour. Joey knew what was going on and he just gave us our space.

Joey and Simpson were going out on Sunday night, and we were supposed to watch Angela. I didn't want to have to work with him, so I told her she could just spend some time in my room and bring her toys.

"We need to talk," Mr. Simpson told Joey when he came into the house. He looked over at me uncomfortably, and Joey asked me to go upstairs and find Angela. I did go upstairs, but only halfway. We still hadn't found out what happened to Jordan.

"Bad news?" I heard Joey ask. Someone sighed.

"Yeah, I'm afraid so," Mr. Simpson answered. There was a long pause before he went on. "Jordan ran the day the kids went to his house. The police just called me today. They can't find him."

My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach and I thought I was gonna be sick. They didn't find him? That meant he was still out there, waiting. He would probably be coming after me, Emma, Jay, or Spinner. Or all of us.

"What are they gonna do?" Joey asked.

"There's nothing they can do except keep looking. There's an arrest warrant of course. But they don't want to go public, so no one can really help them."

I started to cry then. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I didn't want to hear anymore. All I knew was that I wasn't safe anymore. I ran up the rest of the stairs to my room, only to find Angela sitting on the floor.

"Hey Angie. Can you do me a favor and play with Craig for a little while?" I asked her.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"It's not important," I told her. "Just go. I'll see you in a little bit."

"Okay," she answered, shrugging her shoulders and gathering everything she'd brought in with her.

As soon as she was gone, I closed the door and went over to my bed. Lying on my stomach on the floor, I reached under the bed and my hand found the bottle that was neatly tucked under there only for emergencies.

I pulled it out and sat up, quickly unscrewing the cap and pouring the warm liquid down my throat. It burned but felt so good. The only way I could ever forget about Jordan was to drink, and that's what I was gonna do.

**Paige**

Ever since I saw Alex the day she left me a voicemail, I couldn't stop thinking about her. Then I started to feel guilty about everything that happened, and every time I was around JT, I got depressed. He knew something was up, but he never asked.

We were lying on my bed that night since my mother wasn't home. She went on some trip with a guy she'd gone out with a few times, and JT was staying over until she got back. Of course, she didn't know that.

"You okay?" he asked me, kissing me softly. I nodded but didn't look at him. I was just staring up at the ceiling. "Seriously Paige, what's wrong? You can tell me anything," he said.

"No, I can't." A few tears fell from my eyes and I tried to wipe them away before he saw, but it was too late. He brought his hand up to my face and touched my cheek, then took my hand in his.

"It's okay. Take your time. But I want you to be able to tell me because you want to, not because I'm forcing you." He moved around and was about to get off the bed when I grabbed his arm.

"Wait!" I yelled, pulling him back to me. "I don't want you to hate me." I was up on my knees by then, and I rested my face in my hands. JT kissed my forehead and stayed where he was.

"I'd never hate you," he whispered. That should have made it easier, but it really made things worse. It made me feel worse for what I was about to tell him.

"I…I cheated on you," I finally said. I looked up at him and he didn't look upset. He almost looked as though he already knew.

"With Alex?" he asked, completely surprising me.

"How did you know?"

"The way you looked at her when you were together. How upset she was the night of that party…"

"I'm so sorry," I cried, not sure of what else to do.

"It's not your fault Paige. If you like girls, then I won't blame you for it. You are who you are. And even if you just needed to see what it was like, that's okay too. Because it's hard to find out who you really are, and it wouldn't make it any easier if I wasn't there for you. I love you," he finished. I stared at him, my mind completely blank.

"I picked you," I whispered.

"I know you did. That makes me happy, but is it what you really want? Because I don't want to stand in the way of something else." Instead of giving him a 'yes' or 'no' answer, I gave him an answer that would mean more.

"I love you too."

**Craig **

"Craaaaaaig! I'm really bored and Daddy's already gone," Angie called out from my doorway. She had her toys in her arms and walked in, dumping them on the floor.

"I thought you were playing with Alex," I said, somewhat annoyed. I loved my little sister to death, but she's a little kid. And I'm not always in the mood to play with her.

"She asked me to leave. She's really sad and she was crying," she informed me.

"Why?" I asked, sitting up.

"She said it wasn't important." She shrugged her shoulders and sat down on the floor, waiting.

"I'll be right back."

I made my way down to Alex's room. I knew that we were still fighting, but the thought of Alex crying without anyone to comfort her made me upset. So I had to at least try. I didn't knock on the door because I knew she would just tell me to go away. I opened the door and there she was, sitting on her bed, staring out the window. And she had a bottle of vodka in her hands. She was taking gulps out of it.

"Alex! Stop!" I yelled. She slowly turned to face me, and I saw that her eyes were puffy and red from crying.

"Go away Craig," she said sadly. She took another sip from the bottle as I crossed the room and stood in front of her.

"You can't do this to yourself anymore! I care about you Alex, no matter what happened. And you're going to drink yourself to death!"

"It doesn't matter. They'll never find him, and now he's coming after me!" she yelled, standing up and getting in my face.

"Who?" I was a little confused.

"JORDAN!" she screamed.

"The guy who went after Emma in grade seven?" I asked. I was really confused. Why was Alex even worried about that guy?

"Yeah." She took another drink. "The same guy who happens to be my mom's boyfriend. The same guy who made me have sex with him for six months. And hurt me if I refused. That guy."

I looked at her with wide eyes as she drank even more. How did I miss all of this? Was I really so wrapped up in the fact that she lied to me that I didn't see all of this happening in front of me? Jordan was the reason she'd been drinking. I'd heard that he was back, but I never knew it had anything to do with Alex.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I've been such a jerk."

"It's not your fault. It's his." She was still drinking, and that upset me even more. I tried to take the bottle from her, but she held back.

"Alex, you have to stop! This isn't going to help you!" I lectured her, still trying to get it.

"NO!" she yelled. "It's the only way I can forget about him!"

"It isn't the only way. I won't let you do this to yourself!"

We struggled with the bottle until finally, she let go, sending me to the floor. The fall hurt a little, but not as much as seeing her do this to herself.

"I'm pouring it down the sink," I said, standing up.

"I can always get more," she told me quietly.

I put the bottle down and pulled her up to stand with me. I looked into her eyes before bringing her to me and hugging her as tight as I could. At first she just stood there and did nothing, but then she finally wrapped her arms around me. Her head was on my shoulder and her body shook as she started to cry again.

"It's okay Alex. He won't be able to touch you ever again," I promised her. I was determined to make sure of it even though I had no idea how. She was silent for a few more minutes but finally said something.

"Friends?" she asked, keeping her head on my shoulder.

"Yeah, friends."

**A/N: Sorry it's late! I don't think I'll be able to get my chapters out on time now. I just started school this week, and I have a lot of stuff to do! This story's almost over, and don't worry, I will finish it! But my next chapter story probably won't be written until winter break, or possibly even next summer. I will be submitting oneshots from time to time, so look out for those!**

**Also, sometimes when I click on stories on here, it says that there are no chapters in the story and the URL may be outdated. It's all messed up, and usually if I just hit refresh, it gives me the chapter that I know is there. So if that happens to anyone, try refresh. **

**The title and lyrics at the beginning are from the song "All That We Needed" by Plain White T's and they own it. **


	26. Cannonball, Part One

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Cannonball, Part One**

_It's still a little harder to say what's going on_

**Tim**

The next five months passed so quickly, that none of us really saw them go. We were all wrapped up in our own problems and relationships that no one really went out to have a good time anymore. The only person I saw over the span of time was Marco. I wasn't complaining at all because I could have fun with Marco and not have to see anyone else. But Marco wasn't having fun.

Marco visited his dad in the hospital every day. I always went with him, and after a few days, he even let me come in. I could tell Mr. Del Rossi was a little uncomfortable, so I tried to make it easier for him. I didn't hold Marco's hand like I wanted to, and I definitely didn't hug or kiss him when we were in the hospital at all. I was paranoid that his dad would be in the hallway, waiting.

I wasn't sure why I was being so cautious. I guess I just felt bad because he was sick, but it was slowly tearing Marco and me apart. He didn't understand why I was separating myself from him at the hospital when he needed me more than ever. I tried to explain that I was making his dad more comfortable, but Marco really thought his dad didn't care at all. He did care. He didn't like it that Marco was gay, but he wasn't going to tell him that again because he didn't want to lose him. I saw the way his dad avoided looking at me at all costs, and how he flinched if I moved closer to Marco ever so slightly.

Things became even more difficult when Marco's dad got out of the hospital. Two days after his release, he gathered all of his belongings and moved back home. Don't get me wrong, I was happy for Marco. He was happy that his father was back, and all that mattered to me was that he stayed happy.

That was four months ago. So, for four months, Marco and I have hardly done anything at his house. He'd move in to kiss me goodbye and I would pull him into a manly hug and leave quickly. His father _was_ always watching at home. I wasn't being paranoid there. He always made sure he was around to see me leave for the day.

I was there on Christmas day, exchanging presents with every member of the family. That night, I caved, and had sex with Marco in his room. But it wasn't the same. He was aggressive. He was taking his anger out on me and we both knew it. The thought of that broke my heart, but I just let him do it.

I wasn't unhappy because of sex. It was never about sex with Marco. When I was with Marco, I could be myself. I could be the person that no one knew about until now. And being around him without being able to kiss him was absolutely killing me. I waited for the day that Marco's parents were at the doctor. It finally came.

"Hey," I said, coming into the house. Mrs. Del Rossi made sure that I was comfortable enough to just come inside. She told me I was part of the family. I'd talked with her about my feelings and she knew exactly what I meant. I tried to get her to help Marco understand, but she told me that I needed to do that for myself.

"Hi," he replied, completely emotionless. No matter how he was acting towards me, I couldn't resist. I ran right up to him and pressed my lips to his.

But he pulled away.

"You want to kiss me now?" he asked, backing up a little.

"Marco..."

"Just don't Tim. For the past five months, you haven't wanted to be _near_ me, let alone kiss me. All I'm trying to do it get close to my dad again, but apparently, that means that I get farther from you. I thought you of all people would understand repairing a relationship with a father," he said coldly.

"That's not what this is about! Marco, I can't stand being around you and not being able to touch you or kiss you. I'm trying to make your dad more comfortable so you _can_ get close to him again. He doesn't like me being around. And he sure as hell wouldn't like me kissing you in front of him!" I snapped.

"He's SICK!" Marco yelled at me. "He could _die_ Tim! And I feel like I'm losing you too. I feel like I'm losing _everyone_ and you're trying to say that you want to make him comfortable! My dad IS comfortable with who I am. He told me that, and I believe him."

"I know you do," I said softly. My stomach started to hurt. I didn't see this going anywhere good. "Marco, I'm not trying to drift away from you. I want to be close to you again. But we can't do that here. We just can't," I explained sadly. I knew there was no way he'd see it the way I did.

"Well, I'm not leaving my dad alone when I don't know if it'll be the last time I see him or not. So I guess we can't get close again anywhere," he said. His voice was void of all emotion, like he didn't care anymore. But I knew that he did.

"Don't do this," I begged him. "I want to be with you." I pulled him close to me and pressed my forehead against his, staring into his eyes. "Even if this is all I can get."

Marco tilted his head and moved in, kissing me softly. It was like our lips barely touched, but were melting together at the same time. It was the best kiss that Marco and I had ever shared. It brought tears to my eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, breaking away. "I can't do this anymore."

My heart dropped as I realized what had just happened. Marco had just kissed me goodbye.

**Jimmy **

I honestly don't know why I turned Manny away that day. That was five months ago, and I hadn't seen her since. Well, I saw her at school, but she always avoided me. I didn't hold it against her. I knew that she should hate me. I screwed everything up.

I tried to get near her every day to explain myself. But every confrontation forced tears from her eyes, and made me sick to my stomach because I knew that I was the one making her cry. It was all my fault and she would never forgive me. I would never get to hold her again, kiss her again, make love to her again.

She didn't even accept my Christmas present to her. I had Emma bring it up to her on Christmas Eve, when I knew she was going over to spend some time with her. But I found it on my doormat the next day, still wrapped.

As hard as it was, I knew that I always had something to help me through it as soon as I got home. I went to the doctor and faked pain in my back. I complained to my nurse every chance I got. And I got my prescription filled again and again. The doctors were all puzzled. They thought there was some kind of progress. That maybe if I felt pain I could somehow recover, and start walking again. That was such a joke.

I took two pills and parked myself in front of the television. I was feeling especially depressed, and the pills weren't working. Nothing was. My thoughts kept drifting back to Manny, and how I messed it all up, and how I'd probably never get to be with her again. My stomach started to hurt, and I knew I needed more pills. I'd probably gotten so used to taking two that it wasn't having an effect on me anymore.

So I took two more.

And then one more, just to make sure.

When I was halfway through the show I was watching, I started to sweat. Why was it so hot? It was only March. I started to get very tired, but at the same time, I felt like I was going to be sick. My stomach was turning over and over, but I didn't throw up.

I just let my eyes slowly close until there was nothing left.

**Emma**

I've been going to rehab for five months now. I might even get to stop in a month or two. They say I've made remarkable progress. I just want to hurry up and get better so I can return to my normal life.

Monday through Friday, it's go to school, get home, change my clothes, drive out to rehab. My dad usually takes me, and my mom stays home with Jack. I'm usually there for four hours—from four to eight. First I have a group session for an hour and a half. The second hour and a half is spent with a psychiatrist on my own, then one more hour with a nutritional counselor. On Friday's, I have to stay an extra twenty minutes to see the doctor, who makes sure I'm gaining weight and staying healthy.

I was amazed to see that so many people have the same problem that I do. We may not all have the same past that led up to this problem, but we all having some form of eating disorder. There are guys and girls there. I even recognized one boy who was in my grade six science class. We bonded right away, and we talk before group every day.

There are kids there who are even skinnier than I am which makes me even more thankful that I have so many people who care about me. If it wasn't for Spinner and Ellie and Manny and my parents, and maybe even Jay, I wouldn't be here. I could be permanently hooked up to machines that keep me alive, or I could be dead.

Over the past five months, I've gained ten pounds. That may not seem like a lot, but to me, it is. I've gained back a third of the weight I lost. I now weigh ninety pounds. And I can eat a whole cup of yogurt for breakfast and four chicken nuggets for dinner. I haven't mastered three meals a day yet, but it's much better than the three bites of food a day that I used to only be able to handle.

Saturdays are the only days I get free each week. Sundays are spent catching up on my homework. I've been trying to divide my Saturdays equally among all of my friends, but Spinner always gets a little more time. The rest of my time is split up between Ellie or sometimes Ellie and Jay, Manny, Paige, and JT. Paige is still the only person I talk about the rape with, but it really does help me a lot.

I heard about what happened to Alex. Ellie mentioned it to me. I called her up that night, and even we've been hanging out together. She's always very jumpy, and when she gets really upset, she always calls Craig. I'm glad she has someone close to her to help her out.

The one person I have been avoiding is Sean. He always showed up at the worst times at school (luckily, I haven't heard too many rumors about myself there). He doesn't go to Degrassi anymore, but he's always hanging around there. When I'm outside waiting for Spinner, he tries to talk to me, but I always manage to get away somehow.

"Emma!" I heard a familiar voice calling me out of my thoughts. _His _voice. I was waiting out on the porch for JT to pick me up. We were meeting everyone at the movies in twenty minutes.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped. I almost felt bad that I wasn't treating him very well. But it seemed like he was just trying to get in between Spinner and I. And ever since he kissed me, I've been afraid that he'll do it again when he knows I don't want him to.

"I just want a chance to talk to you," he pleaded. "You've been avoiding me ever since…"

"You kissed me," I finished for him, making sure to throw him an angry glare.

"I'm sorry I did that. I honestly didn't think that you wouldn't like it at all. I didn't expect that reaction. It's just that…you're the reason I came back," he said, staring at his feet.

"What?" I asked, completely surprised. "You didn't come back for your _girlfriend_? You know, Ellie. The one who might be carrying your child?" Ellie told me about what was happening with Sean and Jay and the baby.

"No," he said softly, finally looking up at me. Our eyes met and I had to turn away. "Emma, you were my first love…"

"That doesn't mean anything!" I argued. "I have a boyfriend and I'm not looking for a new one. I love Spinner, so it's never going to happen," I told him flat out. "Besides, if that baby is yours, you'll have a huge responsibility on your hands."

"Does that even matter? I found out that she's giving the baby away. It's too bad too, because if it had been mine, then I'd have even more of a reason to stay. And to see you…"

"You are sick, you know that? Really sick. Trying to use a baby to get closer to me? Leave me alone Sean!" I said, my temper becoming short. I didn't want to look at him anymore. I focused on Spinner's face in my mind. I crossed my arms over my chest and closed my eyes, my face tilted towards the sky.

A horn beeped, startling me. I looked around and saw JT's car at the end of the driveway.

And Sean had completely disappeared.

**Alex **

It's been five months since the day Craig stopped me from drinking, and I haven't picked up another bottle since then. He's been really supportive, and over this time, has become my best friend. Whenever I've been tempted to drink, I just call him and he usually talks me out of it.

I've been going to AA meetings too. Craig said he'd come with me but I wanted to do it alone. I didn't want to have to make him change his whole schedule just for that. The crazy thing about it is my sponsor. Her name is Elizabeth Nash. Yeah, Ellie's mom. That's definitely extremely awkward. She asks about Ellie at the end of every meeting, so I've been giving her a little information here and there. I haven't told Ellie yet. I don't know how.

New groups of friends have been forming. I hang out with Ellie, Jay, and Craig more often than I used to. Emma, Spinner, Manny, Paige, and JT are always together. Marco and Tim spend their time together, usually at Marco's house because of his dad. Then sometimes just Emma and Ellie hang out, and they invited me with them a few times. We have a lot of fun, and it always takes my mind off of Paige for awhile. We never usually see Jimmy all that much. He goes to school, and then goes home. He never accepts anyone's invitation to hang out.

I'm worried about him. He always acts depressed all the time, when he used to be so happy and energetic. So I found myself at the door to his apartment on Saturday night. Everyone, it seemed, was going out on dates, and Craig had to baby-sit Angela. I decided to get some fresh air and take a walk, and I ended up there.

"Jimmy?" I called out, knocking on the door. I could hear the TV going, but there was no answer. I tried two more times, and was about to turn and leave, but I decided to try the door first. It was unlocked, so I let myself in. I saw Jimmy in his wheelchair, sitting in the living room near the TV. "Why didn't you answer me?" I asked him, walking up behind him and around the chair.

I thought he was asleep at first. His head was tucked down with his chin to his chest, and his arms were dangling off the sides of the chair. But then I noticed that he was drenched in sweat, and it wasn't even hot in the apartment. His skin looked blue, and when I put a hand on his arm, he was cold and clammy.

I wasn't sure what happened, but I knew I needed to call 911. I just hoped they would get there in time.

**Ellie **

"Make it stop!" I screamed in Jay's ear.

"I can't," he whispered in mine, stroking my hair. I was lying in a hospital bed, writhing in pain every ten minutes.

"I want this baby out!"

It was the worst thing I'd ever experienced in my entire life. I didn't want to do it, but I knew I had to, and that was the only thing that kept me holding on.

Over the past five months, Jay and I have gotten closer again. He's been sleeping in my bed, rather than on the couch. And thankfully, I've seen less and less of Sean. He's just been working nonstop. To support the baby if it's his.

I cringed at the thought and rolled over, away from Jay, trying to get more comfortable.

Jay got a job too. Spinner helped him get a waiting position at The Dot. He makes pretty good tips, probably because people know now. Everyone knows about the baby. When I was about six months, I was too big to hide it anymore, and Paige figured it out. She didn't tell the whole school or anything, but I decided to confess it to Mr. Simpson. He told Mrs. Hatzilakos for me, and the news "accidentally" circulated from there.

Even though I've been getting dirty looks from some girls, I'm glad the secret's out. It's so much easier to be open about everything. I even talked to Ms. Sauvé, who gave me information on a few adoption agencies. I looked into that, but hesitated for a little while. I finally called them when I was eight months along, but since I waited, I haven't had time to pick a family. I get to do that _after_ the baby is born.

Jay still begs me to keep it. I haven't found out if it's a boy or girl, because I didn't want to know. I don't ever want to know.

Everyone came to the hospital. And I mean _everyone_. It was amazing that so many people cared. Even Mrs. H showed up for a little while.

"Ellie?" the nurse asked as she walked into the room. "How are you feeling?"

"Terrible!" I groaned. "When is this over?"

"Once you're fully dilated. Right now you're at 5 centimeters—half way."

I groaned again and tried not to cry. I wasn't even sure how long I'd been there for. I knew it was hours—but I never looked at the clock. I was afraid to.

"Your mother's here," the nurse informed me once I stopped complaining.

"I don't want her to come in." I crossed my arms over my chest and rolled back to Jay.

"It's your decision. Are you sure?"

"Yes!" I shouted. Grabbing onto Jay's hand.

I heard the nurse leave the room, and Jay leaned forward to kiss my forehead.

"It's going to be alright," he told me. "But…maybe you should let your mom come in. Just for a minute anyway…" he trailed off, searching my eyes for an answer.

"Whyyyyy?" I whined, letting a few tears slide down my cheeks. "She destroyed my family and she doesn't support any of my decisions." I hadn't seen her since that horrible dinner we had at her house. It seemed like years ago and I was glad to put that memory behind me.

"But she's still your mother. I wish my mom were here, but she left us. Your mom hasn't left you Ellie. She wants to be here."

I saw the pain in his eyes and opened my arms to hug him. He kissed me softly and pressed his forehead against mine.

"Fine," I gave in. "But only a few minutes."

"I'll go get her."

I wanted to yell to him not to leave me, but I knew he shouldn't be in the room anyway. I was afraid that my mom would start saying bad things about him right in front of him. A minute later, I heard footsteps behind me and instantly recognized them as hers.

"Ellie, honey, how do you feel?" she asked, sitting down in front of me. I immediately closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Why does everyone ask me that when they know how painful this is?" I snapped.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. I know exactly how much pain you're in." For a second, I was really surprised. When my father left to go on his peacekeeping mission, my mother became angry and distant. And now, for the first time since then, she actually sounded caring. Like a real mother.

"You're not staying for the birth," I told her. I wasn't ready to warm up just yet, but I did open my eyes. She looked sad. "Jay is. He understands my decision and he supports me."

"Eleanor, I support you. I may not agree with your decision, but I will always support you. You have to do what's right for you," she said.

A few moments of silence passed and neither of us spoke. I looked down at her hands in her lap, gently folded together. She smiled as I looked up at her face.

"Ben's here…" she said, as if suggesting that he wanted to see me.

"He can't come in," I said sternly, crossing my arms.

"That's fine. But maybe you can give him a chance?" she asked rather than suggested it.

"He broke up our family!" I cried out, trying not to let the tears fall that were welling up behind my eyes.

"Don't blame him for that. If you want to blame anyone, then blame me."

"I blame both of you," I told her.

"Okay," she nodded her head. She wasn't going to say anything else.

"Ahhhhh!" I screamed as another contraction hit me. My mom immediately grabbed my hand and let me squeeze hers until it passed. Once it was over, I slipped my hand from hers and tucked it under my blanket.

"I love you Ellie."

I didn't say anything. I just listened to her footsteps as she left the room, and hoped Jay would come back soon. I needed _him_, not _her_.

**Manny **

Emma called me an hour after Ellie got to the hospital. She told me to invite everyone to come too because Ellie needed a lot of support. I called anyone I could think of, including Jimmy, but he didn't answer the phone.

When I went into the room and saw Ellie lying there, having contractions, I started to think back to my own baby, and how different things would be if I had it. I went back to the waiting room and struggled not to cry in front of anyone, especially not Craig.

Would it have been a boy or a girl? Would I have decided to keep the baby, or put it up for adoption? Would Craig and I still be together? Would I have ever fallen in love with Jimmy?

All of these thoughts raced through my mind. I didn't want to be there anymore, but I knew that I should stay. I should stop thinking about myself and think about Ellie. She needed me, just like Emma had needed me before. And Jimmy needed me. But I left him.

I choked back more tears and left the room to get something to drink. I decided to take a short walk outside. Once I got down to the first floor—the emergency room level—I was about to go out through the main doors when I heard his name.

"James Brooks…"

What? Was he here?

I spun around to find out where the voice came from that said his name. I found a nurse and a doctor on my right. I heard the doctor say his name and something about an overdose. I ran right over to them.

"Are you talking about Jimmy Brooks?" I asked, trying, once again, not to cry.

"Yes…" the doctor answered, obviously confused as to why I ran up to him and started asking questions.

"Is he here? What happened?" I begged them both for answers, and they exchanged glances.

"Are you family?" the doctor asked. He must have figured that I wasn't, but I knew it was the only way to see him.

"Yes."

"But…he's black. And you're…not," the nurse said. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Are you being racist?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. It was all a performance. I didn't know what else I could say to get into that room.

"Follow me," the doctor said, glaring at the nurse. We walked down the hallway and he stopped outside a room on the right. I saw Alex sitting on a bench outside the door.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her.

"I found him," she said. There were tears in her eyes. "I just went to his apartment to see if he was okay…"

"Thank you," I said to her. She stood up and I hugged her. It was the closest Alex and I had ever been.

"They won't tell me anything," she said, letting a few tears fall.

"I'll let you know as soon as I find out. For now you should go upstairs and see Ellie. She's having the baby!" I said excitedly.

Alex's eyes widened. A smile formed on her face and she nodded. I watched her walk down to the elevators before turning back to the doctor.

"What happened?" I asked him.

**A/N: As I already told you, I won't be updating on such regular intervals, but don't worry, this story will get finished! There are only four chapters left. I want some guesses on what you think will happen next!**

**The title and lyrics at the beginning are from the song "Cannonball" by Damien Rice and he owns it. **


	27. Cannonball, Part Two

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Cannonball, Part Two**

_There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt_

**Paige **

Emma called me and asked me to come to the hospital because Ellie was in labor. I was glad to go. I'd been bored out of my mind at home. When I got there, the only people already there were Manny, Emma, her parents, and Spinner. JT was at work, so he'd be coming later. I just sat back and watched people enter and leave Ellie's room. I went in once, and wished her luck, but that was the extent of my visit.

After a long time, I watched Manny leave. She looked really upset, and I could imagine why. It was probably bringing back bad memories of her own baby. When I saw the look on her face, I wished right then that I hadn't been such a bitch when all of that was going on. Manny came to me for help and I turned around and blabbed it all to Ashley. So I felt somewhat responsible for the pain that she was in.

But all of those thoughts and feelings disappeared when I saw her. Alex. She looked half upset and half excited when she walked into the waiting room. My stomach started to hurt as soon as I saw her. I felt so guilty. I haven't made any effort to talk to her at all in the past five months. I found out from Craig everything that happened to her, and I still didn't try to comfort her.

The truth is, I was afraid that I would develop feelings for her again, and I didn't want to lose JT.

I was really surprised to see her sit down next to Ellie's mom and talk to her like they were good friends. Maybe they were. I obviously wouldn't know. After awhile, Ellie's mom left to get something to eat, and Alex was alone again, slumped down in her chair, her head back and her eyes closed. I slowly got up and walked over to her, trying to surprise her. Apparently I'm not too good at that.

"What do you want Paige?" she asked in a somewhat cold tone, not even having to open her eyes to know it was me. Her tone upset me. I wanted to still be her friend. I wanted things to go back to the way they used to be.

"To talk to you," I said quietly, staring at her in silence until she finally opened her eyes and looked at me. The way she looked at me hurt me too.

"Wow, it's been five months and you want to talk now," she said. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. And she said it without any emotion at all.

"Alex, I know I should have called. I should have tried to talk to you, and I regret not doing that. I want us to be friends," I told her.

"Friends? I have friends Paige. And none of them ignored me for five months, when I was going through one of the hardest times of my life. You broke my heart, and I don't think we can be friends. You were the one that I needed. You were the only person that I thought would be there for me, the only person I thought would love me, and you left me," she finished her explanation and looked away, crossing her arms.

"I'm sorry Alex." I put a hand on her arm, but she pulled it away.

I wanted to say more to her. I desperately wanted to hug her or kiss her cheek and tell her that she was better off without me. But I couldn't. She was already gone. If I'd said anything to her at all, she wouldn't have heard me. She was away in her own world by then.

She silently stood up and walked away. I didn't know where she was going, but I knew that I couldn't follow her.

**Spinner **

I felt so out of place at the hospital. Sure, I had Emma there, but the whole giving birth thing was pretty much something left to the girls. Jay was in the room with Ellie, Craig was sitting with Alex on a couch, letting her rest her head on his shoulder, JT wasn't there yet, and Marco must have gone into the room at some point too, right after he told us that Tim wasn't coming.

So there I was, the only guy left, standing in the corner with my hands in my pockets. At that moment, Emma was in the room too. A few people could be in there until she was actually ready to have the baby, and until then, I probably wouldn't see Emma at all. We all already knew that Jay would be the one in the room during the delivery, and we would wait in this little room, packed together, praying to be let out soon.

As I waited against the wall, I saw a certain other guy come in. Sean. I didn't want him there, but I knew that he had to be. Maybe he was actually being a good guy by trying to be at the birth of what may be his child, but probably not. He always had ulterior motives.

"Why are you even here?" I asked him. He actually had the balls to come right over to where I was standing. Of course, there was a coffee machine right next to me, and he _was_ getting a cup out of it, but I still thought he was just trying to get on my nerves. It wasn't very hard for him to do.

"Waiting for my kid to be born," he grumbled, almost like he didn't want it to happen. That didn't surprise me though.

"So…why aren't you in the room? With Ellie?" I didn't really care what his answer was, but I hated awkward silence, so I tried to fill it.

"I'm not allowed." He took a sip of his coffee and flinched at the heat. I almost felt bad for him, but that only lasted for a split second, because of what he said next. "Where's Emma?"

"Why do you care?" I shot back. I couldn't help being defensive. I knew he still had feelings for her. I thought I made it clear that I didn't want him anywhere near her.

"She's still my friend Spinner. She is allowed to have friends, isn't she?" he asked, smirking. I wanted to wipe that smirk right off of his face. Well, punch it off was more like it.

"Not friends like you," I managed to get it out just as Emma was entering the room. I walked swiftly over to her and kissed her hard, making sure that Sean could see. He stormed past us a few seconds later, making sure he "accidentally" bumped into my shoulder as he went by.

"What's wrong with him?" Emma asked, completely oblivious.

"He wants you," I said, kissing her one more time. "But he can't have you."

**Jay**

For five months I've saved up every cent that I've made at The Dot. All of this money is going towards the baby, whether it's mine or not. I know Ellie is still set on adoption, but I don't think she'll be able to give the baby up once she sees it. I don't want to go against her wishes at all—I love her too much—but if the baby _is _mine, then I'll have a hard time giving it up. Either way, the money is for the baby, whether he or she is adopted or not.

I've been working eight hours every Saturday, and five hours on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. It's only twenty-three hours a month, but it's better than anything. And a lot of people who understand my situation leave me big tips which I'm always thankful for. I've saved up $3,300. I know it won't last very long at all, and I might not even get to use it myself. But if it helps my baby, then I don't care.

Ellie chose me to stay in the room while the baby was born. The entire time, my stomach felt like it was going to explode. I was so nervous and excited and scared, all at the same time. Ellie squeezed my hand like there was no tomorrow, but it didn't phase me one bit. I was just waiting. _Waiting_.

I waited for so long that I thought I couldn't stand it anymore. And then, finally, I heard the cry. And I knew it was my baby as soon as I heard that cry. It just had to be.

"It's a girl!" the nurse said excitedly. A girl? A girl! I got so excited, a huge smile spread across my face, and I almost missed Ellie's reaction. But I looked over at her just in time. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back, the tears coming instantly. She hadn't wanted to know. She said that it would be even harder if she found out what the sex was.

She had a daughter.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, lightly squeezing her hand and brushing hair out of her face.

"I don't want to talk to anyone right now," she whispered. She sounded so far away.

"Dad, do you want to cut the cord?" the nurse asked me. She came right at me with the scissors and I just took them without thinking. I turned to Ellie, who wouldn't look at me, and then back at the baby. My baby? I didn't know. But I cut the cord anyway. I stared into that little girl's eyes and knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't give her up.

Ellie refused to hold the baby or look at her at all. She eventually screamed at the nurse to take her away. She couldn't stand to hear the crying anymore. She was still crying, and I felt so bad for her, but at the same time, I wanted to stay near the baby. In the end, I chose Ellie, because I loved her no matter what.

"Are you going to order the paternity test?" I asked her after nearly fifteen minutes had gone by.

"No," she said coldly. She still wouldn't look at me.

"Why not? I want to know!" I protested, crossing my arms over my chest. I was sitting on the end of her bed.

"Well, I don't want to know!" she yelled right back. "The adoption agency has agreed to pick a family for me. I told them the kind of home I want it in and they're finding one. End of story."

"That baby is not an it! That baby is a girl. Your daughter!" I was definitely way too emotional. But I couldn't lose her.

"You told me that you'd support my decision!" she screamed, fresh tears pouring from her eyes.

"I do Ellie. But she might be my daughter. And I think I deserve to know," I lowered my voice level considerably. I didn't need to be kicked out.

"If you do that test, I will never speak to you again!"

"You don't mean that, I know you don't."

"You'll just have to find out then, won't you?" she crossed her arms this time, and looked away.

"I love you Ellie. But I don't think you love me back. Or you would have said it by now. That doesn't mean that I want you to hate me. But I have to do this."

I left the room as quickly as possible. I really felt like I was going to cry. And that's never happened to me before. Well, except in situations concerning Abby. I went straight past the waiting room, where I saw everyone in there talking excitedly about the baby. I heard someone mention the word "girl" and started moving faster. Straight to the nursery.

I pointed to the baby and a nurse inside lifted her up for me. Tears fell down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them. I felt a hand on my shoulder; it was Emma.

"She's got Ellie's eyes, and her hair," I said softly.

"Yeah," Emma agreed.

"I think she has my lips," I stated. I wasn't really sure at all.

"And your nose," a voice added. That was Spinner. I smiled and hugged him, a manly hug of course, before turning back to the baby.

"I have to do the test," I told them. I looked over and noticed Sean coming down the hallway. He looked quickly at Emma before diverting his attention. I watched him look at the baby. The baby that might be mine or his. His face was void of all emotion, like he didn't even care.

"Test?" he asked, almost as if he were exhausted, like he wanted to get it over with.

I nodded and he followed me to find the doctor.

We found out that it would cost $500. Sean said he didn't have that kind of money, and he didn't care either way, so I had to pay for it.

And then we found out that it would take ten days before the test got back. I couldn't wait that long. So I knew I'd have to cough up $300 more to get it in three days. I knew it would be worth every penny. The baby fund, as I'd come to call it, was now down to $2500.

I didn't even want to wait two days, but I had to. And I hoped that by then, Ellie would understand why I needed to do it. Or I might lose her.

**Marco**

My breakup with Tim was still fresh in my mind, and I couldn't think about anything else. I couldn't think about Ellie having her baby, and didn't fully process that it was a girl. I didn't think about how hard it probably was for her, and I didn't even think about my dad.

I made a huge mistake.

Maybe Tim was right. Maybe my dad wasn't comfortable around him. But he's my father, and I know he still loves me. He needs me right now. He needs me more than Tim does. Or does he?

Everything was all jumbled in my head. Should I try to get Tim back? Should I go back to my dad and forget about him? Should I go see how my best friend is doing? I don't know what to do.

It wasn't long before that decision was made for me.

"I'm sorry," Tim cried, rushing up to me. "I'm sorry, I was wrong. I love you."

"What?" I asked. It was probably not the best thing to say.

"I mean it Marco. I've never felt this way around anyone before. I can't even stand to be away from you for more than five minutes. I don't want it to end like this. It's okay if you don't love me back, but I love…"

I pressed my lips to his, completely cutting him off. I knew what he was going to say anyway. After we kissed, I slipped my hand into his and smiled.

"I…don't know if I love you," I confessed. "But this feels right. And I don't want it to end either." Tim nodded his head and smiled right back at me.

"I'll take it," he said. After a few moments of silence passed, we realized everyone was staring at us. Everyone was in the room except for Ellie. "How's Ellie doing?" Tim asked, as if he was reading my mind.

"Let's go find out." I dragged him down to her room, eager to get away from those staring faces and hoping that I'd made the right decision.

**Craig**

"You okay?"

I looked up to see Alex standing over me. She could sense that I was upset, and just trying to play happy.

"I'm fine," I said. She sat down next to me and rested her hand on my arm.

"You're a bad liar," she told me. "I'm your best friend now. You should be able to tell me anything."

"I know," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "It's just…hard for me to talk about, that's all."

"Are you thinking about your baby?" she asked me, catching me completely off guard.

"How did you know?"

"I can see it in your face," she replied. Alex knew me so well by then. She was probably the only person who knew me at all.

"We really are perfect for each other, minus one small difference," I said, laughing a little. It helped me get my mind off of the baby, but only for a few seconds.

"Yeah, too bad you're not a girl. Then I'd jump you right here," she joked. Or maybe she wasn't joking. That thought made me laugh again. "Tell me what you're thinking," Alex said, suddenly turning serious again. I knew that I needed to talk, and she was the only one I could talk to.

"I was just thinking about what kind of father I would have been. And if it was a boy or a girl. And if my life would be hell right now, if we'd kept the baby…"

"And if you'd still be with Manny?" she asked softly.

"Yeah. But the truth is, I don't think I would be. She and Jimmy are meant to be together. And I thought that we were, but you obviously had a different idea." I poked her in the ribs, knowing full well that it was her most ticklish spot.

I realized then that everyone must have thought we were still together. Only a select few people—me, Paige, JT, and Joey—knew Alex's secret. Everyone else in the room was completely oblivious.

Alex laid her head on my shoulder and sighed. I picked her hand up and kissed her fingertips. I would help her keep her secret as long as she needed to. There was no rushing anything.

I followed her gaze and saw that she was staring at Paige, who was talking animatedly to JT about something none of us could hear.

"Are you in love with her?" I whispered in her ear.

"I don't know," she answered, sitting back up again.

"You're a bad liar too you know. I can see it all over your face." She smiled that bittersweet smile of hers, letting me know that I was right and that she was hurting. "Why don't you tell her?" I asked. "Maybe you have a better chance than you think."

"Thanks for the advice, but she already knows. And she doesn't love me back."

"How do you know?" I asked. I wanted Alex to be happy. She didn't need anymore pain in her life. And if Paige could make her happy, then I wanted that for her.

"She chose him."

**JT**

We'd all been at the hospital for almost twelve hours, and most of us were getting tired. Ellie had a girl, and she still planned on giving her up for adoption. There wasn't really anything else for us to do, so Paige and I checked on Ellie, then headed home.

The car ride was completely silent. Paige looked upset, but I chose to wait until we got to her house to say anything about it.

"You okay?" I asked as we pulled in the driveway.

"Not really," she groaned. At least she was honest with me.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Alex. I tried to talk to her today and she hates me. I know I should have tried sooner, but I just wasn't ready. I didn't want things to be awkward between us. I want to be her friend, but she doesn't want that at all," she explained, sighing.

"Maybe she's just not ready," I suggested. "These things take time."

"I don't think she'll ever be ready. She made it clear that I broke her heart and that I shouldn't have waited so long to try to fix things."

"Do you…want to be with her?" I had to ask. I knew Paige chose me, but sometimes I doubted her choice. There were just times that I could see it in her eyes; she looked like she was thinking about someone else entirely, and I was sure that 'someone else' was Alex.

"No!" she protested, raising her voice a little. "I want to be with you JT. But before anything happened between Alex and me, we were best friends. I just want things to go back to the way they were before." Another long sigh, followed by a few tears. I reached out and wrapped my arms around her.

"I know what it's like to lose a best friend," I told her, meaning Toby. There was no way we'd ever be friends again. But despite the horrible thing he did to Emma, I couldn't forget all of the good times that we had together. Toby changed after the shooting—we all did—and I always tried to think of the old Toby, the one that I met in camp, who never had a mean thought cross his mind.

"I know that I wouldn't be able to get through any of this without you," she said. "Thanks." She sat back and dried her tears from her face.

"Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?" I asked her.

"Just being near me helps a lot. But my mom's not home…" A huge grin formed on her face and I quickly caught on.

"When will she be home?" I asked, making sure we had enough time.

"Not until Monday!" she answered excitedly.

"Well then what are we waiting for?"

**Manny**

Right after I asked the doctor what happened to Jimmy, he was paged. He didn't have time to tell me anything because a bunch of patients were being brought in at once. As he was rushing away, he told me that he'd send someone down as soon as he could to explain everything.

I waited and waited and waited for someone to come talk to me. It seemed like every doctor was busy, and since Jimmy wasn't in need of anymore emergency medical attention, no one even entered the room. I sat patiently by his side, not really knowing if he was sleeping or unconscious. It was almost four in the morning when the doctor finally came in to check on him.

"My name is Dr. Rhodes," he introduced himself as I stood up. I shook his hand but I couldn't really get anything out. "We tried to get a hold of James' parents, but they seem to be out of town," he told me.

"Can you please just tell me what happened?" I asked on the verge of tears. Even if Jimmy was only sleeping, I knew something had to be really wrong. He would have woken up by now if it wasn't.

"Your friend, I think her name was Alex, found James in his apartment earlier this evening. She called 911, and by the time he got here, he was in the state you see him in now. The paramedics got his breathing stable but he slipped into a coma on the ride here," Dr. Rhodes explained.

"But what happened to put him in a coma?" I asked him.

"James was given Percocet for his pain when he was shot. It seems as though he wasn't taking them when they were prescribed. We haven't been able to talk to him yet, so we don't know how long he's been taking the pills. He overdosed tonight and went into cardiac arrest."

"He had a heart attack?" The tears came freely and I was unable to control them. How could I have abandoned him when he needed me? "This is all my fault! I broke up with him and I left him alone! How could I not have noticed that he was taking pills?"

"You can't blame yourself," the doctor told me. I didn't want to listen. "James is lucky that he has someone here with him now. He still needs you."

"How long is he gonna be like this?"

"There's no way of knowing for sure. For now we'll just have to wait and see."

"So he might not wake up at all?" More tears poured from my eyes and my body started to shake.

"Don't think like that. It won't help either of you. Why don't you talk to James? He can hear you."

"Call him Jimmy. He likes that better." It was the only thing I could think of to say.

I sat down next to Jimmy after the doctor left. I pulled my chair as close as I could and lay my head on his chest.

"I love you Jimmy, and I'm so sorry."

**A/N: This chapter took place on a Friday in March. The title and lyrics are from the song "Cannonball" by Damien Rice and he owns it.**

**I'm sorry it took so long for me to update. I just have so much school, and a close family friend died this week, so I couldn't bring myself to write. I'm trying to finish this story as quickly as possible, but I don't want it to seem rushed at all.**

**Okay, just like this story started with mainly Ellie, Emma, Jay, and Spinner, it's going to end that way, with some mentions of everyone else, and, of course, an epilogue w/ everyone in it. I just need to focus on them for these next three chapters. Yes, I said three. Because this is going to be weird and end with 31 chapters now (the epilogue being chapter 31). I had an extra idea and I wanted to add it in. XD**


	28. I Caught Fire

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: I Caught Fire**

_I'm melting in your eyes_**  
**

**Emma**

"Em, wait up!" an unfortunately familiar voice called from behind me. I'd decided to walk home from school that day, since Spinner had something important do to and wouldn't be around to give me a ride home. I heard _his _feet pounding on the pavement as he ran to catch up.

"What do you want Sean?" I asked, my voice full of disgust. I hoped that I wouldn't have to see him again. I couldn't believe my week was so horrible already. It was only Monday.

"I just wanted to talk to you," he said, pushing down firmly on top of my arm, trying to stop me from walking away. I tore my arm from underneath his hand and kept going.

"Then talk. Make it quick because I'm picking Jack up." He sighed and I hoped that he would take the hint and just leave. But I wasn't that lucky.

"Why can't you give me another chance?" he asked me.

"What is wrong with you?" I yelled, stopping in my tracks completely. I was so close to Jack's daycare. Why couldn't he have just gone away? "I have a boyfriend! I'm in love with him! And I would never risk that for _you_." I made sure to put the right emphasis on that last word.

"What's so wrong with me?" He almost looked like he was going to cry. I didn't understand him at all. One minute he's yelling and the next he looks like he's crying.

"Nothing's wrong with you Sean. Well, I'm not so sure about that, the way you're using Ellie and her baby. But I have Spinner now. You were gone for four months. Did you expect everything to be the way you left it? Did you think that time would stop here in Toronto?" I asked.

"I thought that at least you'd wait for me. After the shooting…you were hanging all over me. I thought that you wanted to get back together and I needed to clear my head and think things through. And I came back for you. But you didn't even wait!"

"Are you INSANE?" I didn't care if anyone heard me. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. "There was a shooting at school. We all changed because of it. I was hanging all over you because you saved my life!" I shrieked. "And you need to accept the fact that we're never going to get back together again. EVER!"

"No matter what you say, I know you had feelings for me then. And Ellie was never in love with me. How am I insane if I just wanted to be with someone who loved me," he said softly.

"The most important word in what you just said is _had_. I _had _feelings for you; past tense. And it doesn't matter how anyone felt about you. When you left, Ellie slept with Jay. She was devastated that you abandoned her, and she got drunk and did something stupid. I started getting high every night and sucking off every guy in the ravine, including Jay! But then Ellie and Jay found something in each other that they really needed to get through everything. And the same happened for Spinner and me.

"You did what you had to do when you left Sean. No one blames you for that. But you can't come _back_ and want everyone to disrupt their lives so they can make you happy. You need to stop wasting your time on me and go find out if that baby is yours."

Sean Cameron must be deaf. Or just plan idiotic. Or maybe both. No, he's just a total asshole.

He forced his lips against mine right after I finished yelling at him. I tried to back away, but he held my arms—hard—and tried to shove his tongue down my throat. I did the only thing I could think of—I kneed him in the groin.

He doubled over in pain but quickly stood back up. I didn't know what he was going to do, so I pulled my arm back and threw it forward, letting my fist connect with his right eye.

"Leave me ALONE!" I yelled, storming off towards the daycare, finally satisfied with myself.

**Jay**

I held the envelope in my hands.

The past three days had been close to agonizing, but I wasn't sure I wanted to open it. It might say that Sean was the father, and then I'd be crushed. Or it could say that I was the father, and then what? Would I sign my rights away like Ellie had?

My thoughts drifted to Ellie. She hasn't spoken to me since I told her I had to do the test. She was told she could be released from the hospital five hours after she gave birth, so she just left. She never looked at her daughter, and actually went out of her way to not pass the nursery. I was there, with her the entire time, but she wanted her mom to wheel her out. She didn't even argue when we got into _Ben's_ car and he drove us home.

* * *

I wasn't allowed in her room, or the baby's room. It was back to sleeping on the couch, which ended up as me sleeping on the floor. I was just so used to having room in Ellie's bed that I couldn't stay in one place, curled up like that. So I sprawled out on the floor and woke up with a stiff back and neck. 

I heard a loud bang and Ellie screaming upstairs on Saturday, the day after the baby was born, and I thought she might be hurt. I rushed up the stairs, only to be hit by a tiny baby shoe—one from a pair that Spinner bought for the baby.

Ellie yelled at me to leave her alone. I walked further into the baby's room to find the crib turned over on its side, the dresser drawers pulled open, and all of the baby clothes thrown around the room. The lamp that Abby gave me, her old night light, was lying on the ground, with the shade a few feet from it and the light bulb crushed into the carpet.

I asked her why she was doing it, and she just glared at me. She wouldn't talk to me at all, and she stomped into her own room and slammed the door. I wouldn't let her get to me that easily. I wouldn't yell at her or ask her to fix what she did. I silently picked up every piece of clothing and re-folded them, placing them neatly in the dresser. The shoes went back on top of the dresser. I put the crib back where it belonged and made sure it wasn't broken. And finally, I put Abby's lamp up on the little nightstand it was on before, finding a new light bulb for it before cleaning up the old, broken one.

Ellie never came out of her room that night, and I didn't see her again until dinner on Sunday. Her dad didn't bother her either. He found out that she was putting the baby up for adoption and supported her decision. While he said he was sad that his granddaughter wasn't going to be coming home, he knew it was a hard decision for his daughter to make. Ellie's mom called about five times a day, asking how she was, but she didn't come over to see her because we all knew that it would cause more problems.

Even Ellie's friends couldn't make her come out of her room or cheer her up. The only person she actually let into her room was Manny, which was a complete shock at first, until we realized why. Manny knew what it was like to lose a child, even if it had been under completely different circumstances. Manny's visit had been on Sunday night but she didn't stay long because she said she had to get back to the hospital to stay with Jimmy.

I drove Manny back to the hospital and visited the baby. It was the third time I'd gone to see her since Ellie went home on Friday. She was so beautiful, and I wanted to hold her so bad, but I couldn't. The adoption process had been put on hold until the DNA test results came back, and a family wouldn't be found until Sean or I signed away our parental rights too.

I watched the baby for a long time, and didn't even realize that I was crying. Nurses came up to me and asked me if I was okay, but all I could do was point to the baby. They understood and kept walking.

The name card on her bed said "baby girl" and nothing else. There was no last name at all. She weighed seven pounds, six ounces, and was twenty-two inches long. After I'd been standing there for a good two hours, I felt a hand on my shoulder. With all my heart, I wanted to turn and see Ellie standing there, crying with me, and telling me that she changed her mind. But I knew I couldn't be that lucky. I turned and instead of seeing Ellie, I saw Alex.

"You okay?" she asked, wiping a few tears from my cheeks. I felt like the girl in the situation, being so damn emotional about the baby.

"No," I shook my head and started to cry all over again. Alex gave me just what I needed: a hug.

We wrapped our arms around each other and stood there for a few minutes like that. It felt good to know that someone cared about how I was feeling. Ellie wasn't the only one hurting by this situation, and unlike her, I was ready to let someone in.

Finally feeling like I could leave the hospital without crying again, I offered Alex a ride to wherever she wanted.

"Why don't you come over my house?" she asked me. "I promise I won't try anything." That statement brought a genuine smile to my face. Alex knew me better than anyone. And she knew that in the past, it would have been me saying that very same thing.

I didn't answer her; I just drove to her house and followed her inside. We went straight up to her room, something no one in the house questioned. They knew that nothing would happen between us. And it wasn't only because Alex was a lesbian, it was also because I loved Ellie with all of my heart, and I would never do that to her, whether we were fighting or not.

She sat up on her bed and motioned for me to sit next to her. We both leaned against the headboard and stretched our legs out. It was almost as if Alex could sense that I was getting upset again, because she suddenly grabbed onto my hand with hers, and just held it.

"Why don't we watch a movie?" she asked me.

"Sure," I shrugged my shoulders. Since Ellie wouldn't even look at me, I had nothing better to do.

"You can stay the night if you need to," she told me, looking right up into my eyes.

"What is this, Dawson's Creek?" I joked. We both laughed for a minute or two. It felt so good to laugh.

"You mean you actually watched that show?" Alex asked, making fun of me. I stuck my tongue out at her and smiled.

"Only for the hot girls," I replied, poking her in her ribs. She jumped away from me and stuck her tongue out too.

"I know what you mean!" That brought even more laughs out of both of us. When we finally calmed down, we forgot about any movie we were going to watch and just talked for almost three hours, bringing back all the memories of our relationship.

"Alex, I've really missed you," I told her once the room had gotten quiet. "As a friend, I mean," I added.

"Me too," she agreed, hugging me again. "I'll always be here for you if you need me."

"Same here." We both sighed, as if we still had things on our minds that were left unsaid. And we were probably thinking about the same thing. About how much easier it would have been if she wasn't a lesbian, and if we hadn't broken up. And we both knew that even though it would be easier, we wouldn't want it to be like that. We moved on and found people, _other people_, that we really loved. And we were fine with just being friends.

"You gonna be okay?" she asked me.

"I think so. But what about you? Are you okay?" I asked. I was referring to what happened with that creep Jordan.

"I don't know. He's somewhere out there Jay. The police never found him," she said quietly. I could tell that she was holding back tears.

"He's never going to hurt you again," I told her. "I'll make sure of that."

"I know," she sighed, laying down on her pillow and looking up at me. "I just want that bastard to get what he deserves." I lay down too, on the pillow next to her, and faced her. I ran a hand through her hair and tucked it behind her ear.

"He will," I assured her. She brought herself closer to me and laid her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and closed my eyes…

And that had been what my weekend was like. I woke up around ten on Monday morning, still in Alex's arms. I drove her to school upon her request, even though she was a few hours late. We hugged one last time before she got out of the car. I couldn't go to school that day. I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate. My thoughts drifted to Ellie once again, and how she'd been in Media Immersions when her water broke on Friday.

I rushed home, showered and changed my clothes, and waited. I knew that a messenger would be bringing the results by. I almost wanted to just go to the hospital and make them give it to me, but I didn't want to be in a public place when I read them.

I watched TV, trying to make the time pass faster, but I couldn't concentrate on any of the shows except one. It was an old re-run of Dawson's Creek. I laughed as I thought of my conversation with Alex, but then I actually watched it. It was the episode where Joey had to take care of her sister's baby and she couldn't get anything done. She yelled at Pacey and made him leave, even though he was trying to help. I turned the television off and couldn't watch it anymore. I remembered that later in that episode, or maybe in the next one, Joey apologized to Pacey and knew that he really could help her.

Why couldn't it be like that with Ellie?

I heard the kitchen door open and close, causing me to look at the clock. It was already three-thirty, and I knew it must be Sean. My suspicions were confirmed when I heard his bedroom door slam. I still sat there, waiting and waiting for the results. Nearly an hour and a half later, they came.

* * *

I held the envelope in my hands. 

I knew I had to open it, but I couldn't do it alone. I made my way to Sean's bedroom door and knocked. He had a right to know if it was his or not. When he didn't answer the door, I called out to him.

"Sean, I have the test results!" I yelled, pounding on the door one more time. I finally just pushed the door open, and couldn't believe my eyes. He was gone. And by gone, I mean _gone_. I must have been so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't even hear him leave. The room looked like it had never been occupied by anyone, let alone a lazy teenage guy. Except for one thing: the note on the pillow.

What is this, some kind of movie?

_Please tell Ellie and Emma that I'm sorry. I can't stay here, and I don't want to know about the baby. So don't try to contact me at all. I'm going to Wasaga and I'm never coming back. _

Good, I thought. Either way, I didn't really want to have to open the envelope with him.

Instead, I made my way up the stairs. I knew Ellie would still be in her room. There was no way she'd be going to school this soon.

"Ellie?" I called out, lightly knocking on the door.

"Go away!" she yelled at me.

"Please just hear me out," I said.

I slowly sank to the floor and sat down right outside the door. She didn't say anything, so I assumed that she was listening. Unless she had headphones on or something, she didn't really have a choice anyway. I was going to talk, whether she liked it or not.

"Ellie, I just couldn't go my whole life wondering if that little girl was mine or not. It would torture me for the rest of my life. So I had to do this test. I'm holding the envelope in my hands right now, and I don't want to open it without you. I need you here with me. I know that you're hurting but I am too.

"I want you to know that if this baby is mine, I will go down to the adoption agency with you and sign away my parental rights. I love you Ellie, and I trust you. If you think that our baby will be better off with another family, then I believe you. I don't want to lose you over this. I love you too much."

I waited and waited for an answer. Maybe she wasn't listening at all. No sound came from the other side of her door. Had she heard any of it at all? Did she care about what I said? Did she believe me?

I got my answer when I heard the door click and it slowly swung open. Ellie quickly returned to her bed and sat on it, but I didn't care. She'd opened the door for me.

I crossed the room and sat next to her, pulling her into my arms.

"It might not be our baby," she said. I felt her tears on my neck a few moments later.

"I know, but either way, I love you." I pulled back and held her face in my hands, looking into her eyes. Tears spilled onto my hands but I just kept looking at her, waiting for her response.

"I love you too," she said. That reaction took my completely by surprise. I told Ellie that I loved her five months ago. And until now, she hadn't said it back at all. I knew she had some kind of feelings for me, but I wasn't sure if she loved me back.

"You do?" I asked. She nodded her head and explained.

"I didn't want to say it back before because I was afraid of losing you. And if I lost you, I didn't want to have to regret telling you that I loved you. I always have. Jay, you are one of the most important people in my life, and I couldn't have done any of this without you. In the hospital, I thought that you chose the baby over me. And I know that you love her, even if she might not be yours, and part of me was happy that someone chose her. But the other part of me hurt so bad that I might be losing you."

"You'll never lose me."

I kissed her then, so hard that I thought she would fall off the bed. I missed being close to her, holding her, and kissing her. She wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and felt her there, pressed against me, and knew I made the right decision. I couldn't live without her.

A few minutes later, she pulled away and kissed me, much softer.

"What does she look like?" she asked, grabbing onto my hand.

"Are you sure you want to know?" I asked her. She nodded, so I described the baby. "She's beautiful. She looks like you—she has your eyes and her hair is exactly like yours. She's the cutest baby I've ever seen." I left out the features that I thought she shared with me.

"I want to see her," Ellie said softly.

"Really?" I asked. "Are you sure about this?"

"Just once. I want to see her before she's gone."

We got in my car and went straight to the hospital. The envelope was still unopened, folded in half and stuck in my back pocket. It could wait. I knew it was important for Ellie to see her daughter.

When we got there, I pointed out the baby to a nurse that I hadn't seen before. She held her up and Ellie pressed her hand against the glass. I saw tears streaming out of her cheeks and I put an arm around her, pulling her close to me. A few minutes later, after the baby was put back down, Ellie finally spoke.

"She has your nose. And your lips." She looked over at me and I nodded. "Open it."

I didn't ask if she was sure. I pulled the envelope out of my pocket and tore it open. I scanned the page and found the answer that we'd all been looking for. Tears pushed their way out of my eyes and I put my back to the giant window, slowly sliding to sit on the floor. Ellie took the paper from me and read it, then joined me on the floor.

"You're her father," she whispered. I nodded my head again and buried it in my hands. I felt her arms around me and her head on my shoulder. We cried together for what seemed like hours, but was probably only about ten minutes.

* * *

I found myself sitting at the adoption agency a half hour later with the paper in front of me. I read it over and over before signing it. I wouldn't take back the promise that I made Ellie, but it still wouldn't be easy for me. 

I held the pen right above the page. My hand was shaking and tears threatened to spill over my eyes any second. I lowered the pen and made a dot. I shakily signed a 'J.'

"Stop!" Ellie yelled. I instantly pulled the pen back and looked at her.

"Can I see my paper?" she asked the woman behind the desk. She was the lady that Ellie had been talking to for months. The paper was handed over, and Ellie stared at it. I watched in awe as she took the top of it between her hands and pulled in two different directions. The paper made a loud noise as it ripped in half, and it echoed in my ears.

"What are you doing?" I asked. I looked to the woman and thought that she'd be angry. But instead, she was smiling.

"We're taking our daughter home today," Ellie said to both of us.

"It's your decision to make," the lady said. She stood up and hugged Ellie, and then even me. I was still shocked, and it didn't sink in until the lady ripped my paper up too.

"Come on, Sophie's waiting," Ellie said, leaning on me as we walked out of the building.

"Sophie? That was my grandmother's name," I said.

"And now it's our daughter's name."

**A/N: You guys get two chapters in one day since I made you wait so long. These would have both been up earlier than this, but my stupid internet has been down! Please review, it means a lot to me.**

** Let me know if you like the name or not...it took me forever to think of one. Since the name "Jason" is Greek, I ended up looking for a girl's name that was Greek too. I couldn't think of anything else!**

**The title and lyrics in the chapter are from the song "I Caught Fire" by The Used and they own it.  
**


	29. Don't Look Back

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Don't Look Back**

_Live through this and you won't look back _

**Alex**

They found him. Jordan.

The police called Simpson this morning, and he came straight to Joey's to tell me that he was found last night, at a motel in Ottawa. To know that he was only a few hours away this whole time really got to me. He might have been waiting to come back when he thought the coast was clear. Or he might have been trying to find another girl to torture. The cops hadn't even been concerned about finding him anymore since it's been over five months since he ran. If he hadn't used his credit card at the motel, they probably would've never found him.

Simpson also told me that there was going to be a trial. It was starting in a few hours. I couldn't bring myself to go along with him. He said not to worry, that he'd make sure he got what he deserved. The police already had the tape, and Jay, Spinner, and I gave them statements as well, so I didn't really have to testify. I couldn't. I only hoped that the tape would be enough.

I didn't have anyone to talk to. If we weren't on such bad terms, I would have liked to talk to Paige. She would understand completely. But I just couldn't call her. I picked up the phone, dialed half of her number, and hung it up before finishing.

The next person that came to mind was Jay. We were slowly getting our friendship back on track. And he always helped me out with Mom's boyfriends in the past. But then I remembered that he had a baby. And he didn't need my problems added on top of his while he tried to figure out how to raise his kid.

I would talk to Craig. He's been the person that I've been able to talk to these past five months. He helped me stop drinking and he knew everything about my situation. But he was at work, and wouldn't be home until late.

And then my thoughts somehow drifted to Jimmy. I wondered how he was doing. I knew he was still in a coma, or else Manny would have called everyone to let us know he had woken up. I briefly considered visiting him and spilling all of my problems into his lap, but he couldn't talk back, and Manny only leaves the room to go to school.

I realized at that moment how alone I really was. I was going to try and scrounge up a drink from somewhere; anywhere. But I decided against it. I had the power over that addiction and I wouldn't let myself sink back into my old habits. All I wanted to do was talk with someone, or at least have someone tell me that everything would be okay. I had no idea if it was, but I just needed to hear it.

**Spinner**

"Have I told you today that I love you?" I asked Emma, wrapping my arms around her waist. I wanted to get her mind off of Jordan while we waited for his trial to end. Mr. Simpson told us that it could take anywhere between a few hours and a few years to be settled. I was sure that it would be a few hours, especially with all of the evidence we had against him.

We sat in the park after our picnic. It was our first attempt at a picnic since the one we had in her backyard so long ago, when she couldn't eat. And today, she ate her entire sandwich. I felt so overwhelmed with joy. It was really the first sign I got that she was going to be okay.

"Yes, about a million times." She groaned, but I knew she was only joking. She'd already told me that she would never get tired of hearing it. "And you know what?" she asked me.

"What?"

"I love you too."

She twisted her back and shoulders so that she was able to look right into my eyes. I knew she meant it just as much as I did. I quickly closed the distance between us and kissed her. She turned her body all the way around—still deep in the kiss—so that she was completely facing me.

I pulled Emma towards me, as close as I could, just so I could feel her body pressed against mine. We kissed for what seemed like hours. I got caught up in the moment and slowly lowered myself until my back was on the ground. I pulled her down on top of me and she didn't seem to mind.

My hands strayed up her shirt as we kissed, my tongue making its way into her mouth, dissolving into her tongue. She still didn't mind.

She didn't protest at all when I pulled her shirt right off over her head. We kissed for a few more minutes and I reached up to unhook her bra. That's when she minded.

"Spinner!"

"What? There's no one around at all Em. No one can see you." She remembered where we were and as she sat up, her eyes flew around the park, making sure I was right. Then she picked up her shirt and pulled it on. I was still lying on the ground and she straddled my body, sitting right on my crotch.

"I told you I didn't want to have sex before I get married," she said softly.

"Emma, I wasn't planning on having sex with you. I only wanted a better view," I told her, grinning. She frowned.

I instantly felt terrible. Although she'd been talking with Ms. Sauvé and someone in rehab about her rape for five months, I wasn't sure if I was reminding her of it or not. I'd purposely let her be on top of me so she didn't feel like I was trying to dominate her.

"I'm sorry," I said, looking away from her. I felt her get up and I thought she was going to leave. Instead, she lay down next to me on the blanket and kissed me.

"I believe you, and I love you. I don't want you to feel bad because it's not your fault," she told me. I kissed her cheek and pulled her into a hug.

"I love you too, and I'll never stop loving you," I said. I was being completely sincere.

"I won't either," she whispered, laying her head on my chest.

We stayed like that for almost a half hour. I started to fall asleep, but jumped awake at the sound of thunder. I didn't know if Emma was sleeping or not, but I wanted to ask her something. I'd been thinking about it for so long.

"Before I say this, I want you to know that it's not about sex at all. I will never leave you Emma. I want to be with you always, no matter what. So, I'm asking you…"

I trailed off, unsure of whether I should continue. Maybe she was asleep, maybe she wasn't listening. Her head pressing closer to my chest told me that she was listening.

"…to marry me."

She shot up and looked into my eyes. The expression on her face was full of surprise; nothing more. I saw her swallow and heard thunder bellow in the distance. She opened her mouth to say something and her phone rang.

**Emma**

"It's my dad," I said as I looked at my phone. It had been about five hours since he left for the trial this morning. Could it really be over?

"Answer it," Spinner urged me, looking slightly disappointed. I knew he wanted an answer to his question. But I wasn't sure if I could give him one or not.

"Dad?" I said into the phone.

"Hi honey. Could you do me a favor and go over to Joey's? I have something to tell you two. I'll be there in about twenty minutes," he told me.

"Is it over?" I was afraid of the answer. But I was even more afraid of what he was going to tell us in twenty minutes.

"It's over Emma."

I sighed and closed my phone. Tears came, fast and hard. I had no idea whether they were form relief, or fear, or something else. Spinner hugged me tightly and let me cry into his shoulder for a few minutes.

"We have to go to Joey's," I finally told him. He nodded. As we picked up the blanket and remains of our picnic, a light rain started to fall. I prayed that it was a good sign as we made our way to the car.

* * *

I tapped my foot nervously. Alex was next to me on the couch, and we were holding hands. We'd been enemies before this; before Jordan brought us together in some kind of relationship. It wasn't a friendship, just an understanding. 

Spinner sat on my other side, holding my other hand. Joey was in his chair and kept checking his watch. It had been a half hour since my dad called.

"Where is he?" I groaned. "He said twenty minutes…"

Right after I said it, there was a knock at the front door.

"Come in!" Joey yelled, unable to get up. His leg was bouncing and his hands were shaking. He was concerned for Alex's well being, especially since (in a certain sense) he was her father now. He adopted her and he cares about her and he wants her to be okay. And I guess he's concerned about me too—though this time Jordan isn't directly affecting me—probably because he's known me since I was born.

I didn't realize I'd been spacing out until I heard my mother's voice. So that's why it took so long. He picked my mom up, and they must have dropped Jack off somewhere. Joey still couldn't move from his spot, so Spinner got up and retrieved chairs from the kitchen for my parents to sit in. He offered his spot to my mother, but she politely declined. A few seconds later, his hand slipped into mine again. I felt warm and safe, and I hoped that Alex did too.

"I wanted to make sure I got everyone together before I told you anything," my dad began, looking around the room at all of us. I could see the anger in his eyes. I prayed that the anger was because he'd just seen Jordan, not because we lost.

"I don't mean to be rude, but can we skip right into the decision?" Alex asked. I squeezed her hand and she squeezed back. Dad nodded.

"Jordan plead guilty to all of the charges brought against him—my guess was so he could get a lesser sentence. That, and he knew he couldn't win with all the evidence they had against him."

"What were all of the charges?" I asked. Dad looked at Alex, waiting to get her approval. He wasn't going to say them if she didn't want him to. She nodded, so he continued.

"Resisting Arrest, Level Two Sexual Assault, and two counts of Assault—one for Alex and one for Jason," he explained.

"How long is he going to prison?" I didn't even recognize Alex's voice. It was small and fragile—definitely not the voice I'd come to hate hearing over the few years that I'd known her.

"Fifteen years."

The mood in the room got so much lighter at that moment. It was like we all breathed a sigh of relief at the same time.

"I guess he didn't get much of a lesser sentence," Spinner said. It was the first time he talked since we'd gotten there.

"For the guilty plea, all they did was drop the resisting arrest charge. Since he's been in trouble with the law before, they weren't too lenient on him at all."

"He deserves it," I said. I stood up and hugged my dad. Then I hugged my mom, Alex, Joey, and Spinner. Everyone stood up and hugged everyone else after that. Then, we sat around for a half hour talking about anything that popped in our heads.

Joey had to pick Angela up, and my parents had to get Jack, so that left Alex, Spinner, and I sitting in the living room.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Alex asked me. I nodded and followed her up to her bedroom, leaving Spinner down on the couch. Once we got in her room, she closed her door.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I wanted to say…that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for treating you like shit ever since I met you. And I'm sorry for what Jordan did to you because I've been through it too. You were so young then and I'm sorry that it had to happen to you."

I stepped forward and I pulled her into my arms, holding her tight against me. She cried into my shoulder and I held her in my arms until she was done. When we pulled apart, our cheeks were tear-stained and our eyes were puffy and red, but we smiled.

"I'm sorry too. I wish we'd been friends from the beginning. You're a really great person. And you're strong to have endured all of that. Nothing ever happened to me in that room. He tried, but my parents got there in time. I was lucky that night, and I wish you could have been lucky too."

We hugged one more time. Maybe it wasn't just an understanding. Maybe it really was a friendship.

**Ellie**

I swore I'd never talk to her again. I didn't want to call her now, but who else was there? Jay and my dad were working late, and there was no answer on Emma's cell or at her house. Not even Spinner answered his cell. Or Alex.

I didn't want to call her, but I had to. I picked up the phone and dialed.

"Mom? Please help me!" I shouted into the phone. It was all I had to say. She hung up quickly, and I knew she was on her way over.

* * *

Three weeks ago, Sophia Jade Hogart-Nash came home from the hospital with her mom and dad. And I haven't slept since.

I guess it was my fault the first night. When Jay and I went back to the hospital to announce that we were taking her home, I held her for the first time. As soon as she was in my arms, I broke down in tears. I felt like a horrible mother, making her wait so long to be held.

For three days, she laid in a stupid little plastic box, while I went home and sulked. My daughter—it's still so weird to say or even think—cried and was alone for three days while I cried about leaving her. I'm probably the worst mother ever.

When we got home that evening, I couldn't put her down. I fed her the same formula that the hospital had been giving her. I changed her diaper three times, put her in one of her brand new dresses, and carried her around the house. Even when she fell asleep in my arms, I didn't want to put her in her bassinet. We decided that she'd sleep in the bassinet for the first few months, right there by my bed—or should I say _our_ bed. That way, when she cried at night, I'd be right there by her side. When she gets too big for it, she'll sleep in her crib in her nursery.

Jay finally got to hold her when she woke up around five for more food and another diaper change. I let him do those duties while I took a shower, and when I got out, I found her asleep in the bassinet, with her diaper on backwards. I gave him a quick lesson, which woke her up. That was a big mistake, because she didn't go back to bed until two in the morning.

Since I was feeling fine, I decided to go back to school a week after she came home. Jay had been going, and I refused to let him miss a day. I was so proud that he was still in school, after everyone doubted him and thought he would quit. My dad, being the greatest man on Earth, offered to change his hours at work so he could be with Sophie during the day.

* * *

School did not go well. I woke up at least three times a night with the baby. I'd have to get up, feed her, and change her diaper. She usually woke up at midnight, two, and four. It took a half hour each time to get her back to sleep. Sometimes she decided to wake up at five too. 

I ended up catching up on sleep during class, which just pissed my teachers off. They knew my situation, but I still wasn't allowed to sleep at school. I was always cranky and snapped at them when they asked me questions. And when I was actually in a good mood, my thoughts always drifted to Sophie. I wondered if she was okay, if she was eating enough or sleeping enough. I called my dad about five times every day, just to ask how she was doing.

With my lack of sleep and concentration, my grades plummeted. I went from straight A's to two C's, three D's, and two F's. At least one of my teachers called home every day, to inform my father that I was sleeping in class again, failed a test, or skipped class. I only skipped one class, when my dad made the mistake of telling me over the phone that Sophie couldn't get to sleep. I went straight home, rocked her to sleep, and refused to go back.

I couldn't handle being a new mother and going to high school. I knew I wouldn't be able to get my grades up and keep them up for three more months. So, after a week back, I quit school.

* * *

Aside from giving birth, quitting school was the hardest thing I'd ever done. I wouldn't be graduating with my friends—I probably wouldn't be graduating at all. My dad tried to change my mind, but he could tell that I was having a difficult time.

I made a mistake when I got drunk and slept with Jay. But it's a mistake that I'd never take back. I love my daughter more than anyone, and she comes first in my life. I quit school so I could take care of her, and she was more important to me than a diploma.

With my dad back to his old schedule, it was just Sophie and I all day long. Though I missed Jay and knew he was at school, doing what I couldn't do, I enjoyed my time alone with our daughter. I didn't want to miss a moment of her life. I wanted to be there for her first smile, first tooth, first step, first word. I wanted to be there for everything, and I would be.

It was the end of my second week staying home with her. I don't know what I did wrong, but something happened. Something bad happened and no one was there to help me.

* * *

"Eleanor! What happened?" my mom yelled as she ran into the house. Ben came right up behind her, but I didn't care. I only cared about Sophie.

"I don't know!" I screamed at her. Tears soaked my shirt—my own and Sophie's—and we were both covered in her vomit. "She started throwing up her formula two days ago. I thought it was normal spit-up but it just keeps getting worse," I said between sobs, trying to calm down.

"Did she swallow something? Or hit her head? Or…"

"MOM!" I screamed, interrupting her. "I don't neglect my daughter. I haven't left her alone for a second. Of course she didn't swallow something or hit her head! I think she lost weight too. I called you for help!" I started to cry again, which didn't help Sophie.

"Ben, put the baby in the car," my mother instructed.

"I'll do it," I said, holding her closer to me.

"Ellie, you need to pack her clothes and bottles. We'll probably be at the hospital for a long time."

"HE can pack stuff. Her room is upstairs." I wouldn't look at Ben. And I definitely did not want him holding my daughter.

"It's okay," he said before my mom could protest further. He walked around me to go up the stairs, and Sophie suddenly stopped crying. I saw her open her mouth and formula starting shooting out. Right into Ben's face.

I had to laugh. I was still worried, but I felt so much better. My mother ignored both of us and went upstairs to get Sophie's things. I brought her out to the car and buckled her into the car seat that was sitting in the back. I realized after a minute that it was my old car seat. And my mom must have put it in the car for Sophie, thinking that she'd get to spend time with her.

My attention was back on my daughter in a flash when she started to throw up again. I screamed for my mom, who came running out that moment with a bag in her hand. Ben followed, with his face cleaned off. We rushed to the hospital, Sophie and I crying the entire way.

Why did it have to happen to her? She's only been home three weeks and something terrible has happened.

* * *

"Your daughter has pyloric stenosis," Dr. Hill, the fourth doctor that I'd talked to, told me. We'd been at the hospital for nearly six hours, waiting for someone to see her, and then waiting for tests to be done.

"What?" I nearly screamed at him. I assumed that after all of the waiting, they'd tell me that she had a bad reaction to her formula and I needed to change it. "What does that even mean?"

"The lower part of the stomach that connects to the small intestine is called the pylorus. With Sophie's condition, the muscles in this area of her stomach have enlarged so much that the pylorus is too narrow for the formula to pass through."

"You lost me at _stomach_," I said angrily, crossing my arms. I'm too upset and worried about my daughter to even follow what you're saying!"

"Sophie can't digest her formula," he said.

"I figured as much! If she's throwing up just about every five seconds, that means the food isn't going down. What kind of medicine does she need to fix it?" I asked impatiently. I was tired of waiting and tired of listening to four different doctors—I was just plain tired.

"It's not that simple. Sophie is dehydrated. First, we have to give her water and minerals through an IV. And then…"

"And then what?" I shouted. I was so afraid of what he was going to say. I felt my mother's hand on my shoulder, and I didn't shrug it off. I actually wanted her there. The doctor turned to look through the doors. My eyes followed his gaze to my daughter. She was lying in one of those stupid plastic boxes, crying her head off. She was screaming and crying and I couldn't take it. I started to cry then.

"She'll need surgery to fix the problem," Dr. Hill finished.

My heart started pounding so hard that I thought it was going to leap out of my chest. She was fine for three weeks. Three weeks. Why did she have to be sick now? Why did she need surgery? I stared at my little girl through the door and cried. I realized after a moment that the doctor was still talking to me. I had no idea what he'd said, but I didn't really care.

"Give her anything she needs," I said.

"I'm afraid there's a problem."

"What?" I yelled.

"Honey, why don't I talk to the doctor and then I'll let you know what's wrong. You should try calling Jason again," my mom suggested, squeezing my shoulder.

I knew she didn't want any more of a scene made, and since I was so tired, I listened to her. With one last look at Sophie, I sighed and walked away.

"She's under a lot of stress with the new baby. Please forgive her for her mood." I heard her explain to the doctor as I walked away.

I called Jay and left yet another message on his voicemail. Then I found an empty chair in the waiting room and sat down. There were so many people surrounding me, but I just didn't care. I sat, pulled my knees up to my chest, and cried.

* * *

"How can this be happening?" I sobbed into Jay's shoulder. He'd finally made it to the hospital, after he got out of work. His cell phone had to be turned off during his shift, and he'd sped to the hospital as soon as he got my messages.

"Everything's going to be okay," he said into my ear, rubbing my back. "She's going to be fine."

"How can you say that?" I pulled my head back and looked into his eyes. "We don't have the money to pay for this. They did all kinds of tests, and they have to give her medicine, and then they have to do surgery! Dr. Hill said it would cost almost $10,000!" I screamed. We were out in the parking lot, sitting on the hood of Jay's car. My mother told him it was a good idea for me to get fresh air while we waited for Sophie to be moved up to the NICU.

"Your parents' insurance will pay for it, won't they?" Jay asked me.

"That's the problem! They'll only pay for half of it. _Half_! That means we'll owe the hospital _five thousand dollars_. If we can't afford the surgery, they'll take her away and give her to someone who can!" I screamed.

"No one is taking her away," Jay said firmly, grabbing onto my hands. "I have $2,500 in an account for her."

"Even with that, we still need $2,500 more. Neither of my parents can give us that kind of money Jay. But what about your dad?" I asked him. His dad had a lot of money.

"He'd never give it to me Ellie. And I can't go back there—not after what happened."

Jay had explained his entire past with his dad. And as I remembered all of the terrible things that he'd done to him, I instantly regretted suggesting it in the first place.

"Then they're going to take her away," I said softly, a fresh batch of tears pushing their way out of my eyes. Jay pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me.

"No one is taking her from us."

"How can you be so sure?" I asked between sobs.

"I won't let them."

**A/N: Sorry I took so long to update! I've been so busy these past two weeks with tests and quizzes and essays. I also had research to do for Jordan's charges and prison sentence, as well as Sophie's condition. Please review and let me know if the story is still good. I want to make sure it's not disappointing anyone! There are only two chapters left. The lyrics at the beginning of the chapter are from the song "Your Ex-Lover Is Dead" by Stars and they own it. **


	30. Heaven Is Here

**Chapter Thirty: Heaven Is Here**

_Naked and tangled, twisted in love… _

_Tonight we are the only ones who feel it, so let it last all night._

**Jay**

I held Sophie in my arms. She was getting so big, and I could hardly believe that she would be four months old in a few days. My daughter.

I tickled her under her chin and she giggled, moving her arms around to block my hand. Placing a small kiss on her forehead, I remembered back to the day she had her surgery.

* * *

"**_Here's everything we need," I said, holding a check out to Ellie. It was from Degrassi, and signed by Ms. Hatzilakos. Ellie was speechless as she sat next to Sophie's bed in the NICU. _**

"_**How did you get this?" she finally asked. "And how did it only take a week." Her voice was laced with doubt, as if she thought the check was fake or that I'd rip it out of her hands any second.**_

"_**Fundraisers," I answered. "Everyone came up with their own event and, well, here we are. There's even some extra money to put in Sophie's account."**_

_**Ellie started to cry then and I knew they were tears of relief. I showed the check to her doctor, made the appointment for her surgery, and returned to Ellie to hold her in my arms.**_

"_**I love you," she whispered, kissing my cheek.**_

"**_I love you too. And I love our daughter," I added, looking over to her. It was almost over. I couldn't wait for her to be okay enough to go back home._**

* * *

****"**_Tell me more about the fundraising," Ellie requested. It was two days later, we were in the waiting room, and Sophie was in surgery._**

"**_Well, I went to Ms. H and told her our problem, and she let me make an announcement on TV in the morning. I asked for anyone who could help to meet me after school on Monday, and a lot of people showed up._**

"_**We talked about a bunch of different ideas for fundraising, and people started to take charge of the events. I wanted to surprise you, and that was easy since you were here all day, every day.**_

"**_Liberty and JT set aside their differences and put together a play. They raised $550. Paige got the Spirit Squad to have a car wash, even though it's not that warm out and they raised $300. Spinner set up some concert in the park and asked for ten dollar donations. They got $500. Emma cleaned up people's yards or something and got $200. Manny did a bake sale and raised $250. Marco made t-shirts. I never saw one, so I don't know what he put on them, but he made $100. Tim went door to door, asking for donations, and collected $50. Craig took photos of people—really nice ones—and made $450. Alex walked dogs and made $50. And I threw a party at Craig's house. We charged people fifteen bucks to get in and made $750. _**

"_**So there you have it. We collected $3,200. So, Sophie's account has $700 in her account. It's a lot less than what she used to have, but we'll manage…"**_

_**She cut me off right there when she pressed her lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around her and we stayed like that, completely silent, for hours. Finally…**_

"_**Ellie, Jay…" the doctors referred to us by our first names since they knew us so well by then. Ellie and I both jumped up as soon as we heard Dr. Hill's voice.**_

"_**How did it go? How is she? Is she okay?" Ellie started shooting questions at the doctor before he could even open his mouth. I put a hand on her arm to stop her. She felt my touch and instantly shrank back, closer to me.**_

"_**The surgery went extremely well. Sophie will be fine. She may vomit for a few more days, but that is to be expected. We'll monitor her here for three days, and then she can go home," he explained, smiling. **_

_**I was overwhelmed with such happiness that it took all the energy I had to keep myself from screaming right there. I wanted to yell that my daughter was fine. I wanted everyone to know. Ellie started to cry again and I knew they were tears of joy and relief. A few minutes later, I found that I was crying too. I didn't care who saw me. **_

"_**Can we see her?" I asked. Dr. Hill nodded, and we followed him back to the NICU. **_

_**She was asleep, but she was fine. There was still an IV hooked up to her, but other than that, she looked like she always had. For some reason, a reason I couldn't explain, she looked more beautiful than she ever had. She looked better than the first time I saw her. I could tell that Ellie thought the same way too.**_

* * *

"What are you doing?" Ellie asked me. I finally came back to reality—I'd been staring off into space as I thought about Sophie's surgery, and how different everything was since that day. I went to school every day, and worked every night, even though I wanted to be there with my daughter. But I knew that we needed money and I needed a diploma.

"Just thinking," I replied. I stood up and kissed Ellie on the cheek. She looked gorgeous even though she didn't have any makeup on. I liked her better that way.

"Well, all of your thinking is going to make us be late," she said, sounding a little irritated. But she smiled, so I knew she wasn't really all that angry. "The ceremony starts in two hours, and I'm supposed to be there, getting my hair and makeup done," she lectured.

"You don't need any makeup," I told her. She smiled again and kissed my lips so softly that I almost didn't feel it."

"I love you," she said.

"I love you too." We shared one more kiss before she started to take Sophie from me.

"Now, go grab your tux and I'll get her dressed."

"Yes ma'am!" I joked, saluting her. She laughed—I loved that sound—and walked away.

**Spinner**

"Do you, Gavin Mason, take Emma to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do."

* * *

"_**What do you think they'll say?" I asked Emma as I followed her down to her room. We'd just told her parents that we wanted to get married. Emma stopped me just as she closed the door.**_

"_**Why don't we just stay right here and find out?" she suggested.**_

_**So we huddled there, ears pressed to the door, as we listened to her parents argue. **_

"_**What do you think?" Mr. Simpson asked Emma's mom.**_

"_**What do you mean? This isn't even something to think about Snake! Emma is only seventeen! She does not need to get married!"**_

**_My stomach flopped. With Emma's mom so against our idea, I didn't think we stood a chance at all. But, to my surprise, Mr. Simpson kept going. _**

"**_Spike, she's old enough to make her own decisions. Emma is extremely responsible. She's also just as stubborn as you, and if she's made this decision, there won't be any stopping her. If we say no, and don't sign the paper, she'll just marry him as soon as she's eighteen. And she'll probably hold a grudge if we don't support her," he explained._**

_**Emma nodded next to me. I knew they were right too. She was known to hold a grudge. **_

"_**So you think we should just give her what she wants? What if this boy breaks her heart? What if he cheats on her, or leaves her?" she asked him.**_

_**I frowned and looked over at Emma.**_

"_**I would never do that," I whispered, kissing her softly.**_

"_**I know."**_

**_There was a long pause in the kitchen, and we exchanged furtive glances. _**

"_**She'll just have to learn that hard way if that's what's going to happen," Mr. Simpson finally said. **_

"_**Snake, you don't think she's pregnant, do you? I mean, she's not just getting married because they're having a baby, right?"**_

_**Emma got angry. I could feel the heat radiating around her. She didn't even think about what she was doing next. She burst through the door, leaving me standing on the stairs.**_

"**_Do you honestly think that I'm that stupid?" she yelled. I did not see this going well. Her mom had her hands on her hips, and Mr. Simpson was frowning. Then, a few seconds later, they both burst out laughing. _**

"**_We honestly knew you were on the other side of that door," Mr. Simpson explained. _**

_**Emma's mom picked up the paper we'd needed one of them to sign. We found not only one, but two signatures at the bottom. Emma instantly threw her arms around her mother and Mr. Simpson motioned for me to join them. I walked over and shook his hand.**_

"_**Hey Dad," I joked. **_

"_**Very funny Gavin," he said, patting my shoulder. "Once you two are married, you can call me Snake. Maybe," he added. **_

"_**And you can call me Spinner."**_

**_I grinned and pulled Emma to me, who was finished hugging her mom. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her right in front of her parents. Their eyes were on us, but we didn't care. We were getting married.  
_**

* * *

My eyes scanned the area. We picked a small wedding, considering neither of us had very much money. Mr. Simpson insisted on paying for it. We chose to have it in the park. Emma and I stood under a beautiful archway that her mom put together, with everyone sitting behind us in white folding chairs.

Emma chose her maid of honor to be her mother, and since Jay was my best man, he was also her mom's date. Next to Mrs. Nelson-Simpson, stood the rest of the bridesmaids, Ellie, holding Sophie, Manny, and Alex. Their dates stood next to Jay. They were Marco, JT, and Craig. We'd all hoped that Jimmy would be there with the other guys, but he wasn't.

All of our other friends from Degrassi came, as well as Mrs. Hatzilakos, Ms. Kwan, Mr. Armstrong, and even Mr. Radditch. I invited my whole family, but my father didn't come. I saw my mom and Kendra, sitting together and crying. Jay's little sister and her new family were there too. Joey and Angela sat by my mom.

"Do you, Emma Nelson, take Gavin to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do."

Cheers erupted from behind us.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Before I could move, Emma was in my arms, pressing her lips to mine. I felt a rush of exhilaration, and kissed her back for quite a long time.

I would never forget this moment for the rest of my life.

**Ellie**

After the wedding, the reception was held in the Degrassi cafeteria, with nice little tables set up, and a dance floor sectioned off. The party only lasted for a few hours because we all had somewhere else to go afterwards. We all hugged Emma and Spinner, then watched as they got into the limo that we chipped in to pay for. They were headed to a nice hotel on the beach for their honeymoon.

Once they were gone, almost everyone at the party hurried to the auditorium. It was almost time for the graduation ceremony to start.

Jay and I were separated at the entrance. He kissed Sophie and I on our foreheads and left us to find a seat on our own. I sat as close to the front as I could with Sophie in my lap, propped up against my stomach. I wanted her to see her dad graduate.

My heart dropped when my class walked through the auditorium and onto the stage. Everyone looked so prestigious in their caps and gowns, heads held high, while I sat in the audience. The only thing I could do was watch.

My stomach turned as I thought of how I'd only had three months left of school. If I could have held out for three more months, I would be up there with them. But where would my daughter be?

I looked down at Sophie. As soon as I saw the top of her head with her fuzzy red hair, all of my regrets dissolved. I lifted her up and kissed the tip of her nose. She smiled at me and kicked her legs out. I instantly knew that I'd made the right choice.

"She's beautiful," an all too familiar voice said. I felt someone sit down in the chair next to me. I didn't have to look to see who it was.

"Why are you back? _Again_," I added.

"I came to apologize. To you, to Jay…to everyone. Ellie, I'm sorry that I left again. I should have stayed, but I got scared again. And I was an a…"

"Watch your mouth," I snapped, motioning towards the baby.

"Sorry. I was a jerk. I just feel terrible, especially for leaving before we found out who…"

"You're not her father Sean."

"I know, I heard. I'm glad that you kept her though. You look really happy," he told me.

"I am." I finally looked over at him. For the first time since Sean went back to Wasaga over a year ago, I didn't feel a surge of anger when I saw him. He actually looked like he was sorry, and that he knew he was missing out.

"Will you forgive me Ellie? For leaving you when you needed me, and for coming back and screwing everything up for you. I truly am sorry. I want to stay for good this time. I'm going to summer school this summer and back to Degrassi when the year starts again. I want to graduate; no matter how long it might take. But I won't stay if you don't want me to. I won't stay if you can't forgive me. I'll go back to Wasaga and stay there for good this time."

"Sean, I can forgive you because I'm happy. What you did had a huge effect on me a long time ago. But to tell you the truth, I don't even think about you anymore. Jay and Sophie mean everything to me. I love them both, and I don't need you at all. Sophie is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I won't stop you from going back to Degrassi, especially since I won't be there. But it's not really up to me. It's up to…" he interrupted me this time.

"Emma."

I nodded.

"Sean, if you screw things up for her, I will come after you. Not Jay; me. Emma and Spinner just got _married_. I will kill you if you mess with her again," I warned him.

"I know. I saw the wedding." I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off. "Don't worry, no one saw me. And I won't go after her again. I promise. She kicked the crap out of me enough to make me leave her alone. Besides, I have a girlfriend. We've been together for three months, ever since I went home that second time," he explained.

"Anyone I know?" I asked him.

"Actually, yeah. He turned around and looked towards the back of the room. He motioned for someone to join us, but I couldn't see who it was. "Here she comes now," he said. She walked over and my mouth dropped. Sitting down next to Sean, she forced a smile onto her face. The last time we'd seen each other, we didn't exactly have a happy chat.

"Ashley?" I asked, completely surprised.

"Hi Ellie."

"When did you move to Wasaga?" I asked. I wasn't sure if she was still mad that I called her a bitch. She didn't really have a reason to, since she called me one first. She must have let it go. It had been over a year since I saw her last. There wasn't really a reason for either of us to be mad at each other.

"I didn't." She relaxed, so she must have felt the same way I did. My dad actually went to see an old friend, so I decided to go with him. The day we got there, I saw Sean. We got to talking about a certain party I wanted to forget about that happened years ago. The same party where we had a 'moment,'" she explained, smiling. "And I decided to stay with Sean. My dad sent me my stuff and I'm back at my mom's."

"I bet she's glad to have you back," I said.

"She is."

There was an awkward silence because we were all thinking about the same thing. Ashley's step-brother. Toby. That subject was completely avoided, thanks to the clapping that started on the stage. We'd talked through the guest speaker and the student speeches. Marco would kill me if he found out I missed his.

While I waited to hear my friends' names, I turned back to Sophie. She was looking around at all of the people in the room. She still had a smile on her face. She was a quiet baby, aside from all of the times she woke up during the night.

"Can I hold her?" Ashley asked. I hadn't realized she was watching me until then.

"Sure."

I handed her over and watched Ashley hold her carefully. She tickled her under her chin and let her grasp her fingers.

"She's adorable. Congratulations," she told me.

"Thanks."

A few minutes later, she handed Sophie back to me. Sean looked at me but didn't say anything. I let him hold her for a minute. By the time I got her back again, I heard Marco's name called. I stood up and screamed his name. When I sat, I started to clap.

"That's your uncle Marco," I told Sophie. "He likes boys," I added. She smiled and made a little noise.

I spaced out and waited.

"Jason Hogart," I heard Ms. Hatzilakos announce.

"Jay!" I screamed, holding Sophie up. He saw us and smiled, then started to wave. "There's your Daddy," I told our daughter. She smiled and laughed. It was the first time she'd ever laughed, and it was an amazing sound. I sat back down and clapped and whistled for Jay. I was so unbelievably proud of him.

He stopped at the microphone as he walked by. No one knew what he was doing. He was so close to walking off the stage with his diploma, but he stopped.

"I just have to say that I wouldn't be here without my amazing girlfriend, Ellie Nash, and our beautiful daughter, Sophie."

I felt my cheeks flush as almost everyone in the auditorium turned to look at me. I grinned and waved.

"I love you both," he said into the mic.

"We love you too!" I shouted.

Everyone started to clap again. Jay blew us a kiss and finally walked off the stage.

**Jay**

I graduated. I can't believe it. I held the diploma in my hands and kept opening and closing it.

* * *

Ellie and I went to the graduation party. She was allowed in even though she didn't graduate; I made sure of that. Ellie's dad had gone to the graduation without either of us knowing. He congratulated me and offered to take Sophie home so we could go to the party. With a lot of persuasion, I finally got Ellie to agree.

We stayed for a little while, congratulating our friends and talking with teachers. Ellie didn't feel left out because everyone was asking her about the baby. I found it so strange that we all got along now. A year ago, none of us would have been talking to each other. If the shooting hadn't happened, we wouldn't be brought together like this. If it hadn't happened, everything would be different.

I probably wouldn't have graduated. I'd be at the ravine right now, making fun of the graduates. Ellie would have graduated, and she'd have been at the party with Marco, Craig, Jimmy, and Spinner. Sean would have still been her boyfriend. Ashley and Craig would still be together, along with Hazel and Jimmy. Manny and Spinner would be dating. Emma wouldn't have married Spinner. Paige would definitely not be dating JT. Alex would still be living at home, being hurt every day. Sophie would have never been born.

I like things just the way they are.

* * *

"I'm so proud of you," Ellie said, wrapping her arms around me from behind.

"I'm proud of you too," I told her, placing my diploma on the nightstand.

"For what?"

"For being such a great mother and for making me stay in school. I meant what I said up on that stage. I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for you. I love you Ellie."

"I love you too Jay."

We sat there in silence for a few moments, on our bed, listening to each other breathe. I felt Ellie start to pull my shirt off from behind. She kissed my shoulder, and wrapped her arms around me tighter. I felt her rest her head on my shoulder, at the base of my neck.

"Sophie's asleep," she whispered in my ear. I turned around and kissed her again, pulling off her shirt as I went. My fingertips grazed her skin as she reached for the button on my jeans.

Those were the last words either of us spoke that night.

**Emma**

I didn't know what hotel we were going to because Spinner wouldn't tell me. All he said was that it was far enough away so we could relax and enjoy ourselves, and that we were staying for a week.

During the whole ride to wherever it was, Spinner held me close to him and kissed my neck. I giggled like crazy and drank a little champagne (Jay managed to sneak it in before we left). I definitely wasn't going to get drunk on my wedding night; I only drank about half a glass.

"Come here!"

"Nope!" I squealed. "You'll have to catch me!"

As soon as we got out of the limo, I ran from Spinner. I knew what he was going to try to do. And it's really hard to run in a wedding dress. He caught me a minute later when I stopped because I realized where we were.

"Aww Spinner! The beach where we had our first date!" I turned around and kissed him.

"Well, if you don't count our night in the van," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. I smacked his shoulder and he grabbed my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. We kissed for another minute before I tried to run away from him again. I wasn't successful. He grabbed me around my waist and lifted me up into his arms; one arm behind my neck, and the other under my legs.

"Spinner, this is so corny!" I said, laughing.

"I'm trying to be cute," he said, stopping in his tracks. "I could drop you right here." He quickly lowered his arms and I screamed.

"Okay, fine. You're being cute," I said.

I let him carry me through the door that the limo driver opened when he put our bags in the room. He dropped me on the bed and climbed up next to me. Within seconds, I was on top of him, kissing him and pulling his jacket off. I felt his hands grab mine to stop me.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Em, we don't have to get right into this. I didn't marry you just for sex."

"I know Spinner. But I think I've waited long enough. I love you and I know you won't hurt me. I want to be with you."

"I love you too, and I want to be with you too. But you're my wife now, so we have all the time in the world. I just thought we could have dinner on the beach first."

"You are just full of surprises," I said, kissing him softly. "I would love to have dinner with you."

He smiled and kissed me again.

"Why don't we change before we go?" he suggested.

"Good idea."

"Oh and don't forget your bathing suit," he added.

* * *

As soon as I'd changed into a shirt and a tank top with my bikini underneath, I walked over to the bed. While I'd been in the bathroom, Spinner left. I found a note on my pillow:

_To my beautiful wife:_

_Meet me on the beach in our spot. I love you._

I walked down the beach until I found our spot—I'd never forget it, even though we only went once. I found Spinner standing by a little table that he set up. There were candles lit on the table and food already on it. The sun was just starting to set, and the sky was beautiful.

Spinner pulled my chair out for me and I sat. Once he took his place across form me, I reached for his hand.

"This is so romantic Spinner," I told him, squeezing his hand. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"I can't believe we're married!" I squealed. I looked over and saw a blanket spread out in the sand. "What's that for?" I asked.

"So we can look up at the stars after we swim."

"I am so lucky to have you," I told him. I really meant it.

"No, I'm lucky to have you Emma."

* * *

Once dinner was done, I pulled my skirt and tank top off and dragged Spinner to the water, just like on our first date. By the time we were in the water, it was just about dark. The water was a little cold, so we only stayed in it for a few minutes. We ran back to the blanket. Spinner had set torches up around us, enough to light up our little area, and give off a little warmth.

As we looked up at the stars, Spinner wrapped his arms around me to help warm me up. I kept turning my head and kissing him. After a few minutes of that, I was on top of him. I was completely warm by then. I lay there for a long time while he just watched the stars. I kept myself close to him.

"Forget the stars," I said finally. I sat up; straddling his legs, and began to untie my bikini top. Spinner didn't say a word; he just watched. Suddenly I wasn't self-conscious or scared at all. I was with my husband, and I knew he loved me. I let my top fall to the ground. Spinner ran his hands up my sides and back down again, stopping at the top of my bottoms and slowly pulling them down a little. He looked up to me for approval and I nodded.

Once my bottoms were off, I was completely naked. Spinner stared at me for a few minutes, and I didn't care at all. He smiled just before I leaned down and kissed him. Then, he started to pull off his own bathing suit but I stopped him. He didn't question anything I did; he just let me do what I wanted to do.

I kissed his neck for awhile, and his hands found my breasts in the process. I moved my way down his chest, and reached a hand down to run it over his crotch. I could feel him move beneath my hand, so I teased him for a few more minutes.

I finally, ever so slowly, pulled his suit off. I laid on top of him and we started to kiss again. Our tongues met as our naked bodies pressed against each other's and started to move together in a rhythmic fashion. It didn't take long for us to start moaning and for our breathing to become heavy.

It was the perfect ending to the perfect night.

* * *

When I woke up, the sky was light. The sun hadn't risen yet, but it would soon. Spinner and I were tangled together, somehow under the blanket now, still naked and lying in the sand. I kissed him to wake him up, and it worked.

"Good morning," I said as he opened one eye.

"Yes, it is good."

"And last night was…"

"Amazing," he finished.

"Really? It wasn't disappointing?"

"Of course not. That was so much better than sex," he assured me.

He held me in his arms and we watched the sun rise, bringing a new day with it.

**Manny**

After Emma's wedding, I went straight to the hospital. I sat in the chair by Jimmy's bed, as I had been doing every night for the past three months. I usually told Jimmy all about my day, and about everyone that was waiting for him to wake up. But I was just too tired.

I sat there in the chair, in my bridesmaids dress, and cried. I was happy for my best friend. I was happy that she found someone she loved enough to marry. I only wished the same happened for me. I found the man I want to marry. But I didn't know if it would ever happen. I started to drift off as I thought about what a wedding with Jimmy would be like.

A hand touching my cheek forced me to jump awake. I looked around but there was no one there. I started to freak out, but I heard a voice.

"Manny…"

I turned back to Jimmy's bed. His eyes were closed. He was still in a coma. I was about to close my eyes again when I saw his lips move.

"Manny."

"Jimmy?"

Tears came to my eyes as his eyelids fluttered. He finally opened them all the way and squeezed my hand. I yelled for the doctor, who came right away, accompanied by two nurses. They checked Jimmy's vitals and talked to him for a few minutes while I just sat and stared and prayed that I wasn't dreaming. They finally left the room and Jimmy motioned for me to come closer. I got right into his bed next to him.

"You're here," he said. "I thought you hated me."

"I've been here every day Jimmy. I never hated you. You really scared me. You scared all of us," I said, laying my head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry Manny."

"No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I should have never suggested that we take a break. I should have been with you. None of this would have happened."

"Don't say that. It's not your fault. I know that I hurt you, and I want to explain."

"You don't have to explain. We're here together now, and that's enough for me," I told him.

"But I want to. That girl…the woman that was on my couch when you came by…that was my nurse. We didn't do anything at all. I was just using her to make you jealous and I never should have. I love you Manny."

Fresh tears came to my eyes as I heard those three words that I'd been waiting to hear. I didn't even think that Jimmy would wake up. I didn't think I'd ever hear those words.

"I love you too."

I kissing him softly and buried my head in his chest. We lay there for almost an hour; just being close to each other.

"Nice dress," he said, breaking the silence. "What did I miss?"

"Emma and Spinner got married!" I squealed.

"No way! I'm sorry I missed it."

"Don't be sorry. I'm just glad that you won't miss anything else."

**A/N: This chapter took place three months after the last one. The title and lyrics are from the song "Heaven Here" by Dashboard Confessional and they own it. Okay people, the next chapter is the last one. It is the Epilogue, and it takes place 10 years from now. I want predictions! Will Jay and Ellie still be together? Will Emma and Spinner still be married? Will Jimmy and Manny ever get married? Review and let me know what you're hoping for and what you think will happen. **

**Trejon: Thanks for your review; it's always nice to see new reviewers. I'm glad you like the story. There is only one chapter left! **


	31. Epilogue: My Escape

**Chapter Thirty-One: Epilogue: My Escape **

_I've given up on giving up slowly  
I'm blending in so you won't even know me  
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate  
This one last bullet you mention  
It's my one last shot at redemption  
Cause I know to live you must give your life away_

**Jimmy**

"Welcome Degrassi Class of 2006! It's been 10 long years and here we are together again! Though I was supposed to graduate with you all, I didn't. So technically, I'm not supposed to be here. But thanks to the great Mr. Simpson, now DCS Principal, I get to at least hold the microphone. Would anyone like to come up here and share something?"

The room remained silent. It seemed as though everyone was sticking to their old groups of friends, which seemed a little sad to me. After all these years, no one tried to get to know anyone new.

But I didn't really let it get to me. Our huge group of friends that developed ten years ago was sticking together. We had so many differences, but we managed to keep some type of contact with each other. We all made new friends in our last years of high school, and they were friendships that would last a lifetime.

"No takers?" I asked, waving the mic around. "Well then, try to have a good time!" Everyone cheered to that as I made my way off the stage.

"Jimmy Brooks you just haven't changed have you?" I heard a familiar voice from somewhere behind me.

"Ellie Nash! How are you?" I asked, hugging my old friend. I hadn't heard from her in a year and a half.

"I'm huge," she complained.

"You look great," I told her.

"Thanks. Well, come on. Let's go find everyone."

**Marco**

"Just what do you think you're doing missy?"

"Uncle Marco! I'm just getting some food," she answered while piling mini sandwiches and cookies on her plate.

"Just how much are you going to eat?" I asked her.

"This plate's for Mom," she told me. "Have you seen how big she is?"

"Yes, I have," I said, laughing. "Let's go bring her this food before she gets too cranky."

I followed her to a table nearby.

"Hey Ellie, look what I found," I joked.

"I can't believe you found her! I thought she was lost forever," she said. "I was getting worried that I wouldn't get any food today."

"Thanks a lot Mom."

"I'm just kidding. Thank you for the delicious sandwiches Sophie."

"I can't believe she's so big," I said to Jimmy, who'd found his way to the table before I did.

"Who; Ellie or Sophie?" he asked, grinning.

**Emma**

"How are you?" I asked Paige, throwing my arms around her. We hugged for a minute and separated.

"I'm good, how about you? You look so good!" she squealed. "I haven't seen you in so long!" I'd obviously gained back all the weight I lost all those years ago. And I probably gained more on top of that.

"Thanks," I said, tucking my hair behind my ear. "We haven't seen each other because you went to New York City! And became a famous fashion designer," I added.

"I'm not that famous," she said, blushing a little.

"Oh please! If we've heard about you here, then you're definitely famous."

"How about you? I read your book. You're famous in the states! Why haven't you done a book tour?" She was talking about the book I wrote about my high school experience, including everything that happened with Jordan and Toby, and getting married when I was a junior.

"I've been really busy," I said. "I might do a tour next year."

"You have to call me and let me know. I have that book up on display in my store. You have to come there!"

"I will, don't worry. Why don't you come sit at the table with us?"

"Who's here?"

"So far it's me, Jimmy, Ellie, Sophie, and Marco. Let's go."

We linked arms and made our way over to our old friends.

**Manny**

"I love your movies!" I heard a voice yell from halfway across the room. I walked toward it with a huge grin on my face.

"Marco! It's so good to see you!" We hugged and kissed each other on the cheek.

"I always knew you'd be famous." He put his arm around me and started to lead me towards the tables.

"I've only done one movie Marco."

"Only one? It was number one for three months! I must have seen it about five times. And those two TV movies you made count too," he added.

"Those movies were terrible!" I protested.

"I loved them, and that's all that should matter. What are you working on next?" We stopped halfway towards the tables.

"I'm doing a love story. I can't really tell you all the details, except that Chad Michael Murray plays my professor and I fall in love with him. We start filming next week."

"I love him! He's still as gorgeous as ever. You are so lucky!"

"Don't worry Marco. I'll let you meet him."

"I love you!" He threw his arms around me and we continued walking.

"You have to tell me what you've been up to!" I told him as we got to the table.

**Jay**

"Dad!" Sophie yelled, running at me. "What took you so long?"

"I just got out of work. But I'm here now."

"Well, it's about time. I thought they'd kick mom and me out since she didn't graduate with your class!"

"No one's getting kicked out."

"Well, she's eating all of the food." I laughed and picked her up.

"Are you sure? I think you're the one that's eating the food. You're so heavy that I can barely pick you up!"

"You're finally here!" I heard Ellie squeal. She jumped up and threw her arms around me.

"I just saw you this morning," I told her, kissing her.

"It's been a long time since this morning," she said. I pulled her chair out for her and sat next to her.

"Young love," Marco remarked. "It's amazing."

"You're still together?" Paige asked, grinning.

"Of course. I wouldn't be pregnant if we weren't!" Ellie said.

"And you look like you're about to burst!" a familiar voice said from behind me.

"Hi Craig," Ellie said, rolling her eyes. "And I saw you yesterday. I'm no closer to "bursting" than I was then. They're not ready to come out yet."

"They?" Jimmy asked.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," I said. "We're having twins!"

"Both boys," Sophie added excitedly.

"Yeah, Jay _forgot_ to mention that his mom has a twin," Ellie said. She squeezed my hand, so I knew that she wasn't actually mad about it.

"Congratulations!" Paige squealed, getting up to hug Ellie.

"Did you ever get married?" Manny asked.

"Of course," I said as Ellie waved her hand around to show her wedding band.

"We waited until Sophie was five," Ellie said.

"And I was the flower girl!" Sophie added.

"It was a beautiful wedding," Marco told them.

"What about you two?" I asked Manny, meaning her and Jimmy. It was obvious that they were still together. He had one arm around her, with his other hand reaching over to touch her leg.

"Nope, not yet." I could tell that Manny was disappointed.

"We've been dating on and off ever since we graduated," Jimmy informed us.

"They don't need to know all of the details," Manny snapped. Everyone at the table grew quiet.

"I'm thirsty. Anyone else want a drink?" Paige suddenly asked.

**Craig**

"I'll go with you," I said, standing up. No one else said anything, so we made our way over to the bar. I got a beer and Paige grabbed a soda.

"Emma's acting strange, isn't she?" Paige asked.

"Yeah. Do you know what's wrong with her?"

"No. Do you think she got a divorce? Or that she and Spinner had a fight? He's not here," she pointed out.

"I don't know. But I hope she's okay.

"So, how have you been?" she asked me.

"Great actually. I just got my doctorate in psychology. Ellie and I opened up a practice together," I told her.

"Oh, so you're Dr. Manning now, huh? I never would have thought."

An awkward silence fell between us. I didn't like people to call me Dr. Manning. My father was Dr. Manning.

"I go by Dr. Craig," I said.

"Sorry."

"Don't worry about it."

"Are you seeing anyone?" she asked. I knew she was just curious. Everyone knew that Paige Michalchuk lived for gossip. Even after ten years, she still was.

"Yeah, actually I am."

"Who's the lucky lady? Anyone I know?"

"You could say that…" I didn't offer up anymore information. "How about you?"

"Yes, I have someone waiting for me at home," she said. We started to walk back to the table.

"Anyone I know?" I asked, using her strategy.

"Yeah." But she didn't offer anything more either. Once we got back to the table, everyone was back to normal, friendly conversation.

**Paige**

"I _still_ love gossip," I confessed as we sat down. And since I've been in New York, I want to know what everyone's been up to! I don't care how many times you've told the story. You'll have to tell it again," I said. "Who wants to go first?"

"I will," Emma said. I hadn't expected her to say anything at all. But she did. "As you all probably know, I wrote a book called _The Best and the Worst._ I tried to come up with a better title," she explained, shrugging.

"Anything else?" I asked. I really wanted the dirt on her relationship with Spinner, but she shrugged.

"Sorry I'm late." Speak of the devil. Spinner pulled the chair out next to Emma and sat. I knew instantly that they weren't divorced or even fighting. The look on Emma's face explained that for me. She leaned in and kissed him.

"Okay, I'm dying to ask. Are you _still_ married?" I couldn't help myself.

"Yes," Spinner said, raising an eyebrow. "And…"

"I'm pregnant!" Emma blurted out. "I've been quiet all night because I wanted to wait until Spinner got here."

"Oh my gosh, why didn't you tell me?" Ellie asked. I knew they'd stayed really close all these years. They were still best friends.

"Well, we've been trying for almost a year now, and nothing happened. I just found out this morning, and I wanted to surprise everyone."

"Congratulations," Ellie said. We all agreed.

"So, Spinner, it's your turn now. What have you been up to? Aside from making babies," I added.

"I formed a band with some friends I met at the community college. We all graduated with associate's degrees in general studies, but we decided to try out for a local battle of the bands before deciding what to do. We found our agent at that show, and since then we've released three CD's. We just got back from our tour last night. Emma always comes on the tours with us. We have a lot of fun," he explained.

"Are you guys gonna settle down now that you're having a baby?" I asked. "If you don't mind my asking," I added.

"Yes," Spinner said.

"We don't know yet," Emma told me, smiling at Spinner. "I know he really loves the band, and I won't take that away from him. We still haven't decided if we'll take the baby with us on tour, or if they just want to play local concerts for awhile. For now, we're at home in a house near the school. I'm starting as a substitute teacher at DCS. I got my Master's in English, and I'm going to do a little teaching while I write my next book."

"I'm so happy for you two," I said genuinely. "Now, Marco, it's your turn. What have you been up to while I've been away?"

"Well, my dad died last year after his cancer got worse."

"I'm sorry." A lot of people echoed my response.

"It's okay, really. He wasn't supposed to live that long. He had a horrible brain tumor. The doctors operated on him about eight years ago, and he was okay for a long time. But now I'm studying to be a neurosurgeon. I'm doing my internship right now. In a year I will officially be Dr. Del Rossi."

"I'm so jealous," Jay said. Ellie smacked his arm. "But I have a beautiful wife and daughter and I will have two little men, so I'm all set." He kissed Ellie on the cheek and grabbed onto her hand. It was so cute.

"Okay, you're next," I told him.

"I just told you the best part. Aside from that, I got my Master's in Elementary Education and I have been a first grade teacher for three years now. Ellie and I got married when we were twenty-three and lived with her dad for another year after that. We had an apartment for a year, and just bought a three bedroom condo. That's about it," he explained. "But I do have to add that Abby is a sophomore at DCS this year. She just had her Sweet Sixteen last week."

"I can't believe she's that old!" Emma remarked. "That makes me feel old."

"Me too," Jay agreed.

I didn't have to tell anyone when it was their turn to talk after that. We just went around the circle.

"When I was 20, I went to night school and got my GED. My dad was able to take care of Sophie because he was out of work by that time. After that, I waited to go to college until Sophie was in preschool. She was four and I was 22. Two years ago, I got my bachelor's degree in Psychology and opened up a practice with Craig," Ellie told us.

"I have been pursuing art and I have a few paintings in some galleries in New York City," Jimmy said.

"I saw those! They were amazing," I told him.

"Thank you. I am also a basketball coach for a kids' wheelchair basketball team."

"That's awesome," Ellie said. "Those kids are lucky to have you."

"Thanks Ellie. I thought that I could relate to the kids better than a coach who wasn't in a wheelchair. And apparently the kids think so too."

"Dr. Craig, you never took your turn," I said, just realizing it myself. He'd been sitting next to Marco, but he let Jay talk instead.

"You're a doctor?" Manny asked. "That's awesome Craig."

"I'm a doctor of psychology. And I opened up a practice with Ellie, as you already know."

"Any hotties in your life?" Jimmy asked. Manny smacked his arm. "What? He always had a hottie. You were one of them," he added. That got him a kiss.

"Yeah, you could say that," he said. "I'm dating a doctor actually."

Marco snickered.

"Marco, are you still with Tim?" Craig asked, turning to face him.

"No, actually, I'm not."

"Aww what happened?" Emma asked. "You two were so cute together."

"We dated for two years after I graduated. But then we just sort of figured out that we weren't meant to be together. We're best friends though. And he met someone at work recently."

"Did you meet someone?" Craig asked, smirking. No one else knew what the joke was, but apparently Craig knew Marco's boyfriend.

"Yes, I did. I'm dating a doctor too."

They both started grinning like crazy. Then, they took all of us completely by surprise when they leaned forward and kissed. No one said a word. We just sat and stared at what was unfolding in front of us. Craig and Marco?

"Since when are you _gay_?" I found myself blurting out.

"I'm not," Craig said, turning to face me. "I'm bi."

"I never would have thought," Manny said. Her mouth was still hanging halfway open like most of us.

"I'm just glad that both of you are happy," Spinner said. We all nodded our heads and stopped acting like idiots.

"So Paige…you haven't told us anything. I mean, we all know that you're a famous fashion designer, but what else is there?" Ellie asked. "Any special person in your life? Married, kids, dog?" she asked.

"Well…"

"Mommy!" I heard the voice and saw the little girl running towards our table.

"Who here has a kid they didn't mention?" Jimmy asked.

"Hi sweetie," I said, opening my arms to my daughter.

"Oh, so this was who you were hiding from us," Emma said. "Paige, she's adorable."

"Thank you. Guys, this is my daughter Elisabeth. She's seven," I told them.

"Do you always let her roam around by herself?" Marco asked. "Or is her dad somewhere here? Is it JT?"

"Yeah, that's my daddy's name!" Elisabeth answered from where she was then perched on my lap. "But he doesn't live with us."

"Did you get a divorce?" Jimmy asked me.

"No, we were never married. We were together until I got pregnant. Then we slowly drifted apart. But we're best friends. He lives in an apartment a few blocks from ours," I said.

"Did he come here with you?" Jimmy asked.

"No, Daddy couldn't come. He had to work. My other mom brought me." She answered for me.

"You mean your step mom?" Manny asked her.

"No. My dad isn't married. I mean my other mom. She lived with us."

Everyone turned their attention on me. I smiled but didn't say a word. Craig's eyes lit up. He'd known all along. After all, Elisabeth's other mom was his best friend.

"Since when are you _gay_?" he asked me, joking around. Everyone else stared just like we'd all stared at Craig.

"Yeah, since when?" Spinner echoed.

"She's not. She's bi," Craig answered for me. "Just like me."

"Well, who is it? Who's the lucky lady?" Emma asked. I could tell everyone was dying to know.

"Alex?"

**Alex**

Paige turned around as soon as Manny said my name.

"You rang?" I asked, smiling at her. Craig jumped up to hug me and kiss my cheek.

"How have you been?" he asked me. I took the last empty chair at the table, right next to Paige.

"I'm great. I have a wonderful wife and a darling daughter. I work in Paige's store, as the manager. I have everything I could ever ask for," I told him, as well as everyone else at the table.

"A wife?" Spinner asked.

"We got married three years ago in Massachusetts," Paige explained.

"Congratulations you two," Jimmy said.

"Thanks," we replied at the same time.

I kissed her then, right there in front of everyone. We held hands the rest of the night, and I was so happy that everyone finally knew about us. Of course, Emma, Manny, Spinner, and Jimmy were the only ones who hadn't known. We told Craig, Ellie, Jay, Marco, Tim, and Paige's mom a long time ago. Craig and Marco took time off and came to the wedding together.

I was just happy that I could finally be myself, and I was with the woman I fell in love with ten years before that. I couldn't ask for more.

**Ellie**

Every single one of us was sad when the reunion started to come to an end. People got ready to leave, and we all moved over in front of the stage as Jimmy dragged Manny along with him to say goodbye to everyone.

"I'm sorry to say that our night has come to a close. I want to thank each and every one of you for coming, especially my great group of friends."

He pointed over to us and we all started to cheer.

"But before I hand this mic over to Mr. Simpson for his last words, I'd like to say something." He turned away from us so that he was facing Manny. "I can't exactly get down on one knee," he said.

I knew what was coming, and everyone else probably did too.

"Well, I could, but I'd need a lot of help getting back up," he joked. I saw him pull a box from his pocket, and hold it out to Manny. "Manuela Santos, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" she squealed. He placed the ring on her finger.

"Ahhh!" I screamed out. But everyone must have mistaken it for 'awww,' because they all joined along.

Manny hugged Jimmy onstage as I doubled over in pain.

"Ellie?" Jay asked, noticing that I was holding my stomach.

"It's time," I said.

"Okay everyone, my wife's having our babies!" Jay yelled to the entire room. My cheeks grew hot but then I shoved away my embarrassment.

_That's my Jay_, I thought, as everyone cleared a path for us to walk through.

I was scared. I vividly remembered the pain of giving birth to Sophie. And now I'd have to have two kids on the same day! I tried not to think about it and just gripped Jay's hand. I had everyone I needed. I had so much help that I didn't know what to do with it all.

And I knew that I was going to be fine.

**Spinner**

Jimmy and I made up during our senior year of high school. It was the second best day of my life, the first being my wedding day. I was happy to have Jimmy back, and now, ten years later, I'm happy to say that I have all of my friends back. Even if we go back to our lives tomorrow and don't see each other for another ten years, we all know that we have each other. We know that if any of us needs help, we have so many people to ask.

The last time we were all at the hospital, Ellie was having a baby and planning on giving her up for adoption. Jimmy was in a coma, and we didn't know if he was going to wake up.

But this time, we all sat in the waiting room, talking and laughing. Ellie was having twins that were planned for and that she knew she was going to keep. Jimmy was here with us, and the room wasn't awkwardly silent.

Jay came waltzing into the room and started handing out cigars.

"What are their names?" I asked.

"Alexander Michael and Damian Marco Hogart," he announced happily.

"Those names are perfect," Alex and Marco said together.

"You better name the next one after me," I joked.

Everyone in the room laughed. It was a great sound.

We were together again, and we were all happy.

I knew that we were all thinking the same thing.

Ten years ago, a shooting tore us all down. We suffered a huge trauma, and needed some way out of it. We needed an escape.

And we found it.

_I gotta get out of here  
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake  
I gotta get out of here  
And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape  
_

* * *

**A/N: I apologize for not getting this posted sooner. I knew everything that I wanted to happen, but I didn't know how I wanted to go about it. I tried to keep the story realistic and at the same time, keep good couples together…which is why some people (like Marco and Tim) didn't end up together in the end, and why Jimmy and Manny still weren't married yet…it happens. Anyway, the title of the chapter, the lyrics at the beginning, and the title of this story all comes from "My Escape" by Relient K and they own it. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of its characters.**

**However, I do own the plot of my story and Sophia, and Elisabeth. Do not use any without my permission! **

**Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers! I'm sorry to say that my participation in will decline now…I will be writing oneshots from time to time, so look out for those. But the two chapter stories that I have ideas for will not be posted for a long time. I need to focus on school and work. It's been great though. Thanks! **


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